Searching for Neverland

by Alexander, Monica

  “So where is your sister?” she asked again.

  “At home,” Trey said, as he climbed back up the bleachers. “She and Noah were sleeping in. She’ll be over for dinner, though.”

  “Who is Noah?” our mother asked, and I shot Trey a murderous glare.

  “Sorry,” Trey mouthed, as I recovered for him.

  “Noah’s a friend of hers from UNC. He sometimes spends the night on her couch.”

  “Mom, Dad needs you for something,” Trey said then, as if remembering that our father had sent him with a message.

  “Okay,” she said, getting up again as the batter hit a fly ball off of Tanner’s pitch. We all held our breath as the centerfielder caught it and the inning ended.

  “I think I might be dating Josh,” I told Trey as soon as our mother was out of earshot.

  “Really?” Trey said, as he discreetly put in a dip.

  “Are you still doing that crap?”

  “Yes, and don’t say anything. Mom thinks I quit.”

  I rolled my eyes as he pushed the tobacco to a part of his mouth where our mom wouldn’t be able to see it. Trey had been dipping for years, and I knew he’d tried to quit, but he was a college baseball player, so I also knew it wasn’t easy. A lot of his teammates dipped, so it was a hard habit to break when it was right there in front of you.

  “Hi guys,” Taryn said, sliding into the seat next to Trey. “What did I miss?”

  “The whole game,” Trey said sarcastically. “It’s the seventh inning.”

  She waved her hand in dismissal. “Plenty of time to see little man pitch. Hi Tanner!”

  Our brother stuck his head out of dugout and grinned and waved at Taryn.

  “I thought you were sleeping in,” I said sarcastically.

  She shrugged. “I got up and decided to come watch Tanner play.”

  “So, why do you think you’re dating Josh?” Trey asked before Taryn and I could start bickering.

  “What?!” Taryn interrupted, before I could respond.

  So I recounted the story of what happened the night before and that morning’s kiss as rapidly as I could. My mom loved Josh, and I did not need her getting her hopes up that he and I would end up together. I was already anxious enough without knowing how he truly felt, although his kiss had certainly spoken volumes.

  “Shit, that’s hot,” Taryn murmured, as she fanned her face with her hand.

  “And now I just have to sit and wait until he’s back on Wednesday to see what’s going on.”

  “Ooh, that reminds me,” Taryn said, changing the subject. “Do you want to go to a concert on Thursday night?”

  “Who’s playing?”

  “It’s my friend Emily, well, her fiancé, Zack’s, band, Liar’s Edge. They’re on tour right now, and they’re playing a club in St. Pete.”

  “Dude, they’re awesome. I’m seeing them Monday night in Gainesville,” Trey chimed in.

  “Are they that band you were telling me about last month?”

  Taryn nodded. “Yeah, they just released their first album last month, and their song Glimpse has been on the radio a ton, and their other song, Jump, was just released as a single last week, but it’s been in a movie trailer, a commercial, and I heard it on a reality show last week, too.”

  “Really? Oh, is that the song from the ad for that chick-flick about the guy who tries to commit suicide and then falls for his therapist?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

  “Oh, I love that song.”

  “I know, right. Well, they’re getting really popular, really fast. Emily’s their PR rep, and she’s one of my best friends, so she can get us backstage, and give us free stuff. You should totally bring Josh. He liked their music when I played it for him.”

  I thought about watching a concert with Josh, his arms around me as we swayed to the music, and I got all giddy inside.

  “Sure, we’ll be there,” I said, hoping I was right about his intentions. If I was wrong, then he was certainly sending some confusing signals. “Burn me a copy of their CD, so I can learn their lyrics before Thursday.”

  “I’ll bring a copy to dinner tonight,” Taryn said, grinning at me.

  Chapter 16

  If I was a fingernail biter, I would have had stubs left, but since I wasn’t, I sat on the couch bouncing my knee up and down as I watched the clock like a hawk. Josh’s plane was due to land in fifteen minutes, which meant he’d be home shortly after, and I was slowly driving myself insane.

  “Fuck it,” I said out loud, as I jumped off the couch.

  I grabbed my keys and flew out of the driveway as fast as I could. I was at the airport in fifteen minutes and sliding into a parking space shortly thereafter. As I burst into the terminal I remembered that airport security was trained to look for insane people, so I took it down a few notches, not wanting my hopefully romantic gesture to be ruined by my arrest as a potential threat to homeland security.

  I glanced around for one of the big walls of TVs and spotted one a few feet away. My eyes flew to the listing of arriving flights and found Josh’s flight right as it flipped over to ‘landed’. I took a deep breath, as if to steel myself, and surged forward.

  I didn’t get far, since I couldn’t go past security, but I could wait just outside the exit to the monorail that led to the outlying terminal.

  The minutes ticked by slower than ever, and each time a train arrived, I’d stand up straight and my heart would start pounding, and then when I didn’t see Josh, I would sink back down onto the edge of the large potted plant I was resting on.

  And then a train arrived, and there he was, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder as he walked into the main terminal, his eyes fixed on the exit, never expecting I’d be there waiting for him. I grinned to myself and stepped forward.

  “Josh,” I called out, my smile practically bursting off of my face.

  He looked up, and it took a few seconds for his brain to register what he was seeing, but then his face broke into a smile that was sure to rival my own. I took that as a sign as I surged forward, dodging people hurrying past us, and threw my arms around his neck.

  His duffel fell to the floor, and his arms wrapped around my waist, as he lifted me off the ground, and held me tight against his chest.

  “Taylor,” he said, as he buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply.

  He set me back on the ground after a few seconds and appraised me.

  “Hi!” I said, as all of my nervous energy bubbled to the surface. My heart was practically pounding out of my chest as he looked down at me, his arms still looped around my waist.

  Yeah, we were totally going to do this.

  “Hi,” he said softly, as he reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear and cupped my cheek with his hand.

  Then he lowered his head, so slowly, it was as if he was giving me an opportunity to back away if I wanted to, but I wasn’t going anywhere. Instead, I met him halfway and pressed my lips to his, and in a second the world was on fire. Josh wasted very little time before he surged forward, parting my lips with his tongue and capturing my mouth in one of the most passionate kisses I’d ever had.

  My hands instantly flew into his hair, holding his head in place, as if I never wanted to break the kiss. And I wasn’t sure I ever did. But we were in a public place, so we couldn’t get too carried away.

  I let Josh pull back first and felt empty as soon as he did, but then he hugged me again, squeezing me so tight that I almost stopped breathing, and the emptiness ebbed away.

  “I missed you,” he mumbled into my hair, almost as if he was afraid to say it out loud.

  I pulled back to look at him when he finally let me go. “I’m so glad you’re home,” I said, hugging him again.

  “Uh,” he said then, pulling back from me, and I looked up to see a stunned look on his face.

  I followed his gaze to see two dozen people staring and trying to hide smirks as they watched our floor show. My face turned bright red, a
nd I turned and buried my face in Josh’s chest, finding comfort in the familiar scent of his shirt.

  “We should probably go,” he said then. “Home. Where we can be alone.” I looked up at him, reading in between the lines, as he tried to hide the smirk on his face. “I mean, if you want to, that is.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, let’s go home,” I said, taking his hand in mine, as he reached down to pick up his duffel bag.

  He looked down at our joined hands on his way back up, shook his head, smiled, and mumbled something.

  “What?” I asked.

  He just looked at me in bewilderment. “Nothing,” he said, as he leaned over and kissed my temple. “I’m just really glad you’re here. Come on.”

  I followed along silently next to Josh, grinning like a fool as we left the airport.

  “Where’s your car?” he asked me, when we tumbled out into the late afternoon sunshine.

  “Level Two,” I said, pointing up at the garage. “But I can leave it here. We can come back for it later.”

  I was in such a hurry to get home that logic had left me. All I could think about was tearing his clothes off and finally doing all the things I’d fantasized about for the past three weeks.

  “I don’t think I’m going to want to drive back here later,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me in question as if to see if I might be able to catch his drift.

  “Oh,” I said, finally getting it. “Yeah, I don’t want to do that either.”

  “Okay, then you’ll follow me home. I’m on Level Three, so I guess I’ll see you there,” he said, when we reached my car.

  I bit my bottom lip. “Oh, you’ll definitely see me there,” I said, as I turned to unlock my car.

  Before I could get the door open, Josh pressed his body against mine, trapping me between him and the car. I felt his erection through his jeans, as it pressed into my lower back. His breath was shallow as he lowered his head to my ear.

  “You promise,” he whispered, his lips grazing my earlobe.

  I smiled. “You have no idea what you’re in for, Josh Nolan.”

  “You’re not going to pull away this time?”

  I shook my head. “Not a chance in hell,” I said, as I pressed my ass back against him.

  He groaned in response. “I wanted to talk first.”

  I slowly snaked my hand back between our bodies and cupped the hardness I found beneath his jeans. “You sure about that?”

  He shook his head against my shoulder. “Not at all.”

  “Well talk later,” I assured him. “Now get in, and I’ll drive you to your car. There’s no way I’m letting you walk around here with that thing bulging out of your pants.”

  And it was bulging. Just feeling the size of it had me excited. I’d been deprived for too long.

  “Then stop rubbing it,” he commanded softly. “It’s not going to go away if you’re touching it.”

  “Fine,” I said and regretfully released my hand.

  His arms snaked around my waist. “You are a liability,” he said, as his lips landed on my neck.

  Then he released me, walked around to the other side of the car, and sank into the passenger seat. I got in next to him and looked over, staring unabashedly for a few seconds.

  “See something you like?” he asked brazenly.

  I reached out and touched his cheek. “Something I love,” I said before I froze, pulled my hand away and started the car, suddenly afraid to look at him.

  I couldn’t believe I’d said that. I’d been completely caught up in the moment.

  “Something you what?” he asked softly.

  I felt my face flame, but I didn’t answer him as I backed out of the parking space.

  “Taylor?”

  “Where’s your car on Level Three?”

  I was freaking out, and I was sure he was too.

  “Taylor, look at me.”

  “Josh, I’m driving.”

  In my peripheral vision, I saw him shake his head. “Aisle D, about halfway down.”

  I stopped behind his black jeep, and waited for him to get out, sure I’d ruined everything. I’d opened myself up too soon. Josh hated when girls did that. I’d scared him away, and I knew it.

  But he didn’t move. He just rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall into his hands. Then he looked over at me in question.

  “Did you mean what you just said?”

  I nodded my head infinitesimally, knowing that I’d put it out there. I couldn’t exactly take it back when my words had been so clear.

  “I love you, too,” he said softly. “Taylor, look at me.”

  I shook my head, as tears pricked the backs of my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I was crying, but suddenly, emotion was overtaking me.

  “Taylor,” Josh repeated, sitting up straighter, as he reached over and turned my head toward him. “Did you hear me? Are you crying? Why are you crying?”

  I shook my head in his hand and fought back the tears. “I’m not,” I said as confidently as I could, but as the words he’d said resonated through my mind, I was suddenly getting emotional for an entirely different reason.

  His hand moved to my cheek, and he leaned across the gear shift and softly pressed his lips to mine.

  “I. Love. You,” he said in between kisses, and then he pulled back and there was such tenderness in his eyes that I nearly lost it. “So much.”

  I took a deep shaky breath. “Then why did you tell me you didn’t like me after that night we hooked up?” I asked, my lower lip starting to tremble.

  Josh took my hand in his and stoked the pad of his thumb over my fingers. “Tay, I’ve had feelings for you for a while now, and that night was everything I’d been wanting for so long. I was so hopeful that you finally felt the same way I did, but then you stopped things so abruptly, and I just knew we were on different pages. I had to save face. We live together, we’re business partners, and we’re friends. I couldn’t have something so big between us, because I knew it would kill everything we had, and even though it wasn’t enough, it was better than nothing. So, I lied.”

  I looked up at him from under my lashes. “But I was on the same page as you. The next day, I was freaked out, but then I saw you, and everything just sort of made sense, and I wanted so badly to tell you, because I knew you felt something for me, but then you told me what we did was a mistake, and that made me feel like shit, so I went along with what you were saying, but Josh, everything changed for me that night.”

  He let his head fall back against the seat. “Seriously?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m so stupid,” he said, shaking his head back and forth. “I could have been with you weeks ago?”

  “Yeah, you could have.”

  “Dammit. I thought I just got lucky that Alex was being a douchebag the night of your party.”

  “Is that why you thought I left with you?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I did. I thought you were hurt because he walked out on you, and when you kissed me, I figured it was because you were upset, and as much as I wanted to be the guy who could take your mind off of Alex for a night, I didn’t want to be with you just because it was convenient and you were upset.”

  I reached out and ran my fingers back through his light brown hair. “I was the one who rejected Alex. I rejected him for you, Josh, because I wanted to take a chance and tell you how I felt and that I wanted to be with you. Because I love you.”

  Josh sighed. “I didn’t know that. I was trying to play it safe.”

  Well you did a good job of it.

  “Is that why you didn’t make a move that night? Because I was trying really hard to get you to react in some way.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, and you damn near killed me with those lacy panties and that see through tank top. I fought during the whole damn movie to keep my hands off of you. I can’t remember one damn scene of it, but I remember the scent of your hair and how you felt in my arms and how badly I just wanted to kiss you.”

 
; I shook my head. “I kept waiting for you to make a move, you idiot. And trust me, the only reason Alex was even around these past few weeks was because I needed a distraction so I could stop thinking about you. I did nothing but think about you for weeks, and it was torture. I even thought about you while Alex and I were . . .”

  I trailed off, not needing him to know I’d fantasized about him during sex with another guy.

  “While you were what?” Josh smirked.

  I didn’t answer him.

  “While you were what, Taylor?” he prompted, his hand moving to my thigh. “While you were – with him?”

  “Yes,” I finally admitted, my face flushing crimson. “And other times – when I was alone.”

  His hand inched higher. “Seriously?”

  I looked over to see him grinning. “Yes, you pervert. I thought about you while I got off, okay?”

  “That is so hot,” he said, as his hand cupped the apex of my thighs and his mouth moved to my ear. “I bet you looked incredibly sexy. I really wish I had a visual of that.”

  His lips closed around my earlobe and sucked gently.

  “I can make that happen,” I teased, and he groaned in my ear.

  Then a horn honked loudly behind us, and we both jumped a mile. I was apparently blocking someone in. Josh glanced through the back window and then back at me with nothing short of longing.

  “Drive fast,” he said, as he opened the door to my car. “And when we get home, I’ll make sure you get more than a weak fantasy.”

  My stomach clenched at his promise as I watched him climb into his jeep. I pulled out of the parking garage, and he was right behind me.

  I got a little ahead of him when he got stopped by a red light, so I took advantage of the time and changed into my sexiest, see through lingerie. Just as I heard the garage door open, I snuck into his room and settled in the middle of his bed, artfully positioning myself in what I hoped was a seductive pose.

  “Holy shit,” Josh said when he walked into his room a minute later, his eyes widening. His duffel bag fell to the floor, and he crossed the room in three strides. “Is that for me?”