A Love Undone

by Cindy Woodsmall

  Sadie’s heartfelt plea worked its way into every part of Jolene. Sadie loved Andy like a brother, and she was desperate for Jolene not to be naive about the situation. Only fools allowed themselves to fall for someone they could never be with.

  “We won’t be foolish.”

  Tears brimmed in Sadie’s eyes. “Denki.”

  Looking for ways to change the topic, Jolene recalled one of her earliest conversations with Tobias. “The first morning after I met Tobias, I shared a memory from my childhood with him, and he said that my Mamm must’ve been nice to me like you are to him.”

  Sadie closed her eyes, and Jolene noticed the goose bumps on her arms. “I hope he always feels that way. I’m more of a stickler about him doing his homework, cleaning his room, and helping with dishes than his Daed or uncle. Sometimes I worry he’ll look back and begrudge that I stepped into his home acting like a bossy Mamm.”

  Ray had Misty eating out of the palm of his hand. How had he managed that?

  Levi strode toward them while Andy went to the driver.

  Levi moved to his wife’s side. “We have a couple of choices. We can head back now, or we can release the driver and hire another one tomorrow around lunchtime.”

  “What about tending to the horses?” Sadie asked.

  “I’ve pulled some favors from friends.” Levi slid his hands into his pockets. “They’ll tend to them tonight and tomorrow morning. The horses can go tomorrow without anyone training them.”

  Jolene backed away, giving Sadie and Levi time to talk in private. She walked to the fence a section down from where Hope and Tobias sat so she didn’t appear to be hovering over Hope. Across the way Andy paid the driver and shook the man’s hand.

  Ray backed up from Misty, cooing, “What did they do to you draus in da Welt?” The phrase draus in da Welt, “out in the world,” was used often among the Amish. Misty moved forward, wanting attention from Ray. He welcomed her, patting each side of her face simultaneously.

  “Hey.” Andy smiled as he joined her at the fence. “Sadie and Levi would like to stay the night.”

  “It’s my fault they came all this way for nothing.”

  “We’ll have a good visit.” He propped his forearms on the fence. “And please don’t be sorry. It was a good thing you came when you did. We ironed out far more wrinkles concerning the situation between us and the workload with the horses than we caused.” He laced his fingers, never looking away from Ray and the horse. “How are you doing?”

  As strange as it seemed, Andy felt like a safe person to be honest with—at least about this. Who else could she tell? “Relieved we got things back on track. Nervous about how we’ll move forward from here. Embarrassed over yesterday.”

  “So basically you’re an emotional mess.”

  “Ya, pretty much. You?”

  “You clearly don’t know men very well. If you did, you’d know we’re rock solid and rarely feel a thing.” He popped his knuckles, and a hint of a smile mixed with his lighthearted tone. “If you believe that, I have a herd of calm, well-trained horses here that would make perfect pets for you.”

  His smile and sense of humor soothed her raw nerves and eased the tension in her back and shoulders. The good news was they had known each other for only three weeks. How hard could it be to get her emotions and daydreams back in line with the reality that he was married?

  Andy glanced her way, his eyes reflecting friendship and yet a distance between them. She’d seen that look many times over the last few weeks, but until this moment what was hidden behind those baby blues had eluded her. Why would any woman leave a man like Andy?

  She had to stop those kinds of thoughts cold. It didn’t matter. His marriage was his business.

  Ray had Misty by the harness, murmuring to her while leading her toward Hope and Tobias. The flighty horse ambled beside him as if they were old friends. Levi, Sadie, and Lester surrounded Tobias and Hope while Ray introduced them to Misty.

  “Wow.” Andy stood straight, brushing fence debris from his forearms. “Did you know he was good with horses?”

  “No. I mean, I saw a little of his working with animals when he brought home two old dogs a couple of weeks back, but that’s it.”

  “He may be like you, naturally intuitive, which makes sense, because much of our gifting is passed from one generation to the next.”

  After Ray let the others pet Misty, he walked her to Andy.

  Andy leaned in, letting Misty sniff his hand before he petted her. “Do you have a sort of sixth sense with horses, Ray?”

  “Doubt it, but I’m starting to realize I like animals. They’re easier to figure out than people.”

  Andy nodded. “That’s often true, but only if you care enough to learn to read them.”

  “Remember this, Ray?” Hope asked, her voice raised to carry the fifteen or so feet between them. “There is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.”

  Jolene had a moment of motherly pride.

  “That’s a beautiful way to think,” Sadie said.

  “It’s from my favorite book, Black Beauty,” Hope said.

  “I remember.” Ray smiled at his little sister.

  “Hey, Sadie, can we read it one day after I get back home?” Tobias asked.

  “I’ll read it to you,” Hope offered. “But it’s got some really sad parts, and you’ll never see a horse again without wondering what its life has been like.”

  Ray glanced at Jolene. “I thought you were coming here just to earn money, but working with these creatures is pretty neat.”

  Andy propped his foot on the bottom rail of the fence. “You’re welcome to come here with Jolene anytime. Right, Lester?”

  “Ya. I thought Jo told you that already.”

  “She asked if I’d help, but I thought she just wanted me to clean the barns and feed the horses.”

  Andy chuckled. “There’s plenty of that too.”

  “Only horse I’ve ever really messed with is ours.” Ray flashed a teasing look her way. “And that mare is older than Jolene.”

  “Hey.” Jolene chuckled. “I’m standing here minding my own business, and you find a way to insult me.”

  Ray grinned, looking more serene than she’d seen in at least a year. He walked the horse back to the others.

  Andy nodded toward the round pen, and Jolene went with him. “Maybe you should let him quit the cabinetry shop and work here for the summer.”

  “In a few months I’ll help him find a job he likes, but to let him quit now would reward him for vandalizing Yoder’s home.”

  “He’s paying plenty for that, don’t you think?”

  “It was an outrageous thing to do.”

  “Agreed. But it sounds as if Ray is miserable at work and Yoder is provoking him.”

  “Regardless of what triggered Ray’s outburst, he is responsible for his behavior.”

  “Ya, you’re right about that too.” Andy gave a half shrug.

  “Yet you sound as if you think I’m wrong.”

  “Maybe it’s time to reassess the situation. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst, how much does Ray hate his job, and how much is Yoder trying to push his buttons?”

  She heard Lester say that the horses needed to be fed. The group began to shift in that direction, starting with Hope and Tobias climbing off the fence.

  Jolene stayed put while Ray led the horse toward the barn. “A seven, maybe. To both. I’m never there to see or hear what goes on, but I try to balance what Josiah tells me with what Ray says. I’ve never felt I could talk to Uncle Calvin about it because he gave the job to Ray out of the goodness of his heart. Yoder is his right-hand man, running everything when Uncle Calvin has to miss work.”

  “You challenged me on day two, and you’ve yet to challenge Yoder? Seriously?”

  “Are you kidding? Can you image a big sister walking int
o her uncle’s cabinetry shop and giving an older man a piece of her mind? I’d embarrass Ray, Josiah, and my uncle.”

  Levi, Sadie, and the children walked toward the barn.

  “Your points are valid, Jo.” Andy started to follow the others.

  “Hallo,” Lester called, and everyone paused. “I’m going to the house to fix some sandwiches.”

  “Oh.” Sadie spun around, smiling. “I’ll help with that. It’s a beautiful evening. Can we eat outside?”

  “Sure.”

  But Jolene wasn’t ready to mix with the others. She wanted to continue the conversation with Andy. “You didn’t finish saying what you believe, Andy.”

  He returned to her. “I’m not sure where the boundary is between us on sharing opinions.”

  “Say what you think. I’ll let you know if it’s out of line.”

  “Okay. I know Van and Ray gave their word that nothing would be said to anyone in authority about the deal they made with Yoder, but I’ve got some ideas about that too—all fair and in line with the agreement. We’d need to get Glen involved.” He studied her as if still leery of stepping on her toes. “That aside, is it possible that making Ray work at the cabinet shop is letting Yoder do to him what Donna did to you?”

  His question hit hard. She hadn’t considered that possibility. Is that what she was allowing? She’d learned a lot of valuable lessons throughout that time, and apparently Donna and Van had too, but maybe it was time to give Ray a chance to learn new lessons … like ones about shaking the dust off and getting free of Yoder. But how could she?

  “Let’s just say you’re right about Ray, and Lester is willing to pay Ray some. We need Ray’s full salary from the shop to pay back all the people I borrowed money from—my brothers, brother-in-law, and two uncles.”

  “Let him quit, Jo. I’ll pay his salary for the summer, and—”

  “You will do no such thing. It’s very generous of you, but no.”

  “If Ray likes the idea, it could be the answer all three of us need. It might help him discover he’s a horse trainer by nature, and it would keep us from working alone. Maybe in a week or so, he could begin working next to me in your stead.”

  His ideas surprised her. Why hadn’t she seen any of that? “Okay, that makes sense, and it’s tempting. But we need his paycheck, and I’m not accepting your money.”

  “I don’t want to sound flippant or like I’m bragging, but money isn’t that big an issue for me. Starting at nineteen, you’ve had to pay rent, plus feed and clothe yourself and five others. Me? I was older than that when I married, and I have a thriving business with only one child to provide for—the only one I’ll ever be responsible for. Let me do this.”

  “You’re spending your summer doing volunteer work, and I’m supposed to let you pay my brother to do tasks he’s never done before? You’re being too generous. It’s not happening.” She still saw no sign of resignation in him.

  “What can I say? I can be a patient man until it does happen.” Despite his words his tone was filled with jesting.

  “You’re trying to be charming and disarm me, aren’t you?”

  “Well, ya, but you probably wouldn’t realize that if you didn’t have so much experience raising teens.”

  “Your suggestion wouldn’t strap you for cash?”

  Hope radiated from his calm demeanor. “Isn’t that what I just said, more than once?”

  An odd feeling came over her, one from deep inside, and it dawned on her that Andy needed her to let him do this.

  They had to start distancing themselves from each other, but she could allow him this desire … and enjoy the benefit of giving Ray the chance to quit the cabinetry shop. It was a little haphazard since she didn’t know what Ray would do after the horses were gone, but she recognized that Ray had worked for Yoder far longer than he should have. She felt at fault because she hadn’t noticed his distress and had pushed him to keep a good-paying job. This was her chance to make up for her mistakes concerning Ray.

  “If Ray’s willing to work here, I’m willing to let you pay him, and denki.”

  He grinned. “Excellent.” He held up one hand. “Just one more thing. May I ask how you got the money to pay Van?”

  She explained it quickly, wondering why he was asking.

  “And your plan to pay them back?”

  “Tomorrow I’ll go to the bank and start the process of getting a loan.” The problem was she didn’t own anything to use as collateral, but Andy didn’t need to know that.

  “Sounds logical. If you need a cosigner, I’m sure Lester would be honored. Apparently he’s got more money than half the Amish put together. I would be glad to cosign also but two issues: I can already tell how you would react to that suggestion, and it wouldn’t look right if anyone learned of it.”

  She hadn’t thought of asking Lester. “I appreciate it, Andy.”

  “If Ray is good at working with horses, I could take him to some auctions this fall and show him how to get started. It’s good money if he has the patience and property. I bet Lester would rent out his stables.”

  Apparently Andy was quite the businessman, and a generous one. “I’ll think about it. Now stop offering stuff before you make me permanently uncomfortable around you.”

  He made a locking motion on his lips. Levi, Ray, and the children returned from the barn and began washing up at the pump.

  “I should go.” She went to the house and helped get food ready. When she and Sadie stepped outside with trays of food, the men had started a bonfire, brought out more chairs, and set up a makeshift table for the food.

  They set the trays down, and everyone ate. Soon enough dusk began to settle over them. Hope and Tobias chased fireflies. Sadie and Jolene chatted about little things, while Ray sat with the men, talking as if grown. At the moment he looked like a young man who’d made another step toward returning to himself—a journey that began the day he’d been hit by lightning. What wonderful news she had for him. He could turn in his notice tomorrow and be done at the cabinetry shop within two weeks. In case the news caused tears of relief, she would wait until they were home to tell him. Would he sleep a wink tonight—or all week—for the excitement?

  Despite her disappointment about Andy, peace floated around and through her like the beauty of the evening. When was the last time she’d felt this good about the life ahead of her?

  However, something nagged at her that she couldn’t place. Had she forgotten something? Did she need to be somewhere? Andy looked her way, appearing pleased that they’d worked through the issues.

  “I love this tree.” Sadie poured water into icy glasses. “How tall is it?”

  Jolene peered up. “About thirteen or fourteen feet.”

  “We need one of these in our front yard, Levi. There’s no shade on one side of the house.”

  “My Daed gave my Mamm a dogwood for their wedding, and I’ve grown almost a dozen trees with cuttings from that one. I have a tree in our yard for each sibling, and I’ve given each married couple a tree for their wedding. Then I grew this one and planted it here for Lester. They take about eight really healthy years to reach this height.”

  Andy stared up at it. “That story is just too amazing, Jo.”

  “Ya,” Lester agreed. “Who’d have thought your grumpy old uncle would get a gift like this?”

  Several of the group chuckled.

  Jolene already had two trees growing in containers at home to use as gifts for Ray and Hope when they married. She could give the Fishers the tree she’d been growing for Ray, which was a good size already. Then years from now when Ray married, she would give him the one she had been growing for Hope. Since Hope was so young, Jolene had plenty of time to grow another one for her. The plan brought a sense of peace, but it seemed inappropriate to mention it now. Later, when the time was right, she’d give the dogwood tree to the Fishers.

  Hope and Tobias moved to the front porch and sat in the swing, holding their jars of lightning bugs. All
seemed right with the world, and Jolene exhaled, feeling as if she’d been breathing shallowly for ten years.

  A rig pulled onto Lester’s driveway. Pinpricks skittered across her skin from her face to her feet. She was looking at what had nagged at her this evening.

  Glen.

  24

  Andy’s head pounded as he watched Glen dismount from the rig. Why was he here? Had Van told Glen after assuring Andy he wouldn’t tell anyone?

  “Goodness.” Jolene clutched the ends of the armrests of her lawn chair, her cheeks pink and her face stricken. “I forgot he was coming over tonight. Wouldn’t it be reasonable to think I could get one thing right this weekend?”

  “Why again?” Ray asked. “He arrived before dinner last night and stayed until his sons’ bedtime.”

  “Glen!” Hope skittered across the lawn toward him, clearly as excited to see him as Jolene was uncomfortable. Hope obviously liked him, and Andy supposed the gentle preacher filled some of her needs for a Daed.

  “Who is he?” Sadie asked.

  “Our preacher and a good friend of the family.” Jolene closed her eyes and took a deep breath before standing. “But I think he’s here to have a serious discussion about boundaries.”

  If Van had kept his word, Glen shouldn’t be here for that reason. But Andy realized he and Jolene couldn’t live with the fear of wondering whether Van would keep his word or not. They had to take control of the situation.

  “Jo.” Andy stood and motioned for her to go with him. They walked toward Glen, but Hope had him hemmed up inspecting her Mason jar of fireflies. Glen looked their way.

  Jolene waved. “He looks frustrated, doesn’t he?”

  “Maybe he feels like you stood him up.”

  “Glen?” Disapproval filled her eyes. Apparently the concept wasn’t totally foreign to her, but she didn’t like it. Hope and Tobias were both at Glen’s feet now, talking to him. He helped them loosen the lids on their Mason jars, and the children removed them simultaneously, releasing their lightning bugs.

  “All right, guys.” Andy clapped, then turned to Jolene. “Van said he wasn’t going to tell anyone.”