On Becoming His - Lessons Learned

by Dayne, Cassandre

  “Willful.”

  “Opinionated,” she whispered, her lower lip twitching.

  “Yyyeeesss…”

  Jessie darted a glance in his direction and realized she was fidgeting.

  “Come.” Remaining unblinking, he pointed toward the floor.

  Her legs were trembling. Really? Shuddering, Jessie blinked back tears. Why was this more difficult than she’d realized it would be? Jessie had wanted him to discipline her on a regular basis, becoming the complete head of the household, and now she was quivering like a little girl. Slapping her hand across her mouth, she fought a fit of laughter. Well duh. Being upset as well as uncertain was the entire point about being punished. Still, her emotions were ragged, driving her up the wall.

  “Jezebel.”

  Now Luke was using that voice. He meant business. She took a few steps closer, her heart racing. When she was just in front of him, she lowered to her knees.

  “You don’t have to be nervous.”

  But she was. Damn, nervous wasn’t the word. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are, Jezebel. You’re testing me.” Luke’s voice remained quiet, even.

  “Yes,” she whispered, a nervous laugh floating past her lips.

  “That stops here.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  The tone of his voice wasn’t harsh at all but Jessie was barely able to breathe. She loathed the concept of disappointing him. There was a part of her that simply couldn’t handle the notion, the concept throwing her into self-doubt. “I understand, Sir.” Why did the words seem so hollow?

  Luke gripped her chin, pulling her toward him gently. “While I’m gone you’re going to be a good girl. No playing with yourself. I know I said this to you before, but I want to be clear on this. Do I make myself clear?”

  There was a moment Jessie wanted to laugh, but she knew he was testing her again. Why again with this? Why? This she didn’t like. Not at all. “Yes, Sir. No playing with myself.” Just hearing the words said out loud forced a groan from her lips. Was this what she wanted? The answer was a resounding yes. She longed to obey him, no matter what he asked. There were just things he was doing, testing her that was… No, you won’t think this way. The more she realized just how much she needed the concept of rules guiding her the less she apprehension she had about his level of punishment.

  “Good, girl. My sweet Jezebel. You’re very right in that you need solid discipline.”

  “Yes, Sir.” She looked away, so many thoughts racing through her mind.

  “I truly want you to reflect while I’m gone. I want you to think about us and what we share and what you want out of our relationship.”

  “But I…”

  Luke placed two fingers across her mouth and shook his head. “Please allow me to finish. I want you to contemplate what you want now in this relationship and what you need.” Sliding his fingers down from her mouth to her chin, his eyes never left hers. He finally placed his fingers over her heart, pressing the tips into her skin. “You’re questioning so many things. Take the time to figure out what you really want.”

  She knew what he was saying. Her nerves were on edge, her heart racing. Luke somehow managed to know so much about her psyche without her saying a work. Nodding, she gave him a slight smile.

  Leaning over, he kissed her lips, darting his tongue out once. When he let her go he nodded. “Now it’s time,” Luke stated as he held up a hairbrush and patted his lap. “Take off your gown.”

  Oh dear God he was going to spank her naked. “What?” Jessie’s eyes opened wide. “I mean yes, Sir.” Her legs quaking, she stood slowly and fumbled as she slid her hands down, grabbing the hem of her teddy. Jessie bit her lower lip as she inched the silk up from her thighs to her shoulders and over her head. For some reason she could hear a whooshing sound and every part of her body was electrified, another tinge of fear creeping inside. As she stood naked, she realized she felt so very vulnerable. Darting her eyes away, she had no idea what to do with her hands and the insane realization gave her a nervous tick on both sides of her mouth.

  “Stop fidgeting, Jezebel.”

  Fidgeting? Goddamn she was freaking. You cursed. You’re not supposed to curse. Yeah, she was racking up the bad girl points. She wasn’t certain what she’d expected but she thought she needed something more intense for her first real spanking. Thinking the thought seemed ridiculous. The entire concept about being disciplined was almost as she’d expected and after all these months surreal. Her legs trembling, she shifted forward and eased over his lap. There was something very comforting about his body and the way his legs felt as she draped herself across his lap. A slight sigh escaped her lips and for a few seconds there was a ringing in her ears.

  Luke placed one hand on the back of her thigh, brushing up and down.

  Jessie knew what he was doing. He was getting her used to the anticipation of being spanked like a bad girl. Every part of her was ready to snap at him to just get on with this, but everything they were doing was about her learning patience. Patience! She wanted to scream and shout she didn’t give a flying fuck about having any. Here she was cursing again. A lump appeared in her throat and there was no way she could swallow the golf ball sized bunch of bile. Breathe and control. Breathe and control. As if the damn mantra was going to help.

  “You’re learning to follow rules but there are days you purposely try me. You do realize that, don’t you?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Luke exhaled slowly, his hand putting pressure on the small of her back. “Why do you do that to me, to us?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I think you do.”

  Blood rushed to Jessie’s head as she tried to think about a different way to answer the same question. She’d said it all to him. Hadn’t she? “Because I need your guidance and control, your strong hand.”

  “Mmm… All right. I’ll accept that tonight.”

  She heard movement and the second the feel of the cool wood slipped across her naked skin she moaned. There wasn’t a part of her body that wasn’t trembling. One. Two. Three. Four. Somehow counting didn’t help.

  “Discipline is about love and about helping you understand when you’ve done something wrong and also allowing you to know how much I love you. I do love you. I simply don’t like your willful ways. They’re something I’m not going to accept any longer. Do you understand what I’m saying, Jezebel?”

  These were the times she loathed her name. “Yes, Sir.” She didn’t want to disappoint him and every day she tried to follow his rules, albeit she generally sucked at doing so half the time. Jessie wanted to smack herself. They weren’t strict by any means. Luke wasn’t a harsh or restrictive Dom. Then why couldn’t she follow the simplest requests without mouthing off? Yeah, she needed this more than most submissives. She had to. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good girl.”

  Crack! Pop!

  “Oh!” Jessie struggled in his hold as the sharp stings sent a pulse of pain up from her toes.

  “You’re going to learn to obey and I’m here to help you in your training.”

  Slap! Crack! Pop!

  Biting her lip to keep from screaming she blinked furiously, surprised tears were already in her eyes.

  Crack! Crack! Slap!

  “Good girl. You’re doing very well.”

  No, no. I’m not a good girl, I’m…

  Pop! Slap!

  “Ouch!” The last slaps were much harder than the ones before, the force jerking her up, her legs flailing.

  “Lie still.” Luke’s voice was filled with a dark yet very quiet command. He stopped and rubbed her ass cheeks, the touch of his fingers gentle.

  Panting, she slapped her hands against the floor and giggled nervously as her left leg continued to twitch. A sting was there, painful but not too bad.

  Whoosh! Crack! Slap! Pop!

  “Fuck!” The volley of harsh slaps sent white-hot shards of current directly into every cell in he
r body. As Luke continued her spanking, she could only wonder whether or not she was going to be able to sit down in the morning. Tears slipped past her eyelashes.

  “When I ask you to do something, you’re going to do so without question. Yes, Jezebel?” Luke asked as he leaned over her.

  “Yes, Sir. God, yes.” Was her voice even audible?

  Crack! Whoosh!

  The spanking continued and she heard his soothing voice as well as the comments he was making, his encouraging words of love and obedience. While she tried to hear him, longed to comprehend and acknowledge, she simply wasn’t able to vocalize her thoughts. Bubbles formed and slipped past her lips as she began to sob and not at all from the pain. She was reduced to a woman longing to feel good again, hoping he’d understand she was very sorry.

  Crack!

  “That’s enough. You’ve done very well,” Luke said, his voice soft and sensuous.

  Jessie grunted as her nails dug into the thin rug. “Ooohhhh…” This was much more humiliating than any time he’d spanked her before. Her ass was on fire and her legs shaking, but a quiet peace was already wrapping around her body, sending a shower of goose bumps across every inch of her very naked skin.

  “I’m sorry that you had to be disciplined and I hope I won’t have to make this a regular habit.” Luke brushed his hand down from her neck to her back.

  Wiping her eyes, she nodded, unsure if she was able to make a single coherent sound.

  Luke exhaled slowly and gathered her into his arms. “My Jezebel.”

  Jessie blinked, trying to force away her tears. They were of longing and sadness about her behavior and also about a moment of feeling free. She clung to him, pushing her face into his chest and breathing in the rich scent of his skin before closing her eyes. Unable to hold back her raw emotions, she sobbed. “Oh…I…”

  “Ssshhh… There’s no need to talk. I’m very proud of you.” Using a single finger he traced up and down her spine as he placed his chin on top of her head. “Very proud indeed.”

  As she clenched her eyes shut she fell into the rhythm of his body, rocking them both back and forth. Sniffling, she licked tears from her lips and exhaled, the sound so ragged.

  “Jezebel.”

  In the next few seconds she stopped crying. She was filled with a sense of comfort and relief, love silencing her fears. Without a doubt she knew she was loved. She slipped into a blissful state and almost fell asleep until she heard an odd sound.

  Opening her eyes wide, Jessie could swear she heard Luke crying.

  Chapter Three

  Jessie sighed as she nuzzled into Luke's shoulder and could tell he was just barely asleep. There was something so intoxicating about the scent of his skin, the way he felt lying so closely nestled into the searing heat of her body. Her entire body tingled, goose bumps covering every inch of her arms and legs. They'd made love for hours and yet she knew he'd be hungry again very soon. After all, he was an insatiable man. For a few seconds she thought about the night before and the spanking, a smile curling across her lips.

  Then she remembered his groans, her concern he’d been upset. She had no idea what to think or even if she should be concerned. Luke was such a private man and of course he hadn’t told her everything about his past life, as she hadn’t with him. Everyone had secrets. She only hoped the ones they continued to keep wouldn’t tear them apart. A shiver trickled down her spine.

  Her thoughts disjointed, she trembled and realized there was something completely different about the way she was feeling this morning. Perhaps it was because of the deep and very uninhibited conversation they’d had the night before or because of her recent soul searching, but either way, everything had kicked up a notch. The spanking had been… Hmmm, how could she describe the moment? Maybe what she expected? Sighing, she tilted her head and shifted. As the sheet slipped past the skin on her ass, she knew for certain she’d been spanked. Just like she deserved.

  Wrinkling her nose, Jessie thought about the way he’d handled her discipline and smiled. Obviously the entire situation had been difficult on him, but had she really heard him crying? And dare she ask him? Nope. Not a good idea. Today was a new day and she wanted to spend time together. No dwelling on sadness. God, she didn’t want him to leave. Grousing, she turned toward the window. The light was barely slipping past the blinds. He was going to have to leave soon for another trip and she already missed him, hated him being gone. Yes, she was still pissed.

  The discussion the night before had been inspiring and yet she continued to feel so inadequate. Maybe she doubted herself, as she had been often lately. There were so many reasons including the daunting concept of devotion. Jessie had thought she understood what she needed to feel completely, but the questions from the night before had shown her in no uncertain terms she’d been wrong. He continued to question her willfulness and his ability to control her. Luke didn’t have to say anything for her to realize his growing concerns. And so she worried.

  She also frustrated because she knew her Sir was hiding a doozy of a secret, one that was driving a wedge between them. His dark moods were getting much worse. Why didn’t he tell her what was going on? Didn’t he trust her? Didn’t he want to share everything with her? A tremor shifted from her tummy to her heart. Jessie had to stop second-guessing everything. But damn, it was difficult.

  Without a doubt Jessie loved him unconditionally and knew how much she wanted to show him. She had so many ideas of how but now she was unsure. There was time. This journey into domination and submission had been amazing and eye opening and so much of her had changed. She eased her hand across her ass and fought giggling. While the punishment had been intense, she’d been left wet and horny versus remorseful. He knew he needed to figure out other ways to get her attention. Why in the world was he thinking and more importantly how well would she accept?

  And Luke needed her to understand several things. His comment on reflecting while he was gone remained in the forefront of her mind. Hadn’t she done nothing but reflect for the past few months? Well, this morning wasn’t going to solve everything. He was leaving her and she wanted to show him how much he was loved and respected. Devotion. Jessie realized she would be thinking a hell of a lot about the very word over the next week or so.

  Shuddering, she eased her hand down from his neck to his chest, brushing the tip of one finger back and forth across his nipple. She grinned as his lip twitched, lurid thoughts hovering just below the surface. Jessie fought to suppress a giggle as she repeated the intimate move on the other already hard bud. Leaning over, she kissed his shoulder and allowed her hand to ease down even further, swirling her finger in the soft hair surrounding his cock. When he didn’t move she bit her lip and blew a swath of hot air across his cheek.

  Luke mumbled but remained asleep.

  She sat back and scrunched her nose. Leaning her head down, she swept the long strands of her unruly hair across his face and neck, giggling when he moaned, his eyes opening and closing. “Wake up, sweet Sir.”

  Shifting, he stretched, a deep sigh emitting from his lips.

  She couldn’t resist him. There was something so sexy about the man as he awoke, always ready to tackle the world. Very softly she brushed her lips across his.

  “Mmm… My kitty kat. Good morning.”

  “Good morning, Sir,” Jessie whispered as she slipped her hand between his legs, fondling his balls, rolling the tender flesh between her fingers. She loved the feel of his thick sac in her hand. Then again, maybe she enjoyed her little bit of control. Mmm…

  Opening his eyes, he issued a single, throaty growl and turned his head. “My insatiable Jezebel. I thought you’d be sore this morning, your sweet cunt as well as your ass.”

  “Mmm… I can still feel you. I still have cum dripping out of my pussy and ass, but you know how much I love the feeling.” And God did she ever. Wrapping her hand around the base of his cock, she gave him a sultry smile and rubbed her lips across his. “Besides, you’re leaving and
I want to make certain you miss me.”

  “How could I not?”

  “Just making sure.” She loved teasing him, tempting him.

  Turning over on his side, Luke’s eyes twinkled as he eased his gaze down her face to her chest and back up. Exhaling slowly, he licked down the length of her neck, the exaggerated sound floating between then. Easing back he shook his head. “You’re one bad girl.”

  “Yes, Sir.” Jessie arched her back, taunting him.

  “And you love tempting me.” Dropping his head, he engulfed her nipple sucking the tender flesh between his teeth. Finally nipping first one sensitive bud and the other, he dragged his other hand up to the base of her neck, holding her still. "You taste so damn good."

  The second he squeezed his hand around her throat Jessie shivered. He was such a controlling man, yet usually gentle in his actions. Even his voice was sensuous, sexy and held a hint of danger -- or perhaps just a realization of things to come. This morning there seemed to be urgency in his eyes. When he released, she moaned, desire racing through her. "And I want to please you in every way. I'll do anything you ask."

  Luke shifted back and raised his eyebrow. "Hmmm. Has something happened since last night?”

  “No! Why do you ask?” Whew, her voice was far too clipped.

  “What’s bothering you? Have you done a naughty deed perhaps, sweet Jezebel?"

  "Bothering me?" Blushing, she couldn't hide from the man, her Sir.

  "Yes, you, my little willful sub." Gathering her into his arms, he swatted her naked behind and chuckled.

  Sighing, she continued stroking him, enjoying the way he throbbed in her hand. “It’s not that. I…”

  “Talk to me, Jezebel.”

  Jessie was trying to figure out what to say. What was there to add after the night before?

  He gripped her wrist as he shook his head. “I thought we were making headway after last night. Don’t hide from me.”

  She wanted to say the same words back to him. “Just thinking.”

  “Jezebel.” He remained unblinking.