Searching for Neverland

by Alexander, Monica

  “They love you, baby,” she said, looking up at him. “Do you and the guys want to go outside and sign autographs before they let everyone in?”

  Zack grinned at us. “I still can’t believe people want my autograph.”

  “Hell, I want it,” Josh chimed in, and we all laughed.

  But he’d been listening to Liar’s Edge ever since we’d gone to their concert, and I had to admit, they were slowly creeping to the top of my favorite bands list.

  “Well, I’ll leave some signed merch for you before we go,” Zack told him.

  “Taryn!” Emily squealed then, and I turned around to see my sister walking toward us. She and Emily embraced, and then Emily held her at arm’s length and shook her head. “I can’t even tell. You look great!”

  Taryn sighed. “I look chunky, but on the bright side, I stopped puking all the time, so that’s pretty awesome.”

  “What’s going on?” Molly murmured to me.

  “My sister’s pregnant,” I told her, and she made a face similar to one I would have made fairly recently. Maybe Molly and I would end up being friends.

  Emily shook her head. “I’m so happy for you,” she said brightly. “You have to call me when you find out what you’re having, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “Yea! Now do you want to help Molly and me pass out merchandise to the crowd outside?”

  My sister’s eyes brightened. She was a PR major in college, and I knew she was envious of Emily’s job promoting an up-and-coming rock band.

  “Hell yeah,” she answered automatically.

  Emily ran over to grab a few stacks of stickers that said ‘Liar’s Edge’ and grabbed my sister’s hand before heading out the door. She stopped at the big picture window and looked down at the stage and the outdoor area below. The she turned around and grinned at Zack.

  “Baby, it’s just like when you used to play at Phil’s,” she said excitedly, and I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. “Do you think you should wear your cowboy hat tonight?”

  “You know I only wear that for you when we’re alone, princess,” he fired back, and she blushed crimson before she winked at him.

  “You guys need anything?” Josh asked, remembering his role in making sure his headlining band was happy. He was so good at this. I needed to take notes. I was too busy being a fan-girl.

  “Nah, we’re good. We’ll go down in a few minutes and say hi to the people waiting, but I think we’re fine,” Zack confirmed.

  “Cool, well if you need anything, Vanessa can take care of it,” Josh said, indicating the brunette behind the small bar who was being hit on by the drummer from Liar’s Edge as she mixed him a drink.

  “Awesome. Thanks man,” Zack said, giving Josh one of those handshake/hug things guys do. “I appreciate it. We’ll put on a good show for you tonight.”

  Josh nodded. “I’m sure you will. You guys rocked it when we saw you a few weeks ago. You’re welcome to play our little bar any time.”

  Zack cocked his head to the side. “Well, I have a special place in my heart for little bars since I got my start in two of them. In fact, you should talk to my cousin Leo, our bassist, he’s owned a bar in Durham for the past few years. He can probably give you some good insight.”

  “Thanks, man. I really appreciate that,” Josh said admiringly, as Zack nodded once and sauntered over to the other guitarist in his band who was trying to coax the drummer away from Vanessa so she could do her job.

  * * *

  By the time Liar’s Edge took the stage, the crowd was heavily intoxicated and having an amazing time. We’d had to turn people away or make them wait until others left since we hit capacity an hour after opening the doors. Never in a million years could we have predicted things would go this well, and I think Josh and I were slowly realizing that we were going to need to hire some more help if business continued to boom like it was.

  As Liar’s Edge was winding down their set and playing their latest hit single, Jump, Josh threaded his arms around my waist and pulled me back against his chest. I’d been dancing in front of him with Allison and Casey since he wouldn’t dance with me, but now that it was a slower song, I’d taken to swaying in time with the music and singing along to the lyrics, and he’d capitalized on the moment.

  “I want them,” he said, his lips at my ear.

  I turned around to look at him, giving him a questioning look. I had no clue what he was talking about. “Want what?”

  “Caleb and Savannah. I want them,” he said, as he cast his eyes down, almost as if he was afraid of my reaction.

  “I do, too,” I said quietly.

  He looked up at me. “Really?”

  I nodded. “I know it’ll be crazy and hard and a huge commitment, but I don’t think I could live with another solution. They don’t have anyone else.”

  Josh gazed at me in awe for a few seconds. “God, I love you,” he said, his blue eyes burning with intensity, as he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

  “Josh, is it even possible? I mean, we’re not married, we’ve only been together a short while, and neither of us is related to them. Would a judge actually give us custody?”

  “They’d give it to me. I mean, it’s in Carlie’s will, so yeah, it’s possible. Actually, it’s pretty definite, unless a family member wants to fight me for them, but I don’t think Jer’s mom will want to take on two kids, and Melissa can’t. I already know that, so I think they’re mine.”

  I looked up at him in shock. I was pretty sure he was telling me something he’d kept secret up until now, but I wasn’t sure. “What do you mean it’s in her will?”

  He hugged me tighter, as if he was afraid I might run away at this news. “Jeremy and Carlie actually put me in their will as the person who’d get custody of the kids if they both died, but I honestly never thought that would happen – even after Jer’s accident. But judges don’t usually argue with that kind of thing if it’s in a will. I think it would be drastically different if I was trying to fight his family, but they won’t contest it.”

  Wow, this was really happening.

  “Will the judge care that we’re not married?”

  Josh smirked at me. “Why, do you want to run off to Vegas and make it official?”

  I smacked his shoulder. “Be serious, Josh.”

  “Oh, would you prefer for me to tell you that if I see you in five years I’m putting a ring on your finger?”

  I smacked him again for throwing Alex’s words back in my face, and he laughed. It felt good to laugh with him, even if it felt completely wrong and unnatural in the grand scheme of things.

  “I’m being serious,” he continued. “You know we’re going to end up married. I can’t imagine being with anyone else, can you?”

  I shook my head and smiled at him. “No, I can’t.”

  “Well, good, because that would have been a really crushing blow to realize you were just in this for the sex.”

  I laughed. “Oh, that’s definitely a bonus, but I’m really in love with the man behind the sex.”

  He leaned down and kissed me, just as the band wrapped up their song and the crowd went nuts.

  “Hey guys, thanks so much for coming out to see us play tonight at O’Donnell’s, the coolest new pub in Tampa!” Zack yelled into the microphone. “You guys rock!”

  The crowd exploded again, and when they calmed down, Zack started talking again.

  “Alright, so we’re going to close out tonight with a song I wrote for my fiancé, Emily,” he said, as he searched for Emily in the crowd and all around me female fans grumbled about Zack being taken.

  Once Zack found Emily, he winked at her, and she blew him a kiss back, and I decided they were one of the most adorable couples I’d ever met.

  “This song is called Without You, and it’s on our new album that drops next month, but you’ll be able to hear it on the radio next week, right Molly?” Molly nodded apparently, because Zack faced the crowd again and said, “Yeah, next Tue
sday, it’s available for download, so go buy it!”

  The crowd lost it again but quieted down as soon as Zack launched into the song.

  “I heard he proposed with this song,” Josh whispered in my ear. “How do you think I’m going to do it?”

  Shivers went down my spine at just the thought of him proposing, and I grinned like an idiot.

  “I don’t care,” I whispered back. “As long as it’s you who’s asking, I’m saying yes.”

  “What are you two whispering about?” Allison demanded, hands on her hips.

  I looked over at her and Casey standing there watching us. I didn’t think they’d heard any of our conversation. It was too loud, but still, I sort of wanted to keep what Josh had told me private – at least for now.

  “Sex,” I told her. “Hot, dirty, sweaty sex that I’m planning to have with your brother later.”

  Josh and Casey laughed, and Allison made a face. “That’s gross. We share DNA.”

  “Well, we’re not inviting you to join us,” I told her.

  “Casey can join us, though,” Josh chimed in, and I smacked him on the chest.

  “Not if I have anything to say about it,” Sean suddenly said, as he came up next to Casey and took her hand.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, eyeing him warily.

  “Claiming you,” he told her.

  “Why?”

  “Because you left me all alone in bed this morning, and I didn’t like it.”

  “Sean!” Casey admonished through gritted teeth, and I was pretty sure Sean shared something she didn’t want anyone else to know about.

  My eyebrows shot up into my hairline. “Excuse me?”

  All eyes were on Casey and Sean as she threw her arms up in the air. “Fine! We’ve been sleeping together for the past month, okay?”

  “I knew it,” Allison cried, pointing her finger at Casey. “I knew it. The way you were looking at him on Saturday night when he was talking to those girls. You were so jealous.”

  “You were?” Sean asked, his eyebrows rising in question as he looked down at Casey.

  Casey’s face turned red, as Sean’s arms encircled her waist and pulled her against him.

  “No, we’re just doing the friends with benefits thing. I told you that. No strings,” she insisted, but we all knew she was lying by the way she was looking at him adoringly.

  “It might have started out that way, but you love me now,” Sean teased, as he leaned down to kiss her.

  “I do not,” she mumbled into his chest.

  “She totally loves me,” he said, looking around at the rest of us. “Finally!”

  We all laughed.

  “Sean’s been trying to get in Casey’s pants for years,” Josh whispered in my ear, and I looked at him in surprise. He nodded in confirmation. “He’s always been in love with her.”

  I shook my head slowly. “I never knew.”

  “Yeah, well, you also never knew I was in love with you either, so you’re pretty dense.”

  “Hey, not cool.”

  “I’m only teasing,” he said, as he pulled me close to him again. “Now, please tell me more about that hot, sweaty, dirty sex you want to have with me, because I’m seriously semi-hard just thinking about it.”

  I looked up into his sparkling blue eyes and pushed his light brown hair out of them. “We don’t have anywhere to have sex, dirty or otherwise. We’re staying with my parents, remember?”

  “We have an office, with a couch,” he reminded me, and I was suddenly counting down to when the party would be over.

  Epilogue

  “Can we open presents?!” Tanner asked.

  “No, we’ll open them after dinner,” my mom told him for the hundredth time.

  Every five minutes, one of the three kids asked that question, but then again I hadn’t ever seen a pile of presents as big as the one under the tree at my parents’ house, unless you counted the one at our house, so I knew they had to be pretty excited. Josh and I had gone a little nuts buying presents, but it was our first Christmas with Caleb and Savannah, so we wanted to make it special for them. And apparently my parents had done the same thing. But the kids deserved it.

  Caleb had had a rough couple of months, so we’d started taking him to see a therapist once a week. He’d finally been able to process everything he’d been holding in for years and deal with his feelings about his mom and her suicide, and he’d been making such amazing progress. He was also making friends at school, and he and Tanner had gotten close, even though they were a grade apart. At least once a week, my mom would bring them both back to her house where they would play video games or ride bikes or play catch in the backyard.

  Caleb had never played baseball before, but he really seemed to enjoy playing with Tanner, so Josh had been working with him, and we were planning to sign him up for Little League in the spring. He seemed to have a natural talent, and even though he’d be behind most of the kids his age, we knew he’d catch up fast.

  Savannah had taken the news of her mother’s death hard. We hadn’t told her about the suicide, knowing she would never be able to process it. We’d just told her her mommy was in heaven. She’d asked a lot of questions and cried and didn’t understand why her mommy had to leave, and for the first few months, most nights she’d have a nightmare and end up our bed, but they’d slowly been subsiding.

  We’d enrolled her in gymnastics and dance since she had more energy than any of us and needed an outlet to expel it, and the week before we’d all gone to her holiday recital. She’d worn a white outfit with feathers and a tiara that she refused to take off for three days afterward. I finally convinced her that we could put it on a shelf above the bed in her new room that we’d decorated in a princess and butterfly motif.

  After two months of the kids not wanting to sleep separately, they’d finally asked us for their own rooms, and we’d moved them in right before Thanksgiving. We knew they were too old to share long term, but they hadn’t wanted to be separated.

  The judge had granted Josh full custody of Caleb and Savannah in late September, following the reading of Carlie’s will and an inspection into our life to ensure we would provide a good environment for the kids. The fact that the kids both told the judge they wanted to live with us certainly helped to seal the deal, and they ‘officially’ moved in even though they’d already been living with us for nearly a month.

  And I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t the easiest adjustment for any of us. I was happy to have them there, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time, taking on two kids, full-time, who’ve just gone through a traumatic experience at the same time you’re working to build a new business is a balancing act. Josh and I learned how to capitalize on time together, which was mostly when the kids were in school, and my mom would always babysit, but we weren’t in the habit of pawning the kids off on her. They were ours, and we took care of them.

  But we went from seeing our friends weekly to having to schedule in time that would work with our busy lives. We mostly saw them at the bar when we were working or had them over to our house if we wanted to hang out as a group. And I scheduled times to meet Casey, who was apparently getting serious with Sean, for lunch during the week. It worked, but it wasn’t the same. We all adjusted, but that was just what you did when you had a family.

  Of course Allison loved to come over and hang out with the kids, and they equally loved her. She’d even asked Savannah to be the flower girl in her wedding in May, which thrilled her to no end.

  The kids seemed to be happy, all things considered, and Josh and I were great. The bar was busier than ever, and we’d started steadily booking live music on Friday and Saturday nights and had become a key fixture in the local music scene. We both spent a lot of time there during the first three months we were open, but now Brad managed the bar at night, and we’d recently hired a girl named Cassidy to be our day manager, so we could both be home with the kids more often.

  The only thing I’d really sacr
ificed, besides my free time, was my MBA. It was just too difficult to juggle classes and a new job and getting into a routine with the kids, so I decided to hold off on finishing. I told myself I’d take a year off, and then I’d go back since it was important for me to graduate, if not for myself for the two impressionable people living with me.

  “Taylor,” Savannah said, tugging on the hem of my dress.

  “Yes, baby,” I said, looking down into her wide brown eyes.

  “Can we open presents? Please.”

  I laughed. “Tanner! Caleb!” Both boys magically appeared from around the corner where they’d been listening. “Did you guys actually think I was going to fall for that?”

  Tanner shrugged, and Caleb started to defend himself. “You have before!”

  I laughed again. Yeah, sure, in the beginning I’d been a sucker for Savannah’s sweet questions, but I soon learned it was how she got her way and stopped falling for her wide-eyed innocence.

  I leaned down and picked her up, her red party dress spilling over my arms. “Nice try, guys,” I said, looking over her at them. “And just because you used your sister to try to get what you want, Van gets to open one present.”

  Savannah’s eyes got wide as the boys started grumbling that it wasn’t fair, so I led her over to the pile and selected one with her name on it. I had no idea what it was since my mom refused to tell me what she’d bought the kids.

  “Take it into Grandma and Grandpa, so they can see you open it.”

  Although my parents weren’t related to Caleb and Savannah, both kids had started calling them Grandma and Grandpa, which they loved. And they were getting ready to be official grandparents in a few months, so it was good preparation.

  “I need lessons from you,” Taryn said from behind me, her hand on the basketball that her stomach had become in the past few months.

  You couldn’t even tell she was pregnant from behind. She was all stomach, and she had that glowing pregnancy skin. And she’d found out she was having a girl, so everyone was excited, but especially Savannah, since she assumed the baby would be a doll for her to play with. Of course I knew Taryn looked better than she felt. Being a future single mom was definitely weighing on her mind.