The First Time Mums' Club

by Lucie Wheeler

  ‘Listen,’ Chris said as he walked into the kitchen after Ellie. ‘I’m really sorry about the way I behaved at yours the other week. I shouldn’t have shouted at you.’

  Ellie smiled at him. ‘It’s okay. I should’ve told you earlier about me moving up here. It’s just we had only just decided and I wanted to get myself sorted before I told you, so that you would see that everything was fine and I was coping fine up here.’

  ‘I don’t doubt that you will cope fine, Els. You’re a tough little cookie; you can do pretty much anything.’ He smiled at her and her heart jumped for joy. Things were okay.

  ‘Yeah, well, I do have a plan. Despite what you may think, Zoe and I have sorted out a plan of action and things are going to be okay.’

  Chris took the coffee from Ellie and walked back into the living room, so Ellie followed closely behind, taking up her seat on the sofa next to him.

  ‘So…’ he looked at her expectantly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘This master plan of yours?’ He smirked and Ellie poked her tongue out.

  ‘Right, so, I am going to stay here with Zoe until the baby comes. I have given notice to my landlord and, all being well, I should have my security deposit back from him within the next two weeks – this will help with paying my way for a month or so.’

  ‘You know, you don’t have to worry about money, Els. I would never let you struggle.’

  ‘I know you wouldn’t, but it’s not your responsibility – I’m not your responsibility.’

  ‘But –’

  ‘Chris, its fine. I’ve been sorting out different things and I am going to set up my freelance work here. I’ve been working on the flyers to put up around town – here, take a look.’ Ellie jumped up and walked over to the laptop in the corner, pulling out some sheets of paper from underneath. She handed one to Chris and sat down expectantly. ‘Well?’

  He smiled. ‘These look great.’ He placed it on the coffee table. ‘So this is it? This is what you’re going to do?’

  ‘What do you mean, this is it? Isn’t ‘it’ good enough?’

  ‘That isn’t what I meant. I mean, this is the plan? You’re happy with the plan?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes. I can freelance here and work in the café for now, and then when the baby is here I will build up a little business, doing the make-up as a mobile venture.’ She took in his wary expression. ‘You don’t like the plan?’

  ‘Of course I do. You built up your reputation before, I know you can do it again. You realise up here it won’t be as busy as when you are in London? Things aren’t as fast-paced out here.’

  ‘I know that, but with the baby here I won’t be able to keep up with the fast-paced lifestyle.’ She rubbed her belly as she felt a twinge of pain.

  ‘But you love the fast-paced world of doing photoshoots and films. You are always rushing from one place to another, doing this, that and everything in between. Are you sure you will be happy with slowing down?’

  ‘Chris, I don’t have a choice, do I? I can hardly just have the baby and then go back to living how I was. It won’t work. Things have to change. I have to change.’

  He leaned forward excitedly and took her hands into his lap. ‘But you don’t have to change. If you stay in London with me, you can carry on with what you do and we can work things out so that we can both keep doing what we love.’

  She frowned. ‘Chris, it’s not as simple as that.’

  ‘It is. You just aren’t giving it a chance.’

  She squeezed his hands and smiled. ‘You are so lovely. And I really appreciate you trying to think of me. But this is what I want to do. It is time for me to take charge of the situation and be an adult. I do have to change – but that’s okay.’

  There was a brief silence that followed. Chris continued to focus his attention on their hands, intertwined with one another on his lap. After a moment, he said, ‘Since when did you become an adult?’

  She laughed fondly. ‘I’m afraid it’s the hormones. They force me to realise that I have to grow up.’

  ‘And what about me?’

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘Where do I fit in?’

  Ellie shrugged. Because realistically, it had taken her so long to get her own head around this situation, to get herself there, she had to shut off from everything else and think about what she wanted. ‘I just need to do this, Chris. For me – you know?’

  He nodded and stood up, grabbing his coat from the side.

  ‘Where are you going?’ She shuffled on the sofa to standing and followed him out to the hallway.

  ‘I should get back home. I said I would meet the lads down the pub so…’ he trailed off.

  ‘Chris?’ she called as he walked out of the door. ‘Are you still coming with me for the second scan next week?’

  He paused and then looked over his shoulder at her, a sad smile displayed across his face. ‘Course. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.’ And he left.

  Ellie walked back into the flat and closed the door, and within a couple of minutes, Zoe appeared in the doorway.

  ‘Has he gone already?’ she looked confused.

  ‘Yeah,’ Ellie replied, flopping back down onto the sofa.

  ‘Did you sort things out?’

  ‘Yeah,’ came her reply again.

  ‘Are you going to elaborate or shall I just keep asking questions until you have explained everything?’ Zoe dropped down onto the sofa next to her and put her arm around her shoulders as a tear dripped down Ellie’s cheek. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

  ‘I just feel like I can’t do anything right.’

  ‘Why? What did he say about the make-up business?’

  ‘Oh nothing, he said it was great.’

  ‘So… what’s got you upset?’ Zoe was rubbing her hand up and down Ellie’s arm as she laid her head on her shoulder.

  ‘I just feel like I need to concentrate on me and the baby right now – I feel like I need to get my head around things and then I see Chris and everything gets jumbled up in my head again. I just can’t focus on me and him right now; I need to focus on me and the baby. I can’t cope with anything else – one thing at a time.’

  ‘Honey, that’s fine. If that’s what you need, then that’s what we will do. But just remember that he will always be a part of this – whether you acknowledge it or not. So by all means take some time out for you now, but sooner or later, you need to work out a plan that involves Chris and moving forward. Okay?’

  Ellie nodded. Life would be much simpler if she didn’t have feelings for him.

  Chapter 29

  ‘Ellie, you can’t just hide away in there forever.’ Ellie ignored Zoe and turned over in bed. ‘You’ve been in there for like a month now.’ Another knock.

  She pulled the duvet down. ‘I haven’t been in here a bloody month! Now who’s the drama queen?’

  ‘As good as! Ellie, it’s been ages. Come on. You can’t lock yourself away from the world. You’ve been missing mums’ club and I’m not running around for you if you won’t pull your weight in the shop. I let you have a couple of weeks off, but this is just silly!’

  ‘I’m not locking myself away. I’m just taking some time to myself while I can, before the baby comes.’

  Zoe unlocked the door from the outside and came into the room, followed by Imogen. ‘I’m afraid that time is up. Come on, get up.’ Zoe pulled the cover off Ellie and tickled her foot.

  ‘Hey!’ she squealed, retracting her foot rapidly. ‘So much for having a bloody lock if you can open it from that side! What are you doing?’

  ‘We are stopping you from wallowing.’ Imogen picked up some clothes from the dresser and threw them onto the bed. ‘Come on, get dressed!’

  ‘Girls, I’m not bloody wallowing, I’m relaxing before the baby comes.’ She rolled out of bed and stood up. Where are we going?’

  ‘You’ll see. Just get dressed.’

  An hour later they were all in Zoe’s car, pulling into the driveway of a h
uge manor house. As they entered through the gates, Ellie took in the sign as they passed it. ‘Green Acre Spa?’

  Zoe squealed. ‘Yes! We are having a spa day!’

  Ellie looked at each of the girls in turn. ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Great idea, huh?’ Imogen asked.

  They parked up and made their way across the gravel car park to the front door. As they approached, Ellie couldn’t help but smile. ‘Pippa?’

  Pippa turned around at the sound of her name and squealed in return. ‘Eeek, you’re here!’

  She pulled each of the girls in for a hug, finishing with Ellie.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re here too – this is awesome.’

  ‘Come on, let’s get inside.’ Zoe led them inside and within minutes they were in their white gowns and slippers and heading to the swimming pool.

  Ellie looked around at her friends. Just a few months ago she didn’t even know these girls, and now they were doing things like this. It was alien to Ellie. She spent her time back at home going out with clients and to launch parties and stuff like that, which was great, but they weren’t real friends, they were just colleagues. She had never really had girlfriends like this before. ‘I just want to say thanks, girls.’ She smiled at them all in turn.

  ‘What for?’ Pippa poured them all a glass of sparkling water.

  ‘For being there for me. I know you all have stuff going on it your lives, but you’ve all taken the time to do this for me.’ She looked away, embarrassed, ‘It’s nice.’

  ‘We can’t all take the credit for this. It was Zoe’s idea.’

  Ellie turned to her sister. ‘Really?’ Zoe nodded. ‘Why?’

  ‘What do you mean ‘why?’, because I love you and I hate seeing you so down.’

  ‘I’m not down – just a bit stressed out.’

  Imogen stood up. ‘I’m going for a swim, Pip, fancy joining me?’ She gave Pippa a knowing look and Ellie could see what they were doing. And she really appreciated it. They made their way into the pool, leaving the two of them at the table.

  ‘Why are you so stressed out? Talk to me, Ellie. I feel like you are just covering over everything and pretending it is all okay when I can see you suffering. You’ve been holed up in your room every day since you had your scan.’

  ‘I have been doing research online and drawing up some ideas for work – I haven’t just been sitting on my arse doing nothing, Zoe.’ Ellie’s face flashed with frustration.

  ‘I didn’t say that.’

  ‘Look, seeing the baby in the scan again just brought it all home. I have to be realistic and start thinking about the future. I have been working on creating a brand – something to go forward with after the baby is born.’

  ‘Like what?’

  Ellie turned to face her sister. ‘Okay, don’t laugh.’

  Zoe shrugged. ‘Why would I laugh?’

  ‘Because I know what you will be thinking when I tell you.’ Zoe looked confused, so Ellie carried on talking. ‘I love doing my make-up jobs, right? Creating these masterpieces are my life and when the baby comes, I don’t want to just give up on it, but equally, I will not have as much time to indulge in doing it and then there is childcare to think about and it all just gets a bit murky.’

  ‘I can help with childcare!’

  ‘I know you can, and I am sure I will take you up on that idea on many occasions, but I can’t live my life pushing this little one from pillar to post just so I can work. Not when there are ways around it.’

  Zoe raised her eyebrows. ‘What do you mean? Are you going to sort things with Chris?’

  Ellie exhaled. ‘Oh my God, can you just forget about Chris for a minute and concentrate on me? I have found a way to still work creatively, but involve the baby too.’

  Zoe’s face was creased in confusion. ‘You’re going to do… baby make-up? Ellie, I don’t think that will take off.’

  Ellie threw her head back. ‘No! I have been researching online and,’ she paused for effect, ‘I am going to do face-painting alongside the make-up.’

  ‘Face-painting?’

  ‘Yes! I’ve been watching lots of tutorials on YouTube and I think I could be really good at it. I can do children’s parties and then also do things like prom make-up, occasion make-up… all stuff like that. I mean, it’s no film set but Zoe – this could be the answer.’ Zoe was staring at her open-mouthed. ‘What? Is it a stupid idea?’

  ‘Not at all.’ Zoe smiled. ‘I’m so proud of you.’

  ‘Oh, be quiet,’ Ellie said as she looked away, embarrassed.

  ‘I’m serious. You have proper grown up – taking responsibility, adapting your life, changing your job, moving to a different area – what the hell happened to my wild little sister?’

  They both laughed and Ellie stood up, dropping her robe, ready to enter the water.

  ‘You do need to give Chris a break, though, he’s struggling with it all a little.’

  Ellie sat back down. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He has texted me a few times just to say that he wants to be more involved, but you aren’t really listening. He’s trying to give you space because he can see that you are – well were – struggling too. But you seem to have got your head around things and you have a plan sorted… just remember that he deserves to be included in all this too.’

  Ellie felt the guilt weigh down in her stomach. ‘I know he does. And he will. I just needed to sort myself out first. I don’t need to rely on him – I’ve always supported myself and having this baby doesn’t change the fact that I can cope with this by myself.’

  ‘No one is disputing that. It’s not a case of not coping; it’s a case of him being that baby’s dad, and he actually wants to be involved. Like, genuinely wants to have this baby. What are you so worried about?’

  They sat in silence for a minute. Ellie wanted to scream at her sister and tell her to stop making a big deal out of nothing. To stop going on all the time. But she knew it was only a matter of time before she had to face up to things. She inhaled before saying, ‘Okay, I’m scared. There, happy?’

  ‘No, I’m not happy. I don’t want you to be scared. I don’t keep on at you to make you sad; I do it because I care. And I’m not the only one who cares, Ellie.’ She raised her eyebrows at her and Ellie knew exactly what she was getting at.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ Ellie guffawed.

  ‘Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t see the way he looks at you. He wants you – he always has.’

  ‘Don’t talk rubbish.’ She dismissed the comment, ignoring the rush of feelings that erupted at the thought of her and Chris actually being together.

  ‘Okay, I’m talking rubbish? Really? You’re telling me you don’t think Chris has feelings for you? Why do you think he slept with you in the first place?’

  ‘Because he was drunk, we both were. Shit happens.’

  ‘No, Ellie, because the guy cares about you. It’s obvious. And I think he always has. And I know you feel the same.’

  ‘Pfft, don’t be silly. He’s a friend. That’s it.’ She couldn’t keep eye contact and that annoyed her even more.

  ‘Ellie, come on –’

  Ellie groaned. ‘Zoe, stop it. Let’s just enjoy the day, please.’

  Zoe exhaled and stood up, taking her robe off ready to go into the pool. ‘Fine. But, for the record, I think you’re being stupid.’

  *****

  ‘What do you think about it all?’ Imogen asked as she bounced around in the pool, creating ripples that crashed off the side and dispersed. It was nice to be in the water with her huge bump, especially with the new two-piece she had bought especially for this spa day. She was matching the other girls in bump size because of carrying two. The water made her weightless and it felt amazing. She wanted to stay there forever.

  ‘I don’t know, it’s all so complicated.’

  ‘You’re telling me. But then again, whose life isn’t?’ She let her thoughts drift back to her own issues at home
but rapidly pushed them aside. She needed to try and keep the stress at bay.

  ‘True.’ Pippa nodded as she bobbed around.

  ‘How’s everything at home with you guys?’

  ‘Oh, you know, the usual.’

  Imogen watched Pippa stretch her arms out to fully appreciate the water surrounding her, mirroring her and feeling as if she was floating on clouds. The babies were so heavy already. ‘Are things still off with you and Jason?’ She pressed. She didn’t like to pry, but what better time to talk about stuff than when there’s no one else around.

  ‘Yeah, a little bit.’ Pippa looked sad as she spoke.

  ‘Have you tried talking to him?’ Imogen glanced over at the other two as they spoke.

  ‘Kind of, but to be honest, I just don’t want to rock the boat. I feel hormonal enough as it is and everything just seems to set me off at the moment. He only has to do the smallest thing and it makes me cry!’

  ‘Well, that’s understandable. You are pregnant.’

  ‘Yes, but I don’t see you and Ellie crying at the drop of a hat.’ Pippa dunked her head under the water to wet her hair, using her hands to smooth it back.

  ‘Hey, we have our moments.’

  ‘Yeah, but still. I think I’m just over-sensitive to everything. He said to me the other night how he feels like he can do nothing right and that I’m always having a go at him.’

  ‘And are you?’ Imogen turned onto her back and swished her arms, moving her along very slowly.

  ‘I don’t feel like I am. But I probably am. I just miss him, you know? I hardly get to see him these days. I feel like a single parent before the baby is even here. He said he was going to try and work less, but that didn’t last long.’ She protectively gave her bump a stroke.

  ‘He’s still working loads?’ Pippa just shrugged.

  ‘Well, you know you have us lot, don’t you? We’ll always be around to help.’

  ‘I know. I just feel a bit deflated about it all.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Imogen looked over her shoulder to see Ellie climbing into the water, closely followed by Zoe. ‘All right?’ she asked. Zoe simply rolled her eyes and the girls knew to say no more. It was clearly a sister thing.