Through the Fire

by Donna Hill

  They circled around back to the second floor, where Maxine stopped to look at golf clubs, tees, jackets, and shoes. She explained to Rae that Taylor was itching to get out on the links since he saw Tiger Woods crush his opposition in the PGA Open. Taylor, according to Maxine, had been buying and reading every golf book and magazine he could lay his hands on. He was even talking about taking Jamel with him to one of the local parks. Maxine whispered the word men and winked playfully.

  “I’d do anything for Taylor,” Maxine said, fingering the golf jackets. “He’s been a rock to me in some really bad times. You don’t find guys like him every day. None of that ‘I’m the man’ junk. We’re partners in every sense of the word. I can’t wait until my baby gets here.”

  “How does he feel about Jamel, Quinn’s son?” Rae asked cattily. Tossing out a verbal stinger.

  “Hey, he could have walked out as soon as he found out, but he stayed,” Maxine said. “We had some words about it. It was rough for a minute there. But he stayed. Now he loves Jamel just as if he were his own child. You oughta see those two together.”

  “But it must be tough raising somebody else’s kid.”

  Maxine reached for another jacket. “People do it every day. If you love somebody, you do what you have to do. Jamel loves Taylor, but he knows who his real father is. I never let him forget that fact. Quinn is his father, no matter what.”

  Rae picked up a pair of golf gloves, playing with the snaps at the wrist. “You ever think about sharing custody with Quinn? Letting him keep his son half the year or something like that.”

  “No.” Maxine’s eyes flashed fire. She looked Rae full in the face, ready for battle.

  “Why not?”

  “Because he’s comfortable living where he is. I don’t think Quinn is ready to be a full-time father. He’s got a lot of issues to deal with before he can even think about taking on a responsibility that large. Raising children is no joke.”

  Rae said nothing else. This woman, she thought, could be fierce if crossed. She’d hate to see her lose her cool, get mad about something. That was probably the other reason why Quinn loved her. Quinn and Maxine were an emotional match; each just as fiery, just as intense as the other. But so was she, she’d come to realize. She gave as good as she got. She stood toe to toe with him, and wasn’t knocked off her feet. No, she wasn’t the softie she once was.

  “Let’s go up to eight,” Maxine said, walking away from the counter. “I want to get some Godiva chocolates for my mother. She loves sweets.”

  On the eighth floor, Maxine saw Rae looking across the aisle at the clothing for kids, newborns, infants, and toddlers. Making a face, she touched Rae on the arm and nodded toward the candy counter. The woman behind the counter was especially nasty, offering her the smallest box of candy possible first.

  “We have one that is a little larger,” said the counter woman, a thin brunette with a long nose rivaling that of the Wicked Witch of the East in the Oz stories. “Possibly that would be more in your price range.”

  “No, let me see that one there,” Maxine said, pointing to a larger box, offering a wider array of dark treats.

  The counter woman frowned, toying with her collar. “Oh dear, the price on that one is rather steep. Are you sure this is the one you want? I could show you something a bit economical.”

  Maxine put her hands on her hips and glared at the woman. It was the “don’t mess with me” pose. “I know what I want.”

  The counter woman turned beet red, totally flustered, and retrieved a box from a drawer. “Anything else, ma’am?” The words were said with a tone of utter disdain.

  “And I’d like the box gift-wrapped if you don’t mind.” Maxine kept her eyes locked on the woman. Neither woman wanted to back down but Maxine had the upper hand as the customer. Customers are always right.

  With that business finished, Maxine suggested that they walk over to Rockefeller Center, see the big tree, act like tourists, and get a bite to eat. Rae, still slightly rattled by the Saks episode, quickly agreed. Besides, her feet were starting to hurt from all of the walking and standing.

  It took them under a half hour to wander over to Rockefeller Center, stopping to look at the window where Meredith, Matt, and Al held court every morning for The Today Show, the small shops along the short strip beside the main plaza and the arcade. They stood for a while above the ice rink, watching the skaters, some beginners and others almost pros, go through paces. Some onlookers laughed at the skaters who struggled to keep their footing and fell. When they tired of that, the women walked to a nearby café and ordered salads and coffee. Maxine stopped the waiter and ordered a slice of apple pie, saying she was breaking her diet for the holiday. A few calories never hurt, she joked.

  “What was Quinn like when he was growing up?” Rae asked, eating a piece of lettuce. “You knew him back then. You grew up together.”

  “He was like any of the other boys around the way, maybe a little tougher, more cocky,” Maxine said. “I guess I looked up to him because I knew it must have been rough on him, not having a mother. He never groused about it. He did what he had to do for him and his sister, Lacy.”

  “What was she like, his sister?”

  “Oh, man, everybody loved Lacy. She was my girl. She was totally alive, a lot of fun. Funny, she’d make you wet yourself with some of the stuff she said. She was the exact opposite of Quinn in a lot of ways. Real open and honest. Not guarded at all. It almost killed me when she died.”

  “It probably almost killed Quinn, too, huh?”

  “Yeah, to tell the truth, I don’t think he ever got over her death. They were real close. He loved his sister.”

  Rae sipped her coffee and watched the sadness in the woman’s eyes. “What about the mother, his mother? What happened to her?”

  “Nobody knows. She just left them. I think it messes with Quinn the most. I can’t imagine what it must be like to grow up without a mother. Especially when she just walks off and abandons you. Much of who Quinn is comes from that fact, that she left them high and dry. Without a word. I think that’s why he rarely lets people get close to him.”

  “What about his wife, Nikita?” Rae asked, trying to make the most of the situation, get as much information as she could, because this opportunity might not happen again any time soon.

  Maxine laughed and drank from her cup. “Yum, vanilla roast. Anyway, Niki, Ms. Uptown Girl. What was she like? In some ways, she was exactly what Quinn needed. Sometimes I didn’t see it but she was. Headstrong, willful, and often as sweet as she could be. I’ll tell you this. She had a way of neutralizing Quinn, of blunting his anger. She could cool him right out.”

  “I’ve seen his temper,” Rae said. “He can really blow up.”

  “He was like that with Niki, too, at the beginning, but she had his number. The girl was no pushover. She made him deal with himself and he resisted her. But eventually he came around. A lot of people, including me, underestimated her because she was so damn pretty, and that was their mistake. She was one strong, determined sistah. Quinn needed that. She didn’t let him get away with nothing.”

  Rae went for broke. “Why did you two break up, you and Quinn?”

  Maxine almost choked, coughed a few times, and drank some water. This girl is direct, straight from the shoulder, she thought. She doesn’t mince words. Good. That’s just what Quinn needs. Not some phony stiff chick.

  “We were never together,” Maxine answered. “Not like you think.”

  “I don’t get it,” Rae stuttered. “But…Jamel.”

  “That’s a long story. Not one I really want to get into right now.”

  “But weren’t you two…together at some point?”

  “Yeah, we had a thing. But I think we both knew it wouldn’t last. It was something that evolved out of need and familiarity, I think. I don’t know what I was thinking when I look back. It seems so long ago now. We tried living together but it didn’t work out.”

  It was Maxine’s hone
sty, her refusal to duck and dodge the truth that impressed Rae most. She was really starting to like her. If things were different, Maxine would be one of the women who could become one of her closest girlfriends. Quinn was lucky to know someone like her.

  “Do you still love Quinn?” Rae asked the question, watching the woman’s face.

  “You don’t fool around with the questions, do you?”

  “I guess not. Do you still love him, Maxine? I need to know.” Rae’s heart was pounding like a drum and her hands were sweating. This was the Big Question.

  Maxine patted her on the hand, grinning. “Relax, Rae. Yes, I love him and I believe I always will. But it’s not the kind of love you build a life on. I have a good man, Taylor, who loves me very much, and a beautiful son. What more could I want? I can’t remember when I’ve been happier, more complete.”

  Rae visibly sagged in her seat, the muscles in her face relaxed into a relieved smile. “Honestly, you had me worried. I thought you wanted him back. In fact, I didn’t know what to think, especially since you had this past life with him. And a child.”

  “Yeah, we have some history and a child but I know he’s not the man for me,” Maxine said. “I love Quinn but I’m not in love with him. There’s a difference. We had our moment and it didn’t work. He hurt me when he left me to come back East to be with Niki in New York. But I forgave him. Or maybe I didn’t.”

  “What do you mean?” Rae’s eyebrows hiked up.

  “I hurt him, too. My timing about telling him he had a son was wrong. I hurt him by keeping that knowledge away from him for so long. Three years. I waited so long and I don’t really know why. I told him after Niki’s funeral, when he was at the lowest point of his life. It was wrong and cruel. Maybe I wanted to hurt him like he had me…”

  Rae saw Maxine fight back tears, swallowing hard to shut down the waterworks before they could really get started. She covered her face for a moment with her hands and then pulled them away, apologizing.

  “You care a lot for him, don’t you?” Rae asked, feeling the woman’s pain.

  “Yes, I do. Don’t you?”

  Rae nodded a couple of times as if reassuring herself that it was true. “I love him, Maxine. He’s something special.”

  Maxine looked at her, eyes glistening. “Quinn is all that. Believe me. It’s hard to meet men, at least good men. I’m not saying he’s Mr. Right, I don’t know that because I’m not you, but I can definitely say he’s not Mr. Wrong. Quinn has some rough edges. We all do. But he has a lot to offer some lucky woman. Be patient. Work with him and you’ll have a real keeper. Let all his pain ebb out. Let his love for you grow. He’s complex, temperamental, and sometimes hard to understand. Girl, even with all that, Quinn is all man and worth his weight in gold.”

  They sat there, finishing off their food and coffee. Neither saying anything. Thinking about all that had been said before.

  Suddenly, Maxine tapped her finger on the table and asked if she thought Quinn would ever write or play again. The one thing, other than love, that kept him balanced.

  “I’m working on him,” Rae said, feeling certain. “I’ll have him back doing his music thing before long. I know how much it means to him. It’s a part of the reason he’s so nutty now. Not playing.”

  Maxine shook her fork at Rae, chuckling. “I’m glad we talked. You’re just what he needs. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

  They laughed at that, paid for the food, and left. On the street, amid the crowds, Rae turned and hugged Maxine, her lips brushing against the woman’s cheek. Then she whispered two words, lovingly and sincerely. “Thank you.”

  Chapter 19

  “Well, little man, looks like it’s just us fellas,” Quinn said to Jamel as he took Jamel’s lunch plate away. Maxine and Rae had left together about an hour earlier after Max dropped off Jamel. They were almost too chummy for his taste. Made a brother nervous. “What do you wanna do today, J?” He put the dishes in the sink.

  “Play in the snow!”

  Quinn chuckled. “That out there isn’t really snow anymore, it’s a mess. But how ’bout if we do some shopping of our own?”

  “Can I get a game for my Nintendo?” His eyes widened.

  “Early Christmas gift?” Quinn teased, with a raised brow.

  Jamel nodded shyly.

  “Awright. But don’t tell your mother. It’ll be our secret.” He stuck his hand out and Jamel gave him a five. “Come on. Get your coat. There’s a great game store on Fourteenth Street. We’ll walk.”

  “In the snow?” Jamel asked, bright lights twinkling in his eyes.

  “Yeah,” Quinn conceded. “If that’s what you want to call it,” he said under his breath.

  Jamel went darting off to get his coat.

  “Don’t forget your boots!” Quinn shouted behind him. He shook his head and chuckled. “Snow.”

  “Daddy?”

  “Yeah, buddy.” Quinn stopped at the corner for the red light.

  “Is Miss Rae your…girlfriend?”

  Whoa. “Uh, yeah. She is. Is that cool with you?” He looked down at his son.

  Jamel’s small face screwed up for a moment of consideration. “I guess.” He gazed up at his father. “Is she nicer to you than Mommy?”

  “Why do you think she’s nicer than Mommy?” he asked gently.

  “’Cause…she’s here with you and Mommy’s not…and maybe it’s ’cause you don’t like Mommy…and me.”

  Quinn’s heart felt as if it had seized in his chest. Once on the other side of the street, Quinn led Jamel over to the front door of Virgin Records under the shelter of the overhang. He bent down to Jamel’s eye level.

  “Listen to me, J.” He braced Jamel’s shoulders. “Me and your mom…” What could he say that would make sense, when sometimes he wasn’t too sure of what went wrong himself? “Sometimes things don’t work out between two people.” He swallowed. How would Remy have counseled him? What had he said to him so many times when he’d come to Remy and asked what had he done so wrong to make his mother leave?

  “Remember when you were here during the summer and you were telling me about your friend Carlos in your kindergarten class?”

  Jamel nodded.

  “And remember how you said you two had an argument and you were real upset because he was your best friend?”

  “Yes.”

  “And I told you that happens with friends. Sometimes they don’t agree, sometimes without thinking they hurt each other’s feelings. Right? But if you were really friends, you would make up and say sorry and sometimes the friendship changes because of what was said or done…and you could be friends, but a different kind of friend. Like you and Carlos are now.”

  “I said sorry, like you told me to do. And I still talk to him when I see him in the lunchroom. But we’re not best friends anymore. He’s in 103 and I’m in 101. Andre is my best friend now.”

  “Do you feel bad that you and Carlos aren’t best friends anymore?”

  Jamel shrugged. “Sometimes. But he has new friends, too. Sometimes we play in the yard together.”

  “That’s kinda like what happened with me and your mom, J. We had a disagreement about some things and even after we said sorry, things changed. And it has nothing to do with you, son. We both love you very much. Very much. Understand.”

  Jamel looked into his father’s eyes and slowly bobbed his head. Quinn smiled and hugged him tight, hoping he’d said all the right words. This father thing wasn’t easy.

  Jamel wiggled away. “Is this the game store?” Jamel asked, his mind already on more important issues.

  Quinn stood and chuckled. “Naw, right around the corner. And you know what? Since you’ve been so good, you can get two.”

  “Yippee!”

  After about an hour in the game store, then on to the pizza parlor for a quick bite, and Virgin Records to pick up some CDs for Quinn—even if he didn’t play he never stopped loving the music—they started back home.

  It was abou
t two blocks before Quinn’s house, when she spotted them. Her thin hand fluttered to her chest when she saw the handsome pair together—father and son.

  Without thinking she kept them in her sight from the opposite side of the street until they reached a house and went inside. She stared at the house, the closed door, and debated about what to do, what she should have done long ago.

  She wasn’t sure how long she’d stood there in the cold, pacing the few steps back and forth trying to summon up the courage to cross the street. When she glanced at the house, they were coming out with an old woman from the ground floor door. She watched the woman hug the little boy and wave as they entered a black Jeep and drove away.

  Tentatively, she crossed the street, not sure what she would do when she got there. She opened the short, black iron gate and walked to the front door. For a moment she felt like fleeing, just letting well enough alone.

  “Who’s there?” Mrs. Finch called out from the window, stopping her in her tracks.

  Startled, she turned to the window and saw the face of the old woman peering back at her. It was now or never.

  “I… My name is Vera…I… Could I speak with you…for a minute?”

  Maxine and Rae had yet to return from their shopping spree when Quinn dropped Jamel off at his grandmother’s house, promising to come for him the following day. After chatting briefly with Mrs. Sherman he headed back home, wondering how the two women had made out.

  Rae had been damned near secretive when he’d talked to her about it the night before, as if they were concocting something. He wondered what secrets of his past Max would reveal, if anything, and what Rae would have to say about their current situation.

  It was a strange predicament to be in, but he wasn’t trying to front, trying to hide anything from anyone. Yeah, he still felt a little something, something in his heart for Max, he always would. She’d been there for him for as long as he could remember. And he had to admit that he felt those old waves of warmth whenever he saw her. It still hurt every time he thought about how she’d deceived him by not telling him about Jamel, but he was getting beyond that, too. She’d been holding up her end in seeing that he had a relationship with his son, even with her husband, Taylor, in the picture. That couldn’t be easy for either of them. He knew he had a hard pill to swallow knowing that some other man was raising his son. Yeah, he definitely had to keep his hand in.