Falling to Ash

by Karen Mahoney

I saw another smile flicker across Solomon’s mouth, realizing – once again – that I wasn’t acting under my own power. Crap. I was his puppet. He could pull my strings and make me do anything he chose.

  When Solomon spoke, he addressed the whole room. I sat back on my heels but stayed where I was. It seemed safer, somehow, and he seemed satisfied to let me kneel at his feet.

  ‘This child was Made without my permission. What would you have me do with her?’

  An unfamiliar female voice spoke up. ‘She is innocent. The crime is her Maker’s.’

  Solomon nodded. ‘Thank you, Nicole.’

  It sounded like ritualized words to me. As though they were playing their parts for my benefit – or perhaps for Theo’s – just to build up the suspense. Solomon would have come here knowing full well what he intended to do. He would have been given his own orders by the High Council, meaning he was as much under someone’s control as I was.

  It’s just that he’s much nearer the top of the food chain than I am.

  The woman who’d spoken, Nicole, raised her voice again. ‘I would like to know what Theo thought he was doing when he Made a child into a member of our Family. Turning a girl as young as this . . . What possible reason could he have for doing such a thing?’

  For a moment she sounded genuinely upset, and I wondered who she was. Nicole was a beautiful, older-looking vampire, tall and curvy with a glossy mane of black hair that reached almost to her ass. Probably her skin would have been a perfect golden shade during her life, but now she was a little too pale. Nothing that makeup or fake tan wouldn’t fix, but right now she was unadorned by anything other than a bright slash of crimson lipstick.

  ‘What is your true name, child?’ she asked, turning her calmly superior gaze on me.

  I swallowed, suddenly terrified that I wouldn’t be able to get any words out. I didn’t want to displease this woman. ‘Marie.’

  ‘Full name.’

  ‘Marie Katherine O’Neal,’ I replied, pleased that my voice didn’t shake. I resisted the temptation to call her ‘ma’am’.

  Nicole blinked her silver eyes once, slowly, like a cat. ‘And why are you known as “Moth”? Is this the name you have chosen since joining our Family?’

  Vampires sometimes took new names when they were Made. Sometimes it was symbolic, leaving behind their old life and shedding their human selves like a snake shedding its skin. Often it was the name given to them by their Maker, to signify ownership.

  For me, it was a little more complicated than that. I didn’t know how to answer this beautiful vampire’s question without talking about my human family – and without giving too much away about my past relationship with Theo. The name ‘Moth’ was only really significant in that it was something he had once called me, and it had stuck in my head as who I was now that I was something . . . other. I couldn’t associate ‘Marie’ with fangs and blood and shadows. My life had changed forever, and I wanted my name to change with it.

  All of this raced through my mind as Nicole watched me. She waved her hand, dismissing me. ‘It is of no real importance.’

  I felt stupid. Dumb. Why was it so difficult to speak in front of these people?

  But I knew the answer to that. They weren’t just people. They were forces of nature, and Nicole was clearly old – older even than Theo.

  And just as I thought of my Maker, his voice filled the room and I sank further back on my heels, wishing I could disappear into the floor.

  ‘Thank you for coming today, all of you. We offer welcome and hospitality to Elders such as Nicole and our most esteemed Solomon.’

  Ah, I thought. So Nicole also ran an Enclave. I wondered which state belonged to her. I really needed to learn more about our politics but, quite honestly, it was kind of boring. Not all that different from human politics, only with actual blood spilled rather than just metaphorical.

  Solomon raised his dome-shaped head. ‘Theo, you have questions to answer.’

  Theo bowed his head. I had never seen my Maker defer to anyone before. It was a strange thing to witness . . . and a little frightening. ‘Of course.’

  Nicole leaned forward. ‘I have more questions.’

  Solomon raised his right hand. ‘In time, Nicole.’

  But Nicole’s face was a cloud of disapproval as she turned on Theo. ‘You were lucky things didn’t go badly during the turning process.’

  Lucky? I remembered the pain. I’m not sure I would call anything about it ‘lucky’. The days and days of pain and screaming myself so raw I couldn’t speak in anything but a whisper. Even then, when I did force myself to speak, I begged Theo to put an end to my suffering. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I just wanted it to stop.

  Each time he found me trying to break my bonds, once even trying to bite my own wrists so I could kill myself – not realizing that it was far too late for so simple a death – he would simply clean me up and restrain me again. All this, kept a secret from the Family. Even, he told me, from Kyle – his most trusted ally in Boston – at least until I was through the worst of it and he knew I would survive. Only then did he let Kyle know what he’d done.

  Theo stood, the fluid grace I was so accustomed to seeing still taking my breath away. I sneaked glances at him through my hair. He was like a beautiful predator, a big cat prowling his domain and ready to fight anybody who would dare challenge him as King of this particular Jungle.

  ‘I should never have chosen to tie someone so young to me. Eternity is a long time.’

  ‘So you admit that you had a loss of control.’

  ‘I made a mistake.’

  ‘And do you regret this . . . mistake?’

  I swallowed, trying not to watch Theo. I didn’t want to see the expression on his face. I didn’t want him to regret me.

  ‘No,’ he said, surprising me. ‘Not now. She is mine, for better or worse.’

  If Theo had told his Enforcer about me before I’d become completely Made, Kyle would have tried to convince his master to kill me. I’m sure he would have said things like: It’s for her own good; it’s for the good of the Family; it is for your sake. And maybe all of that was true.

  Theo narrowed his eyes. ‘And it did not go badly, as you so delicately put it, Nicole. You see the evidence before you. Moth is alive and well.’ He gestured at me, and I wanted to sink into the carpet when all those shimmering eyes turned to examine me again.

  Nicole tossed her shiny hair. ‘I speak of something far worse than death and you know it.’

  I frowned. Worse than death? What was she talking about? What could be worse than death? Apart from becoming a vampire, I mean.

  But before I could think on that any further Solomon cut her off. ‘It takes more than blood to Make a vampire, it takes strength of will,’ he said. ‘Intention. The old myths say that it takes a piece of the Maker’s soul to truly turn a vampire. The link forged between the pair is eternal, only ending with the death of one of the vampires.’

  And what becomes of the one left behind? I wondered. Perhaps the older you are the more able to stand the loss, but who knows? Maybe when Kyle looked at me the way he did it was because my existence really did make Theo vulnerable. I mean, beyond the damage to his standing within the Family – the evidence of his loss of control – more than that. Because if someone ends me, what would that do to Theo? Is it true that I possess a tiny piece of his soul? I tried to imagine it rattling around inside me.

  ‘You will all get your chance to ask questions if you don’t hear what you want during these proceedings,’ Solomon continued, ‘but Theo will first answer to me – his Master.’

  ‘Of course,’ Nicole said, lowering her eyes demurely. I didn’t believe her false modesty for a second. Something about this whole situation had her ready to rip into Theo. Maybe they’d been lovers. Could she be jealous? Did that even make sense? I mean, look at her, I thought. And then look at me.

  Nicole glanced my way, turning her head so sharply it made me jump. She smile
d, but it wasn’t a friendly expression and I wondered if she could read my mind. Some vampires had that gift, although it was rare.

  The room was silent, like a church. Which was sort of fitting, considering the way Theo had designed this room. I shivered and my chest suddenly ached. Part of me wished to be far from here, with my birth family – my first family – all the O’Neals together on a Sunday. Church, dinner, the Irish Catholic works. Despite my problems with both Dad and Sinéad, that seemed preferable to this. It was, at the very least, way more normal.

  Solomon fixed Theo with those disturbing dark eyes, so unusual in a vampire. ‘All of this is a formality. We have already reached our verdict.’

  Theo straightened his shoulders. ‘You have not yet deliberated the matter.’

  ‘This order comes from on high.’

  He must mean from the Council, I thought. I bit my lip and waited. Why go through all of this . . . charade, if Theo’s fate had already been decided? I knew the answer to that the moment I thought it: vampires were all about ritual and performance, in private settings such as this. It was important to meet me, see what Theo had made (literally), and hear what he had to say.

  Theo locked eyes with Solomon. ‘And what do the High Council have to say?’

  Solomon stood in a graceful movement that belied his size. ‘A loss of control in the head of a Family the size of Boston’s vampire community would, ordinarily, be . . . unforgiveable.’ He paused, letting the weight of that word sink in like fangs into virgin flesh. ‘However—’

  I saw Kyle lean forward, almost imperceptibly. I wondered what he would do if Solomon’s punishment for Theo was too great.

  ‘However,’ repeated the Elder vampire of Massachusetts, ‘it is the finding of this gathering that Theo is too valuable an asset to lose.’

  Relief washed over me and I gripped my hands tightly together.

  ‘It is the hope of the High Council, Theo, that one day you will perhaps take a seat at their table. I know it will come as no surprise to you that they have long considered you my natural successor, as Elder of this Enclave, should I be elevated to the High Council. But you also know that your recent actions with the fledgling now known as Moth have put your position in grave danger.’

  I wondered if Solomon saw the irony in his choice of words. I suppressed a slightly hysterical giggle, almost clapping my hand over my mouth but just stopping myself in time.

  He smiled, displaying terrifyingly long fangs that seemed super-white against his dark skin. ‘You have set yourself back some years with a loss of composure more suited to a newly Made vampire.’

  Solomon shook his head slowly, playing his role to the fullest. I felt like rolling my eyes, but was scared he’d see me even though he wasn’t looking my way. He was tricky, this one.

  ‘In order to prove yourself worthy of your position – and of the faith placed in you by the Council – you will complete a task. A challenge, if you will.’ Solomon’s gaze hardened.

  Theo nodded. ‘I can complete any challenge you see fit to set me. Kyle, my Enforcer, can keep watch on my people if the task involves travel, but I am more than capable of taking whatever action is required.’

  ‘Personally,’ Solomon said.

  ‘Personally,’ Theo said.

  ‘Good, then we are all in agreement. Your undertaking is simple: you will find and kill the hunter Thomas Murdoch. And you must be there at the kill. Just sending someone else to do your bidding will not be enough. I want his head – and so do the High Council. I want you to bring it to me, personally. Do this, and your recent transgression will be overlooked. You will be permitted to keep Moth in your Family and, more importantly, you will retain your position.’

  Murdoch! My mind raced and I tried to wipe the expression of shock off my face. My cell phone burned a hole in my pocket as I remembered the text message from Jace. I lowered my head again, nervously running my tongue over my fangs. I peeked at Theo from behind my hair.

  He was nodding, his face an unreadable mask. I knew he must be furious. He’d already failed to find Thomas Murdoch, and that was even before he’d been given specific orders by the Council. I wondered if now was the time for me to tell my Maker about my run-in – and unexpected alliance – with Jace. Yeah, that’s a great idea, I told myself sarcastically.

  ‘How long do I have?’ Theo asked. There was always a time limit on these things; he knew the way the game was played.

  ‘One week.’

  Crap. I shifted uncomfortably. That wasn’t long, especially considering Jace had told me about his dad’s recent disappearing act.

  ‘And if I fail?’

  Nicole glared at him. ‘You know the answer to that already.’

  Theo bared his teeth. ‘I am speaking with my own Elder, Nicole.’

  Once again, I couldn’t help speculating about their relationship.

  Solomon shook his head, as though chiding two bickering children. ‘Enough. Theo, step forward.’

  My Maker did so, ignoring Nicole, who pouted in a dramatic fashion behind him.

  ‘The penalty is simple: the source of your weakness will be destroyed,’ Solomon said. He reached out and lifted my chin with surprisingly warm fingers. His hands were huge. He could swat me like the insect he probably thought I was.

  ‘If you fail, this one will die – taking a piece of your soul with her.’

  Chapter Nine

  DAWN WAS APPROACHING. Another hour or so, but we could all feel it.

  Almost as soon as the last vampire had ventured out into the cold, Theo and I faced each other across his ridiculously huge bedroom. He’d dragged me in here once the other vamps had slipped quietly away, heading to the basement at Subterranean to sleep out the day before making their journeys to wherever they belonged. Subterranean had opened more than five years ago and was a popular hangout for the young and beautiful. It was frequented by Goth/wannabe vampires, and was also a front for Theo’s business interests. He operated all kinds of businesses from the lower levels, and in the sub-basement there was a giant crypt filled with coffins where the city’s older vampires – and any visitors – could sleep in perfect safety during the day.

  I tried to clamp down on a sense of rising panic. What should I do? I had to tell Theo everything that had happened now, surely? About Rick and what he’d become. More importantly, I needed to tell him I was in contact with Murdoch’s son. I couldn’t let a brief connection with Jace get in the way of my Maker’s task – a task that both our lives could depend on.

  And yet . . .

  I tried to think clearly, but still found myself hesitating, making excuses. Like: surely I didn’t have to tell about Jace, not when his father had already been missing for weeks, anyway. Skipped town, he’d said, hadn’t he?

  ‘What’s done is done,’ Theo said, pacing back and forth in an uncharacteristic show of tension. ‘I will find Murdoch and I will kill him. Nothing has to change.’

  ‘Just let me go,’ I said. ‘If you let me leave, forever, they can’t use me to get at you.’

  Theo’s beautiful pirate’s face was impassive. ‘You can never leave me.’

  I continued as though he hadn’t spoken. ‘I’ll run away and hide – far away. Nobody will find me. I swear!’ I swallowed. ‘I’ll even promise never to contact my . . . my true family.’

  ‘That will make no difference to what I did – or to the challenge I’ve been set.’

  ‘I’ll be just like a ghost,’ I said. ‘Theo.’

  He moved so fast that he blurred across the room. His hands gripped my shoulders and he turned me to face him. ‘Stop asking for what cannot be. Ever.’

  I shook myself free of his grasp, knowing, even as I did so, that I could only manage it because he let me. My voice was thick with unshed tears as I replied. ‘Why? Because it’s “forbidden”? Why can’t you fight the system, Theo? I thought you wanted to join the Elders. Don’t they make these stupid rules?’

  ‘I am not an Elder yet.’

&n
bsp; I ignored him. ‘You could start fighting them now. Start over me.’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re asking.’

  ‘No, it’s just that you don’t give a shit about me. You never have.’ I gritted my teeth to stop my jaw from wobbling.

  His hand shot out, so fast even I didn’t see it. He gripped the front of my dress and lifted me straight up. My feet dangled inches above the ground and I felt the collar begin to tear.

  I tried to kick him, but he just held me out to one side so I couldn’t reach. ‘Put me down!’

  He shook his head, granite-faced, a vengeful god woken before his time. I knew I’d pushed him too far, but I really didn’t care.

  ‘Theo, let go of me!’ I struggled more violently, grabbing his wrist with both hands and trying to wrench myself free.

  He shook me pitilessly. ‘Be still.’

  ‘Get off me,’ I said, hating that I’d begun to cry and couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my face.

  Theo watched me without expression.

  ‘Please,’ I said, not caring in that moment that I’d done the one thing I had promised myself I’d never do: beg.

  He released me without warning and I hit the floor – hard. I couldn’t get my feet under me in time, despite my superhuman reflexes, and I sat where he dropped me.

  Wow. Could my life suck any more?

  ‘Get up,’ he said.

  I didn’t move. There was an empty space inside me that even blood couldn’t fill.

  ‘Get. Up.’

  I raised my chin and met his eyes. ‘I hate you.’ He could kill me for that, but so what? How could things get any worse?

  He took a step toward me and I flinched. Theo saw me do it and his eyes widened in something close to shock.

  ‘Moth . . .’

  ‘Leave me alone.’ I hardly recognized my own voice.

  ‘Marie, I am s—’

  ‘I said, leave me alone. Didn’t you hear me? Leave me with some dignity, for God’s sake.’

  He laughed, an awful sound filled with bitterness. ‘God? Your so-called god doesn’t want you anymore, little one. Better to stay close to those who do want you.’