A Fateful Farewell

by James Kilcullen

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s their own business and best not talked about. What’s your problem then?’

  She lowered her voice.

  ‘I was raped.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘About six months ago.’

  ‘Did you go to the guards?’

  ‘No, I didn’t want to get him into trouble; he’s a guy I fancied when we were in school together; at that time he seemed shy and unsure of himself.’

  ‘It must have been awful for you.’

  ‘It wasn’t so bad. Afterwards he put his arms around me and apologised; then he made tea while I got myself together and changed my clothes.’

  ‘Was it your first time?’

  ‘No, I’ve had lots of fellows but always insisted they use condoms. When we had the tea he told me how much he admired me at school but hadn’t the courage to approach me.’

  She paused and smiled. ‘Before he left he took me again.’

  ‘It doesn’t sound to me like rape. You’re a naughty girl Nancy. Did you see him again?’

  ‘He came back twice before he left town.’

  ‘What will you do if he comes back again?’

  ‘I don’t know Kate; I like the guy but I’m shit scared that I might become pregnant.’

  ‘Couldn’t you get him to use a condom?’

  ‘You must be joking; I don’t get time to drop my knickers.’

  ‘What happens if he makes you pregnant?’

  ‘I truly don’t know; I can’t have his child.’

  ***

  John set up an email account and sent a query to his estate agents. He received a reply almost immediately with a list of rentals received for the past four years together with the bank statements. His account showed a credit of £64,517. That would certainly help.

  In the morning, he put Jack in the car and drove into town. This time he looked for an upmarket man’s shop where he bought several suits, shirts, slacks, tee shirts, underwear and two pairs of brogues.

  He visited a local butcher’s shop where he bought four filet steaks. Then he took the burly man aside and asked him how to cook them. He listened intently, thanked him and left hoping he would remember the half of it. It would be nice to greet Kate with a tasty meal.

  In the local leather shop he ordered a collar for Jack and had his name put on it. He wondered how he would react but he didn’t object. Getting the name of a lady who catered for dogs, he took Jack there and asked her to groom him; this included a good wash; he didn’t like that at all!

  ***

  He thought Kate looked lovely when she arrived in a very attractive beige dress. She was laden down with parcels. Jack made a big fuss of her.

  She patted his head. ‘I see you’ve been to the cleaners. I’ve a tasty bone for you.’

  She inspected John.

  ‘You look much better. I’m not sure about the colour of the tee shirt but, overall it’s a big improvement.’

  She sniffed the aroma of his burned steaks and grinned happily as she put her purchases, which included a bottle of Irish whiskey, on the table.

  ‘I’m going to cook for us a tasty filet of salmon.’

  ‘What about my burned steaks?’

  ‘We’ll have them later.’

  Then she noticed his new computer.

  ‘That looks exciting; I have a laptop but haven’t a clue how to use it.’

  ‘I’ll show you.’

  She looked closely at the system.

  ‘When did you buy this?’

  ‘Today.’

  ‘Who set it up for you?’

  ‘I did, I used to be an expert.’

  ‘Now you and Jack get out of the kitchen while I prepare my speciality.’

  Sitting outside looking out across the bay while the sun started to sink in the west, he was totally bemused. Fate brought them together; dare he hope it would keep them together?

  ***

  When they dined and demolished a bottle of Chianti they sat outside and relaxed. Kate was so happy but also fearful; dare she hope she would get a second chance? Jack chewed away at his bone nearby.

  Kate stood up stretched herself and smiled.

  ‘It’s time to open that bottle of whiskey.’

  She returned a few minutes later with two large glasses of the powerful liquid, handed him one, sat down, they clinked glasses.

  ‘I have to tell you John,’ she smiled, ‘I drink too much and smoke too many cigarettes.’ She paused and grinned. ‘Those are the only vices I admit to.’

  He grinned. ‘I think I’d best keep quiet about mine.’

  ‘I’m so glad we met; the night you were brought in I wasn’t even supposed to be on duty. It’s fate isn’t it?’

  He took her hand in his.

  ‘More so than you would believe Kate.’

  ‘What age are you John?’

  ‘You must surely know; you took my particulars before the operation.’

  ‘I only remember two things about that night.’

  ‘I’m 42. What age are you?’

  ’I always say I’m approaching 30 but I’m not sure from which side; the wrinkles are beginning to show.’

  ‘What wrinkles; I thought you were only eighteen.’

  ‘That’s the nicest thing I’ve heard today and thank you kind sir but I wouldn’t want to be back there again.’

  She left him to refill their glasses. He would have to use more water; she was way ahead of him and it didn’t show. As the evening wore on they relaxed and watched the sun go down behind Clare Island.

  Eventually, reluctantly Kate stood up.

  ‘It’s been a special evening John but now it’s time for me to go home.’

  He got up.

  ‘Kate, you’re in no condition to drive; I’ll take you home.’

  ‘You’re more pissed than I am; I’ll be fine.’

  ‘No Kate, you’re not driving; stay here tonight and I’ll drive you back in the morning.’

  She realised he was deadly serious; she didn’t want to leave anyway and was touched by his concern.

  ‘All right my man, I’ll stay the night.’

  He put his arm around her, eased her indoor and put her sitting on the big old couch.

  ‘Would you like a coffee before you go to bed?’

  ‘Is the whiskey all gone?’

  ‘It is.’

  ‘Then I’ll have a coffee.’

  She sipped her coffee slowly. He was surprised she was so lucid. When she stood up he put an arm around her; she kissed him passionately; he eased her towards his bedroom. She stood facing him, put her arms around him and they kissed passionately again. He slipped off her dress and helped her into bed; she pulled him towards her and they kissed again. He pulled up the covers and stroked her long blonde hair.

  ‘Good night John,’ she murmured sleepily.

  He loved her too much to take advantage.

  ***

  After driving Kate home he returned to the cottage by taxi; fed Jack and let him out for a run. Then he transferred the data from his laptop to the new computer; it felt strange to start thinking about software design after all those years. This was going back to a career he should never have left. The self-criticism was fading slowly.

  He drove down to Cedric before lunch; he was just finishing a session with one of his patients and he was distinctly unhappy.

  ‘What’s wrong Cedric?’ he asked.

  ‘I’ve just lost a patient that I’ve counselled for years; he committed suicide last night leaving his wife and four young kids.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘The poor woman has nothing; I’m going to organise a series of benefits to try to help her out.’

  ‘I’ll drop in a few pounds later.’ He paused. ‘I’m very grateful to you for looking after me last week.’

  He smiled. ‘You can thank Jack; he came down here barking his head off. I knew there had to be something wrong.’

  ‘I’m very thankful anyway. C
an I take you to lunch?’

  ‘Yes please. I’m really down today. It’s the first time I’ve lost a patient.’

  They drove to a well-known restaurant at the quay and, when they returned three hours later, he had to help Cedric into the house and put him to bed.

  ‘I’ll come down to see you later,’ he promised.

  ***

  Kate rang.

  ‘I hope I didn’t disgrace myself last night John.’

  ‘You were a perfect lady; we had a lovely evening. Why don’t I visit you in Castlebar and save you all the driving?’

  She laughed. ‘Not yet John. You were a perfect gentleman; I hope that won’t last.’

  ‘You can be sure it won’t. When can you visit again?’

  ‘I’m off on Sunday and Monday; can I come on Saturday evening?’

  ‘That would be lovely.’

  ‘And I’ll do the cooking.’

  ‘Agreed. Be prepared to stay over.’

  ‘I’ll bring my frilliest if I can find them,’ she laughed and hung up.

  ***

  When he was a software designer he played around with the idea of Quantum computing; it was possible but fraught with uncertainties. Other designers around the world had worked on it without success. He saw his future in designing small packages for local Irish users but the idea of quantum still intrigued him.

  RG pulled up outside and he invited him in for a coffee. He knew the great man was puzzled by his tenant and he was going to remain that way.

  ‘I heard you were in hospital.’

  He served the coffee.

  ‘I’m fine again RG.’

  ‘How do you like it here?’

  ‘The people are friendly; I love this cottage; I’ve acquired a lovely dog and as you can see they were very good to me in Castlebar Hospital.’

  He had already heard about his lady visitor; she was kind to him when he was in the hospital last year.

  ‘You’re a very lucky man.’

  ‘I am.’ He paused. ‘If I wanted to buy this property, what kind of money would I need?’

  He thought about it.

  ‘Forty thousand would do it.’

  ‘That’s a lot of money in the present market.’

  ‘I’m sure I could get you a loan.’

  ‘I’m strictly a cash merchant.’

  ‘If you’re serious bidder I could let you have it for €35,000.’

  ‘I’ll let you know in a week or two. Another coffee?’

  ‘No thanks,’ he stood up. ‘Time I was getting back.’

  After he departed John and Jack walked down to Cedric’s house to find his lunch guest up and about. He was apologetic.

  ‘I don’t usually over indulge like that.’

  ‘Don’t give it a thought; it’s a difficult time for you Cedric.’

  ‘Can I get you a coffee?’

  ‘I’ve already had one thanks.’

  John handed him a thick envelope.

  ‘That’s a contribution for that unfortunate widow.’

  He took the envelope.

  ‘That’s a lot of money.’

  ‘It’s kosher but keep my name out of it.’

  ***

  He spent some time playing around with the computer while Jack had his run outside. Quantum, if and when achieved, would be the future. That was a long way away. The theory was all right; when achieved it would increase computer speed a million times.

  He began to design a working model; for someone with his expertise that wasn’t difficult. The real challenge would be achieving the level of reliability required; it would have to be 100%. An electron could float in from nowhere and throw the whole system into chaos.

  He reduced it to a simple problem; could he find a means of controlling random electrons?

  He left it and went in search of Jack.

  ***

  When Kate arrived, in a low cut pink dress, she looked like a beauty queen. They kissed briefly. She handed him her overnight bag and put some parcels on the table. Jack made a fuss of her and got excited when she put a tasty bone before him.

  ‘Now you two out of the kitchen while the chef prepares dinner,’ she held the door for them smiling happily.

  ‘Can I not help?’

  ‘No; I’ll call you when I’m ready.’

  John sat outside admiring the view across the bay; it had rained earlier but the sun was shining brightly now. In anticipation of her visit he showered and changed his clothes.

  After a sumptuous main course of salmon and a bottle of Sancerre they walked up the mountainside hand in hand and stood looking up at the majestic peak of Croagh Patrick.

  ‘Have you climbed it Kate?’

  ‘Many times. It’s wonderful to think of the millions of people who have struggled up that mountain to bring their hopes and cares to their God; they did so long before Christianity came.’

  ‘Are you religious?’

  ‘I think I’m more spiritual; I love the beauty of this world and its peoples and I adore our creator for given us so much but I’m not into rules and regulations; it’s more about doing than praying.’

  They returned and sat outside the house. Kate entered and re-appeared carrying two glasses of whiskey; she grinned while she raised her glass.

  ‘This is our lot for tonight.’

  When the sun set they entered the house. Kate took Jack into the dining room.

  ‘You’re going to sleep here tonight; we can’t have you getting bad example until we get a lovely little bitch for you.’

  ***

  In the bedroom John took her in his arms and they kissed passionately. She wanted him and she longed to give herself to him. When they parted she whispered to him. ‘Take me John; I’m yours.’

  ‘I love you Kate.’

  He removed her dress while she helped him off with his shirt and fumbled with the zip of his trousers. He took off her satin top and slipped off her knickers. They kissed again; she pulled him towards the bed; held his manhood and when she lay down inserted it in her willing vagina. He began to thrust, slowly at first; she wrapped her legs around him; aware that he knew how to handle a woman. His thrusting increased; she moaned as fires of joy erupted within her; breathless his thrusting increased and she moaned aloud as it seemed she was about to explode.

  They reached the climax together in great gasps; he pushed deep inside her and released his seed into her receptive nest. They were one now. Gradually they became calmer. She drifted away on a wave of ecstasy.

  Suddenly she found herself floating in a great cosmic sky; it was like a dream. A tiny figure drifted towards her; it was her beautiful little Roisin, smiling happily. My lovely Roisin she called or thought she did; the baby looked so happy. Then she was back in bed; they were still one. He pulled up the cover and held her close.

  She hoped they had set in motion God’s miracle of life that begins in the dark recesses of a woman’s body. John was in a state of ecstasy; this was real love with the woman he adored. She eased closer.

  ‘John.’

  ‘Yes love.’

  ‘Will you stay with me?’

  ‘For as long as we both shall live.’

  She was silent for a moment.

  ‘I want to have your children.’

  He stroked her back.

  ‘You will have as many as you wish.’

  ***

  In the morning she cooked a tasty fry for them and fed Jack after he returned from his morning run. Then they walked up the mountainside together and stood admiring the magnificent view until the summit of the Reek clouded over and it looked like rain.

  After lunch Kate changed into a grey tee shirt and white slacks.

  He looked her up and down. ‘I like it; you’ve a great eye for colour and the tailored slacks show off your lovely figure.’

  ‘Flattery will get you everywhere. I want to take you for a drive and we can pick up the Sunday papers in Maggie Andy’s on the way.’

  ‘Do you think it’s safe to
appear in Maggie’s?’

  She laughed. ‘I’m sure she has already spread the word about the new guy in the cottage and that hussy of a nurse from Castlebar. She was a patient in the hospital a couple of years ago; I’d best not say what ward she was in.’

  ‘Oh!’

  ‘I’m not permitted to give scandal.’

  ***

  Kate drove out by the bay until they came to the ruins of a monastery and grave yard. She entered the cemetery through an old iron gate; he followed. Choosing her steps carefully she led the way to a grave at the far end.

  John read the inscription on the Celtic cross: “John and Sarah Molloy” followed by “Patrick and Anne Molloy” followed by “Their grand- daughter Roisin Molloy, aged 6 months.”

  With tears in her eyes she took his hand.

  ‘John, this is the grave of my grand-parents, my parents and my beautiful daughter Roisin.’

  He put his arm around her and held her close.

  ‘I’m so sorry love.’

  ‘I want to tell you about Roisin. Five years ago a brilliant young surgeon came to work in the hospital. We fell in love; he moved into my apartment; I was sure I’d found the love of my life. When I discovered I was pregnant with Roisin he told me to get rid of it; I told him to go to hell. He left Castlebar and took a job in London.

  I did all the right things during my pregnancy and was ecstatic when my beautiful baby was born. My friends were very supportive and during my maternity leave I spent all my time with her. She smiled a lot. I organised a local crèche when I went back to work; I collected her every evening and we spent hours together before her bedtime. Every morning she was clucking away quietly when I awakened.

  Then one morning there was no sound from her; I jumped up in alarm; she was cold. My poor child was gone; she left silently during the night; it was a cot death but I blamed myself. I went off the rails; took to the drink and started smoking again.’

  ‘My poor Kate.’

  ‘Last night, I saw her again; it may have been a dream; I’m not sure. She was smiling happily and I know now she doesn’t want me to mourn her.’

  She turned to him.

  ‘It means everything to me to know she’s happy.’

  He hugged her; they stood there together in silence.

  He looked at the head stone again.

  ‘Your mother and father died together?’

  The tears ran down her cheeks.

  ‘They drowned in a boating accident; I was devastated; at the time I was finishing my degree in UCG.’