Mended Heart

by Mary Manners

  “You really think so, Mama?”

  “Yes, honey, I do.”

  Suddenly the doorbell rang. Jade’s reflection turned ashen and one hand flew to the sash on her robe. “Oh, I’d better hurry. Mama, please go tell Shane I’ll be right out. I don’t want to keep him waiting.”

  “Take your time, honey.” She eased back toward the hallway. “A little waiting won’t hurt. I’ll see to Shane.”

  ****

  She took his breath away.

  Shane did a double-take when Jade rushed into the living room, her mass of hair smoothed to sleek waves crowning a lithe frame. She’d tamed the curls with a shimmery barrette clasped above her right ear. Beaded earrings dangled enticingly from each lobe, intensifying the green of her eyes.

  “I’m sorry I took so long. I had trouble with the dress’s zipper. My hair got tangled in it. And I forgot I’ll need a sweater. It’s a little bit chilly out tonight. And—”

  “Wow.” He was momentarily speechless, and his belly did a slow flip-flop. The dress kissed Jade’s long, toned legs just below the knees, and it took great restraint to draw his gaze upward, to lovely glossed lips. “You look...”

  Her eyes locked with his, questioning.

  “Beautiful,” he managed.

  “Thank you. Just let me get my cell phone. It’s charging on the kitchen counter. I’ll tuck it into my purse, in case Mama needs to get a hold of me. Then we can go.” She was babbling. She drew a breath. “Mama, we shouldn’t be too late. Will you be OK?”

  “I’ll be fine.” She shooed them with her hand. “You two go have fun.”

  Shane held the door for Jade as she walked out onto the porch. The evening air was clean with the scent of rain that had swept through earlier that afternoon. When the storm had passed, he’d washed the Jeep, vacuumed the inside and waxed the outside until the black paint gleamed.

  “Very nice. I’ll bet Susie had a blast helping you wash this.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not sure who got more of a bath—her, Maggie, or the Jeep.”

  Jade laughed and waited patiently while he opened the passenger door for her. “Thank you.”

  “Contrary to popular belief, chivalry’s not dead.” Shane hustled around to the driver’s side and got in. “Music or no music?” he asked.

  “A little music would be nice.”

  He switched on the radio and put the car into drive. “Are you hungry?”

  “I should be. Things were so hectic at work this afternoon that I didn’t get a lunch break. But now...”

  “Butterflies in the stomach?”

  Jade’s face reddened as she admitted, “Yes, a little. And they’re doing the tango.”

  He shook his head and grinned. “Me, too.” He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. “We have some time. You want to take a walk along the riverfront?”

  “Sounds nice.” She rolled down her window to breathe in the cool evening air and her stomach settled a bit. “Yes, I’d like that.”

  ****

  At the river walk, Jade drew in a cleansing breath and tried to calm the cacophony of butterflies that swarmed in her belly when Shane took her hand. They left the car and meandered down a wide, paved walkway along the Tennessee riverfront. Currents rippled in tiny rivulets along the surface, and waning sunlight sparkled off the water like diamonds. She was thankful for the comfortable shoes her mom had so thoughtfully given her. The soft cotton sundress swished around her legs with each step.

  “Beautiful night, isn’t it?” Shane murmured. “Summer’s really coming into full swing.”

  Jade thought about the students she’d left behind at Elmwood Elementary. They were changing and growing, moving from the newness of kindergarten toward the full-day routine of first grade, sure as she breathed. She pictured Tommy’s toothless grin and Jenny’s freckled smile. She worried over Sam, whose father had lost his job as a carpenter and suffered from depression.

  “Does Susie miss school since vacation began?”

  “Not a bit. She loves staying up later in the evening and sleeping in a little in the morning. I can’t say I mind it, either.”

  “Yes. All those bedtime stories will wear a person out.”

  His laughter was a low rumble. “Isn’t that the truth? But I wouldn’t change things now for the world. I have to admit, I didn’t always feel that way. When I brought Susie home after Reid died, she was barely six months old. I didn’t know anything about taking care of a baby, and I’m not ashamed to say I was scared to death. I couldn’t understand why Reid chose me. But now...”

  He let the thought go unfinished, but she got the picture.

  “What happened to Reid?”

  The question must have startled Shane, because he paused for a moment and squeezed her hand.

  “She had leukemia.”

  “I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “She was twenty-five when she got diagnosed. It happened during my senior year of college. I took it hard. My sister was my best friend. She kept my parents off my back about stuff—like what I was going to do with my life, and why I didn’t spend summers learning to be a business vulture like my dad, just waiting to profit off someone else’s loss, instead of hanging out with my friends. He thought all I did was party. And believe me, I did plenty of that. But I also tried to do some good. I spent spring breaks working on Habitat for Humanity houses down in Destin. Reid knew, but I never told my parents.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “What does it matter? Even back then, I knew there was more to life than chasing the almighty dollar, and that something wasn’t right about the way my dad handled business. He was ruthless, and I just couldn’t buy in. So I found ways to escape.”

  “But I thought...” She paused and turned to gaze out over the water.

  “What?” He slipped beside her, and their shoulders brushed. “That I liked being the rich kid in town? That I enjoyed never knowing if someone was my friend because of me or because they liked all the things my parents’ money could buy?”

  “You felt like that?” The sun slipped over the horizon, and shades of pink and orange eased across the vast expanse of sky. “I never imagined.”

  “You weren’t the only one who felt like an outsider. I wanted to fit in, too. So I did what it took to find my place in the crowd. And I made my share of mistakes along the way, believe me.”

  “I’m sorry for judging you.” The realization pierced Jade’s heart. All these years she’d blamed Shane for bowing to peer pressure, but maybe she was just as much to blame. She’d labeled him a narcissistic rich kid, but maybe there was more to him than that. “It was wrong. I just never thought—”

  “It’s in the past. It’s OK. Reid opened my eyes, in a roundabout way. And now, here I am...here we are.”

  “But Susie...how did she happen? I mean, how did she come to live with you?”

  “Reid was pregnant with her when she found out about the cancer. That’s why she refused any treatment that would hurt Susie. It burned my parents, because they could have paid for anything she needed, no matter the cost. But it was never even a consideration for Reid. She fought the disease long enough to give birth to Susie. The doctors began treatment then, but it was too late. The cancer had already progressed to stage four. She made the most of the time she had, but it wasn’t much.”

  “I’m so sorry, Shane.” She pressed a hand to his cheek. His skin was warm and smooth from a recent shave, and woodsy cologne clung to him. She felt his jaw tighten beneath her touch. “It had to be horribly frightening to see her hurting.”

  “Yes.” His hand came up to cover hers. “But it’s so ironic that as she lay dying, Reid saved my life.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I was so full of anger. I hated the world, Jade. I was like a rampaging storm tearing through the days, consumed by rage. I-I did some stupid things during that time...things I’m not proud of.”

  “It’s OK. You don’t have to share
.”

  “Just...let me get this out. It needs to be said. My life was a mess. I was looking for something to fill me, to take the pain away. I knew Reid wanted me to take Susie, to raise her as I would my own child, but I was barely an adult myself. I left the hospital one night near the end, and flew over the highway like my car was a weapon. I nearly killed myself and my friend, Bryce, that night when I crashed into a retaining wall on I-75 and rolled down an embankment.” He leaned forward, showing her the scar that had branded him as a gruesome reminder. “Thank God Susie wasn’t in the car with me. Thank God.”

  “Shane, oh...”

  “When I got out of surgery, Reid was waiting. Somehow she’d talked one of the oncology nurses into bringing her to my room. I thought she’d hate me for what I’d done, for my selfish, destructive behavior. But she just took my hand and leaned over me, weeping. What she said then changed my life forever. ‘Shane, I know you’re hurting. But I need you to love now more than you hate. I need you to be strong for Susie’s sake. She needs you.’” He drew a breath and faced the water. “She died a week later.”

  She shuddered. A tear slid down her cheek and she brushed it away with her fingertip. “She loved you very much.”

  “Yes, she did.” He gazed down the river and his eyes reflected the waning sunlight. A flock of birds circled overhead, squawking back and forth as they watched for fish. “I met Pastor Charles soon after, when his kids started attending the same nursery school as Susie. He’d heard about Reid, and he knew my situation. Out of necessity, I’d begun working at my dad’s company, and I was making good money trading stock. I had a knack for it, a natural talent, and I almost got sucked into that empty, pathetic lifestyle. But the stress was over the top. My dad’s not the most compassionate person, to say the least. He’s a bear to work for, to live with. And caring for Susie zapped every ounce of my energy. Charles offered me a job at the church, helping him with the youth program. I don’t know what he saw in me, but he never doubted I could handle things. The position became full-time a year later, and the flexible hours gave me more time with Susie. The kids didn’t mind me bringing her along most places, either, and Mrs. Brabson helped out when I needed a sitter. I guess you could say Susie’s like a mascot. The church is pretty much all she’s ever known.”

  Jade imagined the countless, lonely nights he’d spent rocking Susie to sleep, finding his way around diapers and formula, laundering tiny socks and bibs. “What about your parents? Do they help out at all?”

  “My dad’s still mad I quit his firm. He expected me to take the reins one day. He thinks I’ve thrown away the opportunity of a lifetime.” He grimaced and shook his head. “Susie’s the spitting image of Reid at that age, and it reminds them of what they’ve lost. It’s strained, at best. They would have rather Reid taken the treatments, I think, than to have a grandchild.”

  Jade couldn’t imagine a world without Susie— knowing her, loving her—yet her heart went out to parents who’d lost their only daughter. “Reid must have been very strong.”

  The hard gaze of Shane’s eyes softened as he smoothed her hair with calloused fingers. “She had a faith that puts me to shame.”

  “Don’t underestimate yourself, Shane. I see your heart.”

  “Do you?” The way he looked at her sped Jade’s pulse. His gaze studied her as he drew her close, his breath warm on her face. “Do you know what my heart is feeling right now?”

  She allowed herself to be lost in his touch. She pressed a cheek against the smooth, soft cotton of his pale blue button-down shirt. The clean scent of his aftershave mingled with the peppermint on his breath. She breathed in, closed her eyes. “I—”

  Her cell phone rang, ripping the calm, and she jumped. “Oh!” She drew back from Shane and fumbled through her purse. She checked caller ID and quickly flipped the phone open and pressed it to her ear. “Hello? Claire?”

  “Thank God you picked up.” Her voice was rushed. “I stopped by your house after work with those books I promised your mom. She didn’t come to the door when I knocked, so I let myself in. I found her on the floor of the bathroom, Jade.”

  “Is she...?”

  “She was having a great deal of trouble breathing, with pain in her chest and a thready pulse.” Claire’s nurse-speak frightened Jade. “I called an ambulance and we’re on the way to County General. You should meet us there right away.”

  “O-OK.” Her heart began to gallop. She heard the wail of an ambulance siren through the phone and knew her mom’s life was in jeopardy. “I’m-I’m on my way.”

  The fact that Claire worked as an emergency room RN at County, and that her mom would get the best of care while she was with Claire, did little to ease Jade’s worry. She remembered the doctor’s warning.

  I’ve done all I can. Your mother’s heart is very weak. It’s just a matter of time.

  “Be careful, Jade,” Claire urged. “But hurry.”

  Mended Heart

  8

  Jade slipped into a hard plastic chair in the hospital waiting room as tears flooded her eyes. The doctor’s words echoed in her head. Mama was gone...dead. The words stung. Sorrow welled from the depths of Jade’s belly and ripped her heart in two. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered as cool air from an overhead vent blew across her skin. Sobs threatened to choke the breath from her.

  Shane drew her into his arms and warmed her. Gently, patiently, he waited until her trembling eased. Around them, the bustling sounds of the busy hospital continued. The revolving door of the emergency room swished and nurses called for back-up over the intercom, their voices tinny and faraway. The scent of bleach mixed with window cleaner and the stale odor of illness.

  Jade’s stomach churned and she forced back bile than rose in her throat.

  “Here.” Shane pressed a foam cup filled with coffee into her hand. “Take a sip. It will help warm you.”

  “I can’t. My stomach...” She thought the cake she’d shared with him that morning might come up. Had it really been just that morning they’d celebrated his birthday? It seemed like eons ago. Over and over she asked herself, How can this be? Why now?

  “Please, Jade.” He pulled a handful of tissue from a box sitting on a nearby table and gently brushed tears from her eyes. “You’ll feel better. I promise.”

  She’d never feel better again. Just when she was becoming close to her mother, to share with her, she was gone. Anger welled in her like caustic bile. If only she knew where to direct it, she’d let it spew with the force of an erupting volcano.

  “You should get home.” She wiggled from his embrace. “Mrs. D’atello will be waiting for you to pick up Susie.”

  “I called her.” Resigned, he tossed the untouched coffee into the trash can. “She knows about your mom. She’s not expecting me tonight.”

  “I need some air.” She jumped to her feet. Several magazines slipped from the table as she rushed by. She pushed through the revolving door and sucked in a breath of fresh air. The night was clear and cool, and stars were dwarfed by harsh fluorescent lights that illuminated the parking lot.

  “Jade, wait.” Shane’s voice, full of worry, followed her. His footsteps slapped over the blacktop. “Please, let me help you.”

  She made it five more steps before falling to her knees on the pavement, racked by sobs. Pebbles sliced into her knees and the pain took her back to that warm spring evening at Dollywood, to the sweet aroma of waffle cakes and the thrill of riders, when Shane kissed her as the runaway coaster roared over a winding track. She still smelled the scent of lilac that danced around them, felt the heat of his breath on her face and the touch of his fingers as they stroked her windblown hair.

  He fell to his knees beside her and gathered her into his arms. Gently, ever so gently, he rocked her.

  “It’s OK. It’s going to be OK.” His voice coaxed her to breathe. He tugged at his shirt and pressed the hem to her knees to staunch the blood that seeped from raw, scraped skin.

  She
sucked in a breath at the sting and remembered what Mama had said just before the life had gone out of her, just before she’d drawn her final, peaceful breath.

  “I love you so much, sweetheart. I’m sorry for hurting you. I wish I could go back and do it all over again. I wish it with all my heart. I have to tell you something...” She gasped and her face turned ashen. The heart monitor went wild, beeping like a bomb about to detonate.

  “Hush, Mama. Rest now.” Hot tears scalded Jade’s cheeks. She brushed thin, matted hair back from Mama’s cool forehead. “It’s OK. Whatever it is, I forgive you, Mama.”

  “Wait.” She struggled for breath. Her voice was raspy, strained with each syllable. “I left you a letter...in my room.”

  “Please, Mama. You need to rest. The doctor said—”

  “Don’t...blame...Shane.” Cloudy gray eyes closed. Her chest rose and fell slowly, then rose once more as she drew a final breath. “Forgive...them.”

  “Who, Mama?” Jade squeezed her hand, willing the words. But no response came. A shrieking alarm filled the room and nurses came running. Jade was quickly ushered into the hallway.

  When she was allowed to return to the bedside, Mama seemed so at peace, her lifeless lips turned up in a permanent smile. Was she glad to go, to leave Jade alone now that they were finally coming to understand one another? It couldn’t be. Jade wouldn’t accept that. Surely, there had to be more for them. Mama couldn’t leave her now.

  Shane’s gentle touch drew her back to the present. She buried her face against his chest, flooding the soft cotton fabric with her tears.

  “It’s not OK.” She sobbed. “It hurts. I can’t...breathe.”

  “Shhh. I’ve got you. I’ll help you through this. You don’t have to do it alone.” His touch comforted, the words soothed.

  “I want to go home. Take me home.” Birds swooped over the lot in search of scraps of discarded food. Their wings were a gentle fan across the darkness. The song of cicadas filled the night air. In the distance, traffic spanned the Henley Street Bridge, the stream of headlights like an eerie parade. The sounds should comfort, their rhythms soothe, yet Jade’s belly twisted into a tight knot. Normalcy was thrown out the window. Her world had been shattered.