Eyes On Him

by Riley Knight

  “Even if you did get promoted, would you want to stay there?” Julian asked, and Luca, for the first time, let himself really consider that. He’d been staying on in some sort of vague hope that he’d be able to move up the ladder, but when Julian asked him that question …

  “No,” Luca admitted, shame creeping through him and making a miserable flush rise to his cheeks. “I would still hate it. I think everyone who works there does.”

  Julian nodded again.

  “So then … why don’t you quit? Are you worried about money? Because money, I have.” There was the oddest tone to the other man’s voice when he spoke of that. Not pride, not joy that he’d finally made it. More like resignation than anything else, really.

  For the moment, Luca put that aside. He would address that later. Right then, Julian had posed an excellent question, one that Luca wanted to think about fully. The answer was deeply important.

  “Because of you,” Luca said slowly, feeling each word out and knowing it to be true. “I don’t quit because of you. Because I promised. I have money. The only thing I’ve spent money on in half a year, other than coming here, is alcohol. I could support myself for a while, it’s not about that.”

  Luca opened his eyes, saw the surprise on Julian’s face, and he felt bad for saying the words. But they were true. He was and had been, this whole time, doing it for Julian.

  He’d tried it for himself, of course, but soon enough, he’d realized that it wasn’t for him, the office job life. He just wasn’t a corporate drone. On his own, he wouldn’t have even lasted the three months that was the average lifespan of people in his current position.

  “For me? Luca, what the hell are you talking about?” Julian asked. His words were rougher than his tone, which was less accusatory and more confused, bewildered. “I didn’t ever tell you to keep this job.”

  Luca had to admit that that was true. How could Julian have told him to keep the job? They’d been separated before Luca had even accepted it. And yet, it still felt true.

  “I promised you,” Luca said. “I wanted to be more stable. To show you that I wasn’t just … some carefree playboy. I wanted to show you that I could be serious. That we could have a real life together. But I guess I was wrong. I’m not responsible enough for that. I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you.”

  Julian was frowning, and for the first time, Luca saw flashes of something like anger in his eyes. Luca had seen a lot of emotions there, but never temper, and it made him want to wince back away from him.

  Not that he didn’t deserve it. He absolutely did, and he knew it. No doubt Julian just realized what Luca had come to realize. What he’d tried everything to deny, including drinking it away.

  “Stop it,” Julian spoke firmly, sitting up in bed. Which normally would have been quite distracting, since it led to the sheets falling off of him, pooling at his waist, revealing his slender, but toned, beautifully formed chest and shoulders. “Stop it right now, Luca. I don’t want to hear that shit anymore.”

  Luca stared at him, fascinated. It was slowly dawning on him that Julian might be mad, but he didn’t actually seem to be mad at Luca. How that was possible, he wasn’t sure, but he could swear it was true.

  “I don’t want any promise you made me to make you miserable,” Julian said. “I love you. That means I want what’s best for you. It means that your happiness is of utmost importance to me. Why would I want you to stay in a job that you hate?”

  “Because it proves that I’m responsible enough to be with you …” Luca started, but the words came out just a little bit weaker, a little bit less certain than he’d started off. Julian had undermined his assurance a little bit on this matter, no doubt about it.

  “Bullshit,” Julian said, surprising Luca. Julian didn’t seem the type to casually swear. Of course, in this case, it wasn’t casual. Julian was careful with his words, he spoke deliberately and precisely, and if he used a word, it was because it was the most apt.

  “Listen to me,” Julian continued, and Luca nodded, absolutely rapt. There was no way that he could even make himself look away, not when Julian was so fired up, so passionate. “You were responsible before. Yes, you had to travel, but you did travel. You paid your bills. You paid your rent. You had a little bit of an unconventional job, but so what? That doesn’t mean that you’re somehow unworthy of me. God, when you met me, what was I? A singer at a bar where no one listened to me.”

  “I listened,” Luca protested. He had always listened. He had always been fascinated by Julian, from the very first moment that he’d heard him sing, seen him onstage.

  “Yes, you did. But it’s your turn to listen,” Julian reminded him, and Luca shut his mouth. “If you want to quit, then quit. I won’t think any less of you for it. If you want to try to make the job work for you, then try that. Whatever you do, I respect you, I admire you, and all I want is for you to be happy.”

  Julian meant it. Luca could tell. Sincerity was evident in every word that Julian spoke. Luca closed his eyes, and for a moment, he allowed the warmth to fill him, from his head to his fingertips all the way down to his toes. The warmth of belonging, acceptance, and love. It made him feel like he was glowing like he could float all the way home instead of having to drive.

  He’d been alone for so long. Now he wasn’t. Somehow, he had something perfect, something that he’d always dreamed of without even admitting to himself that he wanted.

  “We’ll leave tomorrow morning,” Luca decided, opening his eyes to look into Julian’s once more, letting the connection between them deepen. It was almost terrifying, what this man meant to him, but he found that he couldn’t pull away from him. Not for anything in the world.

  Julian nodded, his eyes searching Luca’s face. He was looking for answers, but the truth was, Luca didn’t have any to give him. Not yet, anyway.

  “Look, I just want to be sure. If I quit my job, if I go back to freelancing or … or I don’t know, find something else, will you seriously be okay with it?” For six months, he had assumed that Julian would want him to keep this job. It was strange and unfamiliar, the thought that Julian might not be nearly as invested in that as Luca had thought. “You won’t be disappointed?”

  Julian shook his head immediately. Luca was alert for the faintest hint of hesitation, but he didn’t see any.

  “No. I won’t be disappointed. Whatever job you get, I’ll be by your side,” Julian said quietly. “I love you, Luca. I would never want you to be miserable, just because you think it’s what I want.”

  Luca pulled the blankets over them both again, tugging Julian down into his arms. He wrapped himself around the smaller man, but for once, sex wasn’t foremost in his mind. Yes, Julian was beautiful, desirable, but right then, Luca needed the comfort of his embrace more than he needed sex, no matter how amazing that sex would be.

  “We’ll leave tomorrow,” Luca decided. They had stayed through the whole booking, after all, and someone probably had this cabin after them. It was a very popular location. As much as he might want to stay here forever, that probably wasn’t actually particularly possible. It wasn’t cheap to stay here, and besides, they both had lives outside of this little treehouse. Lives that they would have to get back to eventually.

  “So what are you going to do?” Julian prompted, and Luca sighed and closed his eyes. Maybe he could get a few more hours of sleep before they had to go. It was early morning, so early that the light of the sun was only just starting to appear outside of the window, filtered through the trees.

  “It looks like I have a lot of thinking to do on the trip home,” Luca said, and Julian nodded and cuddled up with him.

  Luca rested, but he didn’t sleep. There was way, way too much going on in his mind for that. Beside him, though, he felt a certain tension in Julian’s body, something that let him know that it wasn’t just him that was feeling that way.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Julian

  The trip home was relatively silent. They’d
had a lot of time over the last week to reconnect, to talk, to share what had been going on with them both in the half a year that they’d been apart. It seemed like they both needed some time to process.

  It was a beautiful trip, but Julian felt like he was just sitting still and watching his life come rocketing back at him at about a million miles an hour. His life, his responsibility. His contract, his agent, his obligations.

  “We talked a lot about me,” Luca said, somewhere close to the border between California and Oregon. “But you said something that made me think that maybe you weren’t all that happy yourself. Are you okay?”

  Julian sighed softly.

  “No. But let’s deal with your thing, first.” He had the idea that Luca’s problem was going to be easier to solve than his own. Though it seemed funny to him, in a way, that they had both tried to improve themselves, they’d both done something for themselves that should have been good, but it hadn’t quite worked out for either of them.

  That was kind of life in a nutshell, he supposed.

  For the rest of the trip, silence. Hours later, late on Sunday, when they finally drove into San Francisco, there was a brief moment of awkwardness when Luca, who was driving, looked over at Julian while they were stopped at a light and they both realized that neither of them had any idea where to go next.

  “We could go to my place, but Ella …” Julian loved his best friend, he really did, but she was going to want all the details of their trip, and he didn’t feel quite up to it. Though that did remind him to send a quick text to her to tell her that he was back in town, that he’d survived the trip. She was a worrier, he’d learned that soon enough.

  “Okay. My place, then,” Luca agreed, and Julian smiled. Yes, that was good. The more ties he had into Luca’s life, the better. After all, if he’d only gone home with Luca even once all of those months ago, they would have been reunited far sooner than they had been.

  It had taken Julian awhile, but he’d finally realized that, in some cases, it was actually more dangerous to refuse to trust than it was to trust.

  * * *

  It was early in the morning. Or, at least, earlier than Julian liked to be awake. The sun was up, and he supposed most of the working people in America were probably about their business, but he would have preferred a few more hours of sleep.

  From the bed, Julian watched as Luca got dressed. He’d never seen him in anything like the work clothes that he pulled on, and while Luca looked gorgeous in anything, and there was a certain novelty to seeing him in the nice pants and button up shirt that he wore, it didn’t seem like him, somehow.

  “It’s the hair that really bugs me,” Julian said out loud. Luca had brushed it, then tied the long strands back in a ponytail. It looked neat and tidy and California professional, but it wasn’t Luca.

  As Luca had dressed, a sort of solemnity had come over him. A different sort of Luca, one that was resigned to a life of a lot of work for very little satisfaction, very little reward.

  That mask slipped just a little when Julian spoke, and Luca smirked over at him. His Luca, not the automaton that he’d seen for the last few minutes.

  “At least I didn’t cut it, right?” Luca came over to sit on the bed, tugging his socks on. Julian took full advantage of that to run his fingers through the long, silky ponytail, toying with it, tugging on it lightly.

  “Don’t you dare even think about it,” Julian murmured, leaning forward to kiss the strong column of Luca’s neck as he played with his hair. When Luca moaned, he let that encourage him and even nipped at the skin with his teeth very lightly.

  “Fuck, baby, I have to get ready for work,” Luca murmured, but at the same time, he was leaning back into Julian, who had slipped into a kneeling position behind him. Just like that, Julian started to harden. His body, it seemed didn’t feel like the time that they’d missed out on had been made up for just yet.

  “So should I stop?” Julian asked, and the question was sincere. If Luca told him to, he would back away, even if it meant jerking off later. But when Luca didn’t even hesitate, he just shook his head. He couldn’t deny that he was happy about that.

  “We’ll just have to be quick … oh God, Julian,” Luca moaned, as Julian slid his fingers up to the elastic that held that long hair back and tugged it free. Those gorgeous dark waves fell around Luca’s face and over his shoulders, and Julian swung around so that he was sitting in the other man’s lap instead of behind him so that he could kiss him.

  From his new position, Julian could tell that Luca was just as hard as he was. When they rubbed together, delightful little shivers went through Julian’s body, and sex went from a thing that would be nice, a thing that he was mildly interested in, to pretty much his overwhelming desire.

  “I can do quick,” Julian said, and then slid down off of his lap. Part of him wanted to spend hours just rediscovering Luca’s body. No wonder how many times he traced over the smooth, soft skin and the strong muscles under it, he wanted more. He would have loved to rock his hips, to grind against him, but instead, he sank down to kneel on the floor, open Luca’s pants, and tug him free. In seconds, he had his mouth wrapped around that gorgeous, long, beautifully formed cock.

  By now, Julian knew just how to move his tongue, his lips, along that swollen head and shaft. Moaning at the salty-sweet taste, the musky, masculine scent, he worked him deep, his hands slipping up to cup his heavy balls and roll them gently as he sucked.

  “Baby,” Luca moaned, and when Julian gazed up, he saw those intense, brilliant, green eyes looking back down at him, with so much trust and love and arousal in their depths that it made Julian’s heart beat faster. “Julian, baby, so good. Touch yourself for me? I want to watch you come while I do …”

  That gentle, purring voice urging him on was too good to resist. The fact that Luca wanted to see him doing that, that was far too hot, and Julian found himself slick and swollen as he did grip himself with his fingers.

  The whole time, Julian kept his gaze on Luca. He refused to even look away from him for a second. With everything in him, with his whole being, he wanted to watch as Luca’s face contorted with pleasure. As his intense, expressive green eyes showed him everything.

  Neither of them held back. There wasn’t time. Maybe later, they could spend more time in bed, touching and teasing until it was just too much. Would it ever stop? This desire, this wanting? The need for this man?

  It wasn’t long before Luca’s body stiffened up and his cock twitched in Julian’s mouth. Spurt after spurt of creamy come filled Julian’s mouth, and he whimpered at the taste of it. Pure arousal, desire, sex, that was what Luca tasted like.

  It was more than enough. Just tasting that, and seeing the pleasured look on Luca’s face, it had Julian’s cock covering itself in his own come. He shuddered and gazed up at the other man, licking his lips.

  “Have a good day at work, baby,” he murmured, and Luca gave a stunned, amazed little laugh.

  “I think it will be better after that,” Luca murmured, and it only took him a few seconds to rearrange himself, to tie that gorgeous hair back again, to tug his clothes into place.

  Then he was gone, and Luca sighed as he watched him go, the strangest, most uncomfortable, mixture of emotions filling him until he felt like his heart might burst. Sadness, fear, worry, still mixed with lingering arousal and the very real pleasure of being reunited with the man that he loved.

  Luca was off to work, and Julian hadn’t had time (or had been too scared to take the time, really) to ask him what he was going to do. Quit? Stay there and let his soul get killed?

  It was Luca’s choice, and either way, Julian would be there to help him through it. He just had to remember that, no matter what else happened, the two of them would be okay.

  His phone beeped at him, telling him he had a text, and then, seconds after, it beeped again. When he went to check, he couldn’t help but smile.

  The first text was from Luca, telling him that he missed him
already and that he loved him. Damn it, what had he done to deserve such a sweet, affectionate man? Luca showed his emotions so easily, and that was a trait that Julian had never shared, but that he admired.

  The second was from Ella, and it was just one word.

  Coffee?

  * * *

  Half an hour later, Julian was sitting at the cafe where he had worked for those few months before his song had taken off. He couldn’t deny that he got a little bit of a thrill out of the fact that he was there as a paying customer, and that he didn’t have to take the retail crap from anyone anymore.

  Yes, he had some stress about his new job, but it was worth it. That was the conclusion that he’d come to. It had gotten him out of this joint, for one thing, but more importantly, it had led Luca back to him. Just as he’d hoped that it would.

  Ella sat across from him, and he looked at her thoughtfully as they both sipped their steaming caffeinated beverages. She seemed odd to him. A little bit down, though she was smiling.

  Something about that smile looked forced. And her voice sounded like she was pushing it when she cheerfully grilled him about his vacation.

  Still, he told her everything, and her exclamations of joy sounded sincere. She was happy for him. He would bet anything on that. So what was going on?

  In the old days, he probably just would have stayed silent and let her tell him if she wanted to. It was her business, he would have told himself firmly. Not his job to get involved, not unless she asked him to.

  Sometimes, though, people were just waiting to be asked what was wrong. Luca had taught him that, and he’d always been emotionally reserved, but Ella had done so much for him.

  “What is it?” he finally asked, taking the plunge. He saw by the look of surprise on her face that she wasn’t expecting the question, and he braced himself for the rejection that he was sure was coming. For her laughing demurral. For her to change the subject rather than get into it.