Thrilling Heaven (Room 103)

by Sidebottom, D H

  I shrugged and sighed at her burdened life. “I don’t know if I’d ever get used to it.”

  She rubbed my forearm with affection. “You will. For Boss.”

  I nodded my agreement. Hell, I would walk through the gates of hell in a meteor storm for my man.

  “Yes” was all I said in reply but she smiled tenderly with the conviction of my response and nodded knowingly.

  ***

  “So,” E started as she passed me a bottle of beer and settled beside me on the sofa with her legs tucked underneath her tiny frame. She had just settled Lily down for the night and we were awaiting the pizza delivery as she began her inquisition, “you and Boss.”

  I eyed her over the rim of my bottle and smirked as she grinned widely at me with no hint of embarrassment or discomfit at being nosy. She was Ethan’s best friend and I had expected it.

  “What do you wanna know?”

  She shrugged as she pulled at her own drink. “The beginning.”

  I sighed and settled further into the comfort of the sofa. “I met Kyle at school. He was the school bad boy, the school hot boy and he wanted me, it was quite flattering if I’m honest and he was relentless in his seduction. We fell in love, adored other, the usual stuff, you know.”

  She nodded as she pointed a remote at the iPod dock and Thriving Ivory filled the silence.

  “Two years later, he changed. Became dark and moody. Don’t ask why cos’ I have no idea. Just how it was. It was like someone, somewhere flicked a switch and he was instantly a different person.”

  She nodded in understanding that sometimes life didn’t come with instructions or explanations, it just took a different route and the normalcy and routine you became accustomed with changed forever. You just had to learn to adapt and follow the diversion signs.

  “We argued and fought so much and so volatilely that sometimes he frightened me, made me lose all my respect and adoration for him but funnily enough I still felt like I loved him, ya’ know. There was still his gentle side that would burrow through now and again.”

  I pulled in a deep breath at the old emotions that were resurfacing with the memories. “That’s when Ethan and I became closer. With him being Kyle’s brother he would hear it all when I was staying over at their house and he picked me up and fixed me. He would hold me, make me laugh and just drag me out of the darkness.”

  I smiled at the recollection, Ethan’s younger face swimming in my vision. “We fell so hard and deep for each other but believe me E, we fought it for so long. We were both horrified at our disloyal feelings. He was Ethan’s brother at the end of the day and what we felt was wrong, so wrong.”

  E settled her hand on my arm and squeezed gently. “We can’t help who we fall in love with, Jen. It’s how god created us to procreate, and sometimes the attraction we feel between us is so damn intense and passionate that we can’t fight it; we weren’t made to fight it, we were shaped to love and I firmly believe god gave us each a soul mate and when you find that person, there is not a damn thing you can do to control how you feel. Boss is your soul mate, Jen and you are his. You can see by the way he looks at you. It’s written all over him.”

  I nodded and smiled at her. “I knew he was made for me the moment he kissed me. The very first time was like my heart had been dormant, frozen and buried until right then, right at the instant his lips touched mine I woke up, my body flourished and bloomed as though the sun had just broken through the clouds for the first time in sixteen years.”

  I gave her a shy smile, feeling foolish at the cheesiness of my words but she shook her head and regarded me openly.

  “I know, Jen. I know because after eighteen years of feeling exactly the same, as soon as Jax kissed me…” she paused as though trying to find the words to explain herself. “His kisses were like none I’d ever experienced. Like his lips had been carved and created to fit mine perfectly and his heart had been built just to link with mine. Soul mates, it’s simple.”

  I nodded, knowing her words through to my soul. “Then I found out I was pregnant. I knew it was Kyle’s cos’ Ethan had been on some work training course in Scotland for a few weeks, and the dates didn’t coincide. I became moody and irritable and Ethan cottoned on straight away. It hurt him; I know it did, to know I was still sleeping with Kyle. But what could I do? If I stopped sleeping with Kyle, he would’ve realised something was up. Anyway, Ethan got roaring drunk one night and turned up at my house when Kyle was there. He just turned to Kyle and said ‘been fucking Jen for two years Kyle.’”

  E’s eyebrows rose in astonishment and I grimaced and nodded, “Yeah, you can imagine how that went down. Kyle gave me the order to choose but Ethan didn’t hang around anymore, he just left and Kyle…” I sucked in a huge breath against the shudder that rippled through me with the memory, “Kyle told me he would kill Ethan if I chose him, so in the end, I chose Kyle just to keep Ethan safe.”

  E sighed heavily and patted my thigh, “The baby?”

  I frowned and flinched at the ache that surfaced but shook my head. “I had a termination as soon as we hit London. I couldn’t and wouldn’t bring a baby in-between the most volatile relationship in history. It wasn’t fair to the baby and it would’ve made the situation with me and Kyle worse. I know he would’ve thought it was Ethan’s baby.”

  We both nodded but frowned when Lily grumbled through the monitor. “She’s started teething.” E explained as she unfolded herself off the sofa just as the doorbell chimed.

  “You see to Lily and I’ll grab the pizza.” I told her as I made my way to the door and she bounded up the stairs towards a now screaming Lily.

  I grabbed my purse off the table and opened the door as I hunted through the receipts and papers in the notes section, fumbling for the twenty I knew I had in there.

  It dropped to the floor as Kyle’s fist shot out and knocked me out cold.

  ***

  I squinted at the bright light as I moaned at the pounding in my head.

  Fuck!

  Sighing heavily, I rubbed my hands over my face and pulled myself up to sit on the sofa I had been laid out on.

  Oh god, not again.

  I stared at Kyle as he sat with a tumbler of whisky on the chair opposite me. “Why can’t you let me go?” I asked with more composure than I felt.

  He turned his guilty face towards the fireplace and exhaled loudly. “That’s what I brought you here for, Jen. To finally let you go.”

  I frowned in confusion at his words before he turned to me and his expression was so full of pain and resignation that my heart clenched in sadness at the utter desolation in it.

  “I know you never belonged to me, Jen. But I couldn’t… I needed you, I still need you. My heart craves you constantly and my body… it’s like I’m going through the worst withdrawal ever without you.”

  He pulled himself upright and walked over to the cupboard and refilled his glass before he gestured to me for one. I nodded, knowing I would need the tiny bit of serenity it would grant me.

  He returned and passed me the glass before he settled down beside me, his eyes fixed on me as his turmoil radiated through the room potently.

  “I love you, Jen. I will always love you but now, I’m setting you free to be with him” he said so quietly I had to hold my breath to hear him.

  “Why now?” I asked hesitantly and somewhat sceptically.

  He swallowed harshly before he rested his palm on my cheek tenderly. “Because I love you. Because you finally showed me enough is enough, and how much I had been hurting both of us by just holding on to you.”

  I scanned his agony, its strength tearing through to my soul as I finally and at long last connected with my husband.

  “I did love you, Kyle. In my own way and even after everything I still love you but just…”

  “Not enough” he finished for me.

  I nodded but took hold of his hand. “We never once, ever, meant to hurt you, Kyle.”

  He ran his tongue over his top
teeth as he closed his eyes and stroked over my knuckles with his thumb. “I know, Jen but… I understand.”

  I rolled my lips and sighed heavily as he opened his eyes and gazed at me. “I am sorry, Jen, for everything I did. I don’t know why but suddenly I see it. My anger, my rage, and every damn fucking wrong thing I ever did to you but…”

  He paused for a moment, his expression showing his struggle at how to voice how he felt. “But, after my violence and fury, Ethan’s gentleness was like a balm to the wounds I inflicted on you. His tenderness an elixir to my rage.” He whispered as a tear dribbled down his cheek and I reached out to wipe it away but he flinched and turned his face to the side, trying to mask the heartache that was written all over him.

  “You poisoned my heart, Jen; both of you. You gave me a disease that I couldn’t cure.” He sobbed now as he turned to me and held me hostage under his ache. “You both broke me and I couldn’t… can’t seem to fix that. The rage, the hurt, its locked inside me so fucking deeply that I can’t dig deep enough to drag it out and mend it.”

  My own tears flowed freely with his admission, my own heart searing at how I had hurt him. How Ethan and I had betrayed him immeasurably and I would now carry that guilt to the ends of the earth with me.

  “I know, Kyle and god, I can’t tell you how much Ethan and me hurt at what we did to you but the love we hold, it’s… it’s so… I don’t know how to explain it, Kyle.”

  He shook his head slightly and bit his lower lip. “I know, Jen because that’s how I feel about you.”

  My heart and soul screamed in pain at his own pain. “I’m so sorry” I whispered.

  He smiled softly. “I know, me too.” He whispered in return as a tear dripped off his chin and dropped onto his white t-shirt, it’s trek demanding my attention and showing me just how hurt and wounded he was.

  We both jumped at the sound of the doorbell and Kyle sighed as he lifted himself up. “Stay there.”

  I nodded before he strolled out of the room.

  I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or saddened by this latest development but my thoughts slammed to a halt when I heard a pop in the air.

  “No…” I breathed as I registered what the sound was and my legs wouldn’t support me as I scrambled off the sofa and fell to my hands and knees.

  “KYLE!” I screamed out as I crawled across the floor to the hallway. “Answer me, damn it.”

  I made it through the door and my stomach exploded at what greeted me. “NO!!! No, no, no, no, no.”

  He was laid flat on his back, blood seeping from his chest and mouth as he gurgled and reached for me.

  “Nooooo….”

  I stumbled over to him and grabbed his hand as I reached up for the phone from the table and dialled 999.

  “J..J…Jen, listen…”

  I shook my head at him. “No, shush, shush….” I warned him as the operator’s voice came over the line and I reeled off some details as I sunk a fist into Kyle’s wound.

  “J… Jen… please, I…”

  “No Kyle, you will be fine. I promise.”

  He shook his head slowly, the light in his eyes dimming by the second as he reached up to my face and stroked away my tears. “Dar…ling, I… I love… you… Jen. Alw…always.”

  I nodded feverishly as I choked on my tears and wiped at the snot covering my face, “I know. I will always love you too.”

  The corner of his lips lifted slightly as his breathing slowed considerably. “He… he did it for you… Jen.”

  I gave him a confused look, “What? Who did?”

  “Ethan… Jen. He… loves you… this much, baby. Don’t… hate him… for it.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? Just shut up and hold your strength Kyle, please.”

  His eyes brightened for a moment and he grabbed my hand almost desperately. “Always Je…..”

  “NO! KYLE! NO!” I screamed as I punched his chest, “Kyle….”

  I was lifted and shoved to the side as the paramedics started to work on him but eventually they both looked at me and shook their heads slowly. “I am so sorry, darlin’” one of the technicians said.

  I pushed at him forcefully; knocking him on his backside as E came running in. “NOOOOOO!”

  I choked on my vomit as she huddled me onto her knee and held me close, my heart-breaking heaves breaking her heart as she held me and rocked me.

  “Shush, Jen. Boss is on his way.” She soothed and I nodded into her chest; needing my man so desperately.

  I needed him.

  Chapter 22

  It was light when Ethan walked through E’s front door and rushed over to me. “Jen… Jen… Fuck, Jen…” he choked out as though he hadn’t taken a breath since he left me.

  His arms circled me and his lips planted masses of kisses on my forehead but I remained still and distant. “Jen?”

  I stared up into his eyes and locked them down. “Did you arrange it?”

  He frowned but I noticed his tongue roll around his teeth and a flicker lit his eyes. “What, baby?”

  I pushed back into the sofa and scanned his features; the soft line of his jaw against the harsh contours of his cheekbones and eyebrows to the rough stubble decorating his chin and back up to the dark wariness in his eyes.

  I palmed his cheek tenderly as I whispered softly to him, “Did you set it up… for me?”

  His eyes flicked over every inch of my face as he fought with telling me a lie or giving me the truth he did not want to voice.

  He nodded slowly as he winced with caution.

  My breath froze in my lungs as I swallowed back the bile that was rising up my throat. I nodded and stood before I made my way to the door.

  “Jen?” he rasped from behind me and I turned to him.

  “He was your brother, Ethan. How could you?”

  “I…”

  I shook my head slowly as numbness crept over my body; its force froze and hardened everything in its route. “Do not contact me, do not come near me. We are done.” I told him as I spun back to the door and palmed the handle.

  “JEN! I did it for us, baby. For you…”

  I barked out a bitter laugh and shook my head before I looked at him. “You wanna know why he took me last night? Eh? To tell me he was setting me free to be with you,” I shook my head in crazy humour as my laugh turned to a loud and manic guffaw. “He finally gave us his blessing, Ethan. Ironic, eh? Wouldn’t you say? How fucking ironic!”

  With that I opened the door and closed it calmly behind me, closing my heart and soul to the desperate cries of the man I loved more than my own life but the man I could never forgive.

  Would never forgive.

  BOSS

  Chapter 23

  “E…” I choked out as my knees gave way and I dropped to the floor, my hands grabbing for something… anything to support me as Jen closed the door on me – on us.

  She appeared beside me instantly, her tiny frame enveloping me tight as I fought for breath; my heart exploding in my chest as my veins closed in and my brain shut down in denial.

  “E…”

  “Shush, Boss. Give her time. Let her deal.”

  “I… I just thought…”

  She nodded and squeezed me harder as Jax, Angel, Hunter and Romeo entered the house, both of them giving me wary looks as well as pity.

  I didn’t want their fucking pity, I wanted Jen back. I needed her to breathe. I needed her for my soul to survive and my spirit to sing.

  Fuck!

  “Boss?” Jax voiced quietly but E shook her head at him with a slight glare. He looked at me then the door before he nodded in understanding, “Sorry ‘bout your brother… and Jen.”

  I snorted and lifted myself off the floor, “Don’t be, I’m not.”

  He pursed his lips and nodded before he helped E off the floor and pulled her into his side.

  The affectionate display fisted my heart and I bit my lip harshly against the emotions pouring through every single nerve in my body,
its intensity and mockery squeezing the damn life out of me.

  Well fuck her! If she wasn’t grateful for what I had done to protect her then she didn’t deserve me!

  Who the hell was I kidding?

  It just hurt so much. The pain, the agony and ache as well as the harsh sting in my heart at the disgust and hatred she had exposed, ate at me like a disease; its poison seeping into every single pore on my body as it flowed like a cold loathing within me, twisting my heart to the words she had previously said to me.

  The love she had declared now became a lie, her statements morphing into just a desperate need for her to rid herself of Kyle and fuck me. My own bitterness distorting everything we were, everything we had been.

  I didn’t need her; no, I didn’t. I didn’t need anyone; just myself, always just my own mind for understanding and my own heart to pump the blood around my body. That’s what hearts were for, right? Just to function a bodily need. A mechanism for our bodies to live and the wall that now surrounded mine, the ice that fenced it and sealed it off to everyone and everything was the very thing I needed to carry on; just a tool in my resolution to survive this cruel and merciless world.

  “Fuck it!” I declared as I slammed E’s front door behind me.

  “Boss!” she shouted as I climbed into my car and headed for the pub.

  “Fuck you! Fuck you all!”

  ***

  “You wanna find somewhere private, sweetie?” the blonde asked me as I squinted through the blurriness at her.