The First Time Mums' Club

by Lucie Wheeler

  Imogen nodded and desperately wanted the focus to shift from her. Whilst she was open about her sexuality now, she was still plagued with nerves whenever she met someone new, and was expected to tell her story. She never used to be. But then, seeing the way her mum reacted almost left her with a fear of telling people. Most people were absolutely fine. But she still had the nerves whenever it came up with people she didn’t know. She couldn’t read them and that made her apprehensive.

  ‘Are you married?’ Zoe asked.

  And there it was. She knew it was coming. She hesitated and then nodded, ‘Yes, I’ve been married for three years now.’

  ‘Aw, a nice new marriage.’ The woman opposite her said. She had long, brown hair, like Alice’s, and was really pretty in a simple way. ‘And what’s your husband’s name?’

  Imogen’s heart was pounding so hard against her chest she was sure the others would be able to hear it. ‘Err… well, my wife’s name is Alice.’

  The table fell silent for just a second and Zoe quickly added, ‘Oh my God, I am so sorry. Look at us just assuming like that. I feel terrible!’

  ‘Please, don’t. It’s okay, really. Everyone does.’ She looked around the table and was faced with genuine smiles. No weird looks, no whispering. These were all right people, she concluded. She felt a little more relaxed.

  ‘So how long have you known your wife?’

  ‘We’ve been together for nearly five years now.’

  ‘Aw, that’s so lovely.’ The woman opposite smiled reassuringly at Imogen, for which she was so grateful.

  ‘So, how did you fall pregnant?’ Everyone around the table whipped their head to look at the woman – who was clearly bored up until this point – in disbelief. ‘What?’ She asked, ‘It’s a valid question.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ Imogen said, smiling at everyone and trying not to laugh.

  ‘Ellie is my sister – she’s new today too – she can be a little direct sometimes,’ Zoe said, trying to ease the moment.

  ‘Err hello, I am still here.’ Ellie said, holding out her hands.

  ‘Don’t we know it!’ The table laughed at Zoe’s comment.

  ‘Honestly, it’s fine. I’d rather people say it how it is than talk about me behind my back.’

  ‘Do you get a lot of that, then?’ Imogen nodded at Zoe sadly. ‘People can be so horrible sometimes. But you don’t have to worry about that with us; we are all friends here and we want you to feel happy and comfortable to tell us what you want. Don’t feel pressured.’

  ‘Thank you. Its fine. I’m happy to tell you.’

  ‘So, how does it work?’ Ellie settled back in her chair ready for the story.

  Imogen looked at the interested faces around the table and felt a sudden rush of nerves …

  ‘You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want us to know.’ Zoe leant across the table and stroked Imogen’s hand. She must’ve looked like a rabbit in headlights for her to have said something.

  ‘Honestly, it’s fine. I just don’t know where to begin, that’s all.’ She could feel her hands becoming clammy. She wasn’t used to being the one who divulged the ins and outs of their relationship. That was Alice’s domain. She would know exactly what to say in this sort of situation, whereas Imogen felt completely out of her depth. But, she was going to become a mum so she needed to learn to deal with these sorts of questions. ‘Alice and I had been together for about two years when we first started talking about our future and what we wanted. I was very lucky to find someone as amazing as Alice – she really is my rock.’

  ‘Where do you even go to find out about your options? I wouldn’t know where to begin.’ Ellie was leaning on the table, clearly enthralled already by the conversation.

  ‘I guess you would be looking for an answer a lot more substantial than … Google?’

  Laughter erupted at the table, but then as they seemed to notice Imogen’s face, one by one they stopped. ‘Oh, you’re serious?’ The brunette added.

  ‘Well, kind of, yeah. You see, we were the same, we didn’t know where to begin looking so we did what everyone does when they have a question, we asked Google!’

  ‘And did Google have the answer?’ Zoe probed, sipping at her cup.

  ‘Yes and no. There was a mass of information out there and I just became overwhelmed with it all. Then Alice came home from work one evening saying she had heard about a seminar that was taking place the following month at a clinic in London which seemed really interesting, so I agreed to go. We went the following month and I was truly amazed at how much there was to offer same-sex couples.’ She paused to take a sip of her cappuccino, feeling her apprehension ease slightly the more she spoke about her story. The others seemed so interested and it made her feel wanted, included… like one of them.

  ‘So, you told them that you were a couple and they were okay with it?’

  ‘Ellie! For God’s sake!’ Zoe threw a look to her sister.

  ‘Honestly,’ Imogen held her hand up to Zoe to reassure her. ‘It really is okay. You would be surprised, well you might be, I don’t know you well enough yet, but they were so welcoming and treated us like every other person in the room. This particular clinic was so inclusive and they promote themselves as being the clinic of choice for same-sex couples, so we knew we were in the right place. They told us what all our options were – this was without either of us having gone through any tests or anything, so they were speaking overall, not just for us in particular – and we went away feeling so totally elated knowing it was possible and we could do it.’

  ‘I tried IVF a while back,’ the woman opposite said as she broke off a piece of Bakewell tart and placed it in her mouth.

  ‘Really, did it work out for you?’ Imogen then flushed red at her stupid question. ‘Sorry! Of course it worked out.’ She indicated to the woman’s stomach and drooped a little in her chair from sheer embarrassment.

  ‘Oh, no, that’s not how I got pregnant. This was a pure miracle.’ She rubbed her tummy and Imogen felt a little better.

  ‘So, what happened with the IVF?’

  ‘It just didn’t work. That’s the be-all and end-all of it, I’m afraid. I guess yours did?’

  ‘Yeah, eventually. It wasn’t the first thing we tried, though. We opted for other treatments but they just didn’t work out for us.’

  Ellie shuffled in her seat, getting more comfortable and powered over another round of questions that amounted to her pretty much asking about the different treatments and how they were executed. ‘So you just turn up, they squirt the sperm inside you and you go home?’

  Imogen couldn’t stifle her laugh, ‘Pretty much. That was for the IUI treatment. It wasn’t for us – far too impersonal for what we wanted. But I guess it works for some people and it does work, so that’s the main thing. But it didn’t for us.’

  ‘What does IUI actually mean?’

  Imogen smiled at the interest Ellie was showing. She liked Ellie. She didn’t hold any bars. If she wanted to know something, she simply asked. There was no misreading that one. ‘IUI is basically artificial insemination. It’s called intrauterine insemination.’

  ‘Wow, this stuff just blows my mind. It’s amazing what can be done nowadays. So, the artificial thing didn’t work, what did you do next?’

  ‘We ended up with just straightforward IVF.’

  ‘I remember when Jason and I went through IVF; it’s not exactly what I would call straightforward.’ The woman, who she now knew was called Pippa, raised her eyebrows at Zoe, who clearly knew what she had been through.

  ‘Well, you know what I mean, straightforward in the sense that it was just us and them. No complications, no egg-sharing – although we did want to do that – just us and IVF.’

  ‘I remember all the blood tests and injections,’ Pippa reminisced.

  ‘Oh my God, I remember the injections!’ Zoe interrupted, shaking her head at the memory. ‘I would be round Pippa’s,’ she addressed Imogen, ‘and all of a sudden her
phone alarm would go off and she would be like ‘it’s injection time’ and she would whip out the needle and stab it into her stomach. Just like that. Like it was the most normal thing in the world!’

  Pippa laughed. ‘I remember seeing Zoe’s face the first time I did it.’

  Zoe shook her head and shivered as she relived it. ‘Honestly, it was like a horror movie.’

  As the conversation about Pippa’s pregnancy unwound, Imogen sat back in her chair and secretly praised herself. She had done it. She got it out of the way and revealed who she was and she felt great. But she had done enough sharing now and was thankful when Zoe pushed the conversation further around the table to take the attention off her.

  *****

  ‘My name is Ellie and I’m an alcoholic.’ Zoe exhaled and gave Ellie a stern look. She glanced around the table of expectant mums and laughed. ‘I’m only joking. Lighten up.’

  ‘Okay, let’s start again, shall we?’ Zoe raised her eyebrows, an expression that screamed don’t ruin this! ‘Other people have introduced themselves. It’s your turn.’

  ‘Okay, fine. My name is Ellie but I’m not an alcoholic. Well, not unless you count the amount of bottles of wine I can get through with the girls on a night out… before I was pregnant, that is,’ she hastily added, just to make sure those people on the next table, who were currently frowning, didn’t call social services on her before she even popped this little one out.

  ‘Tell us a little bit about yourself? Maybe not so much about the alcohol side… maybe, hobbies?’

  Ellie used every ounce of self-control to not retaliate with a sarcastic comment. This was a huge ask of her, seeing as sarcasm was her natural go-to in any uncomfortable situation. She felt better when it was other people talking, but now it was her turn, she was forced to think about her messed-up situation.

  ‘I was only joking. I make jokes when I’m nervous. It’s a talent, I assure you.’ A deep breath. ‘Okay. My name is Ellie and I am thirty years old. Turned the big three-oh about six months ago and celebrated in usual fashion with my friends and BOOM,’ she clapped her hands together, making a few people jump, ‘Six months later, here I am with a bun in the oven.’ She cringed inwardly at her use of language as a few of the other mums gave looks to each other. ‘Again, I’m joking. Clearly this isn’t a six-month bump. I’m about ten weeks’ pregnant.’ She didn’t fit in with this crowd – she stood out like a sore thumb. Nausea suddenly crept up from her stomach and settled nicely in the base of her throat, causing a surge of heat to erupt all over. Damn hot flushes.

  ‘I think maybe we should keep the momentum going around the group. Thanks for sharing, Ellie.’ Zoe’s face said something completely different from the words coming out of her mouth. Ellie frowned at her as the woman next to her was giving her introductory speech. ‘What?’ Ellie mouthed to her sister. Zoe shook her head and indicated for Ellie to listen.

  ‘Tell us a little about your journey to pregnancy, Jane.’ Zoe was a natural at this. Yet another thing she was perfect at.

  ‘Of course. Well, my husband and I like to do things as naturally as possible and we did a lot of research into natural ways to fall pregnant. We found a lot of very interesting things we could do to increase our chances of falling straight away. I think the one thing that worked the most for us was that every time we finished making love, I would put my body into the best position I could to conceive. And BOOM, here I am.’ The woman glanced at Ellie as she said the last bit and curled the corners of her mouth into what looked like a smug smile.

  Ellie’s mouth dropped open slightly at the sheer shock of this woman’s blatant piss-taking. But no one around her seemed to see it. Either that or they all chose to ignore it.

  ‘What a lovely story. It is always best to do things as naturally as possible and let nature do its thing, hey?’

  The women around Jane nodded in agreement, with sickly smiles on their faces.

  ‘What if you can’t do it naturally, though? Surely those who need a little help shouldn’t feel bad for doing so?’ Ellie asked, riled by this woman’s clear disregard for anything other than what she believed. Especially after some people had just spoken about needing extra help.

  ‘Well, if it’s meant to be, then it’ll happen.’

  Ellie exhaled in disbelief. ‘What? That’s rubbish!’

  ‘Ellie, let’s keep things nice, please.’ Zoe was looking at her in disappointment. ‘We value everyone’s comments at this group and I would appreciate you doing the same, please.’

  ‘I am quite offended that you feel the need to target me like this.’ Jane moved her gaze to the Zoe. ‘I just wanted to share my story, to help others.’

  ‘It’s fine. Please continue.’ Zoe gave one last warning look at Ellie and then smiled for the woman to continue.

  Ellie made a noise and leant back in her chair. She actually couldn’t believe this was happening. She watched the two ladies go back and forth with conversation, but she couldn’t concentrate. Anger was bubbling up from the pit of her stomach and all she wanted to do was get up and leave. But she didn’t want this woman to know she had affected her. She was normally a confident woman with a somewhat hard exterior. She never let on to anyone if they had upset or offended her. That’s just the person she was. As soon as you let someone know they have got one over you, that’s it. No going back. She lived by that. But ever since she fell pregnant, she was unable to uphold this confident exterior all the time and she found many things did actually affect her. Bloody hormones, she thought to herself, as she discreetly took some deep breaths to pull back the emotion that was building. Being pregnant was such a stressful time for Ellie. Her friends had always told her how dismissive she was of new things and how she should at least try sometimes. So here she was, trying.

  Sometimes she tried very hard.

  ‘I am sure I speak for a lot of the others when I say how fascinated I am by this posing routine you speak of.’

  Posing routine? What had she missed?

  ‘It’s very simple, yet completely effective. I don’t think I would have got pregnant without doing this every night.’

  Jane was still talking then.

  ‘Would you show us some of your poses?’

  ‘Oh, of course.’ She stood up to take centre stage in the middle of the café and Zoe immediately stood to fetch a mat from the side of the café, dragging it into the centre as a precaution. The mums’ club wasn’t the only club Zoe entertained here. She also had a yoga club and a seniors’ afternoon tea club.

  ‘First, you want to get into a headstand,’ she said, as she effortlessly bent forward and sprung her body up into said headstand.

  Ellie had to admit that she was slightly impressed by the ease of this. Not that she would let on, though. Not to this woman, anyway.

  ‘Then you bring the soles of your feet together and pull them down towards you, so that your knees are outwards. Sort of an upside-down genie. Then,’ the woman lifted and dropped her legs so that it made a pumping action, ‘You want to pump your legs like this whilst making a puffing sound.’

  Puff, puff, puff….

  ‘After every three puffs, you want to stretch your legs up straight, to the ceiling, and make this sound… yeoow!’

  Ellie snorted before she had a chance to stop it escaping. She held up her hand in apology and tried to keep a straight face.

  ‘You need to do this seven times, repeating each cycle.’

  Puff, puff, puff, yeoow, puff, puff, puff, yeoow…

  Ellie looked around the room, an array of amused faces were watching Jane with interest. If anyone walked into the café now, they would be in for a treat!

  Puff, puff, puff, yeooowwwwwww

  She held the last note for ages and everyone clapped. Slowly she lowered herself to the group and sat back on her heels. ‘And that, my friends, is how you fall pregnant.’

  ‘Nothing to do with the sex you had before doing that, eh?’ Ellie said under her breath and shook her head in dis
belief.

  ‘Jane, thank you so much for sharing that with us. What a wonderful insight to your pregnancy journey.’ Zoe smiled at the next person. ‘Pip?’

  ‘Hi everyone, I’m Pippa and I am thirty-three years old. I am married to my husband, Jason, who is thirty-six, and we are finally pregnant with our first baby. I’m eight weeks on Friday. We had a difficult time falling pregnant, so it has been one hell of a journey already, but we got there and we are so excited.’

  ‘Maybe you should’ve tried the pumping pose!’ Ellie said to Pippa under her breath and Pippa smiled, clearly trying to hide her amusement. Ellie felt a little relaxed knowing someone else here shared her thoughts about this woman.

  After the session had finished, Ellie walked up to Zoe as she was tidying away. ‘What’s the deal, then?’

  Zoe looked confused, but didn’t stop moving around. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, that woman was proper rude to me and you didn’t say anything. What’s that about?’

  ‘Ellie, that woman is the daughter of the guy who I bought this place with – I can’t upset her.’

  ‘Are you for real? What happened to the Zoe who wouldn’t take any crap from anyone? You just turn around and let her speak to people like that just because you don’t want to upset her.’

  ‘Ellie, grow up! This is business. Don’t take everything so personally.’ Zoe disappeared behind the counter.

  Ellie picked up her bag and stormed through the kitchen. ‘Nice to know you’ve got my back, Zo.’ She called over her shoulder. ‘Mum would want us to be sticking together, not letting other people chat shit.’

  Zoe rounded the corner of the kitchen door and walked right up to Ellie at speed, anger drawn over her face. ‘Why have you got to bring Mum into this?’

  ‘Why not?’ Ellie threw back defiantly, even though now she had said it she knew it was a low blow.

  ‘What has Mum got to do with any of this? I am doing the best I can, Ellie. It’s not easy for me. I had to do all this business malarkey by myself, I didn’t have Mum and Dad was a wreck. I was on my own and I did the best I could. So if it means me having to be nice to this guy’s daughter so it keeps things ticking over nicely, then that’s what I’ll do. You’re a big girl, Ellie; you can stand up for yourself. I shouldn’t have to hold your hand – I’m not Mum!’