A Love Undone

by Cindy Woodsmall

  28

  The cicadas chirped, and a mourning dove cooed as Andy loaded the last horse onto the trailer, at least the last one that was leaving by motorized transportation. His work here was almost done. His bags were packed, and a driver would pick up Tobias and him in two hours.

  Jolene was here … to say good-bye. She’d come an hour ago and stayed too long. It bothered Andy for her sake, but he couldn’t make himself discourage this final visit.

  He signed the papers and kept the needed copies. The rumble of the truck leaving barely registered.

  Jolene sat on the porch steps, and he wished they could go for a walk—simply to talk freely and say a proper, respectful good-bye. But she shouldn’t be here without her siblings or Glen. Was the presence of Lester and Tobias on the nearby porch swing enough to keep the rumors at bay? Apparently not or there would be no gossip going around. The last thing either of them needed was a minister to charge them with inappropriate behavior.

  Andy clutched the papers and paused at the foot of the steps. Of the four horses still on this farm, Lester had adopted three, and Glen was adopting one.

  “You’re a good horseman, Andy Fisher, and I’ll miss your being here.” She spoke with a strained nonchalance, a valiant effort to conceal what was reflected in her eyes.

  He appreciated her desire to strengthen him for the winter ahead—the lifetime of winter ahead. “It’s been a good summer, ya?”

  She nodded. “Ray’s so excited to have found something he’s decent at.”

  “He needs to keep studying, and he can call me if he has any questions.” Andy leaned toward her and kept his voice low. “Emphasis on he can call. No asking for trouble, okay?”

  Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I know.” She cleared her throat, and soon the tears seemed to evaporate.

  Did she really understand? It seemed after coming here tonight that she needed a good lecture. He couldn’t give it, not without being a hypocrite, because he was glad they’d had a few minutes to chat, even if it was on the porch with an old man and a boy.

  Glen pulled into the driveway.

  And Glen.

  Andy suppressed a sigh. Glen’s horse pranced as he pulled the open carriage, and his little boys waved excitedly at Jolene. Glen brought the rig to a halt near the front porch. “I thought I’d pick up the filly tonight.”

  Before Jo stopped coming here, Glen usually brought only two or three of his sons with him at a time. Andy wasn’t sure why. Maybe to keep down the rowdiness or maybe because the boys would rather stay with one of Glen’s sisters and play with cousins. Or maybe to give Jolene time to bond with each one rather than feeling overwhelmed by all five. But regardless of which sons were where, Glen wasn’t here for the filly. He’d already signed the paperwork, and he could pick up the horse anytime. He was here because he’d somehow known Jolene would be here.

  Andy walked toward Glen. “Sure.”

  Glen lifted his youngest sons from the rig, and when he set the littlest boy’s feet on the ground, he didn’t release his Daed’s hand. “Let’s see about tethering the filly to the back of my carriage.”

  Was there another way to get the horse to Glen’s place? Andy knew his patience with Glen was wearing thin. Ya, he wanted Jolene happy, and Glen was a good man, but right now it felt as if he was being a buttinsky. “Okay.”

  Glen’s older son slid his hand into Jolene’s, talking excitedly about the new horse. All of them walked toward the barn. Glen removed his hat and put his youngest son on his shoulders without even pausing. “Would you like to go with us, Jo? You know, to help keep the filly calm while she’s following the rig and to help get her settled? I’m sure she’ll do better if you’re a part of getting her home.”

  “I … I suppose it’s a good idea, but I hadn’t planned on …”

  Andy couldn’t resist looking around Glen to see Jolene. She glanced at Andy, seeming torn. She’d avoided coming here for the last six weeks, and yet they couldn’t have even a little time to talk with Lester and Tobias nearby?

  But Glen’s request was legitimate. She had bonded with that filly since mid-May, and in two days it would be September. So he understood her desire to settle the filly in her new home. Or maybe her only desire was to keep from causing trouble.

  Glen moved his son onto his hip. “You can leave your horse and carriage here. Andy will tend to the horse, and I’ll bring you by here Monday morning to get it. Or we could do it tomorrow afternoon. Your choice.”

  Feeling territorial, Andy wanted to tell Jolene he could find a reason to return in a month. It would be easy enough since he and Ray were planning to attend some auctions together, but Andy wouldn’t say anything that would hold her back from bonding with a good man.

  He got the filly, and after the awkward minutes of attaching it to Glen’s carriage, Andy stood in the yard and waved as Jolene rode off with Glen and his five sons.

  The kitchen table had at least four-dozen folders strewn across it. Ray had not been this confused since the last time Yoder yelled at him. Ha! Those days were behind him. That part was nice, but it was midweek, and Ray wasn’t working. Andy and Tobias had returned to Apple Ridge. They’d left just the way they’d arrived—quietly with no fanfare. Ray had wanted to throw them a party or at least invite them to dinner here, but Jolene declined his idea, mumbling about how it could cause an issue with some in the church. He wasn’t sure that made sense, but she hadn’t wanted to talk about it.

  Silky pushed her nose against Ray’s elbow, and he patted her. She was the needier of the two dogs.

  James set some papers to the side. “We have to make some decisions.”

  If Ray could see into the future for just a moment, he’d know what answer to give. James wanted Ray to partner with him, and Ray didn’t mind working part time, but his main goal right now was to focus on training horses. Lester was going to let him use his facilities, which was too amazing an opportunity to pass up. But James was looking to make a go of some business that would eventually get him out of the blacksmith shop.

  James handed Ray another set of papers with pictures attached. “Not sure you saw this one.”

  Ray looked at the information. “Maybe we should’ve stuck to the corner lot where you made flower arrangements and I sold them.”

  “Maybe. But a man has to dream.” James smacked the table. “Now focus and help me dream!”

  “But we made good money.”

  “I want to start a landscaping business. Selling flowers from an empty lot is not the answer.” James had the guts to go after what he wanted, only as it turned out, he didn’t enjoy it like he thought he would. But if he hadn’t followed that dream, he wouldn’t have discovered his real one—running a plant nursery.

  Woofy barked and went to the back door, and a moment later Hope entered. She must’ve already finished cleaning Mrs. Pinson’s house. He glanced at the clock. Jolene had probably already left from her half day at the bakery and gone straight to Lester’s. That’s what she’d done regularly for the last ten days, since Andy and Tobias had returned home.

  “Well, hello.” Hope spoke to the dogs without noticing Ray or James.

  James watched her before focusing on the folders. Ray recognized that half-interested, half-embarrassed look on James’s face. He liked his little sister? She was barely fifteen years old.

  She set a stack of books on the old linoleum floor. Either she’d gone by the library, or Mrs. Pinson had loaned them to her. Hope knelt and patted Woofy. Silky went to her too. “Do you need to go out? Ya? Okay, then, let me get a drink, and I’ll walk out with you.” After a final rub behind each dog’s ears, Hope grabbed her books and stood. Her eyes got large. “Goodness, guys, you startled me. You should’ve spoken up. I had no idea anyone was home.”

  “The dogs went out recently.” Ray drummed his fingers on the table. “But it’s good to know you’re nice to the dogs when I’m not around.” He was only teasing. Hope had been gentle and sweet all her life, which should hel
p make it up to Jolene for all the trouble he had been. But those days were in the past. If the temptation to rip something apart came over Ray again, he’d go to someone immediately and talk. Jolene would be his first choice and Preacher Glen his second.

  Hope ambled into the kitchen and put her books on the counter. “What’s all this?” She got a glass from the cabinet and filled it with tap water.

  “Information on the properties I told you about. You know, the ones James is considering as start-up places for a nursery.”

  “I remember.” She moved to the table and stared down at the mess. “But I’m surprised you’re seriously looking already.”

  “We’re daydreaming mostly.” James fidgeted with the edge of a stack of papers.

  Hope lowered the glass and wiped the back of her wrist across her lips. “That’s cool.”

  James barely looked up from the papers and toward Hope. “Is it?”

  “Sure it is.” She shifted some of the papers, glancing at the images. “So which ones are in the lead?”

  “No idea,” James mumbled. “Hopefully, I’m better at running a nursery than I am at choosing a location.”

  “You’ll find that out soon enough, won’t you?” She went to the head of the table and sat.

  When did his little sister start sounding so much like Jolene?

  “But first you gotta get the business started.” She sipped on her water as she glanced through several portfolios of properties. “What’s the budget?”

  Ray dropped a folder on the table. “More than zero but not by much.”

  James rolled his eyes. “I have fifteen thousand saved, and I can get a loan for thirty more, but that’s not much when you’re talking about a business.”

  Hope set one portfolio on the table and slapped it. “You should toss that one out of the running.”

  “Really?” James picked it up. “Why?”

  She waved another one under his face. “Because it’s no better than this one, and it costs twice as much.”

  “Gut. One decision made.” James pulled out a chair and laid the portfolio in it that Hope said to discard.

  Hope passed him another one. “This one should go too. Look at it. It’s in the middle of nowhere. Finding something in Winter Valley would be better than that.”

  “True.” James put it on top of the other discarded one. In less than an hour, Hope had the number of properties to consider down to five. “Okay, men,”—she stood—“I’ve done my part. Maybe it’s time to call the Realtor who gave you all those.”

  “Denki, Hope.” James patted the stack. “We were feeling overwhelmed. Next thing on our list should be to talk to Amish businesspeople who live in those towns. They’ll be able to tell us things the Realtor can’t.”

  Hope put her glass in the sink. “For a man bumfuzzled by a stack of folders, you’re pretty smart.”

  “Even a blind squirrel is right twice a day.”

  Hope broke into laughter. “Uh, I think you mixed two different sayings. It’s ‘even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while,’ and ‘a stopped clock is right twice a day.’ ”

  James never looked up from the folder in his hand. “So you’re saying a squirrel is never right?”

  When Hope said nothing, he peered over the top of the folder. Ray knew James had on his poker face and was teasing Hope, but would she realize it?

  Hope shook her head. “The squirrel is right twice a day if it squirreled away a broken clock.”

  “I reckon so.” James lowered his eyes to the folder, never cracking a smile. But Ray could tell he was doing his best to keep a straight face.

  James nodded toward her stack of books. “Read much?”

  Hope grabbed her books. “Never read at all.” She went up the stairs.

  “You like my sister.”

  James’s cheeks turned pink. “Does it show that much?”

  “She’s six years younger than you. That’s too young for you.”

  “Uh, ya, I know that. But she’ll grow out of being young. Maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll have become a real grownup about that same time and will be running a successful business. I have nothing right now. I live in my brother’s carriage house with a job that’s been handed to me. I probably need six years to get my act together enough to be worthy of her.” He shuffled the folders.

  “Speaking of girls, I’ve hired a driver to take me to see Teena next weekend.”

  “It’s about time you visited her by yourself.”

  “That’s what she said.”

  29

  Andy walked beside his son on the path through the woods. The mid-October leaves were almost at peak color, and the air smelled of fall as they returned from the creek. Tobias held the lead to his horse, patting her while walking beside Andy. He had no doubt he’d done the right thing to give Tobias a horse. It was the very one he’d wanted before they went to Lester’s, the solid black one with an irregular, T-shaped blaze on her face. As Jolene and Hope had read him the novel Black Beauty, Tobias’s heart had broken for the mistreated creature, and Andy knew his son was ready.

  “Daed, you gonna answer me?”

  Since Tobias had been a toddler, Andy had known the time would come when he’d have to tell Tobias nearly everything concerning his mother. But Andy had hoped to have better words than the ones he could currently find.

  His sudden questions about his Mamm were sticky ones. Why had she left? Would she return? Didn’t she love him or Andy? What was wrong with them that she ran off? “Sure, I’ll answer. I just need a minute to think how best to word it.” He rubbed his neck. Sleeping on the couch every night was rough on a body, but his bed seemed entirely too large for one lonely man.

  Before going to Winter Valley, he had been content and at peace with his life. What had Jolene done to him?

  “Your Mamm is sick. She—”

  “Then we need to go to her, right? Sick people need someone to help them.”

  “Well, they do, but this is a different kind of sickness. Her brain has an illness, and she doesn’t want my help.”

  “Doesn’t want it?”

  God, please don’t let learning these things endanger Tobias’s sense of well-being.

  “You like walking to the creek, don’t you, Daed?”

  The quick change of subject seemed to be how Tobias’s mind was working today. “Ya.” Seeing the currents and hearing the rushing sound made him feel closer to Jolene, and it brought him some peace, as if assuring him she was fine. Was she?

  He wasn’t. It’d only been a few weeks, and he was miserable.

  “The horse in the book Black Beauty couldn’t have been any prettier than my horse, huh? Miss T is a beaut.”

  Andy patted her. “That she is.”

  “I told Grossmammi about me and Hope sitting on that log feeding fish.”

  It would be safer for everyone involved if Tobias didn’t mention the Keims at all, but how could Andy ask that of his son? “That was a fun day, wasn’t it?”

  “Ya.” Tobias pointed. “Daed, look.”

  Bishop Omar and Levi were waiting at the end of the path where the woods met open pastures.

  “Hallo.” Omar sounded like his usual friendly self. “It’s beautiful out, ya?”

  “It is.” Tobias waved. “Me and Daed have been all the way to the creek!”

  Levi strode toward Andy and Tobias, leaving Omar at the end of the path. “Hey, little buddy, let’s put Miss T in the pasture and hop in the rig. Sadie’s waiting.”

  Andy’s heart kicked up a notch. He and Sadie were getting Tobias off the farm as quickly as possible. “What’s going on?”

  Levi put the horse between Andy and Tobias. “Omar got a call from Jolene’s bishop. There’s to be a meeting.”

  Andy’s head throbbed. “The subject matter?”

  “Inappropriate behavior,” Levi whispered. “Maybe adultery.”

  Adultery? The word made his heart race. How was it possible anyone thought that? He willed his pounding heart
to slow. “Has anyone talked to Jolene to find out how she’s holding up?”

  “No, and the bishop said there’s to be no contact from any Fishers. There’s a gag order until it’s settled.”

  “When’s the meeting?”

  Levi started to say, but Tobias came around the front of the horse. “Where we going?”

  Levi smiled. “To get ice cream and visit Mammi and Daadi. Sound good?”

  Tobias nodded, but he looked from Levi to his Daed, confused by what was going on. Andy winked. “You get an extra scoop for me and bring it home in your pocket.”

  Tobias laughed, and Levi and Tobias led the horse to the pasture.

  Andy came face to face with Omar. The man shook his head. “I’m sorry, Andy. I tried to stop this … for Tobias’s sake more than anything.”

  Sunlight streamed in through the windows of the spare bedroom. Jolene’s mouth was dry and her heart pounded as she aerated the soil around the containerized dogwood and put some fresh, fertilized dirt around the tree. Today she would face her bishop and Andy’s.

  What an awful spot to be in—for all of them. Guilt hounded her, but as odd as it seemed, so did a strong sense of faith. But both of those things aside, Jolene would return home with it imprinted on her brain that there could be no more contact between her and Andy. Ever.

  She had to put him out of her mind and heart, but just as this dogwood tree would continue to grow, so would her respect for Andy Fisher. After dusting the dirt off her gloves, she removed them. This room was where she’d grown her dogwoods for the last ten years. Long ago, in another lifetime, it used to be the nursery. She remembered every sibling’s birth, including Josiah’s, even though she was only three at the time.

  “Hey.” Josiah’s familiar voice pulled her from her thoughts.

  “Hi.”

  In his eyes she saw worry, and yesterday he’d voiced that he wanted to go with her today. But the instructions regarding who could attend were very precise. Only those who’d witnessed Andy and Jolene together during regular work-hours, when they were the most likely to have their guard down from onlookers, were allowed. Thankfully, both bishops felt Hope should not come, due to her age. “Why am I not surprised you’re here?” She ran her fingers over the leaves of the dogwood, and her faith in this gift steadied her beating heart.