Fortitude (Heart of Stone)

by D H Sidebottom

  I always want to be your little warrior, yet now, I can no longer be that and I never want you to see my weakness and fear. I will never allow that.

  Although we are apart, I know you will be with me, always. Entirely and wholly, as you always promised, as I will be with you.

  I need you to let me go. I need you to free that part of me that is inside you, liberate the part of my soul that you have kept for safe keeping. It’s time now, baby.

  It’s time to remember what we had before this illness ruins our memories, and turns them septic. Because they will. My death will forever be with you and I couldn’t bear for those memories to take away the happy ones.

  You kept me alive when the darkness threatened, Mason. You held me up when hell wanted to swallow me whole. You took on my past and you freed me from it, and now it is my turn to return your freedom so you can live for the future.

  You will never leave me, ever. I will always be yours. My heart will always belong to you, all of it.

  I’m going away now. Please, please, if you can’t ever promise me anything else, promise me that you will let me go. Give me the peace I need to say goodbye.

  Take care of our babies, raise them as we have together and nurture them, Mason. But above all, love them, fucking love them and never let them forget.

  Goodbye, my darling. You will forever feel me with you, because you own me, all of me forever.

  I love you, wholly and entirely, always and forever.

  Your little warrior.

  Your heart.

  Kade found me twenty minutes later, my hands bleeding, high as fuck, sat rocking in the corner of the trashed bedroom.

  Chapter Eight

  Rebellion

  Ava

  Six weeks later

  The stool moved under me, rocking from side to side and I grabbed hold of the edge of the bar to steady myself. Glen, the bartender, smirked at me, “Steady on, love.”

  I shrugged. Fuck him. I’d found the small bar at the edge of the city and deemed it a safe zone, far away from where Mason and my friends frequented. It was the first time I’d ventured out since leaving. My supply of cash had withered away, and I’d had to find a cash point but had then spotted the pub and decided to waste away in there instead of in front of the TV.

  It was a lively place, with karaoke and a small dance floor to one side, and a quieter section where I was, on the other side.

  “I’m still too steady,” I informed him as I pushed my glass towards him.

  He shook his head but shrugged as he took it from me, “Same again?”

  I nodded firmly, “Same again.”

  I slid the money to him, giving him a humungous tip when I refused the change and downed the vodka and cranberry, once again sliding the empty glass in his direction. “Do you have a death wish?” he asked when he sighed and refilled my glass again.

  I laughed at him, “Yep, might as well get it over with.”

  He frowned at me but then shifted his eyes to the person who slid onto the stool beside me. I watched him narrow his eyes on my neighbour before I turned to study who had got his back up.

  The black haired guy seemed familiar and I pursed my lips as I studied him intensely. “Do you always have to look at me like you wanna devour me, Ms Fox?”

  I stared at him in confusion before it clicked. “Mr Steed.”

  He grinned at me as he gestured for Glen to refill my glass, “And a Jack, no ice for me, Glen.”

  “Steed,” Glen warned. “We both know who she is. She has a death wish, don’t you join her.”

  I snapped my head towards Glen, “How do you know who I am?”

  He shook his head as if I was stupid, “Ava Fox, everyone knows who you are. Your family makes sure everyone knows who they are.”

  He studied me when the panic hit my face. I had managed to stay out of Mason’s radar for six weeks and now just because I had needed a drink, he would be close to finding me. Stupid. Stupid.

  “You mustn’t tell them I have been here.”

  “Why?”

  “Because… you just can’t. Believe me if my ex-husband finds out you let me get this drunk, he’ll crucify you.” I lied, trying anything to make him hold onto my secrets.

  “Ava,” Steed probed, “you said ex-husband.”

  I nodded and swallowed back the rest of my drink. “Yes. I did.”

  “Wow.” He blew out a breath and stared at his drink.

  “Mr Steed…”

  “Ava, call me Dane, please.”

  I shook my head at him furiously, “No, I can’t do that.”

  “Why? It’s just a name.”

  “No,” I told him seriously, the alcohol slurring my words and making me sombre. “It isn’t just a name to me. It’s a nightmare, it’s a curse.”

  His eyes widened on me. I knew he thought I was crazy but he sighed heavily. “Fine, call me Steed then. I can’t be doing with the mister part.”

  I nodded in confirmation, blinking as my head swayed heavily with the movement. “Another?” Steed asked with a sly smirk.

  “Are you trying to get me on my back?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes on him.

  “I once asked you for a fuck and if I remember rightly, you told me the only person you ever fucked was your husband.” He leaned across the bar until his mouth brushed over my ear. “Well now, forgive me if I’m wrong, but now, right the fuck now, I’d say you’re available.”

  I shivered when he took hold of my chin between his fingers and turned my face towards him, his piercing blue eyes delving inside me. “And I lay claim, darlin’. You’re now mine.”

  “Steed…”

  He shook his head, his face drawing closer. “You need to fuck, Ava. I can smell it on you. But I’m warning you, I don’t fuck nicely. I fuck with pain and lots of it but I’m guessing that’s exactly how you liked to be fucked.”

  ***

  His fists ripped at my hair as we fell through my front door, the handle banging off the wall where Mason had once pinned me up and fucked me hard. I grabbed at Steed harder, trying to force the memories away.

  His kiss was furious and spiteful, his dominant streak taking from me what I was willing to give. His fingers dug into my cheeks as he cupped my face and slanted my head so he could take more and more, his tongue fighting angrily with mine, the muscle dictating and forceful.

  He pulled back and glared at me, his chest heaving as his tongue ran over his lower lip, lapping at the blood I had brought forward with the bite. I gasped when he yanked my head back. “You like it hard, darlin’? Then let me oblige.”

  I whimpered when he dragged me up the stairs, not violently but with just enough hold to make me pant and greedily need more from him.

  I knew this was gonna rip me in two. I hadn’t been with another in twenty years and Steed’s dominance and anger would help me cope with this.

  He let go of me when we reached the bedroom. “Stand still,” he ordered. I was struggling to breathe. My body was on fire, every single tiny hair on my body begging for stimuli as my thighs started to tremble.

  He circled me, his finger lightly perusing me along with his eyes. He came to rest behind me, leaving me on high alert and ready for begging. His arms slid around me until he was clutching the silk of my shirt in his hands.

  I hissed when he yanked and ripped open my blouse, buttons pinging across the room as he tugged the material off me.

  His gasp made me cringe as he traced each of my scars with the tip of his finger. “Shush, keep still.”

  His bluntness made me obey, allowing him to silently study each mutilation. “Please…” I whispered. I hated his inspection. He was too quiet, making me detest my body and wishing he would at least just walk away if I repulsed him.

  He walked round me until he was stood before me. His eyes narrowed on me before he gripped the hem of his shirt and yanked off his own top. I licked my lips as my eyes feasted on his ripped body, his abs sleek and defined.

  But then he turned aro
und and it was my turn to gasp. “Mirror images darlin’.”

  I stared at his own welts, hundreds of them tore across his back, their angry red marks defacing his otherwise perfect body. He hissed when I reached out and followed each of their pathways, gently determining what instrument had caused which blemish.

  My head tilted and I frowned when I noticed the poker burns. “Oh my.”

  He nodded, “See Ava, we’re replicas of each other.” He turned back round to face me. “So don’t ever be ashamed of your body. You are fucking stunning. You make my dick so hard that I’m scared to death of coming before I’m even inside you.”

  He cupped my breasts and I closed my eyes, fighting the pain that tore through my heart at another man’s hands on me.

  “On your knees,” he whispered against me, causing me to jump in surprise to his closeness.

  I nodded frantically, clenching my teeth at the agony tearing through me at what I was about to do as I slowly got down on my knees before him.

  I felt him crouch behind me and I fought back the tears that rimmed my eyes. I needed to do this. I needed to move on.

  I wanted to do this.

  I wanted to move on.

  I wanted to die.

  “Shush,” Steed soothed as he pulled me back against him. I hadn’t realised I was sobbing until he lifted me onto his lap and wrapped me tightly in his arms. “Good girl,” he soothed into my ear, his warm breath tickling the chill in my tears.

  My heart broke as each sob tore me to pieces. “I can’t,” I cried into him as I clung onto him.

  He took every sob, every cry and every agonising scream from me, making them his own as he sat silently letting me release and use him for support while he rocked me gently in his arms. “I know, darlin’.”

  “You know?” I hiccupped as I lifted my face to him.

  He nodded and swiped at my tears with his thumb. “Your man has been ripping the city apart looking for you, how could I not know.”

  “I don’t understand?”

  He looked at his watch and smiled at me. “Prepare to be stormed in around thirty seconds, darlin’.”

  “What?” I scrambled off him, shaking my head desperately. “What have you done?”

  I fell to my knees again when I heard the wood splinter in the door and then heavy footsteps on the stairs. “What have you done?” I repeated just as my glorious bastard kicked my bedroom door open.

  Chapter Nine

  Wrath

  Mason

  I stared at her. Fuck, she was so damn perfect, so fucking beautiful. I felt like I had come home. My body shot to life as my eyes drank her in, each fibre in my system electrifying at her closeness. My soul sobbed with relief as my heart found the regular rhythm that had abandoned it six weeks ago, six – long – torturous – fucking – weeks.

  She remained on her knees looking up at me, her face red and blotchy from her tears. It was then I noticed she was just in a skirt and bra. Panic and anger overtook then as I slowly turned my head to see Steed topless and watching us serenely from the edge of the room.

  I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes on him, my wrath just bubbling under the surface. “Did you touch her?”

  He didn’t need to answer. His expression told me all I needed.

  “MASON!” Ava screamed as her tiny hands pulled at me. “Stop!”

  I blinked, pushing her away. She fell backwards, her backside hitting the floor with an oomph. Life seemed to slap back at me suddenly.

  What the hell?

  Steed was curled in the corner, bleeding and desperately trying to protect himself. Ava sat sobbing on the other side. And my knuckles hurt.

  I spun round to face her, barely holding on to sanity never mind patience. “Did you fuck him?”

  “What, no!” she spluttered.

  “Did you kiss him?”

  She scrambled to her feet and came to face me but I saw her fear and her anguish. “I haven’t seen you for six damn weeks and all you can ask is if I fucked another man?”

  I closed my eyes and blew out the steady breath that was burning my lungs then took her face in mine, my hand sliding around the side of her face as though it had been moulded for just me. “Did – you – kiss – him?”

  She held my gaze, her eyes stormy and dark. “Yes.” She inched closer to me, “Yes, I kissed him Mason. I had his tongue in my throat, I had his hands in my hair and then on my tits.”

  And then I snapped. Viciously and very violently.

  “Get out!” Ava screamed at Steed as I destroyed the bedroom, ripping the furniture apart with my bare hands as things splintered everywhere. The bed was torn to pieces, the bedding ripping like paper between my fingers as my fists destroyed the walls. The mirror was plucked from the dresser before it shattered against the headboard of the bed. The dresser was next, the sleek mahogany nothing against the rage flowing through me.

  I finally turned to leave but stilled when I saw Ava stood with her back to the door watching me. She was calm and casual, her arms crossed over her chest. “Finished?”

  “Don’t push me, Ava.”

  She chuckled with bitterness and shook her head as she took a step towards me. “Now you can leave.”

  She was too detached, too aloof and indifferent to my wrath. The chill from her settled into my bones as her unemotional eyes continued to watch me. “No.” I answered bluntly.

  She pursed her lips and stepped into me again. She closed her eyes for a moment before she reopened them and I gulped at the iciness in her stare. “I asked you to leave. I don’t want you. I don’t like you. I don’t even fucking love you, so get – the – fuck – out!”

  I always wondered what it would feel like to hear her say she didn’t love me anymore. But I had never imagined the horrific agony that tore through me as my whole soul burst into flames. My knees buckled as I stared at her. She stared back, determination and resolve radiating from her in suffocating waves.

  “No,” I shook my head at her as I went to reach for her. “Ava, please,” I begged when she took a step back and removed herself from arm’s length.

  “Get out,” she whispered.

  “No,” I choked out as I reached for her again.

  “GET THE FUCK OUT!” She screamed at me, her face morphing into something I had never witnessed in her before. “Go get high, Mason. Obliterate us both from your life. I’m done, I’m finished.”

  I sank to the floor when she turned and left, my eyes on each of her scars as she walked away from me.

  She had always been a fighter, had always been my little warrior. But now, there was nothing left, no fight, no grit, no determination.

  My little warrior had already died.

  Chapter Ten

  Concede

  Ava

  My eyes shifted from the guy in front of me to the viewing window. There were currently three men watching us, each with their hands on their crotch, their fingers deftly working their solid erections.

  “Deeper,” Random ordered as he slid his cock further down my throat. I gagged slightly when he gripped my hair and pulled me into his thrust.

  The room was spinning, the faces blurred and wobbly in my haze of coke. No wonder Mason always turned to this shit, it was good at obliterating thoughts and emotions, and excellent at forcing back my self-hatred.

  I could do this, I could fuck another. It would be so easy.

  I was yanked to my feet by large hands. Random smiled kindly at me before he turned me round and bent me over the back of the couch in the room. I shivered and retched when he pulled at my knickers, sliding my skirt up and over my hips to give him better access. “Fuck, you have a sweet pussy,” he murmured as he slid to his knees behind me.

  I squeezed my eyes closed when I felt his lips on my bare bottom. His fingers pinched at my flesh harshly as he continued his voyage lower and lower.

  I squinted when I was suddenly moving across the room, my face looking at the floor and somebody’s jean clad backside. “Enough o
f this shit, Ava.”

  “What?” I couldn’t seem to form words properly. Everything was surreal and obscure as I tracked the pattern in the carpet on my journey through endless corridors.

  “Sleep,” someone whispered when a thick duvet was pulled under my chin. “Sleep, sweetheart.”

  I smiled when I felt lips gently brushing my forehead. But then oblivion took me away.

  ***

  “Oh Christ,” I croaked when my head wanted to split open and relieve the pressure banging on my skull. I covered my eyes with my hands before I opened them, fear at the pain the light would bring making me vigilant with how to wake.

  “Hey,” a voice whispered, a familiar voice that made me smile.

  I slid onto my side and risked the light just to see his handsome face. “Hey.”

  He smiled softly and stroked the hair gently from my face. “How you doing?” William cringed when he asked the question as though he knew exactly how I was feeling.

  “Umm, can I answer that question when you come into focus?”

  He laughed low and handed me a glass of juice and a couple of pills, “Drink and swallow. Magic stuff, I can promise it works wonders.”

  I sat upright, wincing as I nodded to him, and rested against the headboard. I chuckled and shook my head, “I always wondered what it would be like to sleep in your bed in your office.”

  He smirked at me and shook his head. “Bathrooms through there,” he told me as he pointed to a door in the corner. “There’s fresh clothes in there. I’ll be back when you’re done.”

  He walked away then suddenly turned to me. “You know,” he paused as if trying to find the courage to say what he wanted to say. “You know. George, your dad, was a good man, Ava. He loved you like his own. He took on your heartache and pain and he fought to bring you back to life… to give you a life.”