Skin Deep

by Trista Jaszczak

  “Sit still,” I order.

  She stops moving her hands and I look down to see that she's shaking slightly.

  “What was the one thing I told you not to do, Lola?”

  She releases a little breath and I hear a slight whimper.

  “Don’t make me ask you again, Lola.”

  “You told me that I couldn’t see Kade outside of work.”

  “Look at me when you speak to me,” I order.

  She looks up slowly. She’s beginning to pout with watery eyes. She’s clearly upset, but I don’t know if she’s upset because she was caught, or that she disappointed me just yet.

  “Lola, I called the shop today, to see if you needed anything.”

  A single tear slips down her cheek as the big picture begins to unfold for her. She shakily reaches out to touch my knee as she looks up at me.

  “Don't touch me, Lola.”

  She gasps and pulls her hand away slowly. She begins crying as she looks down again.

  “I said to look at me,” I say smoothly. She looks up again as a few tears dribble down her cheeks and she purses her quivering lips.

  “River, I was going to tell you.”

  “Is that how you address me?” I ask her, lifting her chin with my fingers.

  “No, Daddy,” she says sniffling.

  “Then you know exactly what you’ve done,” I say, leaning forward in my chair.

  She gives me a little nod, “Yes, Daddy, but I was going to tell you.”

  “You disobeyed me, Lola. I told you on more than one occasion not to see Kade outside of work. Then today you go behind my back and meet him at No Doze.”

  “But, Daddy, I was going to tell you,” she interrupts me with a shaky voice.

  I pull back from her, leaning back in my chair. “Don't interrupt me, I don’t want to hear your excuses. There is no excuse for what you did. I told you not to see Kade outside of work and you went behind my back and did it anyway,” I tell her. She looks down again as a few tears dribble down her face. “I told you to look at me.”

  She looks up slowly. “I wasn’t making excuses, Daddy.”

  “Then what were you doing, Lola? Because it sounded like an excuse to me.”

  “I was going to tell you, Daddy, I swear. I just didn’t want to tell you on the phone or through a text,” she says to me. “I was going to tell you tonight.”

  “You disobeyed me, Lola. I told you not to see Kade outside of work and you did it anyway.”

  She gives me a pitiful nod. “Yes, Daddy, I was just trying to make the situation better. I wanted you and Kade to get along.”

  “Well, the only thing that you've managed to do is disobey and disappointment me.”

  She looks down again as everything seems to be sinking down on her and I see her shoulders give a little shake as she weeps.

  “Look at me, Lola.”

  She looks up at me and sniffles. I hate seeing her like this. She’s pitiful. But she had a choice to listen to me and she deliberately disobeyed me. She made a choice and now she has to be punished for it.

  “You're going to be punished, Lola.” I tell her, lifting her chin with my fingers again.

  “But, Daddy -”

  “No, Lola. You're going to be punished. Go into the kitchen, grab the largest measuring cup and fill it with rice, then meet me in the dark room. You are to knock and ask permission to enter the room. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” she says sniffling again.

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, Daddy. I understand.”

  “Go, into the kitchen now,” I order.

  She gets off her knees and goes straight into the kitchen, where I hear one of the cabinet doors open. I pull myself from my chair and head down the hallway to the dark room. I leave the door cracked as I listen carefully, I can hear the pantry door closing. Within a few minutes, I hear a very light knock on the door.

  “Daddy, may I please come in?” She asks in a shaky voice.

  “Come in Lola.”

  She pushes the door open slowly and creeps in with her head down as she carries the large cup of uncooked rice. She stands just in front of me and takes a deep breath as she lets her eyes meet mine.

  “You disobeyed me, Lola. I made myself clear. Do you understand why you’re being punished?”

  She nods, “Yes, Daddy. You told me not to see Kade outside of work,” she whimpers, “and I did anyways.”

  “Pour the rice on the floor in a pile, Lola,” I command, pointing to a spot on the floor.

  She looks up, confused.

  “Pour the rice on the floor in a pile, Lola,” I repeat.

  She obeys, bending over, and dumping the rice into a pile, making sure that it doesn’t go all over the place.

  “Set the measuring cup on the tall dresser,” I tell her.

  She quickly obeys, rushing to set it on the top where it can’t fall over and break. She returns to stand in front of me, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

  “You're being punished, Lola,” I say. “You disobeyed Daddy, and Daddy made himself clear as to what would happen if you didn’t listen.”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  “Remove your shoes and your jeans,” I tell her, “you are going to kneel on the rice for fifteen minutes.”

  She looks at me with an open mouth and then looks down at the mound of rice.

  “Now, Lola. Don't make me tell you again.”

  She kicks off her flats and then begins unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans to reveal a pair of purple lace panties that look fabulous on her. If only she'd listened to me, I wouldn’t be punishing her and we’d be doing other things right about now. She falls on her knees slowly, letting them rest on the rice. She makes a little face as they begin digging into the pile, the rice slowly starting to stick and push painfully against her knees. She leans forward and rests her palms on the floor in front of her as she whimpers again.

  “Palms off the floor, Lola, don’t make me add more time.” I say sternly.

  She pulls her palms away and folds them on her lap as she cries. “I was going to tell you, Daddy. Really I was.”

  “That doesn’t matter right now, Lola. You didn’t listen to Daddy and that means you have to be punished.” I tell her. “I know that you're a new sub and Daddy's proud of how quickly you've caught on, but you have to learn to listen to Daddy. Do you understand, Lola?”

  “Yes, Daddy, I understand.” She cries, looking down.

  I look down at my watch to check her time. “You only have twelve minutes left, Lola.”

  She gives me a little nod as she leans forward, placing her palms on the floor again.

  “I said palms off the floor. I'll add more time if you don’t listen.”

  She pulls her palms back and places them on her lap. I don’t doubt that the rice is hurting her knees. I know what it feels like. I'm the kind of Dom, who'd never do anything to his sub that he wouldn’t try. I've knelt on rice before, to know what it felt like and I would say that she is certainly uncomfortable right about now. I glance down at my watch again. My plan is to have her clean up the rice as part of her punishment while she is doing that I can get her some water and begin aftercare when she's done. She can talk to me about Kade if she needs to and we can move forward from there. She whimpers as she makes an attempt to adjust herself on the rice. In the efforts to make herself more comfortable, she's apparently only succeeded in making it worse. I glance down at my watch again. “Six more minutes and then you can clean up the rice.”

  She looks up at me and nods. “I'm sorry, Daddy.” She whimpers softly letting a few tears roll down her face as her shoulders drop and shake. “Kade needed a friend and I only wanted to relieve the tension between you and him.”

  “But you disobeyed me, Lola,” I remind her.

  She places her face in her hands as she cries. I have no doubt that she's telling the truth. She only wanted to help the situation in her shop. But, by doing so she disobeyed me. She understood what she d
id was wrong and was going against my rules and she did it anyway. I look down at my watch again as I count the seconds until her time is up. As soon as the second-hand rolls over the twelve I look down at her. She looks so completely helpless that I want to pick her up off the floor, but part of the punishment is that she cleans up the rice. Her eyes meet mine finally as she sniffles.

  “Alright, Lola. Your time is up, but you will clean up this rice. Put the rice in the trash, put the measuring cup in the dishwasher when you finish. Daddy needs to go get something.”

  She gives me a little nod as she begins easing herself off the rice. “Yes, Daddy.”

  I slip from the dark room and to the kitchen where I begin rummaging for a few things. A bottle of water for Lola and something to snack on. I'm impressed with how she handled the situation. I can only hope that she's learned a very valuable lesson from all of this. The last thing I ever wanted to do is punish her. I reach for a Hershey bar from my pantry and a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator. In all honesty, I don’t think I'll have to worry about her breaking the rules. Kade, on the other hand …now he may present issues. At least I know now that Lola knows I'm serious about all of this Kade business. I push the door open to the dark room, “Lola.” I glance around expecting to see her waiting for me. All I see is a pile of rice on the floor and no Lola in sight.

  I don’t know what the fuck I'm doing. I’m a fucking wreck. My knees and my head are killing me. I can’t even describe how I feel right now. It’s like I’m having some sort of mental breakdown. I know what year it is and how old I am, but suddenly, I feel like I’m sixteen and at the abusive hands of my mother. I know this couldn’t have possibly been the intent of River, but it is what it is. My mom was crude and horrible to me. Even making me kneel on frozen peas. River’s form of punishment has suddenly sent me spiraling into my past and has become a horrible trigger. The last thing I knew was that he was telling me to clean up the rice as a part of my punishment and as soon as he left the room I was dressing and making a run for his front door. I wipe my face and sniffle. I don’t really know where I’m going or what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t know what to do at this point. I just up and left. River will be furious. I understand why he was mad. Really, I do. I completely went against him and did something he specifically told me not to do. And if there's one thing that River has ever been, it’s crystal clear.

  I think back over the entire situation. Walking in and expecting him to be happy to see me and hearing that tone in his voice. That tone…there’s something about that tone in his voice that I hate. I swear I could hear the disappointment in his voice. Then having to kneel in front of him, without touching him…being told not to touch him in that tone of voice. It devastated me. Normally when I kneel in front of him, it's an act of submission, which I understand completely, but my head is usually in his lap and I’m holding onto his leg while he pets my hair. I feel comforted and safe. To have me kneel in front of him and be told that I couldn’t touch him…it’s a whole new level of hell for me. I can’t think straight, all I can hear is River’s voice and the disappointment in it. I’ve never seen someone so upset, so mad, and so disappointed, but yet so smooth and level headed. I look around at the neighborhood I’ve gone into. I’d been driving around so aimlessly, that I hadn’t been paying attention to street names and I didn’t have any sense of direction at all, but I know this neighborhood. I feel my shoulders drop as I frown. I’ve gone straight to Kade’s block without realizing it. His apartment is just up on the right. He’d been lucky enough that he'd not been gone long, so his place hadn't been leased yet. When he did decide to move back to Cincinnati, this old landlord was happy to rent his old apartment back to him. I don’t know why, but I pull into the parking lot. Seeing Kade is exactly what got me into this fucking mess, but I can’t take it. Kade is my friend and he told me that if anything happened, I could come talk to him. Well, something happened and I need someone to talk to. I couldn’t dare tell Cas about what just happened. Kade seems to know about River’s lifestyle, probably from his short time working at NYC Ink’d. I'd assumed that River was quiet about being a Dom. Not necessarily a secret but on a need to know kind of deal. I park in the spot next to Kade’s jeep and hop out of my car, locking it behind me. I head into the lobby and straight up the three flights of stairs to where Kade lives. I wipe my face again, but I know trying to look somewhat normal and cheery is completely hopeless at this point. My eyes and nose are beet red and my mascara has been running.

  Kade flings the door open after one knock. “Lo, babe,” he reaches for my hand giving me a gentle tug inside, shutting the door behind us. “What happened?” He begins looking me over to see if there’s any physical damage to me but stops when he sees that I’m just upset. He moves me to his couch where I have a seat.

  I look around his apartment. Clean like always and smells like a mixture of vanilla and beer. I glance at the table and see there're about ten empty beer bottles and an open box of pizza. There’s a video game paused on the television. He has a seat next to me, tossing the black controller out of the way. I look up at him and can tell he’s drunk out of his mind. Tomorrow is his morning off so he knows he can sleep in. I push the hair from my face and wipe my eyes again. My mascara is starting to sting my eyes and I’ve been doing nothing but making it worse.

  Kade lifts my chin with his fingers and makes a pitiful face. “Lo, what happened?” I can smell the beer on his breath as he touches my cheek and then takes both hands to rub the mascara from underneath my eyes.

  “Kade, I wasn’t supposed to see you earlier today,” I admit.

  He gives me a confused look, raising his eyebrows as he wipes the tears from my face some more. “What do you mean you weren’t supposed to see me today?”

  I let out a sigh as I feel more tears collecting behind my eyes. I look up with a useless attempt to keep them from falling down my cheeks. “River told me not to.”

  “Wait, he told you that you couldn’t see me?”

  “He told me that I’m not allowed to see you outside of work.”

  He wipes the tears from under my eyes again. “Lo, that's bullshit, he can’t just control you like that. I’m your friend.”

  “River says that he doesn’t trust you, that you’re pretending to be my friend,” I blurt shaking my head. “I’m not even supposed to be here right now.”

  “Lo, babe, what did he do to you?” Kade holds my face in my hands letting his thumbs tenderly graze my cheeks.

  “He punished me.”

  Kade’s drunken eyes widen. I can tell that he’s confused by the statement and he really has no clue about the BDSM lifestyle. “He…punished you?”

  I give him a silent nod. I don’t even know what to say, I don’t know how to explain it. Nothing. All I can do is nod.

  “What did he fucking do to you, Lo?” Kade growls.

  I feel his hands tremble around my face and I jump back quickly. “I had to kneel on uncooked rice.”

  “Have you told him what your mom would make you do? Lo, he cannot do this shit to you.” Kade tells me. “You're twenty-five fucking years old, not some little kid that he can just control.”

  “Kade he just…you just need to know the life…” I tell him.

  “Don’t you fucking make excuses for him,” he spits out. “Why the fuck would you sit back and allow him to treat you like that?”

  “Kade he didn’t know what it would do to me, I didn’t know what it would do to me,” I cry.

  “He sat there and treated you like shit and did something that was a trigger for you,” Kade scowls at me.

  I lean back into the corner of his couch and pout.

  Kade scoots closer to me, shaking his head. “Lo, I’m sorry. You know how I feel about you. But if you need me to be just your friend, I will,” he tells me, touching my face. “But I will not just sit around and allow that guy to treat you like this.”

  “I disobeyed him,” I mumble softly.

  “Do
you hear yourself, Lo. You “disobeyed” him. That's not a normal fucking relationship. He shouldn’t give a shit what you do, as long as you come home to him every night and I know full fucking well that you do.” Kade says, inching in closer to me.

  “If I could make you understand things, I would, but it’s complicated. There’s more to it than you think,” I say. “I did disobey him.” I feel my shoulders drop. “I disobeyed him…twice.” I look up at Kade with wide eyes. “Oh my God. Twice. He’ll punish me again.”

  “Like fucking hell I'll let him do that to you fucking twice, Lo!”

  “Kade, I have to go,” I tell him starting to get up. I feel his hands on my shoulders pushing me down onto the couch. I look up at him as his face comes so close that all I smell is the beer on his breath. I lean away from him and shake my head. “Kade, really, I have to go.”

  His hands clamp onto my shoulders hard as he pushes me into the corner of the couch. “Don’t you fucking dare go out that door and run right back to him.”

  I push against him to find that he’s pushing with most of his strength down on me. I look at him, shocked. “Kade.” I put my hands against his chest, pushing again only to have him push against me with more force making my back dig into his couch. “Kade, what the fuck are you doing?”

  I feel one of his hands move from my shoulder to my hip where he clamps down on me. “I’m not letting you go back to him.”

  I grab at his wrist, trying to tug it away from my hip, but he’s quick to grab and pin my wrist. I let out a little yelp as I feel panic begin to set in. This can’t be happening. Not now. Not Kade. “Kade, you’re scaring me,” I whimper as I use my free hand to push at him again. “Please, stop.”

  “I’m not letting you fucking go back to that.”

  He pushes his entire body into me and his hand clamps hard over my mouth, making me let out a squeal that is completely muffled. What have I done? What have I gotten myself into? He's going to rape me…hurt me…I don’t know…my mind whirls and I begin fighting the best I can, getting my free hand around his neck, pushing hard against his Adam’s apple. I hear a loud bang and I jump as Kade shoves all of his weight down onto me. I let out another muffled scream, but realize what’s happening. The coffee table gets jostled as beer bottles begin toppling over, a few spilling to the ground. River grabs Kade by his shirt, yanking him off me in one swift movement as he lifts Kade off the ground and pins him to the nearby wall.