My Life in the End

by Adriana Alexa

  I was opening my newspaper.

  - Mr. Baxter?

  I turned to find Laura in a bikini, barely out pool with wet body.

  She was slim and slender. An elegant bearing and too small bikini.

  - Laura. - I saluted.

  - Good to see you taking a sun. - Smiled excited - I can? - Indicated the lounge chair next to me.

  - Make yourself comfortable. - I shrugged.

  - I thought I'd have lunch in the room.

  - I decided to go down a bit.

  - Relax a bit in the pool? - She had noticed that his words had hit me.

  - I think so. The afternoon will be long.

  - Certainly. The opening is in two hours. - He pulled my arm to look at my watch and I found the relaxed attitude also inappropriate and lovely. - I'll eat something and then take a shower. - Sat - have lunch, Mr. Baxter?

  - No not yet.

  - I ordered a sandwich. Why not join me?

  - A sandwich? It does not seem healthy.

  - A little over occasionally, Mr. Baxter. - She laughed - It's good. No one can stand eating salad every day. - She had a beautiful smile - I ask to put pepper.

  I gulped.

  - Pardon?

  - Do you like, right? Rose put the note in all buffets, is on your shopping list ... and sometimes that accompanied him in a restaurant, she always insists.

  I folded the lip.

  - You are perceptive.

  - I think so. - He lifted a shoulder, shy - A little. So what do you say? One of the richest men in the world ... eating a sandwich with plenty of pepper in the pool next to the intern? It will not be beaten.

  I have not managed a half smile and she turned to me, beaming.

  - Was that a smile? Wow! I think it's the first time I see him smile.

  - No need to exaggerate, Miss.

  - You have a beautiful smile, Mr. Baxter.

  I thanked her and the waiter was back. I chose one of the menu sandwiches and Laura repeated the instruction "enough pepper" that made me leave the other half smile escape. She watched me with her huge blue eyes and an expression of satisfaction.

  Chapter 8

  - On here.

  Ty was sitting on the counter, wiping with a wet cloth Dish I passed him.

  - Mom, I was reading a book this guy ... Ian McEwan ... It's called the Cement Garden.

  I opened my eyes up to my eyebrows reach the hairline.

  - Boy! Where did you find this book?

  - Uh ... - he watched me in silence with that expression of who knew he had done something wrong and was formulating a new truth to be shared. The father did exactly the same face, exactly the same situation. I could not fool me. - On the bookshelf in the office. But I thought it would be cool! - He confessed - You said I could read anything.

  - What happened to the Harry Potter books I gave you? - I put my hand on her waist.

  - I've already read it. And the book had "garden" in the title, I thought it would be cool.

  - Perfumed Garden also has "garden" in the title and not so ...

  - This talks about what?

  A sex manual a bit more contemporary than the Kama Sutra.

  - About anything! Boy! Not to read these things without talking to me. He even that part?

  - They are home alone after her mother died and all is filth. They are three. And are older than me ... I do not understand what the problem of the dishes. - He showed disbelief as she wiped another dish. - Just for that, I said.

  - Stop reading. You heard? You finish when you're older.

  - Yeah, yeah ... I was just curious.

  - Curious about what?

  He lifted one shoulder in a strange way. I should want to talk about something but did not know how. I turned off the tap.

  - Ty. - Pulled her little hips and he slid on the bench, put it in front of me - What's the matter, puppy?

  - I was just thinking. - He spoke so low that I almost did not hear - I read the ear of the book and said that children were living alone after his parents died. Only they alone and I ... I was thinking.

  - Thinking about what, my love? - I pulled his chin and lined his eyes with mine.

  - In what would happen to me if anything happened to you. '

  I swallowed dry and little saliva tearing down my whole throat.

  I expected to have to talk about difficult topics with Tyler one day. But I did not imagine it would be so fast. And neither was going to be so intense. I figured "Who is my father" or "where it is" come before "I have no family and I will be alone when you die."

  The truth is this fear that he showed now it was one that always haunted me. So I left a letter ... to Oliver.

  Oliver, of all people ... He had money and was a decent man. I would take good care of Ty or find someone to do it. I was sure.

  If something happened to me, my son would be sent to the only person care in the world who knew where I was and what happened. But, genius or not, how to explain it all for a boy of seven years?

  His grandmother wanted me to miscarry, Ty. After she sent to kill me, I ran away. I was dumb, she found me and sent me to kill again. His father knows everything. He called something, said you were "problem" and my only did not send me your ass because I hung up the phone before.

  How do you explain this to a child?

  - Ty, listen to your mother. Nothing will happen to me, okay? Will not. I'll be fine old lady living with you and your wife, she will hate me, it will be beautiful. - I laugh and a pang in my heart reminded me of Audrey. Where would she be now? Is it still stuck in that place? - I'll be stuck with you a lifetime. You will want to get rid of me and I'll still be there. Did you hear me?

  - But ...

  - But if something happens, I have a friend. A great person. He loves you and has helped us a lot ...

  - The Rossel?

  - No, not the Rossel. It is a person I trust too! I trust my life to it, okay? And then if something happens, it will take care of you.

  He raised his green eyes at me.

  - It's my father?

  My whole heart has withered and imploded. I wanted to die.

  - No love. Not your father. It's just a friend.

  - My father did not stay with me?

  - Ty, I've said, dear. You're too young. I'll tell you the whole story of your father when you're older.

  - I just wanted to know, Mom ...

  - I know love. And I will not lie to you about it ever! But you are very young. I love you and only want the best for you. Trust me?

  He agreed with a convincing gesture.

  - Just tell me if he's alive?

  I took a deep breath.

  - It is. He is alive.

  - It's all right. I do not want to know any more, then. Never.

  - Puppy, does not. I'll tell you everything one day.

  - I'm not upset with you, mother. I just do not want to know his story.

  - You're not serious. You'll regret it. One day will need to know about it.

  - Know what? He is alive and if you die, a friend would take care of me. My father would not be me if my mother died. I do not need to know anything else.

  ***********

  Laura was an interesting company.

  It was impeccably professional whenever I needed it. But every night, when the convention ended and all negotiations had been made, she turned into a radiant and lively company that knew no bad days.

  It was a joy to injection in the body of anyone.

  Later in we stayed at the restaurant until the early hours with some people we met at the convention. We talked about sports, technological advances, television programs of low quality and overpriced meals. It was a night ... fun.

  I would not say I spent the night laughing. But I spent the night without regret me. I took two drugs and managed to sleep a little over five hours. A real achievement considering my situation.

  The sixth was a symmetrical continuation Laura was an official model for every second of the day and so the
work was over, she appeared in a little black dress that frankly was not exactly working in favor of your body with few curves but left slightly provocative yet.

  We stayed at the hotel bar, meeting domestic and foreign tourists. Talking nonsense, drinking a little. She flirted with two or three guys and then I was alone and without spirit to stay alone or having to look for company. I retired early and left her with her new friends.

  On Saturday, she asked me where I went the night before. He tried to be subtle by making it clear that he had not been involved with any of the boys, but it was not my business and if she was talking about was because he wanted me to know. Then I regretted having taken me so early in a very suggestive way.

  The convention ended shortly after noon and I let Laura convince me to go back to the pool. I did not get into the water, but took another sandwich with pepper and a few cold drinks.

  The heat of the sun pleased me. The drink, noise, light. The conversation flowed easily with Laura and she always had a new topic so that we never met before an awkward silence.

  And I remembered Merryl. She wanted me to be happy. He tried to convince me that I was young and was abandoning my chances of finding someone I cared for pure spite. Not that I needed someone who was Laura, but ... The fact is that I was not allowing myself to try anything. I had decided to be unhappy because of the vixen made me so many years ago. It's because?

  Suddenly, I could not think of any reason.

  I could not think of any reason not to stay with Laura. Not to divorce Elizabeth. Not to take a year off and go traveling around the world.

  Why I had tucked me in depressive hole where nothing was ever good?

  Laura was playing with the strings of my shorts and I realized that our contact would not need much to get even more inappropriate.

  - I think I'm going to the room now. - I decided. I touched his hand, under the pretext of moving it out of my shorts, but let the touch linger.

  She stroked my fingers in his and smiled.

  - I follow you.

  The time elapsed between the elevator silent smiles and almost touches. That previous state where both parties know exactly what will happen, but neither speaks loudly.

  I opened the door to my room and she came with me.

  He licked his lips and approached.

  Too close.

  His hands came to my chest and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

  Oh, fuck.

  I took his lips, sucked at will and ...

  Anything.

  Absolutely nothing.

  I could not be surprised. It was always like ... I'd need a time.

  His mouth was wrong. too light or too strong. His lips were thin and hard, bad to have in your mouth. I climbed hand around her waist and her breasts were too small. She was too low and I had to bend over to kiss her in an uncomfortable way. Laura put her arms around my shoulders and sank his tongue in my mouth.

  I was not exactly ideal, but I am a man and it was like my dick was saying ... "well ... will have to serve."

  I held her waist and pushed for a second.

  - Not sure if we should do this.

  But it was the kind of thing I felt my duty to say for the record. My hand was tucked beneath her bikini and she was touching my erection.

  - Because it is not professional? - She asked - It is not professional to masturbate thinking of the boss, but I've done it. - She kissed me again and my whole body turned into a heavy bag of sand.

  I have a dildo at home that practically has your name on it.

  I was listening to her moan in my ear.

  Not Laura.

  THE another.

  That fucking moan that impossible to resist.

  Laura bit my ear and moaned softly.

  The voice was wrong. The tone was wrong. The whole groan was wrong.

  She pulled me by the hand and we were in bed. But I was not there, in a hotel room. I was in my old house in the suburbs. Hearing Laura moaning recording my cell phone. Hearing her moaning in my ear. Laura had stuck my tongue in my mouth and I opened my eyes in the middle of the kiss. The light hair spread on the mattress.

  I did not want her.

  I wanted nothing.

  I did not want to kiss.

  I did not want to fuck.

  I just wanted to go back in time.

  I got home and she was taking the grain bowl of reach of Max. He was laughing and I felt happy. I did not remember ever having felt so happy before that and certainly felt no after.

  It was the best time of my life and had been a lie. She smoothed the ears of my dog and I thought how it would be perfect to come home every day to that scene. Back every day for her.

  Emotion sucks.

  It is irrational. It's uncontrollable.

  You just feel.

  I just wanted to go back in time.

  I would not have gone to work. I would have stayed home and even though she had left would not let her leave me without telling me why. I wanted to hear her say she did not love me. I wanted to hear her laugh. I yell at her. I call her a whore. And maybe so that end. Stay behind. Instead of always accompany me every second of my fucking life.

  I wanted it. I wanted so badly.

  I hated to admit. But in a few seconds like that I had no choice. Laura wanted to hate alone, but could not. I could not because I did not hate her. I never hated. And that was what consumed me, swallowed me alive, burned and destroyed.

  Laura was still kissing me.

  Nice day at the pool. Dinner with friends. The bar with strangers. Life could be light and fun for others. But not for me. Never. I could even forget for a few hours, a few days. But she'd come back.

  This could not be normal ... It had been so long. I should have forgotten, is not it? I should have overcome. Instead of listening to his voice as if she were whispering in my hand, I smell it when I was in the street. If I spent one year traveling would be a year of torture. A year saw Laura in every corner, thinking it would not have been there, in that city, which she hid. Thinking how it would have changed. If you have cut or painted hair. If you still lied age, posing as older, unlike all the other women I have ever met, or talked to real age. What places would attend if you were there with me.

  Let the kiss and stood up on his elbows. Laura was smiling at me, but then something in my countenance did his expression change.

  - What happened?

  - Anything. I think you better go.

  - Go?

  - Yeah, Laura. This was not a good idea. I'm your boss ... ... is inappropriate in more ways than I can count. I'm sorry.

  - But ... I ... - she looked at the empty, blinking. I gulped - I did something wrong?

  - No, I did it. should not have let the situation run so far. Please excuse me. Do you need to go now.

  I gave her hand to her to get up and out of my bed. She took his hand and put the bikini back with absolute shame.

  I apologized again.

  - And Laura. I think I'll come back early tomorrow. Why do not you stay and enjoy the hotel? Change my ticket for me, yes? The first possible flight.

  - Yes sir. - She whispered at the door and I felt horrible.

  But it was better that way.

  Better than having this conversation when you have sex with her.

  I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled my wallet. Just behind the space for the last credit card was a fine magazine I could only open when stuck the nail. I stuck my finger and fished my little hidden secret. My little treasure.

  It was a Sunday and we were playing a video game. Sitting on the couch, she kissed me, or bite anything in their attempt to distract me. I laughed, holding her beautiful body against mine and earned yet. The pizza arrived and I got up to look. She was with Max in her lap when I came back, stroking his fur with one hand and destroying my helpless character with the other. I complained that she was stealing and it up to get the pizza.

  You will only eat if admit that stole the game.

  But admi
t it was not easy for Laura and she writhed to bring down the pizza on the floor.

  Max had a lovely dinner that day.

  And I took a picture of us. Starving, hoping to get the second pizza.

  A proof of his stubbornness for posterity - played.

  I was kissing her cheek, but even with the almost hidden lips, my smile was noticeable. I could not remember the last time she had smiled so much. Sun had her lips squeezed into a false grimace of dengo and hunger. But I saw the smile in his eyes.

  I wanted to kiss her.

  I wanted to hug her.

  She left you, idiot. What is your problem?

  She killed my son and left me.

  I spent the thumb by crumpled photograph. I made the impression before I get rid of all the pictures I had on the phone. All the pictures I had anywhere. Or almost...

  I had saved some. More than a few ... more than I care to admit. A secret folder on your computer. A folder with the "beautiful" password.

  Why had I done it?

  Because he felt he needed to do. Why do not you hate. After all, not hate.

  I was going to marry her. We were going to have our children, our lives. I would go home and order a pizza. Sit on the couch and eat the slices in the hands of my wife.

  I would be so happy.

  She stole it from me.

  She stole everything.

  ***********

  Strong knock on the door made me consider seeking Glock that I kept hidden.

  The two men who were on the other side of the peephole were completely unknown to me.

  We are all killers, fofinha. If ever someone comes for you or your child, do not doubt it.

  Even after so many years, I could hear Lola's advice as if she were laughing there in front of me. I picked up the Glock and tucked it into the waistband of his pants.

  - Can I help you? - I opened a door of the breach without taking the safety chain.

  - Miss Scarlett is Laura?

  - It depends on who is asking.

  He was tall and had brown hair and very smooth pulled up in a clumsy topknot. There was 30 years old. The beard botched and friendly, seductive smile. It could be a seller, not his athletic and rude size. His dark eyes flashed at me in the half-light of the dimly lit corridor.

  - I'm Gareth Zahner, Interpol. - He showed the credential as if it answered all my questions.