Essence

by A. L. Waddington

  “Are you kidding? She’ll be thrilled. She never cooks,” I told her.

  “Yeah. That’s what I told her.” Ethan laughed. “If it doesn’t come frozen or in a bag, Mom can’t fix it.”

  “True.” I agreed.

  “Do you know how to cook, Jocelyn?” Emily glanced up at me.

  “A little bit. More than Mom, but not much,” I confessed, embarrassed by my lack of knowledge.

  “Every woman should know how to cook.” She continued chopping. “Would you like to learn?” She glanced up at me.

  “Yes. I’d love too.”

  I was impressed with how well Jackson functioned in the kitchen. He looked so knowledgeable and perfectly at ease with everything he was doing. Jackson’s family had such an admirable dynamic that I was truly jealous of. Their behavior was something that I had only read about in old novels.

  Ethan gave me a sneer from the stove where he was still absentmindedly stirring something. I childishly stuck my tongue out at him in return.

  “So, did you enjoy your day off, faker?” Ethan mock fainted with his hand on his forehead and falling to the floor.

  “Get up, you idiot.”

  Ethan laughed and jumped back up on his feet but promptly threw an oven mitt, hitting me in the shoulder.

  “Jerk.” I smirked and took off after Ethan.

  He ran around the corner, into the dining room, and through the living room across the foyer to the family room. I doubled back to catch him but in doing so, I collided full force with Jackson in the family room.

  Darkness hit me first before the nausea or light-headedness ever had a chance to appear. I hit the floor immediately with voices ringing loudly in my ears. I was no longer on the living room floor but could see my bedroom around me. The only distinguishing features about the place that made me positive it was my room was my fireplace and bay window. There were lilies and violets in vases on the mantel. It appeared exactly the same as before when I had seen the large, black lady dressed in the old-fashioned clothes. I was positive of it. I scanned around, trying to take in every detail.

  But then she appeared again, the same large, black woman in an old, simple dress with an apron on. She smiled warmly at me as she approached. “Miss Jocelyn, ya’r ma’s requestin’ ya’r presence ‘n da parlor.”

  I heard my voice respond, “Thank you, Mimi.” I handed her a large sun hat. “Please tell Sarah thank you and that the picnic lunch she packed was delightful.”

  I could hear my own voice. I knew it was my voice, positive of it. But the language was much too proper, foreign really to my own ears. And this woman, where did she come from? I still could not figure out who she was. A nanny, maybe. She held a kind and gentle face and spoke to me with love. I could feel my admiration and love for this woman, but I didn’t know why.

  I quickly looked around my bedroom again as I saw myself walking out the door; then the images began to become more difficult to see. I felt the urge to stay there, that this was a place where I belonged. I felt like here, in this place, I was truly happy and content with life. But it drifted away from my grasp as the dim light from the family room tried to bring me back to another place and time. I could now feel the heat from the roaring fire and smell the fragrance from the kitchen.

  Emily and Ethan were hovering over me, rubbing my face as Jackson handed a wash cloth to his mother.

  “Jocelyn, honey. Are you all right?” Emily’s face looked frightened.

  I tried to sit up, but they both held me back. “I just got the wind knocked out of me.”

  “You fainted again.” Ethan gave me a nasty look. “You shouldn’t have even been up. And now I’m going to be in trouble.”

  “This was not your fault because I didn’t faint.” I gave him a weak smile. “And don’t any of you go and tell mom I did. Understand?”

  I looked between the three faces, pleading for their understanding. My head still felt in a fog from what I had just witnessed, but in a strange way, it was also starting to become familiar. The only good thing was that at least this time it happened so fast I didn’t have to experience the leading symptoms before blacking out. That part always drained the life out of me. This time it wasn’t nearly as traumatic.

  “Jocelyn, I understand what you are saying, but perhaps it would not be wise to keep this from your parents,” Emily implored.

  “My test results came back normal. There is nothing wrong with me. Please, don’t say anything. It will only cause me more problems,” I begged.

  “If that is what you want, I will say nothing. But just for the sake of argument I will come over tomorrow and stay with you just to be on the safe side. All right?” Emily eyes were soft and full of concern.

  “Deal.” I gave her a thankful look. “Now help me up.”

  I held my hand out to Ethan, and he pulled me back up. I was still a little queasy, so I went over and crawled back under my blanket on the couch.

  Emily and Jackson finished up dinner while Ethan watched ESPN. I hated being confined to one place but wasn’t sure I was up to running around either. I propped myself up and started in on the piles of homework that Jackson had brought me. I had mostly reading to do, but there were some assignments to complete for my calculus and biology classes.

  It wasn’t long before my father came home and was completely amazed that someone had used the kitchen for actual cooking. I don’t think I’d ever seen him so happy coming home before. Normally, he was in a moderate-to-grumpy mood, and all of us knew to give him a good hour to unwind before approaching him with anything.

  He happily snooped around the kitchen to see what she was making. “This is wonderful. Emily you didn’t have to do all this.”

  “I wanted to help. Amy called earlier and stated that she would be working late, so I thought it would be nice if she did not have to fix dinner when she returned home.”

  “Well, I really appreciate this. Where did you get all the ingredients? Your house?” My father laughed. “Because I know we don’t have these things here.” He walked over to the oven and peeked inside.

  “I sent the boys to the store when they got home.”

  “Ethan in a grocery store? That must have been an experience. I can’t let you pay for our groceries, Emily. What do I owe you?” Dad pulled out his wallet.

  “Do not be silly, Shane. Friends are allowed to help one another. Please, do not worry about it.”

  I wasn’t sure, but it was almost like Emily was offended by my father’s offer to repay her.

  “Then won’t you and your family join us for dinner? You made so much we couldn’t possibly eat all this by ourselves.”

  “That would be nice. We would love too.” She smiled gently.

  “Wonderful. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  My ears perked up at his words. What’s this? My father offering to help in the kitchen? The man can’t boil water!

  “Nothing Shane, everything is under control. Just make yourself comfortable. Dinner should be done in about thirty minutes.”

  “Okay, then I’ll just go change.” Shane scanned the kitchen over once more totally impressed.

  The house was quiet for a short time. The only sounds were of Jackson setting the table in the dining room and Emily making the final preparations. It was strange to think how differently their household must function in comparison to ours.

  Robert rang the doorbell around seven. He was wearing navy slacks and a collared shirt, but evidentially had taken his tie and jacket off before coming over.

  “I got your note. How was your day?” He leaned over and kissed his wife.

  She looked lovingly at her husband. “Wonderful, and yours?”

  “Not bad. Busy. Still trying to get everything sorted out in the new office, but it will be fine.” He gave her another kiss and squeezed her shoulders. “What would you like me to do?”

  “Everything is done, darling. I only need to fill the drinks.”

  “I will take care of that.”


  My mom walked in the door a few minutes after Robert had finished getting the drinks on the table. She looked exhausted. She must have had a long day at the office. She spoke briefly with Emily in the kitchen before retreating upstairs to find my dad.

  The food was fabulous. Emily had made lasagna, a spinach salad and homemade garlic cheese bread. It was better than any restaurant food I had ever tasted. I was amazed that this had been created in our kitchen. Apparently Emily had her own herb garden where she grew all her own spices and herbs. This impressed my dad as they chatted about different recipes that Emily enjoyed making. My mom was pleasant enough, but mostly silent throughout the meal. However, with all the chatter from the rest of us, it didn’t seem anyone noticed.

  The Chandler’s left after nine. My mom repeatedly thanked Emily for her help and offered to return the favor, which Ethan and I found extremely humorous.

  I had a hard time relaxing as I settled under my covers. I couldn’t seem to get Jackson out of my thoughts. Even though we’d spend the entire evening together, I’d never gotten the chance to talk with him alone. I crawled out of bed and wandered over to the bay window, staring at the house across the street from mine. I wanted to believe he was across the street, looking back at me.

  CHAPTER 24

  Wednesday, October 30, 1878

  “HELLO, DARLING. How was your day?” Jackson welcomed me home with a smile.

  “Wonderful now that you are here.”

  I wrapped my arms around him as he kissed me gently on my forehead. “I was hoping you would come home with William today.”

  “How could I resist the chance to see my girl?” His arms felt so warm and strong around me.

  I handed my schoolbooks, caplet, and bonnet to Missy and walked into the parlor with Jackson. We took a seat on the lounge next to the roaring fire in the hearth. The heat felt incredible after being in the bitter, cold rain. My body shuttered a bit, causing Jackson to pull me closer to him.

  “How were your classes today?”

  “Dull. It seems strange not having Olivia there with me.”

  “But now you get to spend time with her every evening.”

  “True, but what I find amazing is that no one ever speaks of her. Our friends are still under the impression that she is ill, yet no one has inquired about her.”

  “I believe they probably already know the truth and are too polite to say anything in front of you.” He winked.

  “How would they know? I have not spoken to anyone about her, not even Elizabeth.”

  “Northern Chicago is not that big, Jocelyn. I am sure there has been a lot of speculation, but no one is positive of the truth.”

  “People love to gossip.” I shook my head. “It is sad that their lives are so boring that they find it necessary to speak of other people behind their backs.”

  Jackson shrugged his shoulders casually. “True. I would just continue going about your everyday routine like nothing has changed. Let them gossip. Does it really matter?”

  “It is cruel,” I stated sadly.

  “Did you hear that the Adamses are moving?”

  “My father said that Mr. Adams refused to say where his family is relocating and that they will be leaving before this weekend. I guess the house is already sold.”

  “To whom?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Did he sell the bank?”

  “Yes.”

  “That was quick.” This was purely not accidental. It was well planned since the news came out.

  “I know. It makes me think that he must have been looking for a buyer for both the house and the bank since they discovered Olivia and William’s secret. I do not believe they had any intentions of staying here.”

  I wondered if Olivia had known all along.

  “I feel bad for Olivia. It would be so hard to have such cold parents.” I looked off into the fire. “I always thought that Mrs. Adams was not the nicest or warmest of mothers, but Mr. Adams always seemed to love his daughter.”

  “I am sure he does. But this is none of our business, and I would not mention any of this to Olivia. She has been through enough already.”

  “Yes, I agree.”

  Jackson joined my family for dinner. The three men discussed business and politics, as usual, while Mother and Olivia talked over various baby names. I listened absentmindedly to both conversations but found myself utterly bored. I stirred the food around my plate as my mind drifted back to the pocket watch sitting alone upstairs. Curiosity was beginning to get the best of me. A part of me wanted to go upstairs and hold it in my hand just to see what would happen. Will the images return? Will I see the same girls, the iron cages?

  “What do you think, Jocelyn?” Olivia interrupted my thoughts.

  “Sorry. What did you say?” I stumbled, trying to refocus my attention.

  “What do you think about the name Ava for a girl?”

  “Ava is a lovely name.” I agreed.

  “I think so too.” She smiled proudly.

  “What about a boy?”

  “William Arthur, after his father.”

  “Perfect.” I smiled over at her, trying to get excited also.

  “Yes. I believe so,” Mother replied.

  The two of them continued on with their conversation while I returned back to my own thoughts for the rest of the meal.

  The six of us retired for about an hour into the front room and chatted about the upcoming house hunt for Jackson and me, along with the fall festival on Saturday. It seemed that Olivia living in our home for the last several days had softened my parents a great deal. Neither of them no longer had any objections to Olivia and William attending the festival together.

  I was thrilled that the two of them would be joining in on the festivities with us. It would not have seemed the same if they were not there. It was strange to think that only last year Jackson and I had attended the festival with Olivia and Sean. The two of them were so happy that day as the four of us rode on the hayride together in the early evening before we got the life scared out of us in the haunted maze.

  I glanced over at Olivia and wondered how often she thought about that day. I wondered if being there this year with William beside her would bring back painful memories of happier times she had with Sean. For her sake, I hoped not. But how could it not?

  Alone in my room after Jackson returned to his house for the night, I walked over and stood in front of the hearth. There it sat, the little, dark-blue box with the silver metal gleaming up at me from the gentle glow of the embers. I slowly reached my hand forward and picked it up. It felt cool in my fingers despite the heat from the fire. I closed my fingers around it tightly as the room began spinning again like before. I dropped to my knees on the rug in front of the fire and everything went dark.

  I was running up the steps of my house with another girl who seemed to be about my same age. She had brown hair that was pulled up in a blue ribbon hanging loosely down her back. She was wearing a light-yellow dress covered with little, blue flowers. The dress was tied around her shoulders with thin straps, leaving her shoulders completely bare. I looked down and noticed that I was wearing something somewhat similar except mine was pink and I had a white, short sleeved shirt on made of a strange fabric. Neither of us had on any shoes. From the look of us, I thought we must be around six, maybe seven years old.

  We were both laughing and holding hands as we ran into the house and out the backyard without pausing. There were all these strange things about the yard that I had never seen before, and the carriage house was gone.

  I followed her over to this large, wooden structure and sat down on this weird-shaped swing made of a substance I had never felt before that hung to this long wooden beam by chains. I watched this girl laughing and imitated her behavior, swinging back and forth. It felt amazing, so freeing. My feet rose off the ground higher and higher. I could feel the heat of sun on my face. My body shook with laughter. Then I heard someone calling my name from a distanc
e. I squinted my eyes towards the back of the house. There was a woman standing by the back door whom I knew was my mother, yet it was not Annabelle. This woman was very strangely dressed in short pants that showed her legs and a top that was extremely inappropriate. Her blonde hair hung loosely over her shoulders as she smiled brightly in our direction.

  “Jocelyn! Jenna! Lunch is ready,” the woman hollered at us.

  The little girl next to me smiled and sang out, “Come on. Let’s eat.” She rose into the air and let go of the chains that bound her and soared into the air.

  I watched her in horror as she flew through the air and landed safely on her feet. She turned smiling brightly at me.

  “Come on, Jocelyn! I’m starving! Jump!”

  I could feel the terror building in my chest as I clung tighter to the chains.

  “Jump!” She hollered again with laughter.

  I closed my eyes and followed in the same fashion that I had just seen her do. I could feel the air beneath me as I let go. It was the most liberating feeling I had ever experienced. I suddenly felt the soft grass under my feet as I touched the ground. However, I stumbled backward and fell on my rear. The girl laughed loudly at me and held out her hand. I reached for her as her face began to blur from my sight, leaving me in the dark.

  I could feel the rug beneath me, but I dared not to open my eyes. I did not want to lose the feeling I had just experienced. It felt so real. I was actually there. I could feel everything, smell everything — the soft grass beneath my feet, the wind in my hair, and the sun upon my face. I desperately clung to the feeling of letting go of the chains and flying through the air. Nothing in my life had ever made me feel that way. I wanted it back.

  Reluctantly, I opened my eyes to the room around me. The open yard and sunshine were gone. The little girl who was smiling beside me left me feeling happy and warm. Strangely, she somewhat resembled a younger version of one of the girls I had seen in my previous episode. Her name was Jenna. That was what the woman had called her.

  I climbed to my feet, leaving the pocket watch on the hearth rug. I stared at it for a few minutes, wondering how long I had blacked out for. Slowly, I crawled into my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. My room looked the same as it always had. I closed my eyes again, recalling everything I had just witnessed. The house from my vision, I was positive, was my house but it was strangely different. I tried desperately to retrace the events from the first moment I was running up the steps into the house. I wanted to see every detail of the inside of the house, but I could not make the objects out clearly. I knew they were strange and different. Nothing appeared familiar, but the girl I was there felt it was all so normal. I was so confused. The colors of the rooms were all different, as were the furniture and pictures. I could not, however, remember any details of the kitchen, despite the fact that I had ran through it to the back door.