Off Your Rocker?

by K E Osborn

  Anna stands back with her hand covering her mouth.

  I struggle as Johnny frees my wrists from Colt’s grip. My wrists are red and throbbing where Colt had such a tight grip. He pushes Johnny and he runs into the lounge room. Anna’s by my side in an instant and Johnny takes off after Colt. I burst into hysterical crying and collapse on the bed.

  “Oh, Lia, I’m so sorry. I had no idea he’d react that way. He’s seriously off his head right now. It’s not him talking, it’s the drugs. You know that, right?” she asks wrapping her arms around me as I cry into my hands. I hear yelling coming from the other room, but I don’t listen I’m in too much pain – physically and mentally to think about what’s happening out there.

  Then comes the anger. A tidal wave of fiery red hot adrenalin surges through me. I stand up and walk out to the lounge room where Johnny and Colt are standing arguing, and all the people in the room are waking up and watching.

  “For fuck’s sake, Colt, snap the hell out of it and realise what you’re doing. Lia’s here. She came here to help you and all you can do is pretend like it’s not real and then to top it off you hurt her. You’re a disgrace Colt and you deserve everything you get,” Johnny berates and walks off to another room. Colt looks up and notices me standing in the doorway looking at him. He rubs his nose aggressively his eyes search the room. He pulls cushions from the lounge and throws them on the floor.

  “I need it! Just one hit. It’ll get rid of her,” he says.

  I instantly see red. He’s looking for a bag and I’ll be damned if he takes it in front of me. My legs move before I tell them to and I walk over to him as he searches through the lounge room mumbling about ‘getting rid of her’. I pull on his shoulder spinning him around. He’s off balance so he stumbles slightly and I can’t hold back as I tighten my fist and thrust it forward into his gut. He exhales loudly as he hunches over.

  “For God’s sake, get a grip, Colt. Look at you! Look at who you’ve become. You’re not the man I fell in love with. You’re nothing like him, at all. I don’t even know why I bothered,” I say and turn to walk out.

  “Lia?” he asks, I turn to look at him. He’s looking at me with tears in his eyes and I see a small spark in them that was missing before.

  “Baby, are you really here?” he asks straightening up and walking over to me. I think he’s finally coming to the realisation that this isn’t all some fucked up dream. “No illusion could punch that hard.” His hand comes up and caresses my cheek and the relief that floods his face is evident as his bottom lip quivers and his eyes well up. I lean into his touch as I see a glimpse of my Colt returning in his eyes.

  “I’m really here,” I say resting my hand on top of his as he continues to caress my cheek. He exhales and leans in resting his forehead against mine. His eyes continue to search mine and as they both well up. He leans in so close, I close my eyes and his lips meet mine so softly, like he doesn’t want to hurt me. He’s so gentle as my mouth slowly opens and his tongue slides in. He doesn’t taste like Colt, it’s more like a stale mix of alcohol and tobacco, rather than his minty freshness, but I don’t care. I let him kiss me and I kiss him back. His hand moves to my hip, pulling my body flush with his and the heat of his skin on me sends goose bumps over every crevice of my body. My hands rush into his hair and hold his face to mine as our kissing becomes slightly needier. I haven’t had his lips on mine in over two months and I need to make up for lost time. Our breathing is harsh and ragged as he starts to walk forward, which in turn forces me to walk backward. I don’t know where we’re going, but I can’t help but hear the chuckling that’s surrounding us. We reach the penthouse suite door and Colt takes his lips from mine and stares at me with an all-encompassing smile. He opens the door, taking my hand and pulling me through it. I glance back at Anna and she’s smiling radiantly as the penthouse suite door closes and Colt drags me to our suite. We arrive at the door and he pulls me in front of him trapping me between him and it. He leans in kissing me passionately while he pulls the key card from his pocket and swipes it. The door opens and I stumble backwards into the room as Colt leans down and pulls my shirt up over my head. He smiles brightly and throws it to the floor and then leans in kissing my neck. I giggle slightly as he pulls me to the bed.

  “God, I missed you so much,” he says as his lips find mine again. He pushes me to lay down on the bed and he moves on top of me. His mouth collides with mine as he rocks his hips into me making me aware of his hard cock. I suddenly feel cautious about taking advantage of him when he’s high. I don’t want our first time together to be tainted by drugs and alcohol. I pull back and move my hands to his shoulders and slightly push, so he knows I want him to stop. He does and looks down at me with a concerned frown.

  “Colt, I’m sorry. I love you, but I think we need to talk before we do anything physical. I need to know that you understand that you have a problem and you need some help,” I say looking in his eyes. The spark I saw in them slowly fades. He huffs and rolls off me and sits on the edge of the bed.

  “Lia, I’m fine now that you’re back. As long as you stay with me I’ll be fine,” he says unconvincingly.

  I shake my head and frown. “Colt, I know you want to believe that, but you have an addiction, and I have no idea how to help you with it. You need to come back to London and go into a clinic that can help you. You’ve beaten it before, you can do it again,” I reply and he exhales loudly and stands up rubbing the back of his neck.

  “You think I can’t handle it? You think I’m turning into my father? Well, you’re wrong! I’m fine, I don’t need to go to rehab, I can quit any time I like,” he states while pacing the room.

  I shake my head. “Colt I never said you were turning into your father?”

  “No, but you were thinking it. I can see it in your eyes. You think I’m a junkie. You think I’m crazy. Well, I’m not. I’m nothing like my father, nothing!” he yells which makes me jump slightly. I look at him and wonder how it went from amazing to agonizing in a split second.

  “Colt, please. Please come back to London with me. We can get you in somewhere really nice and I’ll visit every day. You can’t stay the way you are, I mean look at you. You’re fading away. I love you and I hate to see you like this,” I reply while he continues to pace the floor.

  “Yeah? Well, maybe I don’t think I need to change. Maybe I’m fine just the way I am. Maybe I don’t need you to help me.” He walks over to the drawers and starts looking through them.

  I shake my head and exhale. “Colt what are you looking for?”

  “None of your damn business,” he says as he starts to throw things out of the drawer. I stand up and walk over to him and push him. He falls forward into the drawers and huffs.

  “What the fuck, Lia?” He glares at me.

  I point in his face. “You think you don’t have a problem? You think you can just give up any time? Well, do you even realise that you’re looking for drugs as we speak. You’re trying to tell me you don’t need them, but all the time you are looking for them.” I throw my hands in the air.

  “Well, maybe if you didn’t leave me, I wouldn’t need them, hey?” he hisses at me, small amounts of saliva hitting my face. His words cut me deep and I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.

  “Colt, seriously? You’re going to blame your weakness on me and try to make me feel bad because of the way you’re acting? God, have you even taken a look at yourself lately? You look terrible and you’re obviously concerned you’re going to turn out like your dad. Well, news flash honey, your dad is dead and if you keep doing what you’re doing then you will be too,” I blurt out as I go to walk away. He grabs me by the arm and pulls me in front of him.

  “How dare you talk to me like that. I’m only acting this way because of you! You broke me, Lia. You. Broke. Me. You are the reason I can’t live anymore and you are the reason that I started using again in the first place. You left me Lia… not once, but twice. What the hell do you expect from me?
I’m not a magician, I can’t just turn my feelings off and right now I’m feeling like you’re only here to make yourself feel better for making the rock God, Colter Slade, into something that everyone hates. Well, news flash to you, honey. I like my life right now. I don’t have to worry about you, or your father hating me. I don’t have to worry about being a perfect prince for you, because Lia, I’m not. I’m not a prince. I’m the evil troll who lives under the bridge who’ll corrupt and hurt you. I’m not going to change and why should I? For you? You made me this way. You can bloody well watch the aftermath that you created,” he screams letting go of me and walking over to the bedside table. I stand there in stunned silence while he opens the drawer and laughs as he pulls out a bag with powder in it. I huff and fold my arms looking at him with disdain.

  “Colter Slade, I swear if you touch that stuff—”

  “You’ll what? You’ll leave? That’s what you always do. It’s your M.O. You come in, make everyone love you and then you fly back out taking our hearts with you and crushing them into tiny little pieces,” he interrupts as he walks over to the coffee table and empties the bag on its surface. I scowl and can’t help it as anger builds inside of me.

  “Are you seriously going to snort that shit in front of me?” I ask and he smiles and pulls out his wallet. I stand and watch as he takes a note and rolls it up making a tube.

  “I swear to God Colt, if you snort that, we’re done... finished... there’s no coming back. Please come back to London with me and we can get you the help you need,” I plead.

  He huffs and shakes his head. “No one can help me.” He then leans down and snorts the Cocaine through the rolled note. I turn around, because I don’t want him to see the hurt in my eyes. He truly is beyond any help I can give him.

  “Mmm... that’s some good shit, you want some?” he asks with a chuckle and instantly I’m consumed with rage.

  “Ahhhh.” I turn around and grab an empty Jacks bottle and throw it at him. He dodges and it smashes against the wall behind him. He stands abruptly and rushes toward me taking my wrists in his hands and forces me against the wall. The look in his eyes scares the shit out of me as he inches so close to my face.

  “You ever do that again and I’ll throw one right back at you, but unlike you, I won’t miss,” he hisses through his teeth.

  Who the hell is this person?

  The Colt I know would never threaten to hurt me, and in that instant I know that we are done for good. I shake my head and struggle against him.

  “Let me go,” I spit at him. He looks at me and I think I see a hint of remorse in his eyes, but it’s only fleeting and it’s too late. He unclasps my wrists and turns to walk off.

  “Colter Slade, if you walk out of this room then we are done, forever. I won’t come back and try to help you again. Hell, I won’t even attend your funeral. You walk and that’s it. This time it’s your choice – you go to rehab or I walk,” I say trying to scare him into seeing the light.

  “I don’t need to go to rehab and I’ll make it easier on you seeing as you’re having trouble letting me go. I’m walking. Pack your shit and fuck off. No one wants you here,” he replies and it’s like a billion red hot knives stab me in the heart all at once. I clutch at my chest in an attempt to make the pain go away, but it doesn’t work. He looks at me and his eyes are glazed over. “There’s a reason I never told you I loved you, you know,” he says walking toward the door.

  “Why?” I plead, not really wanting to know the answer, but more, why is he doing this.

  “Because I never loved you.” He looks back at me. I think I see his eyes welling up, but I’m struggling to see through my own tears. I pick up another bottle and hurl it toward him, but it misses again and smashes against the floor. He shakes his head and looks at his feet.

  “Goodbye, Delia Norman,” he says and then walks out the door, and out of my life-shattering it harder and more painfully than ever before. The door closes and nothing but a deathly silence rings in my ears.

  So this is what dying on the inside feels like.

  There’s knocking on my door, but I can’t muster the energy to answer it. I’m here on the floor where I collapsed, after he left me and I have no idea what to do. I’ve never had such pain in my chest as I do right now. I’m lying breathlessly on the carpet clutching at my broken heart, and the tears fall so fast I’m sure all the water in my body must have leaked from my eyes by now. I don’t know how long I stay on the floor, but the knocking has stopped and even though I know that he is next door, I can’t help but feel like I’m a million miles away from him, and I always will be. I watch the sunshine on the wall as it fades and then reappears. It’s only been light for maybe half an hour, but I’m still on the floor clutching at my chest.

  BANG. BANG.

  Someone is pounding on my door.

  “Lia? Lia, if you’re in there you have to open up,” Anna calls out. I stay on the floor I can’t say anything. Nothing comes out but a muffled gurgle.

  “For God’s sake, Lia, open the fucking door. It’s Colt and he’s in a bad way. The ambulance is nearly here. Lia, Lia, please I’m so scared,” Anna says.

  “Lia, he’s overdosed. We only just found him and he doesn’t have a pulse,” I hear her sob.

  BANG. BANG.

  Where my heart was racing it’s now stopped.

  Colt’s overdosed.

  The pain, when my heart thuds back into motion, is enough to jolt me upright. I scramble to the door on all fours and open it. Anna pushes the door open and walks in. Her face is red from crying and she looks distraught. She puts out her hand and I take it. She pulls me up and into an embrace.

  “Lia, it doesn’t look good,” she advises, making me cry hard into her shoulder. There’s yelling and screaming coming from next door. I can hear it as I see two paramedics run past my door with a stretcher. It’s like everything’s flashing before my eyes and I can’t really take in what’s actually happening. Anna takes my hand and pulls me out of the room and down to the penthouse suite. I can’t even feel myself walking. I’m more floating. We move into the penthouse and immediately I see a paramedic pounding on Colt’s chest. He’s pale, really pale and there’s white foam coming from his mouth. The other paramedic clears out Colt’s mouth with his fingers and then places a mask over his mouth and pumps air into him. His chest rises and falls, but there’s no movement from Colt. I’m in a dream, I have to be, because what I’m witnessing right now can’t be happening. I can’t be losing him. Everyone’s yelling and crying as the paramedics work hard on Colt, but nothing seems to be bringing him back. Maybe this is how it was always supposed to end. Maybe he’s better off. Maybe I’d be better off if I just went with him. A hand rests on my shoulder bringing me into the here and now. Suddenly all the noise is ringing in my head and I can’t stand the noise. I block my ears with my hands and the only thing I can think of that might drown out the noise is to sing. So, I scrunch my eyes tight and I sing the first song that comes into my head.

  Am I off my rocker, to let her go?

  Why can’t I tell her, that I need her so?

  Her hand in mine when we intertwine,

  Sends a chill up and down my spine every time.

  I need you now, more than I ever will,

  Will you stay by my side, forever until, the end of time?

  The end of time.”

  “Lia, Lia, stop singing and open your eyes,” Anna yells in my ear and even though it’s covered by my hand I can hear her. I open my eyes to see that the paramedics are strapping Colt to the stretcher and his chest is moving up and down on its own. I let out a gasp of air and take my hands from my ears. I run to his side and caress his cheek as relief floods my veins and explodes out of my pores. I’ve never felt so much joy than in this moment.

  “Lia,” he mumbles.

  “Colt, I’m here, I’m right here. Please don’t leave me,” I beg as the paramedic pulls the stretcher up and starts to wheel him out of the penthouse suite. I take
hold of his hand and walk alongside his stretcher to the elevator. His eyes are opening and closing again before he has a chance to see anything. He’s making strange noises and I can hardly see from all the tears forming in my eyes.

  “Is he going to be okay?” I ask the paramedic and he looks at me.

  “We need to get him to the hospital and let the doctors take care of him,” he replies in his foreign accent. I have no idea what that means. Does it mean he’s going to be fine or that something’s really wrong? We ride the elevator down and he’s rushed outside to a waiting ambulance. I stand back and Anna holds on to me while they put him in the back of the ambulance.

  “I should’ve known he’d do this. I watched him last night. He told me about your fight and that you were over. That’s when I left him and was banging on your door for most of the night trying to see if you were okay. I should’ve been watching Colt to see if he was okay. If I did then maybe I could’ve stopped him from overdosing,” Anna says through a sob.

  “Anna this is not your fault. If anyone’s to blame it’s me,” I reply as we hold each other and cry.

  Johnny walks over with Sia and Dingo. “Has anyone rung, Hux?” Dingo asks looking at me sympathetically.

  Everyone shakes their heads. “Right, I’ll do it. Maybe it’ll wake him up and scare him into rehab with his idiot brother,” Johnny states walking off and pulling out his mobile phone. The ambulance is about to close the doors, so I let go of Anna and rush over.

  “Can I come with you?” I ask and the paramedic nods gesturing for me to get in. I look back at Anna and she nods letting me know I’m doing the right thing. I climb in and sit on the bench opposite his bed. He’s moaning and trying to take off his oxygen mask, which I guess is a good sign. They shut the doors and the paramedic sits down next to me and continue to monitor Colt. I take hold of his hand and squeeze it tightly.

  The trip to the hospital is a short one and before I know it we’ve arrived and been taken into emergency. Doctors come in quickly and then tell me to wait in the waiting room, saying something about administering a benzodiazepine and cooling his body temperature. I don’t really listen as everything’s happening so fast my brain can’t keep up. The nurse comes in and walks with me to the waiting area. It’s not long before the rest of the band, minus the other Slade brother show up. Anna rushes to my side as I pace the floor in the waiting room.