Through the Fire

by Donna Hill

  “Maxine is coming, too,” he said, cutting to the chase. “She’s going to stay with her folks.” He walked over to the CD player and changed the disk to Chaka Khan’s “Epiphany.”

  “Uh-huh, and…what is it that you’re not telling me?”

  “Her husband can’t get away until Christmas Eve. It’s just her and J, and she wants me to pick them up from the airport. She was talking about us spending some time together…you know, me, her, and J, but…” He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s such a cool idea.”

  Rae was quiet for a moment, trying to process the information, read between the lines and the expression on Quinn’s face. Maxine. The only person she feared other than his memory of Nikita. But Maxine was flesh and blood, flesh that he’d touched, made love to, made a baby with. That was the kind of hold that could never be broken. Sure, he’d explained about Maxine, their friendship since childhood, her loyalty, and their love affair, his feelings of betrayal for what she’d done. He insisted he was over her. But there was a part of Rae that wondered if that would ever be true. And if not, where would that leave her?

  “So where do I fit in during this lovefest?” she asked a bit more nastily than she intended.

  Quinn came over to her, sat beside her, and put his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close. “Listen to me.” He looked into her eyes and saw the fear in them. “You’ll be with me,” he said tenderly. “Every step of the way.” He held her close, cradling her head against his chest. “Every step, baby,” he repeated. He was going to need her, more than she knew, more than he was willing to admit.

  Rae’d been on pins and needles all week long. She’d completely dismantled her closet looking for the perfect outfit. She worried herself sleepless over what this Maxine looked like, what she would say to her, how Quinn and Maxine would act when they saw each other, and most of all if she would feel like the fifth wheel. Finally the day arrived.

  “Would you relax, Rae,” Gail admonished, worn out from the parade of outfits and changes in lipstick color.

  Rae spun around, her hands on her hips. “Relax! How do you expect me to relax, Gail? This isn’t some high school sweetheart. This is a woman he’s known all his life, turned to in crises, lived with, had a child with, for heaven’s sake. This is the same woman he went to when he left Nikita, the very same woman that Nikita felt threatened by even though he married her. So tell me something else. Just don’t tell me to relax. Okay!”

  Gail twisted her full lips, swinging her crossed leg. “Have you ever asked him why they didn’t work out? Why she is happily married to someone else?”

  For a moment, Rae slowed down. She tugged in a breath, then looked at Gail imploringly, wanted her to understand the depth of her angst. “It’s just that we’ve come so far, me and Quinn. And we still have a way to go to make this thing solid. I just don’t want anything to mess that up, you know?”

  “Yeah, hon, I know. But Quinn is with you. Not Maxine. Yes, she has his son and there’s nothing you can do about it, but deal. So you can either let her get the upper hand by allowing her to have this unseen power over you, or you can be the dynamite woman that you are, and show Quinn exactly why he’s with you—and show her, too, while you’re at it.”

  Rae lowered her eyes and bit back a smile. “You know I hate it when you’re right.”

  “Get over it.” She stood. “I have to run. Have tons of shopping still to do.” She took a last look around as she slipped on her suede jacket. “I like what you did with the place,” she said, noticing the small, decorated tree. She turned to Rae and smiled in understanding, knowing that was a big step for her, something as simple as a tree.

  “Thanks,” Rae said.

  Gail kissed Rae’s cheek as she opened the door. “When are you back in the studio?”

  “After the new year. We’re all burned out, and I’m still not satisfied with the last two pieces.”

  Gail smiled and shook her head. “Call me if you need me.”

  “I will.”

  “And, Rae, if you believe you’re worth it, so will he.”

  Rae was coiled as tight as a bedspring on the ride to the airport. Every now and then she’d glance at Quinn, try to read him. His expression was impassive, as if going to the airport to meet his former lover, with his current woman, were something he did all the time.

  She folded her arms. Couldn’t he even ask her if she was all right? All he’d said since he came to pick her up was that she looked real good. Big thank-you. What she needed to hear was that he loved her, only her. That Maxine meant nothing to him, and could never come between them. All the things he’d never said, and that was what scared her.

  It took all he had to concentrate on driving and not miss his exits. He had no idea how to handle something like this. He hadn’t told Maxine that he was bringing Rae. He should have so that Max could have prepared J. The situation was bad enough without confusing Jamel any more with another addition to the mix. What was he thinking? That was just it, he wasn’t thinking. And you’d think Rae would be a little more concerned. She couldn’t possibly think this was easy for him. Not once did she ask if he was all right. Hey, fine, he’d get through it. He turned to glance at her. Her face was smooth and relaxed. Women.

  Rae knew her the minute she stepped off the plane, and it wasn’t because of the little boy whose hand she held that looked so much like his father. It was the cool class about her, the way she walked with assurance, a worldliness. She was quite stunning to look at with her dark brown features and severe haircut that accentuated her sharp cheekbones and engaging eyes. And even clothed beneath her designer attire, she had a figure that men lusted after.

  Surprising Rae, Quinn took her hand, turned to her, and said, “Here they come. You cool?”

  She nodded, suddenly feeling a wave of relief. She squeezed his hand. “You?”

  “Yeah, no doubt.”

  The instant Jamel spotted his father, he was off and running. “Daaaaddy!”

  Quinn swooped him up into his arms, hugging him, realizing with a pang in his chest how terribly he’d missed him, how much he loved him.

  Rae watched the exchange of love with a mixture of happiness for her man and sadness for herself. Briefly she shut her eyes, conjuring up a picture of Akia, trying to recall her scent, the lilt of her laughter. Yes, all the memories were still intact. She opened her eyes as Maxine approached. She stiffened and watched. The next few minutes were sure to tell her everything she wanted to know—or not.

  “Hey, Q.”

  She had the kind of voice that had that just-finished-making-love sound, soft and hot, Rae observed. And she called him “Q.” She never called him Q.

  Maxine reached up and stroked Quinn’s cheek, for the moment seeing only him. “You look great, Q.”

  And at that instant, Rae felt locked out, nowhere in the picture of the happy reunited family.

  Quinn stepped back, still holding Jamel. “Max, this is my lady, Rae Lindsay. Rae, this is Maxine Sherman…I mean Collins.” He put his free hand around Rae’s waist as if to assure her that everything was okay, that Maxine had not just rocked his world.

  For the first time, Maxine took full notice of Rae Lindsay, his lady. She was attractive, in an understated sort of way, nothing flashy. They looked good together, she inwardly admitted, and it was clear in Quinn’s protectiveness of her that she meant something to him.

  The old pang of jealousy reared its ugly head, but she pushed it back down. There would always be a part of her that wondered what it was about her that couldn’t hold Quinn, that always sent him into the arms of someone else. But the rational side of her knew that it had nothing to do with her, but the kind of man that Quinn was and what he needed in his life. The truth of it was, he was no longer the kind of man she needed and had not been in a long time. But there would always be those feelings of the familiar that she would keep close to her heart, the special thing that they did have between them. And because deep in her heart she would always
have a love for him, she could only wish him the best, some semblance of happiness. Hopefully, Rae was the one. Funny, though, he hadn’t mentioned her at all. And if she was going to be in Quinn’s life, and therefore, their son’s life, she wanted to know everything she could about “his lady.”

  Maxine stuck out her hand, pushed a smile across her lips. “Nice to meet you, Rae.”

  Rae took her hand. “You, too. I’ve heard a lot about you. You…have a beautiful son,” she added.

  “Thanks.”

  “We better go get your bags,” Quinn interjected. “You going straight to your mom’s or what?”

  “You know how lousy airplane food can be. We’re both starved.” She patted her son’s head, who was still nestled in Quinn’s arm. “I was thinking maybe we could stop somewhere and get something to eat.”

  Quinn looked at Rae.

  “Sounds like a great idea,” Rae offered first. “I’m kind of hungry myself.” She saw a relief wash over Quinn’s face. “What do you have a taste for?”

  Maxine grinned. “At this point, anything.”

  “How ’bout Spoonbread’s up on 135th?” Quinn asked. “It’s not too far from your mom’s and the food is great. A little small, but good service.”

  “Fine with me.”

  The midday crowd at the neighborhood soul food restaurant was minimal. The quartet was quickly seated and eagerly scanned the menu. The aroma of collard greens, barbecue ribs, and peach cobbler heightened everyone’s appetite.

  “I want some of everything,” Maxine said, with a laugh. “It’s been so long since I’ve had some good soul food…”

  “How long have you lived in California?” Rae quizzed.

  “A little more than six years.”

  “It must be a culture shock to come from such a warm climate to snow.”

  “Sort of. But I grew up in New York. It’s more of a treat for J. He’s never seen snow before.” She reached over and hugged her son, whose eyes were glued to the window, watching the people trudge through what was now slush.

  “Can I go outside, please?” Jamel asked, looking at his mother, then his father.

  Quinn shrugged. “Sure. Until the food comes.”

  “Put your hat on, J,” Maxine instructed as he leaped from his seat and made a mad dash for the door.

  Quinn was right behind him. “Be back in a few.” He looked from one woman to the other and wondered how wise it was to leave them alone, but now he had no choice. He followed Jamel outside.

  “So, uh, what do you do?” Rae continued with her questions.

  “I own a travel agency.”

  “Really. Must be great owning your own business.”

  “It has its merits. What about you?”

  “I write music and play piano.”

  Surprise registered on Maxine’s face. “I guess you and Quinn have a lot in common, then.”

  “Yeah. I just wish he would play again.”

  Maxine nodded. “Losing Nikita really undid him. He really hasn’t been the same.”

  “He’s getting better,” Rae countered quickly. “We’re working on it.”

  Maxine studied Rae for a moment. “You’re the first woman…he’s…since…”

  “I know.”

  “I guess he must really care about you.”

  “He does,” Rae said with assurance.

  Maxine picked up her glass of iced tea and took a thoughtful sip. As much as she didn’t want to, she liked this woman. She liked her directness, her self-assurance, even if it was for her benefit. She knew good and damned well it took a special kind of woman to casually chat with her lover’s ex-girlfriend and mother of his child.

  “I was just thinking,” Maxine said, putting down her glass. “I have tons of shopping to do in the next few days. I thought maybe we could do it together.”

  Rae’s stomach did a slow flip. Maxine and me. Shopping. Together. This is truly the new millennium. “I…I guess.”

  “Great.” She pulled a piece of paper from her purse and scribbled down her mother’s home number and handed it to Rae. “Give me a call when you have a minute, okay?”

  “Sure.” Rae took the information and pushed it into her wallet. She pulled in a breath. “Are you free tomorrow?” she asked, stepping boldly into the untested waters.

  “Absolutely.”

  “What are you two conspiring about?” Quinn asked, walking up on the close of negotiations.

  “We were making plans to Christmas shop…together,” Rae said, looking up at him.

  Quinn’s brows rose as he glanced from one smiling face to the other. Together? Shopping? Women. Go figure. But what he really would like to know was, what could they possibly have to say to each other? Then again, maybe he didn’t.

  Chapter 18

  Pulling her collar up against the bitter wind, Rae wondered why she had agreed to go shopping with this woman who had been so deeply involved with her man. Or man-to-be. She waited for several minutes until she saw the cab pull up at the curb and a head pop out the window, calling for her to get inside. Quinn stood in the doorway, watching and waiting as his little boy jumped out of the cab and raced into his father’s arms. Rae looked at the two of them in a loving embrace and turned to see the expression of contentment on Maxine’s face before she stepped into the cab.

  “Hey, girl, how you doing today?” Maxine asked, real energy in her voice. “You ready for our Great Shopping Adventure? Quinn has Jamel for the afternoon so we can take our time…get to know each other. That cool with you?”

  “Sure.” Rae wondered how much of this enthusiasm was an act.

  “Where do you want to go first?” Maxine asked. “I was thinking we could hit Bloomie’s, look around, check out the prices. If we don’t get anything there, then we could slide by Saks and stop afterward for lunch somewhere.”

  Rae nodded. She couldn’t figure this woman. Was she just being nice to get her to put her guard down? Or was she for real? While Maxine chatted away about her life on the West Coast, she sat there, taking in the sights along the streets as the cab headed toward the East Side. The holiday traffic was murder, cars bumper-to-bumper on the main thoroughfares in the midtown area. It made her uneasy but Maxine seemed to take it in stride, now talking about adding a new porch to her home and possibly selling the house after the remodeling for more money and moving up to Monterey.

  Finally, the cab stopped at the north entrance of the large department store on Lexington Avenue, and they got out, wading into the crowds on the sidewalk. Rae remembered how she used to come to Bloomie’s with her mother to shop for the holidays, the lights, the displays, and the mob of shoppers clogging the wide aisles. She waited for a few minutes while Maxine stopped at an ATM on the first floor to load up on cash so she wouldn’t tap out her credit cards. Then they sauntered along the main floor to the cosmetics department, where one Bloomingdale staffer stood spraying fragrances on the wrists of female passersby. Both women declined her offer, pressing on, glancing through the display cases at the rows of bottles and atomizers.

  They went downstairs to the men’s clothing department, where Maxine bought two light sweaters for her husband, commenting how cool California evenings could get. Rae considered buying something for Quinn but didn’t. After her sweater purchase, Maxine suggested they go up to the children’s department on the ninth floor. Here she bought an erector set for Jamel, saying how he loved building things. Who knows, maybe he’ll be an engineer?

  Rae was quiet, almost sullen, wondering if she’d ever have a child to buy things for. Cute dolls for a little girl. Or a set of plastic action figures for a rambunctious boy. She watched quietly as Maxine cradled her purchases under her arm, walking through the store like a general reviewing his troops. God, she seemed so confident!

  When they finished there, Maxine hailed a cab for them to go to Saks, which was nine blocks away on Fifth Avenue. They got a cab, though it became quickly stalled in traffic and they ended up jumping out about three blocks away f
rom the store.

  The wind carried a brisk chill, sharp, but without the razor’s edge of the gusts earlier in the day. Neither woman complained, stepping lively among the throngs meandering at the entrances of shops, restaurants, and salons. Soon they stood under the row of American flags hung over the entrance of the fashionable store, walking in with women in jewels and furs. The pair went straight to the women’s collections on the second floor, inspected the goods, imagining themselves in dresses and other outfits clearly out of their price range. Still, Maxine bought a hat, a furry thing that made Rae laugh for the first time since their shopping spree began. She cracked up even more when her newfound “girlfriend” put the thing on her head and joked about her husband’s possible reaction to it. “Wait until he sees this!”

  As they were passing the Bridal Salon on the third floor, Maxine nudged her, feeling quite giddy, and asked: “Do you think Quinn and you will have a big wedding?”

  Rae was caught completely off guard. “We haven’t gotten that far into things yet.”

  “How long have you known him?”

  “A few months. We haven’t talked about anything serious yet. We’re still feeling each other out, trying to see if we should try the whole thing any further.”

  “Are you in love with him?” Maxine bluntly asked.

  “Yes, but there are complications,” she confessed, not sure why she did. This woman didn’t need to know that anything was amiss in her relationship with Quinn.

  Maxine laughed knowingly. “With Quinn, there are always complications. But you know what? I wouldn’t want a man who didn’t have complications. Simple guys are boring. You want somebody you can’t figure out in one sitting. Do you know what I mean?”

  Rae returned her smile. She was beginning to like this woman, so natural, so real, so carefree. She spoke her mind but didn’t come across as a witch. It was all so easy talking to her, too easy in a way. Still, she could see why Quinn would have fallen for her. Men always liked women who weren’t limited to playing some stiff role of what they thought a woman was supposed to be, what femininity was supposed to be. Maxine was the real thing.