Fortitude (Heart of Stone)

by D H Sidebottom

  I blew out a breath to settle myself. “Women, eh? Always causing trouble, bloody… oh shit, sorry, I shouldn’t swear... Ava’s always causing trouble.” I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly but smiled. “But she’s… she’s kind of really lovely. I think you’d like her. She’s fun and pretty, yeah really pretty. She makes me laugh, she makes me feel good about myself too… and with me, well that takes a lot... As you’d know.”

  I stood up when the wood started to ache my backside and strolled around the room, nosing at all the different candles that were piled high in each corner. “What is it with you and candles?” I asked him as I picked one up and lit it from another, placing it back on the little plate as I thought of Ava. “I mean, I never quite understood why all the candle stuff. I’m sure you wouldn’t want anyone setting your cross on fire, that shit wouldn’t be good for you.”

  I spun round towards him and held up my hand, “No offence like, I… oh Christ… umm, that wasn’t taking your name in vain by the way, just a slip, I’m sorry…” I sighed and slumped back onto the bench. “I’m sorry I’m not really doing a good job of this am I? What I’m trying to say is, well if you could… you know, help get Ava through this. She will be the most amazing mum cos’ she’s the most amazing person I know. She’s caring and funny, thoughtful and beautiful and she’s… she puts up with my shit, and believe me, there’s lots of it.” I snorted, “Of course you know. Well,” I stood up and nodded to him, “I better get back. You never know, this time there might be some news.”

  I pushed open the door then turned back to him, “Wish me luck, I’m about to become a dad to two babies, me and Ava never do things by half.” I rolled my eyes and left, smiling at the possibility of a new friend. And let’s face it, with Jesus on your side, you can’t go far wrong.

  ***

  I stared at them. Both of them. Two amazing little bundles. One pink. One blue. I was scared to even look at them through the plastic bubble thing they were both laid in, each of them attached to numerous bloody pipes and wires.

  My daughter had the most vivid mop of orange curls ever, causing my breath to still in my lungs. She was already as beautiful as her mother, heart-stoppingly so. And the blue one, well what could I say but the lucky little bugger had got all my genes, he was utterly the most handsome little thing in the world.

  But they were both so tiny, so fragile and little. I was terrified of them.

  “They’re both doing well,” a nurse said as she smiled widely at me. “Both are good and strong. They’ll be home before you know it.”

  I nodded to her, “I hope so.”

  She fiddled with some buttons and scribbled something down on the clipboard before she lifted her face to me again. “Life’s scary right now, huh?”

  I pulled in a breath and nodded, “Yes. Very.”

  She nodded and patted my shoulder, “Give it another eighteen years, love. It gets even bloody scarier.”

  I quirked an eyebrow at her. Daft woman. How could life get any scarier than what it was then, with two premature babies using tubes to breathe?

  Fuck me! How right she had been!

  Ava

  “I’m bored.”

  Mason nodded but then turned to look at me. My eyes widened on him when a wicked smile rose on his lips. “We could always find something to do, baby.”

  He rolled over towards me, propping himself up on an elbow as a hand slid across the front of my throat and then round the back of my neck so he could cup the nape and pull me towards him. I sighed dreamily when his lips brushed across mine delicately, his warm breath teasing but comforting. “I missed you,” he whispered as his kisses travelled across my jaw and then started dampening a trail down my neck.

  “Mmm, and you,” I breathed, my body lighting up instantly as he slid his hand around to hold the side of my head.

  He was gentle as he slid the strap of my nightdress over my bad shoulder. His mouth followed it, his tongue sneaking out to taste me as his lips grazed my skin. “You’ve always had beautiful soft skin, Ava.”

  His caresses were now whispering over the dressing covering my wound as he made his way towards my chest. “Mason…” I murmured as panic started to coil my stomach.

  “Sshhh,” he whispered, blowing heat across the goose bumps that had risen on my skin, nerves filling me with fear as each hair on my body raised in preparation to approaching horror.

  I started to wiggle underneath him as my body started to tremble. “Mason, please.”

  “Ava, shush…”

  “No.” I slid away from him, pulling up the strap to swiftly cover myself.

  He stared at me and sighed, “Baby…”

  I shook my head and slipped my legs out of bed, grimacing at the pain that shot through my shoulder when I moved too quickly. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry,” I rambled as I stood and slipped my slipper boots onto my feet. “Sandwich?” I asked as I spun round to him.

  His eyes slid over me, from my boots and up until he met my eyes, and then back down again. The corner of his lips twitched in humour before he chuckled. “Fuck, baby. You are so damn sexy.”

  I frowned and looked down. I giggled at the state of me. I was in my comfiest but sexiest negligee, the black and white lace was delicate and chic, the split up to my thigh very daring but modest and the straps elegant ribbons of dainty black silk. And then came the thick bright blue fur boots and the great big whacking bandage covering my shoulder.

  He slid off the bed and cocked his head at me. “Do you even realise how beautiful you are?”

  I knew where he was heading. I just shrugged and smiled faintly, “Yeah. Now, do you want chicken or beef?”

  “Ava…” he grumbled as I walked off, holding my arm in place with a hand on my elbow as I made my way towards the kitchen.

  I flicked the kettle on and started rummaging through the fridge, pulling out lots of different foods. “We have salad, or just pickles. Or there’s cheese if you don’t want meat.”

  “Ava…”

  “There’s scones if you don’t want a sandwich. Or maybe something sweet…”

  “God damn it, Ava.” He cried, “Look at me.”

  I bit into my lip as I furrowed even further into the back of the fridge, extracting jams and chutneys that were well out of date. “This fridge needs a damn good clean…”

  “AVA!” he roared. The jar I was holding slipped from my hand and smashed at my feet, masses of plum chutney covering my feet and spreading in a circle on the floor around me. “Bloody hell,” he cursed as he rushed and crouched in front of me, picking up the bulk of broken glass.

  He snatched at the roll of kitchen paper and started to mop up the spilled contents as I stared at him. He scooped and piled, wiped and cleaned, picked and shifted as I just stared at him silently, my body in lockdown as my mind refused to let him in, rejected what he wanted of me.

  I stepped over him and slowly walked across the room to the door. “Don’t – you – fucking – dare!”

  I closed my eyes and swallowed back the lump of fear growing in my throat. “Don’t do this, Mason.”

  “I will do this!” he growled out, his anger simmering just below the surface. “And so will you.”

  “I…” I shook my head but refused to turn to him.

  “YES!” His close voice made me jump as his fingers curled around my wrist, denying me my escape. “Sit down.” I didn’t have much choice when he dragged me across the room and kicked out a chair from under the table. “Sit.” He repeated.

  I slammed my arse into the chair, my own anger now bubbling away furiously. How dare he! How fucking dare he do this!

  “That’s it, you sit and simmer while I make coffee.”

  “I don’t want coffee.”

  “Tough. You are getting coffee.”

  “Well, your bloody coffee is worse than the northern oil rig.” I raged at him, my face now turning red. “I said I don’t want your damn coffee!” I picked up the vase of flowers from the middle of the table an
d slung it at him. Water splattered over him when he ducked and the vase hit the cupboard door, the pot shattering and splintering fragments of ceramic over him. The flowers plopped onto the floor beside his feet.

  He spun round, his face furious and his chest heaving as his teeth clasped the tip of his tongue. “Better?”

  “No!” I hissed as I reached right across the table and picked up the small bowl of potpourri.

  “Oh,” he scoffed. “Why not, might as well go the whole hog, Ava.”

  The contents of the bowl scattered on the floor as the bowl sailed across the room. Mason was ready this time, his hand snatching out as he caught it perfectly. He whirled round and flung it at the back door, the shatter loud in the quiet room. “Thought I’d save you a job!” he shouted as he turned back to me. “Is there anything else you want to throw at me? The table? Your fist maybe?”

  “Fuck you,” I spat back when I knew he was taunting me, my shoulder stopping me from throwing any punches. “Fuck you.”

  “What do you think I’ve been trying to do?”

  My mouth dropped open at his audacity. “You insensitive bastard!”

  He pulled in a deep breath and stormed towards me. I pushed back into the chair before he hoisted me up and took me in his arms. “Put me down, Mason.” I raged at him as I tried to pummel him with my left hand. “Mason!”

  He stamped through the house and carted me back upstairs where he gently dropped me onto the bed.

  As I tried to get up, he was suddenly sat on my stomach. He grabbed my hands and pulled them by my sides before he quickly captured them between his thighs. “Hold still.” He barked at me as I struggled beneath him. “Ava! Hold still, I want to show you something.”

  My breath stilled, the air freezing in my lungs as my chest started to crush my heart when he took my nightdress in his hands and tore it open, straight down the middle.

  I bucked underneath him, my body thrashing wildly as I tried to remove my arms from his grip and cover my chest. A tight whimper left me when he placed both of his palms on my chest. He was silent, his eyes fixed on mine with a stern stare as I cursed him and writhed uncontrollably, my body fighting against him furiously as I spat and hissed at him like an animal.

  “I love you.” He stated calmly.

  “You bastard!” I cried out as I continued to squirm.

  “You are beautiful.”

  “I hate you!”

  “I love you.”

  “Get the fuck off me.” I snarled at him.

  “You are fucking beautiful. I love you.”

  “I’m not!” I cried at him. “I’m ugly. I’m a fucking freak!”

  “You are beautiful. You take my breath with every one of your stunning smiles.”

  “I… I hate it…” I choked out.

  “And I love you. You are beautiful. Your eyes steal my soul every time you look at me.”

  “I look… wrong!”

  He smiled softly at me as I started to calm, my energy depleting with my fight. “You look perfect.” He dropped forward so his forehead rested on mine. “You’ve always been perfect to me, Ava. And you will always look perfect to me, even when you’re eighty and have no teeth and a fucking beard. You will still make my heart skip when you look at me, you will still take my soul in your hands and hold it tight, and you will always, always make me desire you, because I love you, not your breasts, Ava, or even your hair for that matter. It’s you that turns me on, it’s you that makes me want to worship your body, just to see the pleasure on your face. Not how you look but how you feel beneath me. How I pleasure you, pleasures me. How my body pleases you, pleases mine and how you fucking love me, makes me love you harder. You, Ava. You!”

  I stared at him, my throat clogged with grief as my heart swelled with love.

  My eyes rolled closed when his perfect lips found mine in one of his perfect kisses. His tenderness and gentle rhythm wove inside me, wrapping me in warmth and love as his fingers slid up my face to nestle against my head.

  I moaned and arched into him when his tongue slid between my lips and effortlessly danced with mine, his expert kiss making his domination soft but unforgiving, driving a need in me I hadn’t felt in a long time. There was only Mason that could direct this much desire into me, only ever him that could have me panting within seconds of his touch. My body belonged to him, every fibre of me bowed to him and granted him anything as I succumbed to his passion.

  His fingers tickled my skin as they skimmed down the front of my throat, his mouth flowing their route as he touched then tasted. My breathing sped up as he moved across my collarbone, his tongue trailing across my shoulder blade before making his way back.

  I whimpered as he nudged my legs apart with his knee and slid his thigh between mine. He deepened his kiss as I shamelessly rode his thigh, rubbing my sex furiously on him, but he suddenly pulled back.

  I watched him, my arousal so intense I was struggling to breathe. He slid out of his shorts and t-shirt, my eyes appreciative of his nakedness before he positioned his body back between my legs. There was no more foreplay, just amazing bliss as he pushed inside me slowly.

  “Oh Christ, Ava. I missed you so much.”

  I murmured a reply unable to give him coherent words when his cock glided in and out of me deliciously, his hips rocking against mine perfectly as we joined for the first time in eight months.

  His mouth found my neck as he nibbled and sucked on me, his own arousal prompting deep erotic groans from him as I lifted my hips further to him, bringing him into me even deeper.

  He sat up and knelt back onto his knees, pulling me with him until I was straddling his thighs, his cock driving into me when he thrust and I fell. He was kissing me heatedly, his mouth devouring each of my groans of ecstasy but I stilled when he started licking a trail down the centre of my neck.

  “Keep going, baby,” he pleaded with a whisper. “Please. I need you.”

  I pushed back the nausea and started to move on him again. I growled when he slid a hand around and teased my anus with his finger, intensifying my lust as I rode him harder. “That’s it, Ava. Fuck me hard.”

  I clasped his shoulders, working us both into a sweat as his lips continued their worship. He groaned deeply as he slid a finger in my backside and ran his tongue across my chest, tracing the scars delicately as his finger drove into me as hard as his cock, sending me further towards oblivion with each stroke.

  I exploded around him when his teeth nipped at my chest, his tongue lapping after the bite as he pushed into me brutally and roared my name when he filled me with his cum.

  “Fuck…Jesus Ava….”

  I clung to him, trying to come down from the high he had fucked into me. My chest heaved heavily as he carried on depositing tiny kisses over my skin, his soft lips idolising me as his hands slipped around my back to pull me into him further.

  I copied his pose, sliding mine around his and holding onto him for dear life. I wanted to absorb him, take him into my soul so he’d never be without me again.

  “I’m so sorry, Mason.”

  He leaned back and looked at me, his eyes sad and tired. “I’m scared Ava. I don’t know how to hold onto you. I want to hold onto you forever, possess you and own you so you can’t ever leave me.”

  “I won’t ever leave you, baby. I won’t.”

  He swallowed back his anguish and I watched in dismay when a tear rolled from his eye. “But you did, Ava. You did and there was nothing I could do to stop you, nothing I could do to help you.”

  “You couldn’t help me, Mason.” I smiled softly and held his face in my hands. “No one could. I wanted to die.”

  “But why?” he choked out as another tear bled free.

  “Because I was scared. I was terrified of becoming this… this invalid that would consume your soul and drown your spirit. I could never do that to you.”

  He shook his head slowly as he kissed my palm, “But don’t you see? You did that when you left me. You crushed me, Ava, like
never before. You tore out my heart with that letter.”

  “I know,” I whispered as my tears joined his. “But it would have torn mine out to have you watch me go through that. It was evil… I was evil. It wasn’t just the sickness, Mason. I wanted to die, over and over and I screamed and shouted that I wanted to die, over and over. That would have torn your soul from you. I did what I had to, to save you from that.”

  “I know and I understand why you did it, but Ava, you underestimate me. I married you because I love you, I love you because you are you; healthy, stroppy, hurting, happy or even fucking… dying. I don’t care what mood you are in each day, or how green with sickness you are. My love for you is… it’s there, it’s real and powerful and nothing will ever change that, evil or no evil. It’s engrained in me, burnt onto my soul so whatever or wherever you are, that love will never disappear, ever.”

  I rested my cheek on his shoulder, sighing contentedly at the connection between us again. We stayed like that for a long while, both of us just breathing in the other.

  “Ava,” Mason whispered eventually.

  “Mmm.”

  “Umm, did you say there were pickles?”

  I sighed but smiled. “You know, one day you’ll make me a sandwich and I will keel over.”

  His jaw dropped at my sick sense of humour but then he tapped the edge of my nose and gave me his cheeky smile. “And cheese, baby, that strong stuff… oh and some onion.”

  I rolled my eyes and climbed off him. “”Yes sir,” I saluted perfectly before I pulled on my robe.

  “My God, you did it.”

  “Miracles, see.” I shouted as I trotted down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Let’s hope God is still dishing them out tomorrow,” I whispered to myself.

  Chapter Thirty Four

  New Memories

  Mason

  “Oh, did I tell you,” I turned to Ava, grabbing onto her hand as her fingers tapped rapidly against her knee and pulled it onto my lap, grasping it tightly to calm the twitch. “Debora has persuaded George to go for custody through the proper channels. Maybe just to share access instead of full custody too.”