The First Time Mums' Club

by Lucie Wheeler

  Pippa recoiled in surprise at the rudeness of his mum. Thankfully Jason stepped up before Pippa did.

  ‘Come on, Mum, don’t be like that. She was only asking how Dad was.’ He smiled over at Pippa reassuringly and it settled her. She was pleasantly surprised that he had backed her up. It was a nice move; one that he didn’t carry out often.

  ‘I just don’t wish for that topic to be brought up whilst I am eating. Is that too much to ask?’

  Both Pippa and Jason stayed quiet. Sometimes, with his mother, silence was the better option. As soon as he had finished his meal, Jason stood up and excused himself from the table and Pippa caught him taking his phone out of his pocket as soon as he left the room, tapping away on it with a smile on his face. His mum then stood and walked out, making her way to the living room, saying, ‘It’s about time that film was starting, isn’t it?’

  ‘I’ll do the washing up, then,’ she called after them both and began to clear the table, placing the plates into the sink a little more roughly than she needed to. She took her phone out of her handbag on the side and sent Zoe a text.

  Merry Christmas to you and Ellie. Hope you’re having a better day than I am!

  She added an angry emoji and waited for a reply, pouring herself a coffee. Well, if you can’t beat them, join them. At least she had the scan to look forward to on Friday.

  *****

  ‘Merry Christmas, Sis.’ Ellie’s eyes snapped open as Zoe knelt down next to the sofa, where she was lying. She had to blink a few times to clear her vision, taking her hand and wiping the moisture from her chin as she sat up. ‘Well, isn’t that a pretty sight?’

  ‘I must’ve fallen asleep. What time is it?’

  ‘Hammertime!’ Zoe shook her head questioningly, ‘No, not awake enough to joke?’ She looked at her watch, ‘It’s just after eight.’

  ‘Eight? Wow, I think I’ve slept for most of the day.’ She pulled her feet off the sofa to make room for Zoe to sit down. ‘Why are you here? I thought you were staying at Dad’s tonight?’

  ‘I couldn’t leave you sitting here alone on Christmas night, plus Dad had some friends invite him over for the evening, so I said I would come home. Spend it with you.’

  ‘You didn’t have to do that.’ Ellie still felt a little guilty for not going with Zoe to visit their Dad on Christmas Day, but she stood by what she said this morning – he hadn’t made any extra effort to see her, just as she hadn’t with him. So what was the point?

  ‘I know I didn’t, but I wanted to.’

  ‘Hmm,’ Ellie had nothing to say to that. She wasn’t up for engaging in a long and meaningful conversation about why she and her dad didn’t sort things out, which was clearly the angle Zoe was taking. ‘So, what did you get me?’ She took the present Zoe had on her lap and began to unwrap.

  ‘You’ll have to wait and see. I hope you like it.’

  Zoe sat expectantly as Ellie tore the Christmas paper apart and unfolded the tissue paper. ‘I feel bad that I didn’t get you anything, but, well, you know, I’m a bit strapped for cash at the moment.’

  ‘It’s fine, you’re already giving me the best present by being here with me.’

  ‘Oh, someone’s had a glass of wine.’ Ellie pushed Zoe as she giggled. ‘I’m only joking; it’s nice to be here with you too. It’s just a shame it’s under shitty circumstances.’ As she spoke she pulled out the present that was encased inside the beautiful pale-cream tissue paper. She held it up as she took it in. The tiny yellow jumpsuit felt soft on her skin. It had a picture of a teddy bear on one side and across the front it said if you think I’m cute, you should see my Aunty!

  ‘Isn’t it great? I saw it last week and just had to get it.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘What? You don’t like it? I can take it back – I kept the receipt.’

  Ellie laughed softly. ‘Shut up, you wally. It’s beautiful.’

  ‘Oh, thank God for that. I just had to get it. I can just imagine little one in it – totally rocking the teddy-bear look.’ Zoe clapped her hands together. ‘I literally cannot contain my excitement when I think about it.’

  Ellie shuffled on the sofa to get more comfortable, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders. ‘Did you tell Dad?’ she asked, not looking at her sister.

  ‘Yes,’ Zoe replied.

  ‘And…’

  ‘He was shocked, but I think he will come round to the idea.’ Now Zoe wasn’t looking at her.

  ‘He’s disappointed in me?’ Ellie asked the question, but regardless of what Zoe would say, she knew her dad would be. Zoe would try and sugarcoat it, but she knew her dad, she knew he would be saying I told you she would waste her life.

  ‘No, he’s just in shock. He’s upset you didn’t tell him yourself. He wanted me to ask you to go and see him.’

  ‘Zoe, I can’t.’

  ‘Ellie, come on. I’ll come with you, and if it gets too much, we’ll leave.’ Zoe’s face was lit up with hope. All she ever wanted was for them all to be a happy family. But Ellie knew it wouldn’t be the fairytale she wished for.

  ‘I’m not ready for it. Not right now. I’m all hormonal as it is. I can’t deal with Dad and his disapproving looks at me.’

  ‘He won’t –’

  ‘I’ll think about it, okay?’ She cut off.

  ‘Also, I’ve been thinking…’ Zoe turned to face her, hands in her lap.

  ‘Here we go.’

  ‘We need to sort out what you are going to do – long term. As much as I love you staying here, you have your flat and bills and your job…’ she trailed off. ‘We need to get the ball rolling.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, you don’t have any ties back home – apart from Chris, which we can sort – so you’re staying here with me, for good.’

  ‘Zoe, I don’t know. Like you said, I’ve got work to do, no clothes here…’

  ‘Work can wait. You’re freelance, right?’ Ellie nodded. ‘Well, you can set up some freelance work here. We’ll advertise in the shop and we can go back to yours together and grab some stuff.’

  ‘Zoe, I can’t just up and leave. What will I do about the flat?’

  ‘You’re only renting it, give notice.’ Zoe sat down.

  ‘Notice? Zoe I can’t move up here.’ Ellie sat to join her.

  ‘Why not? What’s holding you in London?’ Zoe said the words as if it was a no-brainer. As if it was just that easy to up and move.

  ‘Well, what about Dad, then?’ Ellie knew this was clutching at straws, but the thought of moving her whole life seemed absolutely absurd. Although in answer to her sister’s question, she couldn’t actually think of a valid reason as to why this couldn’t happen.

  ‘Oh come on, really? You’re pulling the Dad card now?’ Zoe raised an eyebrow and at that moment she looked just like their mum. Ellie wasn’t prepared for the feelings that washed over her and she was momentarily stunned. What would her mum be saying to her at this moment in time? She didn’t know. But she did know one thing; she would want her daughters to stick together.

  ‘You’re right.’

  ‘Come on, this is your chance at a new start. New baby, new life. You can do this.’ She moved across the sofa and put her arm around Ellie’s shoulders.

  Ellie shook her head. ‘‘Zoe, I’m scared.’ It came out as barely a whisper but the full force of the words hit her.

  ‘I know you are but you don’t have to be. I am here and I will always be here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.’ She pulled Ellie in for an embrace and Ellie let the droplets of emotion trickle down her cheek.

  Barely a minute passed when Ellie’s phone began to ring and she pulled away from Zoe abruptly in surprise as she felt the vibration in her pocket. She pulled it out and they both looked down at the name flashing on her screen.

  ‘Why don’t you tell him the good news?’

  ‘We haven’t decided anything yet. Stop rushing me.’ After a few minutes, the phone stopped ringing and was followed by t
he beep of a voicemail.

  ‘Hey Els, just wishing you and the baby a Merry Christmas. I’ll call you tomorrow.’

  Ellie smiled and quickly put her phone on the coffee table, dropping the jumpsuit back inside the wrapping bundle and laying it on the floor. ‘So, what do you say? Girly chick flick and popcorn?

  ‘I’ll go one better.’ Zoe jumped up and ran into the kitchen, returning seconds later with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and two spoons.

  ‘Now, that is what I call heaven.’ And she shuffled under the duvet, feeling quietly contented.

  Chapter 21

  ‘Hi,’ Imogen said, as she manoeuvred her way around the tables in the café to the one at the back, where the others were sitting. ‘Room for a little one?’ She liked these women. Out of everyone who went to these meetings, Imogen felt the most comfortable with them. After having only been to a few, she was starting to feel like part of this little group of women. She looked forward to catching up with them each week and had actually missed not coming over Christmas.

  ‘Of course.’ Zoe ushered her to a seat around the other side. ‘You don’t have to ask permission, my lovely; you’re always welcome at our table.’

  Imogen took the chair and smiled her thanks. With all the stuff that had been going on recently, she was relieved to have some new friends who she could see every week and who knew very little about what was going on in her life. Alice had been mega-busy at work in the run-up to Christmas and now was back at work, dealing with the January rush. She was seeing less of her at the moment, which did nothing for her stress levels.

  ‘Okay ladies, welcome back. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and enjoyed indulging in lots of chocolate, seeing as we can’t enjoy the festive tipples. And on the topic of food, I thought this week’s conversation starter should be cravings.’

  Imogen watched as Zoe took the lead at the front of the café. She really admired Zoe. Such a strong, independent woman. She had her café; she was beautiful and clearly acing life! Just being around Zoe made Imogen feel empowered. If she was honest, it was this group of ladies that kept her coming each week. She hadn’t really fully bonded with this little group yet, more like sitting on the sidelines and chipping in as and when, but having this weekly solace from all the shit she was still getting from her mum was keeping her sane.

  ‘Oh my God, I have seriously been craving those banana chip thingies.’ Pippa was rummaging in her bag as she spoke and then whipped out a sandwich bag full of said banana chips. ‘I seriously cannot go out anywhere without knowing they are in my bag.’

  ‘I can’t stand those.’ Imogen turned up her nose at the bag and actually felt a little nausea when the banana smell wafted her way.

  ‘How can you not like these? They’re amazing.’ She threw a few into her mouth before putting the bag away.

  ‘Well, I just remember one time at work one of the kids had these as a snack and was sick afterwards and now every time I see them I just think of that.’

  ‘Oh no! No, don’t ruin it for me – I’ve got like a lifetime’s supply of these at home. I practically re-mortgaged the house just to pay for my habit.’

  Imogen laughed as Zoe re-joined the table. ‘What did I miss?’

  ‘Banana chips make Imogen feel sick and apparently make children vomit and I need to re-mortgage my house to pay for my banana addiction.’ Pippa looked up at Zoe with a dead- straight face, shaking her head in mock despair over what she had just discovered and Imogen couldn’t help but give the game away by laughing. ‘Oh Imogen, you were supposed to play along.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said through giggles, ‘I just couldn’t keep a straight face, and Zoe’s reaction was a picture!’ She turned to Zoe, ‘You looked so confused.’

  ‘I still am, a little.’

  ‘Don’t worry; I just need you to bail me out when I get caught for stealing money to feed my addiction.’

  ‘To… bananas?’ Zoe looked from one girl to the other as they descended into fits of giggles. ‘Okay, I’m just going to move along the conversation to something a little more… shall we say… sane.’ She placed two coffees on the table. ‘Who wants cake?’

  ‘Have you got banana cake?’ Imogen managed to get out before spiralling into yet more laughter, spurred on by Pippa’s reaction. The pair of them had tears streaming down their faces and had caught the attention of the other people in the café too.

  Zoe sat down with them and a smile spread across her face. ‘Okay, clearly you two are on something and I want in!’

  Imogen dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. ‘Sorry, I don’t know what’s got into me. I haven’t had much sleep – I blame the tiredness.’

  ‘I don’t have an excuse,’ Pippa added, ‘I just found it really funny.’

  ‘Well, it’s nice to see you both so happy.’

  ‘Hey, look.’ Pippa pulled out an envelope from her bag, revealing her scan picture.

  ‘Oh, let me see!’ Imogen took the picture and studied it. ‘This is amazing. I can’t wait to have another one of mine. Got my twelve-week one on Friday. So excited!’

  ‘Is Alice going with you?’ Pippa asked.

  ‘Yeah, she’s booked the afternoon off.’ Imogen handed the photo to Zoe.

  She laughed as she took the photo. ‘This is so exciting. I can’t believe you’re going to have a little baby. Just think, Christmas this year you’ll all have extra mouths to feed.’

  ‘I know! And you will be an Aunty!’ Realisation dawned on Pippa. ‘Hey, where’s Ellie? Isn’t she joining us today?’

  ‘Who knows, Pip. I can’t keep up with her and her hormones at the moment. One minute she’s fine and I really enjoy having her around, the next minute she’s having a strop about God knows what and she storms off.

  ‘She’ll settle down with the hormones. Just give her time.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. She was fine last week, but then this morning was really moody. It’s like living with her as a teenager again.’

  ‘Has she decided how long she’s staying for yet?’ Pippa sipped at her drink.

  ‘Well, I asked her to stay – for good. She keeps changing her mind. I don’t think, given the situation, it would be a good idea for her to be all the way back in London, so I hope she does stay. Despite her being annoying, it has been nice to have her around every day.’

  Imogen’s phone beeped and she quickly swiped the message away. It wasn’t missed by the others and they both stared at her, confused. ‘You okay?’ Zoe asked.

  ‘Yeah, fine.’ Why did she have to text now?

  ‘Why did you swipe your phone like that – you got something to hide?’ Zoe said it in jest, but Imogen felt as if she had guilt written all over her face. She didn’t respond and Zoe looked worried. ‘Hey, I was only joking. I didn’t mean to offend you. It was just funny that you moved so quickly.’

  ‘Sorry, I just hate my phone going off in the middle of stuff. Habit… you know.’ She picked the phone up and excused herself to the toilet, leaving the others at the table looking baffled by her strange behaviour. As she got into the cubicle she opened up the message from her mum:

  I heard something today which makes me very upset. I told the person that you wouldn’t do this to me. Please tell me it isn’t true – please tell me you aren’t having a baby with that woman.

  *****

  That evening Pippa found herself sitting on the sofa next to Jason, who had been asleep for the past hour. She typed a quick text to Zoe:

  Can you believe it? He works all the hours under the sun and then when he finally does come home, he’s bloody asleep within minutes of starting a film!

  Zoe responded almost instantly.

  Hold his nose and cover his mouth – that’ll soon wake him up!!

  She added a laughing emoji and Pippa had to stop herself from laughing so that she didn’t wake him up. Because, truth be told, having him asleep now meant that what she was about to do would be a hell of a lot easier.

  She slid herself off
the sofa and padded gently across the room, glancing back when she reached the door to check that he was still asleep. Mouth wide open and head lolled back against the wall – yep, she was safe. She went out into the kitchen, where Jason’s phone was sitting on charge on the counter. The cold tiles under her bare feet made her shiver involuntarily as she walked over them. She checked over her shoulder one last time before picking his phone up. She felt guilty already. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this, but something wasn’t right. And after going through it all before, she was afraid it was happening again. She thought back to when they were together before and the moment she discovered he was messaging another woman.

  ‘I’m sorry, babe, it’s not what you think.’ He had said to her as she held the phone up, questioning who Katie was.

  ‘What am I thinking?’ she had challenged him. Not really wanting to hear the answer but knowing full well that she had to.

  ‘You’re thinking that I’m having an affair with her. You’re thinking that I have been going behind your back.’ The panic on his face was horrendous. She could remember feeling utter disgrace looking at him and feeling a little guilty for making him feel so bad.

  ‘And I’m wrong, am I?’ Whilst she needed to ask that question, that was what eventually ended their relationship all those years ago as he admitted everything and dropped to his knees sobbing. She hadn’t the strength back then to stand up to him – she still didn’t now – so she had simply dropped to the floor with him, joining him in the tears. However, the days that followed that were so hard that she decided to walk out and with the support of her dad behind her, she left him.

  But she didn’t have her dad here any more. He had been her rock, her saviour. She was his princess and she knew that whenever anything went wrong, he was always there beside her to support her. Even when she decided to take Jason back, although unhappy, her dad could see how much she loved him and he supported her. Their relationship had become really strong when her mum had passed away and they became inseparable. But when her dad died too, Pippa felt as if she had lost the last part of her strength. And now, all these years later, she was back in this situation with Jason, where he was working late all the time, glued to his phone the rest of the time and behaving distant with her, and she was so scared that he was doing it to her again.