Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Looking out the window, seeing the calm waters and clear sky, I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing. She’s always on my mind. Every day, I hope to get the call from Adam letting me know it’s time to come back home. Sometimes I wish I could walk away, but I know deep down, that’s not the right answer. This is my family’s company, and they need me. I’ve never been the type of person to run away from my issues. When people count on you, you do everything you can to make them proud. That’s what my dad taught me before he passed away.

  Adam knows how much I hate being away, but this is what I have to do so he can be home with Sophia. My future niece/nephew needs their dad around. Sophia still gets nervous being alone, and even she hates to admit it, but having Adam near her helps. The shit with Kyle still gets to her, and from what Adam tells me her nightmares are still there. She still sees Doctor Taylor, but Sophia won’t take any medicine to help her sleep, especially now that she’s pregnant.

  My laptop beeps, pulling me from my thoughts. Walking over to the bed, I check the screen to see what’s going on. It’s a notification of a new email from Adam. I open the email to see what it says. As I’m reading the final contract and terms, a breath of relief comes out. Finally, the last few sentences catch my attention.

  Get on the jet tomorrow night. Don’t tell Erin. Come home and get your plan in motion. See you soon, brother. Safe travels.

  Jesus Christ, I can finally breathe again. I definitely feel like a major weight was just lifted off my shoulders. I can’t wait to get back home and see my girl’s face. I email Adam back, and then my mother to make sure everything is set in motion, and my heart beats fast. Shit. This is making me edgy, but I know it’s the best thing to do. My clammy hands start shaking, and I have to remember to breathe. Fuck, I can present information to people I don’t know, I can play basketball in front of thousands of people, but when it comes to this, I’m a pussy shit. I love Erin more than life and I want us to see forever. Thinking about everything she’d done for me makes everything worth it—all the traveling and working, it’s all for her. For us. Pulling out my phone, I unlock it and look at the picture of us as my background. Her smile, damn. She can stop anyone in their tracks with that incredible smile. “This is all for us, baby.”

  I work some more on the contract, and when I’m done, I shower and change my clothes. I realize I haven’t had anything to eat yet, so I head down to the bar to get some dinner and a few drinks. No one is around now, but I don’t mind being alone. The bartender takes my order and comes back with my Stella Artois beer. My phone beeps, and I see that it’s more emails from Adam. I quickly read what he says and text him letting him know about the changes and everything should be good to go. The beer is soothing, and I finish it before my dinner comes out. I order another beer and start eating my steak, rice, and broccoli. Looking around, I see couples with their families. Sitting alone at the bar, eating dinner, and drinking—this isn’t the life for me.

  Suddenly, a mom with her son catches my eye. The mother is young and her son is at least five or six. They’re holding hands, and she’s laughing at what he’s telling her. I think about my parents and how much fun we use to have.

  “Connor! Sweetie, come on, it’s time for dinner.”

  “Coming, Mom!” I ran down the stairs and saw her smiling at me at the end of the stairs. “Please tell me you made fried chicken and mashed potatoes?”

  She nodded her head toward the kitchen. “Go see.”

  I ran to the kitchen and the fresh smell of chicken hit me. I loved when she made this for me. My mom came in after me, and she gave my dad a hug. I was their only son, which made me sad. They always wanted a brother or sister for me but I was fine. I had my best friend, Adam.

  “Son, make sure you eat plenty tonight. I hate when you go over to the Simpson’s and raid their kitchen with Adam. You make it look like we don’t feed you.”

  “Oh, honey, stop. Our son has a huge appetite.”

  “Yeah, Dad. I wanna be tall and big like you.” We all started laughing.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come to the party with us, Connor? It’ll be fun! There’s going to be kids there too, sweetie.”

  “Yeah, Mom. I’m good.” I told her, eating my chicken. My mom was seriously the best cook ever.

  “Alright,” she sighed. “Well, make sure you pack a bag since you’ll be sleeping over. And for the love of God, do not cause terror tonight, Connor!” Dad and I laughed.

  After I was done with dinner, I ran up to my room and packed a bag for my sleepover. My dad came in to help me pack. We talked about going to my first NCAA basketball game, and I was excited. Dad carried my bag downstairs and we headed over to Adam’s house.

  “Connor, be good tonight for the Simpson’s, okay?” my mom says.

  “Mom, I’ll be fine.”

  “Connor, just listen to your mom, alright, son?”

  I sighed. “Okay, Dad. Have fun tonight. See you later, right?”

  My mom reached for my hand, squeezed it, and smiled. “Of course, honey. We’ll be back to pick you up in the morning.”

  “Alright, cool. Love you both.”

  “Love you, Connor.” My dad smiled and waved as I got out of the car and ran up to Adam’s house.

  Later that night, Mrs. Simpson came into Adam’s room. She was crying and when she looked at me, I saw her covering her mouth, and I wondered what was going on. Mr. Simpson came in and his blood shot eyes told me something was wrong. I looked at the clock and it was almost midnight. I wondered what was going on and why they were in Adam’s room, looking at me, and not talking.

  There was an eerie feeling, and I looked at Adam to see if he knew what was going on but he shrugged his shoulders.

  “Mom?” Adam asked. “What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head and leaned her head on Mr. Simpson’s shoulder.

  When Adam’s parents looked at me, I knew something had happened. They told me my parents were in a car accident and had passed away. Adam couldn’t say anything as they stood in front of me, crying. I felt numb. And I was pissed. Who was going to teach me how to dunk or make fried chicken for dinner? My parents were gone, and I was alone in the world.

  Adam’s parents planned the funeral and made all the arrangements. I didn’t have any other family members and both sets of my grandparents had passed away. Adam’s mom asked me for my opinions on the flowers, but I couldn’t answer.

  I felt sick.

  I was numb.

  I punched a hole in the wall.

  I broke the glass in the living room.

  I was mad.

  I was alone.

  The funeral was on a Friday. It was dark and gloomy. I had on a black suit, white button down shirt, and a black tie. Adam’s dad helped me with the tie but I told him I knew what I was doing and didn’t want his help. I looked in the mirror and tried to remember my dad and how he used to tie his tie. It wasn’t fucking working.

  “Connor, let me, son.”

  “No! I watched my dad do this almost every morning, Mr. Simpson. Just let me do it, okay?” I cried, looking back at myself in the mirror. He placed his hand on my shoulder and turned me around to give me a hug. I let everything out, and he kept telling me it was going to be okay. I wasn’t sure how that was possible.

  We rode in the limo to the church. I looked out the window as the rain pattered against them. When we got to the church, I kept my head down and Adam stood by my side. I sat in the front of the church and stared at the coffins. Adam’s mom held my hand as I cried during the funeral. So many people went up and talked about how great my parents were and how they touched so many lives. I couldn’t go up there, but it was nice to hear that my parents were loved and that they’ll be missed.

  After the funeral, people were coming over to me and telling me how sorry they were. Well, I’m glad they were sorry, but their apologies weren’t bringing back my parents. Why the fuck did people say, ‘I’m sorry for your loss?’ Why the hell did I need
their sympathy?

  The ride to the cemetery was quiet and miserable. I didn’t have the energy to cry anymore, and the realization that my parents were gone hadn’t hit me. I walked through the wet grass and up the hill to where my parents would be laid to rest. Their graves were next to each other where they could be together forever. When I saw their coffins again, I lost it. I cried and yelled. This caused everyone around me to cry. Adam’s mom hugged me and Adam held my hand. They kept telling me everything was going to be okay. I wanted to believe them, but I still felt alone.

  Days turned to weeks, and then I received great news. I was being adopted by the Simpsons and since then, I didn’t feel alone. It was hard going through the years without my mom and dad, but I was given a second chance for a great life, and for that, I’m forever grateful.

  “Another Stella, sir?”

  Quickly, my eyes open, and I remember where I am. I nod my head and continue eating, but the ache in my heart grows. Even after all these years, I still miss them and hope they’re proud of me.

  As I finish my dinner and beer, I decide to go back to my room and relax. By the time I get back to my hotel room, and I get ready for bed, my eyes are heavy but my mind is telling me something else. The darkness in the room and the empty side of the bed begins to creep up on me. The aching feeling kills me, and being away from Erin makes me wonder. She doesn’t deserve this life, but I don’t know what else to do.

  I look at the time and notice it’s a little after midnight. I click on her name in my phone book and let it ring. It’s late for her, but I need to hear her voice. The phone rings a few times before she answers and I hear groaning in the background.

  “Babe?”

  “Hi, baby. I know it’s late but I just wanted to hear your voice.” Turning over on my side, I rest the phone between my shoulder and chin. “What are you wearing?” I smirk, thinking about her soft, naked body in our bed.

  “God, Connor,” she laughs.

  Damn, she makes my world complete. Without her, life is a waste of time.

  “You’re such a pervert.”

  “A pervert that loves you and misses you. Baby, I’m sorry for being gone for so long. I wish I could be there with you now to show you how much I miss you.”

  Her breathing quickens. I know she loves when I talk to her like this. “Connor,” she moans. “I know it sucks, but I’m not going anywhere, and I want you to know that. I know you’re doing this for us, and for our future. It’ll be alright, babe.”

  “God, I love you, and I needed to hear you say that.”

  “I’m always here, Connor. Anytime you need to hear me say this, let me know, because my love for you only grows.”

  “Alright, baby. Go to bed. I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she yawns. “Call me tomorrow.”

  “I will. Night, Erin.”

  “Night, Connor.”

  I press end on my cell phone and lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Sleep isn’t going to come tonight, so I get out of bed, throw on my running clothes, and head down to the twenty-four hour gym in the hotel. Running seems to give me a clear mind, and I need it tonight. I get on the treadmill, put in my ear buds, put my iPhone on shuffle, and turn the treadmill to six mph. I run for a few minutes and decide to up the speed to seven. The music blasts in my ear, and I just keep going. There are a few people in the gym, some are on the treadmill, and some are lifting weights. It’s quiet in here tonight, but it’s nice to get away from the world and focus to clear my mind.

  After almost an hour on the treadmill, I slow down and walk for the next five minutes to cool down. ‘‘Give It 2 U’ by Robin Thicke plays and I make my way over to the weights and start lifting. With the music blasting in my ears, nearly all the stress from work releases, and it’s an instant high. I feel much better. The two-hour workout was needed. I walk through the lobby and take the elevator back to my hotel room. Grabbing a water bottle from the mini fridge, I sit down on the chair and look out the window thinking about Erin and seeing that beautiful smile again.

  Working and being with Erin is all I know for now. Making sure she’s safe and has a great life is my only concern. I love working for Optimax and being a CEO, but sometimes the pressure and stress is too much. There’s some talk from some people that think Adam and I should step down, and we shouldn’t have been named CEO, but those haters don’t know shit. Since taking over Optimax, profit is up by thirty-five percent, and we've been named in the top One Hundred CEOs of the year. So obviously, we know how to do our job.

  I grab a bottled water from the mini fridge and start drinking it. Looking outside the window of my hotel room, I think about going back home to Erin.

  Chapter Three

  Erin

  Today’s my first day with Vale Real Estate, and I can’t be more excited. I dress in my black knee length dress with cream wedges and a cream-colored cardigan. Sitting in my car, I tell myself over and over again that I can do this and everything will be great. I take a few more breaths, check my hair and makeup in the mirror, and then head out to the start of my career. Right as I walk into the two-story brick building, Stacey is standing behind the reception desk with a smile on her face.

  “Happy first day, Erin!” She comes from around the desk and gives me a hug. I can’t help but laugh at how cute she is.

  “Thanks, Stacey!” She walks me to my cubicle and shows me around. The office is huge! There are windows along the side and each row has five cubicles. She introduces me to a few people and everyone seems really nice. After we’re done with the tour, she brings me back to my cubicle. There’s a bouquet of red and pink roses on my desk with several balloons. My face turns bright red, and I look at Stacey, raising an eyebrow trying to figure out who did this. Stacey starts laughing. “Connor.” She smiles.

  “Of course,” I whisper, smelling the roses and looking at the balloons. Even though we’re far apart, he still finds ways to make me smile. “He’s my boyfriend,” I tell Stacey. “He’s away on business right now and feels bad that he can’t be here with me on my first day.” My voice gets sad and quiet. This is harder than I thought. I want to talk to Adam and see what he can do to make it so Connor doesn’t have to travel, but I know that either Adam or Connor have to be in California to finalize the deal and meet with the representatives.

  “He seems so romantic,” Stacey gushes.

  “Yeah, he is.” Stacey lets me know that she emailed me some directions and numbers. She explains that Albert isn’t in the office this week and to study the list of houses up in the market, letting her know if I have any questions. What Albert doesn’t know is that, thanks to Connor’s mother, I have a few potential clients, and I know exactly what they’re looking for.

  After Stacey leaves, I take out my cell phone and send a text to Connor.

  Me: You’re amazing, thank you, babe.

  Connor: You deserve nothing but the best. I’m so proud of you. I love you, baby.

  Me: Always ;)

  I laugh, putting my phone away while waiting on my computer to power on and load. I write down a few notes in my notepad and log into Outlook, looking over the emails Stacey sent me. Everything seems straightforward and easy enough. I make a few calls and set up some appointments. I hate just sitting here not doing anything. I hope when I finally get out there that I can prove myself to Albert.

  Before I know it, it’s nearly one in the afternoon and I’m starving. I lock my computer and grab my purse. When I get up, I start feeling dizzy, so I sit back down and grab my water bottle. The water makes me feel a little better but my stomach is all over the place.

  I get up and head to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I pass the break room and the smell of macaroni and cheese hits my nose. “Oh shit,” I mutter, running to the bathroom and into the last stall. I start gagging but nothing comes up. “Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me?” I slowly get up from the bathroom floor and walk to the sink to wash my hands. When I
turn to grab a paper towel, a tampon dispenser looks right at me. My eyes go wide, and my heart nearly beats out of my chest. “Oh shit.”

  When I get back to my desk, I take out my cell phone and pull up my calendar. I check to see when was the last time I had my period, and I haven’t had it since the beginning of July.

  Fuck. My. Life!

  How the hell can this be happening? Trying to remain calm, I do some breathing exercises and surfing the internet but nothing’s working!

  Time goes by in slow motion. I can’t stop thinking about the possibility of being pregnant. Maybe it's all in my head. I've been hanging around Sophia, so her pregnancy waves are hitting me, and my body is playing a cruel fucking joke. Yeah, that’s it. I’m not pregnant. Stress delays periods. There’s no way I’m pregnant. No way. Nope.

  After what feels like the longest day of my life, when five o’clock hits, I run out of the office to the nearest drug store. I go to the aisle with the pregnancy tests and buy every test ever made. When I get to the counter, the older lady smiles at me. “I’m not pregnant,” I say. “This is just me making sure.” She continues to ring the tests, smiling. “I mean, these damn things aren’t accurate,” I laugh, thinking about the other scares I’ve had.

  She finishes ringing up my tests, and before she hands me my bag she says, “Good luck, darling. And don’t worry. Remember, God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle.” Not sure what to say, so I smile and leave the store.

  When I get home, I run upstairs, taking two steps at a time. I immediately go into my bathroom and start taking the tests. I need to pee more, so I drink more water and pace the bathroom. Test after test, I tell myself that they’ll all come up negative, and once I see that, I’m drinking a whole bottle of wine and getting drunk. Being pregnant now will cause so much drama with Connor and me. We’ve never even talked about getting engaged or married or having a baby! We’re busy doing other things. I smirk. “Focus, Costella. Stop thinking about your boyfriend’s huge dick and his sexy body. Damn.” Closing my eyes, I count to ten and let out slow breaths.