All I'll Ever Need

by Mildred Riley

  Ever patient with her, he answered in a quiet voice, “Look, honey, I know your heart is in the right place, your intentions are noble, but right now, my advice would be to give her time. The way I see it, she’ll begin to bond with you in her own good time.”

  Elyse nodded, seeing the sense in what Ace was saying.

  “Sounds like good advice. Guess I should pull back, then let her set her own pace. That would perhaps be better all around. Then I’ll really know how she feels about the whole situation. Thanks, Ace.”

  “No problem, my dear. I’m so proud of you. Your acceptance of Holly as Barry’s daughter proves that you are a strong, well-grounded woman, secure in her own value system and a secure knowledge of who you are. Not many women would do what you have done. You are one in a million, my dear. At least that’s what I believe.”

  Chapter 31

  A few nights later they were having dinner at The Persimmon House, one of Ace’s favorite restaurants in Boston. He had wanted to have time alone with her.

  “For your birthday, Elyse,” he explained, “I wanted someplace special. I’m so glad Em could baby sit Missy.”

  “Me, too,” she said, looking around the room, a well-appointed, well-decorated room that spoke of wealth and opulence. Rich velvet draperies hung all over the windows, their gold color reflected in the crystal chandeliers overhead.

  There was a working fireplace near where Elyse and Ace were seated. Soft candlelight and the seductive sounds of a trio’s music in the background gave Ace hope for the marriage proposal he planned.

  They had finished their entrees, the waiter had cleared the table and they were waiting for their dessert, strawberry shortcake and coffee.

  “You know, Elyse, how much I love you,” he said, reaching across the table for her hand. “Ever since you came into my shop to buy my first vase, I’ve loved you. I went all the way to Africa to try to forget you, but I could not.”

  He squeezed her fingers and she responded with pressure from her own fingers.

  “I know your life has changed in so many ways, unexpectedly to be sure, but I’m real proud of the way you’ve met every challenge.”

  “It’s been because of you, Ace, that I’ve been able to do so. You are one of the best friends I’ve ever had. And it’s been your support that has helped me. I couldn’t, really couldn’t, have done it without you.”

  To his eyes she had never looked lovelier. Her face glowed with serenity and good health. Her black hair once again fell straight to her shoulders, framing her face. Her dark, slightly slanted eyes looked at him from beneath her gently curved eyebrows. Ace knew that someday he would want to paint her.

  “It has been my privilege and pleasure to help you in any way I could.”

  He placed his right hand over her left hand, then clasped it between his own hands. Instinctively, she sensed he had reached a serious moment.

  “Marry me, Leese. Come live with me and share my life. Please. I love you so much.”

  Elyse was not surprised by Ace’s request and knew she had to clear the air between them.

  “I have to tell you something, Ace. I must confess—” she started to say.

  He interrupted her, shaking his forefinger at her. “No confessions needed, my dear.”

  “But,” she continued, “I have to tell you how it is with me, Ace. Without my even being aware of it, you have become a part of my life. And for a long time my life has been at sixes and sevens, so confused I hardly knew where to turn.”

  “You don’t have to explain,” he said.

  “But I do,” she insisted. “I’ve had to come to terms with my relationship with Barry. I had not recognized what I now see as his stubborn selfishness, his determination to have everything his way. I had seen those traits as his self-confidence, his self-awareness, perhaps a bit of strong ego. All of which I admired, and I will never know if it was abandoning his first child that made him make arrangements for me to have our child. And, like I said before, I’m happy that I did because I did love my husband . . . despite . . .”

  Ace interrupted her, seeing the glint of unshed tears in her eyes.

  “I understand, Leese. Don’t torment yourself.”

  “Oh Ace, please give me a little time. I have . . . been . . . so much has happened . . .” her voice faltered.

  He interrupted. “If you have to have time, Elyse, I understand. But you’ve got to know this. I will always love you, always want you in my life. Call me whenever you need me, and I’ll be by your side. But I will never, ever again ask you to marry me. I love you with my whole heart, but I cannot accept anything less than a full commitment from you. I want us to be a family, a true family. That means me, you, Missy, and maybe Holly. A whole family. Nothing less. It will have to be your decision, and I hope you can understand what that will mean to me.”

  “I do, Ace, and I appreciate your honesty. And I’m . . . I’m deeply humbled by all that you have done for me and

  . . . my baby. I can never tell you how much you have meant to me.”

  “Then marry me.”

  She shook her head as the tears flicked across her face.

  * * *

  She was stunned by Ace’s proposal and ultimatum and, as she put her key in the lock to go into her condominium, she could hear Ace’s last words to her as he kissed her goodnight on her cheek. Don’t play with me, Elyse. I won’t accept anything less than all you have to give.

  She set the alarm, went to check the baby sleeping in her crib in her room and tiptoed past the living room where Emerald slept on the fold-out couch.

  She slipped into the bathroom, illuminated only by a nightlight, brushed her teeth, washed her face and returned to her bedroom. There was only a nightlight there as well. She undressed by its light, put on her nightgown and slid into bed. She wondered if she would be able to sleep.

  She tried to bring Barry’s face into focus in her mind, but found that she was unable to do so. Instead, it was Ace’s. She kept hearing his words, I’ll not ask you again.

  She lay there in the darkness, hearing her daughter’s soft sleeping noises. She remembered Ace being such a strong supporter during the baby’s birth and knew that a bond had been forged between them. She thought of Holly born to Barry before she herself had ever known him. Ace was willing to love Holly and Missy both, be a father to them. But was that what she wanted?

  Barry was gone, but existed in the two daughters he had given her. But what about her life? Could she live without love? The answer came back to her. “As long as you’re alive, you need love,” Ace had once said.

  How about Ace? He always made her feel valued, made her feel special, as if he had placed her on a pedestal. There was an undeniable warmth and passion to his personality and, moreover, she felt the magic of life when she was with him. She knew he needed her to be a complete man and wondered about her own feelings.

  God, please help me. Tell me what to do, she prayed silently.

  She slept . . . and she dreamed.

  * * *

  He was waiting for her at the doorway of his gallery. She started to walk toward him but somehow, trying as hard as she could, she could not get near him. He stood quite still, his eyes steadily focused on hers. Her legs felt like rubber, barely holding her erect.

  “Ace,” she whispered, “I need you . . . so that I can live. I came to tell you that.”

  “I know. Come to me now. You can do it. I know you can.”

  She pleaded with him, “But I can’t . . . I can’t . . . I can’t cross over the doorway. The threshold is too high.”

  “No, Elyse, it’s not too high. You can do it, believe me. You can if you want to, that is.”

  She looked around, but there was no other entry. She saw the wall of paintings swaying towards her, beckoning for her to step forward. The African objects all around the room were enticing her to step inside.

  She looked at Ace, again imploring him to help her. “What if I fall?” she asked.

  “I’ll
save you just like I always have. I will catch you, I promise.”

  With her eyes fixed on his, and with her arms outstretched towards him, she leapt across the doorway into the room as if the space were a deep, forbidding chasm. She fell into his arms like a bereft, wounded starveling. Her heart was beating against her chest wall so irregularly she thought she would faint. Ace closed his arms around her and his whispered words comforted her.

  “You’re safe now, right here in my arms where you belong, where you’ve always belonged.”

  She started to cry then as if her heart was breaking. He held her even closer, realizing that, now that she had put her past behind her, she was struggling to accept the future, whatever it might turn out to be.

  He led her from the gallery to his bedroom between the gallery and his tiny kitchen, picked her up, gently laid her down on the bed and pulled a soft down comforter up around her shoulders. Wide-eyed, she stared at him in the room lit only by moonlight.

  Ace saw the confusion in her face and spoke softly. “It’s all right, Leese. You are here, and that’s all that mat ters. I love you, and I know you love me or you would not be here.”

  He leaned over and kissed her and she felt her body begin to relax. She knew then that she was safe, was cared for and was loved by this wonderful man who had come into her life.

  Then he knelt on the floor beside the bed.

  “Leese,” he said, “I knew you would come to me, because I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Ace. I always have since the day I asked you to hold me, but I didn’t know it then. I know it now.”

  Then, weary from the intense emotion she was feeling, she closed her eyes. She could hear him quietly moving about as he shed his clothing. When he slid into bed beside her, she turned to face him. He took her face in his hands, whispered in the dark, “At last you’re here with me, my beautiful Elyse.”

  She reached around to the back of his head to draw his face closer. Their kiss was sweet and tender. Then he pulled her nightgown down her shoulders, gasping as her full, rounded breasts sprang into view.

  “My God, you’re so beautiful, so beautiful,” he murmured as his lips traced kisses along her neck and the deep cleft between her breasts. She felt her body begin to melt. She began to strain to reach the experience that she knew she needed or she would never again be whole, would always be wanting, unsatisfied, never alive if she couldn’t share what she yearned for with this man. He was her only hope for complete fulfillment. She knew that now with her whole heart.

  The moon continued to spin silver rays into the room as Ace’s gentle hands moved expertly over her smooth, soft skin, searching for sensitive areas to love. Her breath came in quiet gasps as her nerves responded to the feather-like sensations that almost drove her mad. She twisted her head wildly as her hungry body reacted to Ace’s touches. Then their bodies fused into a single unit and the world dissolved and faded away.

  He kissed her again and she held on to him for dear life as if she were drowning.

  “Ace, Ace,” she whimpered, her whole body convulsing.

  There was no answer, no response from him.

  She woke up then, her body drenched with perspiration, a quickening in her inner core that frightened her with its fierce intensity. She was alone. The dream had been so real, her whole body still quivered.

  * * *

  She got out of bed at six-thirty. Missy was still sleeping soundly as she slipped into the bathroom. After a quick shower she dressed in sweats and sneakers, went into her kitchen, put on a pot of coffee and then went to the living room to find Emerald stirring about, half-awake.

  “Good morning. Have a nice birthday?”

  “Good morning, Em. Yes, I had a wonderful birthday, wonderful. Look, Em, I left something over at Ace’s place. Do you mind? The baby’s still asleep, but I set her bottle out right beside the warmer if she should wake up before I get back. Be right back.”

  “Sure, no problem.”

  “Thanks, Em. I owe you, big time.”

  “No problem. See you when you get back.”

  When she got into her car she checked her face in the mirror. Well, she thought, he’ll have to take me as I am or else. Then she thought of Missy’s birth. So he’s already seen me at my worst.

  She dialed Ace’s number on her cell phone. It rang only once before she heard his sleepy response, “Ace here.”

  “Ace, it’s me. I have to see you right now . . .”

  “Elyse, what’s wrong? Is the baby, is the baby all right?” he stammered.

  “Oh no, she’s fine. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  He was waiting at the door when she drove up and parked the car, a worried look across his face. A dark stubble of beard shadowed over his chin. But to her he had never looked more handsome, so strong, so manly. This was the man who cared for her, that she knew would continue to care for her all the days of her life. She knew, too, that with him in her life she would be a complete woman.

  She ran to him and he held her close, pulling her forward and gently closing the door behind them.

  “You’re here,” he murmured as he kissed the top of her head. “You’re here.”

  “Ace, I had to come. You . . . you said you wouldn’t ask me again . . . that I,” she could hardly get the words out, “that I would have to come to you. So I’m here, Ace.” She swallowed, then began to cry, her tears flowing freely down her cheeks. “Look, I . . . I don’t know what’s ahead for me, but whatever it is I can’t face it without you. I love you, Ace. I guess I began to love you the first day I met you and asked you to hold me. I so needed you then, but I need you now more than ever.”

  The pleading look she gave him almost broke his heart. He looked at the lovely face of the young, beautiful woman who had already lived a lifetime of events that would have destroyed a lesser woman. She had prevailed and wanted him in her life. He smiled at her, teasing her with his next words.

  “So, my dear, you have something you wanted to ask me?”

  She nodded wordlessly, looked down at the floor for a moment, then raised her eyes to his.

  “Ace,” she said in a soft voice, “will you marry me?”

  Still in a playful, teasing mood, he placed his fingertips on his mouth, looked up at the ceiling as if pondering an answer. Then he bowed gallantly like a knight of old.

  “It would be my pleasure and my distinct honor to do so, Miss Elyse.” He grinned at her, continuing, “Thought you’d never ask. Come with me. Let’s start off right. Got a pot of fresh coffee waiting.”

  Responding to his jocular mood, she linked arms with him as they walked back to his kitchen to start their new life.

  * * *

  She prepared his favorite meal for their dinner that night, one that Ace had really begun to anticipate. He had come to her condo apartment to continue with their wedding plans.

  “Food’s ready,” she told him.

  “It smells great, Leesy, and I’m ready.”

  Elyse had cooked beef carbonnade, a stew-like dish of beef pot roast cooked with beer. She sliced the beef, placed a generous portion on Ace’s dinner plate and added a mound of steamy white rice and a serving of baked butternut squash seasoned with brown sugar, butter and cinnamon.

  She placed the filled plate in front of Ace, who rubbed his hands together, ready to eat. She put a silver gravy boat filled with hot gravy near his right hand.

  “Help yourself, Ace. I have to get the salad from the fridge.”

  He took her advice and ladled a good serving of gravy over his rice and meat. He looked up at her and grinned. “Woman,” he teased, “please get your plate ready and sit down! I can’t wait much longer to get at this food!”

  “I’m coming right now,” she said, and joined him with her own plate of food. She couldn’t wait until Ace saw the dessert she had made. Homemade cream puffs filled with vanilla ice cream and topped with fresh sliced strawberries. She knew that Ace enjoyed her cooking. He never failed to tell her so.


  “There’s one thing I know for a fact,” he’d once said. “You are a genius in the kitchen.”

  That night, after eating, he asked, “How did you learn to cook like this?”

  “My Aunt Ginny has a small eatery on the Vineyard. I worked summers for her and she taught me. Everybody loves Aunt Ginny’s . . . that’s what she called her eatery. It’s one of the places the brothas and sistahs meet, greet, and eat.”

  “She still owns it?”

  “Sure does. We’ll have to visit this summer. She’s one of my dearest relatives. Could always count on her.”

  “I do look forward to meeting her.” Suddenly he had a thought. “Look, Leese,” he took her hand, “why don’t we do everything on the Vineyard?”

  Elyse’s eyes opened wide and said, “What a great idea! My folks have a cottage there and they will be able to take care of Missy while we do a little honeymooning.”

  “Think we can work it out from here?” he asked.

  “Piece of cake,” Elyse said. “You do know that I want a small, intimate wedding with close friends and family, Ace?”

  “Whatever you want is fine with me, you know that.”

  * * *

  When Ace and Elyse finally settled on June twenty-second as their wedding day, Ace said quietly, “That’s a very lucky day.”

  “How come?” Elyse wanted to know.

  “It’s my birthday! You didn’t know? What a birthday this one is going to be!” He reached for her. They were in Elyse’s living room, seated beside one another on the couch. With his arms around her shoulders, he pulled her close to him.

  “I can’t believe how well our plans seem to be coming together.”

  “Why shouldn’t they?” she said. “We are special people, and we deserve to have the best, wouldn’t you say?”

  When he kissed her in answer to her query, his touch only reaffirmed to her just how much she loved this man. She had survived horrendous ordeals because of the steadfast practicality he brought into her life. His ability to face problems dead on, with none of the flamboyant optimism of her late husband, had anchored and steadied her.