Skin Deep

by Trista Jaszczak

  “Now I see why you like to come here,” he says, getting comfortable in the pile.

  I nod. “Told you it’s great here. I think you’ll love the coffee too.”

  “I have to ask Lola, who is Kade?” He blurts, looking over at me while we wait on our drinks.

  I feel my cheeks start enflaming yet again and I swallow hard. “Remember the artists that you replaced? That was Kade. He was my friend and he worked for me. Before he left for New York, he bought me my pink tattoo machines…and he kissed me, but it wasn’t like that, I mean, we’re not dating…things just happened that day and they happened fast,” I ramble. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to say. Kade hasn’t mentioned it since and neither have I to be honest.”

  He shakes his head. “It’s alright, really.”

  “It happened so quick, it really shocked me,” I explain, “and I never actually saw Kade like that. He was a great friend, a brother even.”

  The barista appears just then, smiling, and places our drinks on the table, before telling us to enjoy them. We both smile in response to her and pick up our cups, each of us having a sip.

  “Your pink machines…” his voice trails as he glances over at me, sitting his cup back on the table. “Now I remember.”

  “Oh…” I laugh nervously, I’d never told anyone about Kade’s kiss until now. “Yeah, those were a going away gift from him. Something to remember him by.”

  He gives me a little nod. “Some gift.”

  I begin nibbling nervously on my bottom lip a bit as I watch him reach for his cup and bring it to his lips again. He is gorgeous…beautiful even. I watch him for a moment as he has another long sip of coffee. “Well, I do love pink. Pink and purple, actually.”

  He glances at me from the corner of his eyes and smirks in such a way that only one side of his lips curl up. His eyes move down and back up again. “Pink suits you.”

  Heat surges to my cheeks again. Oh, this blushing thing…if it could just calm down a bit, thanks. I lean forward, reaching for my cup and have a drink. River glances down at the watch on his arm. It’s shiny, polished silver with a beautiful black face. “Your watch is stunning.” I blurt.

  “Thanks,” he says. “It’s the only thing I have left of my real dad. He died when I was two.”

  I bring a hand up to rest lightly on his shoulder. “Oh River, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

  He shakes his head and reaches for my hand to hold it. “No, not at all. I keep it on me to remember him. You didn’t know.”

  “He must have been a really great man,” I say.

  His lips immediately begin curling up. “He was the best. Anyone who knew him will tell you that he was one of the most generous people they knew. I wish I'd have gotten the chance to get to know him.”

  “I do too.”

  “My mom ended up meeting this asshole about three months after my dad died, she got pregnant with my half-brother and married him.”

  “Is that why you left home at eighteen?” I ask, pushing my hair behind my ear.

  “Yeah,” he sighs. “As my half-brother and I got older, my stepdad became abusive. My half-brother was only about sixteen when I left. He was extremely bitter with me because I couldn’t take him, but I knew that I couldn’t stay in that house and survive either.”

  I pout for a moment, trying not to cry. “Do you talk to your mom?”

  He shakes his head. “Not in ten years or so.”

  “Oh River,” I gasp. “I’m sorry.”

  He looks down at his coffee cup, picking it up and twisting the coffee collar around. “Enough about that, though. This place is awesome.”

  “Oh,” I nod, “it is. I’ve been coming here since it opened a few years ago. I got hooked on it immediately.”

  “Tea is a whole lot better for you than what I’m drinking,” he tells me raising his coffee cup.

  I giggle as I have another sip of my tea. “Well, I don’t really know if this is good for me, but it tastes amazing.”

  River glances at his watch for a moment. “Is Cas opening the shop?”

  “He can,” I tell him, “but we still better go before we’re both late.”

  “So, if I’m late are you going to punish me?” He winks.

  I stand up, laughing, reaching for my purse. “I promise I won’t tell.”

  We thank the barista as we head for the door and back down the street to Skin Deep. When we get back, Cas is already in the shop, getting things ready to open. He smiles and greets us both as I tell him we just ran for coffee. He complains for a moment about me forgetting to get him a cup, but he has a sudden change of heart when I tell him to go get one. He bounds for the door, thanking me, telling me how badly he needed coffee. I set my tea on the counter and turn to River, who is prepping his station for the day. He’s pulling out ink cups, sorting through his ink, organizing his cart when I catch him glancing at me from the corner of his eye. I’m pretty much a goner, but I have to wonder why he’s made no mention of last night. I run my hand over my graffiti and sticker covered counter. It’s been tagged, sprayed, covered in stickers, and now I’ve been fucked on it by a man who apparently wants nothing more to do with me. I let out a sigh, drop my head and begin working on getting ready for my first appointment of the day.

  I was supposed to leave in the early afternoon today to allow Cas and River to close alone, but I haven't. I’ve been here all day, keeping myself busy catching up on the things I’ve fallen behind on. The guys have had a steady flow of customers, including three walk-ins today. As I do the upcoming week’s schedule, I lean over the counter trying my hardest not to think about what happened the night before. I let out a breath. Attempting to keep a business running with just three employees is damn near impossible. We all have a steady flow of appointments, which is good but turning away walk-ins is the hard part since we have no gaps.

  “Lola?”

  I look up see River standing in front of me, he’s glancing at his watch. “Is it alright if I take a lunch?”

  I stand up straight. “Oh yeah, that’s fine. Whenever you want to go, just let me know. It’s no problem.”

  “You should have something too, you haven’t eaten all day,” he tells me, “can I bring you back anything in particular?”

  “It’s fine, you don’t have to. I can eat later.”

  He shakes his head. “You have to eat something. It’s not good for you.”

  “I don’t want you to go out of your way,” I explain. “You don’t have to.”

  “Lola, let me get you something, please, my treat.” He grins wide, staring at me. Cas glances at me with wide eyes and over to River, who simply smiles at him. Cas will have questions as soon as River is out the door. Great. How do I explain that when I don’t even know what’s going on between us? I’m pretty sure I became nothing more than a fuck and suck. He didn't mention last night, not even once. He’s kept his distance all day, to be honest, I feel like he’s avoiding me. But, on the other hand, he can come to me and insist on buying me lunch? Of course, I wasn’t exactly expecting much…I don’t even know what I was expecting. Maybe to talk about last night, to see where he and I stand at this point because right now I feel like nothing more than a one night stand.

  I let out a breath and finally concede. “Fine, I actually am hungry. Think you could grab me a burger and fries please?”

  “Anything to drink?”

  “Whatever pop they have works for me,” I tell him.

  He gives me a little nod. “I’ll hurry since I know you’re hungry.”

  “Oh no, please, take your time.” I smile as he heads for the door. As soon as the door closes behind River, Cas glares at me. I give him a stern look and scrunch my nose. “Not one word.”

  “Now do you want to explain to me what the fuck that was?” He shoots, crossing his arms and smirking.

  I’m ready to send him back to his workspace just to avoid this conversation. Surely to God there’s something he
needs to clean back there. “That was absolutely nothing. That was my employee getting me lunch.” I tell him, walking back to the counter as I begin straightening things even when it’s clear that things are already organized.

  “And you know, I seriously thought he was gay,” Cas admits, making a face. “I mean have you seen his hair? I swear he spends more time on his hair than you do, Lo.”

  I can’t even try to hold in my giggle. “He is not gay!”

  “And just how do you know that?” He asks, smiling, crossing one boot over the other as he leans against the counter.

  “I just know, okay? You can tell he’s not gay.”

  “But there’s something weird about him,” Cas tells me, “I can feel it in my bones.”

  I roll my eyes. “Why do you think he’s weird? You’re weird. I’m weird. What the hell is wrong with weird?”

  He opens his mouth as though to speak and then makes a face. He opens his mouth again, but no words come out. “Okay, you got me. We’re all fucking weird. But that guy,” he points to the door, “I don’t know, there’s something about him.”

  “The only thing about him is the fact that he is another male, he’s in this shop, and you feel the need to be my big brother.” I laugh, giving his shoulder a pat.

  “Well, when I told Kade about him, he told me to watch you around River,” Cas finally admits.

  I stare at him and let out another breath. “Well, does Kade expect me to be a nun or something?”

  Cas shrugs. “I don’t know. All I know is that he had kissed you before he left and you weren’t too accepting of it.”

  My eyes immediately widen. “He shocked me and I’ve never seen Kade like that. He’s always been just a great friend and employee.”

  He gives me a funny look, looks down at his feet, and then his eyes meet mine again. “It’s not good to mix business with pleasure, Lola. You know, if something is going on, it might not be a good idea. You’re still his boss.”

  My lips curl downward. “There’s nothing going on,” I lie. “I’m a little offended that you would think that. I’m trying to get to know him as well as I know you, Kade, or even Arch. Him wanting to buy me lunch threw me off guard too, you know?”

  He gives me a look, nods and holds up a hand. “Look, I’m sorry, but after I mentioned his name to Kade and he said I needed to watch him around you, I took it seriously.”

  “Kade isn’t here,” I snap.

  “Well, he’s still your friend, and he wants to look out for you.”

  I sigh and nod. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired. River has two days off the day after tomorrow and you and I are splitting the shifts.”

  He gives me a little nod. “It’ll be okay. We can handle this. It’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

  It’s becoming clearer and clearer at this point that I am doing nothing more than making a huge mess of this situation, and by sleeping with River, I’ll only make it worse. I'm his boss. Now I’m nothing more than a one night stand. I think I like it better when I don’t have to see the person ever again. This is just fucking torture.

  I walk into the shop with all our food. I’ve made sure to pick Cas up something as well so he doesn’t think too deeply about my buying Lola lunch. He takes his bag, smiles and tells me Lola is in her office doing paperwork. I give him a nod and head down the short hallway, where I find her at her desk with her head in her hands.

  Stepping through the doorway I realize she’s not looking up. “Lola?”

  She jumps, startled and looks up at me quickly and gets up to meet me halfway. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

  I can hardly look at her after last night. Not because I don’t want to, but because I know that she’d be terrified of me. She'd think I’m crazy. Things would go from bad to worse and I'd be out of a job that I already love. “You want to have a seat with me in the back? Have lunch together?”

  She takes a moment to think about it and finally nods. She follows me from her office to the break room. I can tell that she’s been thinking. If she’s anything like me, she’s thinking about last night. Only I’m willing to bet she’s wondering what she did wrong, why she did what she did, and what she is going to do now. I want to tell her that she didn’t do anything wrong. But to feed her the cliché line of “it’s not you, it’s me” seems like a whole lot of bullshit at this point. I could easily man up and just tell her…but then I risk not only being fired but losing her altogether. Makes me hate being so fucked up. She looks at me with sad eyes as she has a seat at the table.

  I pull out a chair across from her and begin sitting our food and drinks on the table. I look up at her with my eyes and catch her staring. She quickly looks away and purses her lips. It doesn’t seem to be sitting well with her either. I’m reducing her to nothing more than a fucking one night stand. What a dick move. I open a straw and place it in one of the thirty-two ounce cups and push it over to her. “Have a drink.”

  Her cheeks fill with color and she takes the cup, bringing the straw to her lips. She has a quick sip and looks away from me and down to her right. She can barely look at me. Not like I can blame her. She presses her lips around the straw for a moment and I catch her eyes again. She hurries to look away as she sets the cup on the table. I start pulling her food from the bag. A bacon cheeseburger and a large order of fries from Pepper’s Bar and Grill just down the street. “Hungry?”

  She finally looks at me and gives me a little nod. “Starved, actually.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have told me that you didn’t want anything,” I say. “You have to eat.” I begin unwrapping her burger and place it front of her. She looks up at me confused as I sit down and grab my own burger and fries.

  “I’m just trying to keep the shop running,” she explains. “I have to work your schedules around all the appointments you have all while making sure someone can be out front in case we have walk-ins.”

  “Understandable, but you can’t just not eat. It's not good for you.” I say, diverting my attention to my burger. I look up slightly and see that she is chewing quietly but seems to refuse to look at me as she reaches for her cup and has a drink of pop.

  “Sometimes I just forget.”

  “Well,” I start, “you shouldn’t. It’s not healthy.”

  She gives me a silent nod as she still looks to my left.

  “Something interesting over there?” I ask, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

  Her mouth drops and her eyes move to meet mine. “I’m sorry…I just…” Her voice trails and she looks up at me with the saddest blue eyes I've ever seen in my life.

  “Lola, this doesn’t have to be awkward,” I tell her. “Things happened really fast last night. I never wanted to make things like this…I just…see I have this thing…” I stop my words and watch as her mouth drops.

  “Oh, my fucking God.” Her blue eyes go from sad to angry quickly as she pushes her food away.

  I shake my head. “No, that’s not what I meant, see, I just…there’s this thing about me.” Out with it, dude. Tell her. Tell her now. Tell her what you are. I look down at her burger that has no more than two bites taken out. “You should eat some more. Two bites will not help you. I know it’s not exactly healthy, but it’s something.”

  “Do you have a fucking girlfriend?” She snaps in a loud whisper, leaning across the table.

  I shake my head furiously. “No! I wouldn’t do that!”

  “Some disease?”

  This one just makes me laugh as I sit back and shake my head. I lean back in my chair and shake my head. “No, I don’t have some STD that I didn’t tell you about.”

  “Then what?”

  “You should sit back, calm down, and eat your fucking food, Lola.” I tell her.

  “Then what?! Just tell me?! What thing do you have?!” She looks directly into my eyes. She’s worried, she’s scared, and she’s a mess. I can see that all in her eyes. She pouts slightly and gets up. “It was fun…really, it was great. I hop
e you like your job here.”

  “I love my job,” I tell her, being completely honest. “I fucking love it. Which is why I don’t want to lose it.”

  She pouts again, this time crossing her arms and nodding as she starts to walk away.

  “Lola, sit down, now,” I command her.

  She turns to look at me, shocked at my order. Her mouth drops and her arms slowly fall to her sides.

  “Sit down and eat, now.” I order.

  She reaches for the chair and pulls it out slowly. She looks at me, pouts, and finally has a seat, taking a bite of her burger. I look away and smirk slightly. All I can think to myself is good girl.

  I had to leave work early. With River there I couldn’t fucking do it. Not after our lunch spectacle. I told Cas I had a headache, he told me to go on home, he and River would close up no problem. I came home, had a glass of rum and coke, a long shower, and have been sitting on my couch in my PJ’s. Now here it is, nearly midnight and I’m still sitting here. I have the T.V. on but, to be honest, I’m hardly paying attention to it. I’ve mostly been staring into space, thinking. River apparently has this “thing” about him. I swear, I think it’s just a fucking girlfriend and if it is then, he better damn well admit it. I’m so stupid for letting myself get into this mess. I should have stayed away from him. I'm his boss for fuck’s sake. But here we are. I have to keep him. He’s fucking incredible at his job. People ask for him by name, and he's only been here a few short weeks. Cas has some issues with him because Kade seems to think I should “watch out for him”. The only issue I have right now is that I allowed myself to be affected by him. We turned the shop into some, sex parlor for a night, he got his, and now he will hardly look at me. I let out a groan. Honestly, I’m just pissed at myself and feeling dumb. Not sure what I expected from him. I was a one night stand. It happens. I can't be bitter, I just have to move on. I think I was just…hoping…that he was a little different. The knock on the door makes me half jump out of my seat. It’s nearly midnight and I’m not exactly expecting anyone. I mute the TV, getting up as I toss the remote on my couch. I glance out the peep hole and my jaw drops. I slowly open the door, confused. “River.”