Me Mam. Me Dad. Me

by Duffy, Malcolm;

  We got there in about two minutes. Callum was driving.

  It was also dead Christmassy in me aunt and uncle’s house, like walking into Santa’s grotto. All me relatives from the North East were there.

  Gave me gran a giant hug.

  ‘Merry Christmas, Danny,’ she went.

  ‘Y’alreet, Granda?’ I said, touching his hand.

  But he said nothing. Don’t think he even knew it was Christmas.

  Uncle Martin and Aunty Sheila both squeezed me hard. And Uncle Greg shook my hand. Like it was the end of a match. They also made a fuss of Callum. None of them had met him before. And I think they liked what they saw. He chatted away like me gran.

  We swapped presents and hugs. Then it was time for lunch. They sat me down the end of the table with Tabitha and Marcus, which was about as bad a punishment as I could think of.

  ‘Danny, put that phone away,’ said me mam.

  ‘What’s the point of having a phone if I can’t use it?’

  ‘We’re at lunch. It’s when people are meant to talk.’

  ‘Got nowt to talk about.’

  ‘It’s “nothing”, Danny, not “nowt”,’ said me Aunty Tina. Geordie wasn’t allowed in her house.

  ‘Football,’ said me mam. ‘Talk to your cousins about that. You could speak for months about football.’

  But Tabitha was too little, and Marcus was into tennis. So I just went sulky instead.

  After lunch while some of the grown-ups got stuck into the booze, me, Tabitha, Marcus, Gran and Granda sat on the sofa and watched a James Bond film. Gran had forgotten to put her hearing aid in, and we had to watch the film at full volume. Was that loud I thought it would shatter the patio windows.

  After James Bond had saved the world I went for a wander. Found me mam and Callum in the kitchen. Could tell straightaway he was in a mood. Didn’t have to look at him, just needed to look at her.

  ‘I don’t want you to drive,’ said me mam, arms folded.

  ‘I’ve not had mush.’

  ‘You’ve been drinking since you got here.’

  They both spotted me, watching.

  ‘Your mum and I are just having a bit of a disagreement, General. What she doesn’t seem to realise is that I’m the driver in the house.’

  ‘Not when you’ve been drinking,’ said me mam.

  Callum was swaying like he was on a train with nothing to hold on to.

  ‘I know my limit, girl,’ he said, pointing one of his fat fingers at her.

  ‘Drink driving’s bad,’ I said.

  Callum’s face screwed up like he was stopping a sneeze, and he turned his little eyes on me. ‘This has got nothing to do with you, General.’

  ‘But I’m in the car as well.’

  ‘Just stay out of it, Danny, please,’ said me mam.

  ‘Don’t worry, General, you’ve seen I’m a bloody good driver,’ said Callum, putting an arm around me shoulder. ‘Couple of drinks isn’t going to change that.’

  Either Aunty Tina had super-human hearing or the walls in her house were as thin as bog paper, ’cos she turned up at the door and knew exactly what was going on.

  ‘You can leave the car here, Callum,’ she said, all rosy-cheeked from the fire, and too much wine.

  ‘Nice of you to offer, but we’re going, and I’m driving, and that, is end of story.’

  ‘We could ring for a taxi,’ said Aunty Tina.

  ‘Do you not understand the meaning of “end of story”?’ went Callum.

  ‘I do not want Kim and Danny’s lives put at risk,’ said Aunty Tina. ‘Not for the sake of a few pounds.’

  ‘Have you any idea how much taxis cost on Christmas Day?’ said Callum, with a laugh to show he thought she was an idiot.

  ‘I don’t care. I’ll pay.’

  ‘I’ve had enough of this,’ muttered Callum. ‘We’re going.’

  Me mam and Aunty Tina went into the laundry room to talk, while Callum went to grab the coats.

  They were in the laundry room for ages.

  Callum bashed on the door. ‘It’s a long walk back to Whickham,’ he shouted.

  Me mam appeared, looking upset. Aunty Tina never came out at all.

  ‘Nice to see you,’ said Callum, sticking his head into the front room, where everyone was sitting around, too full to move.

  Me mam and me gave everyone super-quick hugs and kisses, got in Callum’s car, and roared off, gravel flying.

  Simply having a wonderful Christmas time.

  Don’t think the gadgie on the radio would be singing that if he was in our car. The atmosphere was like you get in the playground just before two lads are about to have a scrap.

  ‘Slow down,’ said me mam.

  But he ignored her, like he always does, and drove, like he always drives, mad fast, like police cars don’t exist. Saw his face in the mirror. Callum had red teeth to go with his red face. Looked like a vampire, after more blood. Mam just gripped her seat, her knuckles snow-white.

  When we got back I asked if I could watch telly, but Callum shouted at me to go and play football in the back garden instead. Was freezing outside, but I did as I was told. Turned the kitchen lights on and practised penalties into me new goal. But it’s pointless when you’ve got no goalie, so I kicked the ball against the shed instead, as hard as I could.

  Could hear him shouting at me mam, even from outside. I started shaking, and it wasn’t just the cold. Couldn’t think what me mam had done wrong. All she’d said was that he’d drunk too much to drive home. She was just trying to keep us alive.

  It didn’t feel like Christmas Day any more. It felt like Crappy Day. I hated it. I wanted to go back to Amy’s, but they were having relatives round. I went behind the shed, sat on the ball and covered me ears with me hands.

  Later on I felt a tap on me shoulder.

  ‘What you doing here?’ said me mam.

  ‘Sitting on the ball.’

  ‘I’ll make your tea.’

  We went inside. No sign of him. No sound from the giant telly. Callum had gone to the pub.

  Mam was dead quiet as she turned the gas on.

  ‘Y’alreet, Mam?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Why does Callum get so angry?’

  Mam put her hand to her mouth to try to stop a cry coming out, but she didn’t manage it.

  ‘I don’t know, son. I just don’t know.’

  Seven

  •

  Spring turned up, and I turned fourteen. A few days after that it was Callum’s birthday. Didn’t like sharing the same star sign as him, but nothing I could do about that.

  He decided to have a party.

  His brother, Ian, arrived with his wife and three kids. His brother was even fatter than Callum, but not so smiley. There was his sister, Louise, who was skinny and had a tattoo of a fish on her leg. She had a toddler with her, but her husband must have stayed behind. Then there was Callum’s mam, who looked like she’d run a marathon, wheezing a lot, and sitting down all the time. There were a bunch of other people as well, but I forgot their names.

  None of Callum’s lot were from round here, but they were still friendly.

  ‘So you work in a call centre, Kim,’ said Ian, nursing a can of beer to his chest like a bairn. ‘Nice accent, you Geordies. Just don’t get me to try it. I sound like a drunken German.’

  Everyone laughed.

  Louise walked up and gave me mam a hug. ‘This is Kim, is it? We’ve heard lots about you.’

  ‘All good, I hope,’ went me mam, looking a bit nervous.

  ‘Yes, Callum said he’s found a right diamond in you.’

  Me mam grinned. Think she liked being called that.

  ‘Callum can be very generous,’ said me mam.

  ‘Oh, yes, heart of gold, my brother. He’d do anything for anyone,’ said Louise, as she watched Callum giving their mam a paper plate piled high with meat.

  Everyone seemed to really like Callum. Maybe it was the beer that was doing it.

&n
bsp; ‘I hear Callum calls you General?’ said Louise, looking at me.

  ‘Aye.’

  ‘Aye, aye? Maybe he should have called you Captain?’

  Not much of a joke. But we laughed anyway.

  While the grown-ups drank and stuffed their faces, I went to play football with Scott, Ian’s ten-year-old. Was good to have someone to have a kick-about with. He was a decent player too. For a young lad.

  A canny day all round.

  The one weird thing about the party was that the only people there were Callum’s lot. Not one of me mam’s mates turned up. And none of our relatives. Maybe they were busy.

  After that life went on as normal, or abnormal, depending on how you look at it. Me mam was still in love with Callum, I think. But she was different from when he first arrived. Wasn’t so smiley, and didn’t hear so much of her canny voice, like she’d run out of things to say. Needed to get talking lessons off me gran.

  ‘Y’alreet, Mam?’ I’d say.

  ‘Yeah.’

  Just, ‘Yeah’, not even, ‘Thanks for asking, Danny, I’m fine, thank you very much.’

  And I noticed me mam didn’t go out as often. She used to go down the Quayside with her mates or spend the day with Gran or meet Aunty Tina for a coffee. Now she only goes out with Callum. Not sure why. I mean, I haven’t dumped all me mates just because I’m seeing Amy.

  Apart from falling in love with Callum, me mam had also fallen in love with drink. When it was just her and me, I hardly ever saw her with a glass in her hand. Now it wasn’t just chocolate biscuits she was mad for. Me mam was guzzling most nights. When Callum got home he poured her a big glass of wine. Sometimes she didn’t even wait for him to come back. Glug, glug went the bottle. Not because it was a birthday or she’d got paid, just because it was Tuesday, or the rain had stopped.

  But even when me mam had a drink on the go, Callum went out. To the pub, always the pub. I was nervous when he came back. Never quite knew what would come out of his mouth. Or what he’d do next.

  Remember once hearing the front door go. Instead of staying downstairs with me mam, he came up to see me. Didn’t want him in me room. Not that I could stop him. It was his house.

  ‘Okay, General,’ he said, breathing heavy, even though he’d just walked up the stairs.

  I was on me bed, on me mam’s laptop.

  ‘What you watching?’

  ‘YouTube.’

  Hoped he’d be happy with me answer and leave. But he came in. I felt the bed sink as he sat down next to me. I could smell beer, and his sweat.

  ‘We need to have a little chat.’

  I wanted to shout for me mam. But what could she do?

  ‘Apparently you’ve been asking your mum why I shout at her?’

  Felt me hands go clammy. Was he going to scream at me? Was he going to hit me?

  ‘I only do it ’cos I love her,’ he said, his voice slurry. ‘Do you understand that, General? I only ever want her to be happy. But she doesn’t always understand me, and what I want.’

  He moved closer to me. The bed sank even further, like a boat capsizing. Me heart was going like the clappers.

  ‘We’re gonna make a great team, General. I need you on my side. You’ll be my top striker.’

  He put his face close to mine. I closed my eyes. Thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he rubbed me hair.

  ‘I give her so much, your mum. Like I give you so much. And I just want something back in return. A bit of obedience, a bit of respect, a bit of love. It’s not too much to ask, is it?’

  ‘Guess not.’

  ‘I want you to tell me if she’s speaking to people she shouldn’t be speaking to. Going places she shouldn’t. Planning things when my back’s turned.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Anything that threatens what we’ve got, General. Because I’ve given you all this,’ he said, looking round like it was a palace, instead of a room with clothes all over the floor. ‘We don’t want anything to destroy that, do we?’

  Looked back at YouTube.

  ‘Do we?’

  ‘S’pose not.’

  ‘Definitely not. So if you see or hear your mum doing anything out of the ordinary, you make sure you tell me first, yeah?’

  Could never say yes to that.

  He grabbed me head with his hands and made me nod.

  ‘That’s better, Danny. Remember, we’re a team, General. Us boys have got to stick together.’

  He rubbed me hair one more time, got off me bed and left.

  Didn’t know what to make of what I’d just heard. Did he really want me to spy on me own mam? Why would he want to do that? She works for a call centre, not MI5.

  After his little talk Callum would sometimes ask if me mam ever phoned anyone when he was out, or if anyone phoned her, or if she did anything different.

  Always had the same answer. ‘No idea. I was in me room.’ I’d never snitch on me mam.

  When summer came Callum booked a villa in Spain for us. It was great to be going on holiday. Me and me mam had never been away anywhere, not even Carlisle. For once it felt like we were a proper family, going away together and having a laugh, like all the other kids at school. I realised I was wrong to stash me head with bad thoughts about Callum. You’ve got to love someone to want to take them away on holiday, haven’t you? And paying for me as well, when I’m not even his son. How good is that?

  Going abroad was almost as exciting as being in the shed with Amy. We had our own villa with a pool, and I had a bedroom twice the size of the one back home, looking out over the mountains. But the best bit was the beach. Nothing like Whitley Bay. It’s as if our sea gets filled from the cold tap, and this one gets filled from the hot tap. It was belter sticking your head underwater without coming up gasping, dying of hypothermia. Wish the Spanish Sea and the North Sea would swap.

  Apart from Real Madrid and Barcelona, I didn’t know much about Spain, but I found the Spanish eat the same food as us. They sold burgers, chicken, steak, pies, chips. It was just like being in Gateshead, except mad hot. Me mam and Callum seemed dead happy with the place. They’d lie by the pool and turn red, go to the bar, go for a snooze, then go get some scran. I’d swim, watch movies and send messages to Amy.

  It was the first time I’d spent a lot of time with Callum and I could see why me mam still loved him. He’d flash the cash all day long. On the last day Callum said he was going to treat us to some local food. He found a posh place with tablecloths, that did rice and fish in a bowl the size of a dustbin lid. Didn’t like the look of it, but it tasted lush. Callum and me mam drank way too much, and afterwards they both conked out by the side of the pool. Me mam woke up first and spotted Callum snoring away on his lounger. The drink had given her a mad idea.

  ‘Are you sure, Mam?’ I said, as I watched her unravel the hosepipe. But the drink had destroyed any common sense she had left.

  She stuck the hosepipe down Callum’s shorts and turned it on.

  Water must have been freezing ’cos he shot miles in the air.

  Laughed meself silly.

  Me mam and Callum were both screaming as he chased her round the pool.

  ‘Come here,’ he shouted.

  Me mam was laughing her head off as she slipped and slid around the pool. The drink had made her legs useless, but Callum wasn’t much better, his belly swaying from side to side as he tried to catch her.

  Was the funniest thing I’d seen in ages.

  Me mam slipped on a wet patch and Callum finally caught her.

  She was still laughing like mad.

  Then the laughing stopped.

  Callum’s arm was round her neck, tight.

  ‘Let go of me,’ she said, her words coming out all strange.

  But he didn’t.

  I could see he was hurting her.

  ‘Let her go,’ I screamed.

  ‘Thought you Geordies were meant to be tough,’ he said, his fat arm round her neck, squeezing hard.

  I ran over to h
im and tried to grab his arm, but he was too quick. He pushed me in the chest with his free hand and I fell backwards into the pool.

  Wasn’t ready.

  Swallowed water.

  Came to the surface, gasping. Couldn’t touch the bottom. Couldn’t breathe. Me mam and me both choking, choking.

  Through blurry eyes I could see him, his arm still around her neck, me mam on her knees. The only sound came from Callum. Heavy breaths as he squeezed, squeezed.

  I got me breathing back, and swam as fast as I could to the steps. Had no idea how I’d stop him. I needed a weapon. Couldn’t see anything sharp anywhere. Then I spotted it, a wine bottle, next to Callum’s lounger. I’d smash it over his head. But before I got to the top of the steps I looked up and saw him loose his grip. Me mam fell to the ground, her face white, eyes staring, mouth sucking in whatever air it could find. Too shocked to get her cries out.

  I felt sick. As if I was the one who’d been strangled.

  He stood over her. Fists clenched. Like a boxer.

  Then he looked at me.

  ‘You don’t let people get away with stuff. Ever.’

  Eight

  • •

  Never normally look forward to getting back to school, but I did this year. School meant being away from home, away from him. There was another reason I was glad to be back – Amy, the one person who could take me mind off everything that had gone on.

  She and her family had gone to Loch Lomond. Said they couldn’t afford to go abroad this year. Saving to have a loft put in.

  ‘How was Scotland?’ I asked her.

  ‘Grim. Rained a lot. And when it wasn’t raining we had a plague of midgies. They got everywhere.’

  ‘Lucky old midgies.’

  Amy gave me a playful punch.

  ‘And being stuck in a caravan for two weeks. It was like being in prison.’

  ‘Thought you liked your family.’

  ‘I do. But doesn’t stop them getting on me nerves. If me dad suggests Scotland again next year I’m leaving home.’ Amy took me hand. ‘So where would you like to go on holiday with me?’