Off Your Rocker?

by K E Osborn

  “What’s happening?” she asks.

  “I don’t know, something about cooling his temperature and administering a benzo something or other. I don’t know, Anna, I don’t…” I can’t finish my sentence before it all becomes too much for me and I break down.

  “Hey, they’re working on him and he should be fine Lia, right, Johnny?” she asks and Johnny nods.

  “Yeah, he’ll be fine, Lia.”

  It feels like hours pass while I pace the waiting room floor. Finally, a nurse calls us in but tells us that only two of us can go in at a time. I don’t give anyone else a choice. I walk straight past her and to his bay. I don’t even wait to see who the other person is who will be coming in with me. I race to his bedside and when I reach him he still has the oxygen mask on and he looks completely out of it. I pull out a chair and sit next to him holding his hand.

  “Oh baby, what’ve you done to yourself?”

  I look up to see Johnny looking at his best friend.

  “I’ll... ah... go and speak to the doctor and see what he says, yeah? I’ll be right back,” he stutters and walks off. I look back at Colt and move a strand of hair from his forehead and lean down to kiss his cheek. He stirs slightly but doesn’t wake.

  “I’m here, babe. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to,” I whisper in his ear and lean my head against his cheek. My heart’s racing and all I want is for him to wake up. I don’t even care if when he does finally wake all he wants is for me to leave. I will, but I just want to know that he’ll be okay first.

  Johnny walks back in with a smile. I instantly straighten in my seat.

  “Doc says he’s going to be just fine. He might be a bit groggy for a while, but he’ll make a full recovery,” Johnny states walking over to me and lifting me up in a bear hug. I let out a kind of laugh squealy thing. I’m filled with pure elation.

  “He’s gonna be okay?” I question, just to make sure.

  Johnny puts me down and holds me at arm’s length. “He’s gonna be just fine, now that you’re here. The doc did say to just be aware that while he’s in here he’ll be going under detox, so he might be grumpier and more moody than normal. But Lia, if you love him like I know you do, then you have to stay and fight. You have to help him get better and ignore his stupid outbursts and all the nasty things he might say, because I know how much he needs you. I know how much he loves you, because you were all he ever talked about while you were gone.”

  “He doesn’t love me though Johnny, he told me last night. I’ll stay to help him get better, but once he is, I’m gone. He doesn’t want me here. He more than proved that last night.”

  “Lia, he does. That was just the drugs talking. Trust me, when he sobers up he’ll be beyond happy that you’re here.”

  I exhale and nod. I hope he’s right. I hope it was just the drugs talking because I don’t know how I’d go if Colt told me he didn’t want me – again.

  Hour’s pass and eventually Colt’s moved from the emergency ward into his own room. We’re all in here just waiting for him to wake up. Hux finally came in and he looks terrible. He hasn’t stepped further than a foot inside the room. I guess he feels guilty because without him and Jarred, Colt would never have been around that crap, and this absolutely would not have happened. I can’t look at Hux, and I’m not the only person in the room who seems to be livid with him. There’s small talk around the room, but I’m not really listening, I’m too busy focusing on Colt’s closed eyes to join in. His hand tightens in mine and I tighten it back in response. I hold my breath as his eyes flutter and slowly open. He looks around the room and then to me. I smile and don’t bother to fight the tear that falls down my face.

  “Hey,” I say catching everyone’s attention. They all look at Colt and he moves his free hand to hold his head. He groans slightly but doesn’t take his eyes from me.

  “It’s okay. You’re in the hospital, but you’ll be fine, babe,” I say leaning in and stroking his cheek. He smiles at me and reaches his hand out to touch my face.

  “Are you really here?” he asks as I lean my cheek into his hand.

  “I’m really here, but if you want me to leave, I will,” I reply tensing up.

  He looks panicked and starts to shake his head. “No... no... please don’t leave, Lia. Don’t leave me,” he says and I caress his cheek trying to calm him.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I reply. He finally takes a look around the room.

  “Why am I here?” he asks and I look over at Johnny because I don’t want to tell him.

  Johnny nods and walks up to his bed. “Mate you overdosed after a fight with Lia last night.”

  Colt looks at me like he’s confused. “Wait last night? What fight? I haven’t seen Lia for two months,” he says furrowing his brows.

  “You don’t remember?” I ask and he looks deep in thought and slowly shakes his head.

  I smile and inhale. “It’s okay, I came back to see if I could talk you into going back to rehab. You didn’t want to, not much else happened,” I lie.

  “Don’t sugar coat it Lia, he needs to know the truth. He needs to know what happened, so he can understand why he needs to stop with the drugs and get back to living,” Anna berates.

  I look at Colt and he looks at me and nods, giving me the okay to tell him everything. “Okay, well basically I gave you an ultimatum, if you want me then you go to rehab. You said you didn’t need to go and that you don’t love me. You told me to fuck off. I threw some bottles at you and you left me. Well, that’s the scaled down version, anyway,” I say holding back a sob at the memory of how much he hurt me.

  Colt looks horrified and squeezes my hand tighter. “You know that’s not true. I probably said that because I didn’t want to drag you down into my mess. You deserve a happy life with Joseph if that’s what you want.”

  “God you’re an idiot sometimes. I deserve a happy life with you Colt, but only if you’re willing to make the change,” I say.

  “Dude, seriously, you came back into the penthouse suite after leaving Lia and started throwing shit around. You were talking about how you fucked up with her and that you ended it for her own good and that she’s better off without you. Anna went to check on Lia, but she wouldn’t let her in and you locked yourself in the bathroom with a bottle of Jack and your stash,” Dingo tells him and I breathe a little easier knowing he broke up with me because he thinks he’s not good for me, and not because he doesn’t love me. I look down at Colt and he frowns.

  “Lia, I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to function without you.”

  “Don’t worry, I wasn’t doing too well without you either.”

  “Baby, if going to rehab will get you back in my life then I’ll buy the rehab clinic and live there forever if it’d get you to be with me,” he says.

  “So, you will go?” I can’t help but notice as Hux walks out of the room.

  “Lia, I’d do anything to be with you. Anything, baby,” he says trying to sit up in the bed.

  “You have to do it because you want to stop using Colt, not because I—”

  “We,” Anna says interrupting me.

  I smile. “Not because we want you to.”

  “I need to do it. I know I can’t do it on my own, I let it get too far and for that I’m really sorry. To all of you. I’ve been such a selfish prick and it’s you guys and the fans who’ve been suffering. I’m sorry I’m a dick, but I’m going to change. I’m going to be better, not just for you but for me as well. If you’re going to be with me Lia, I need to be worthy of you, and at the moment I’m not. So sign me up. Just one request?” he asks and I raise an eyebrow.

  “I want to go home. I want to do rehab in London. I’m sick of not being home. I just need to calm down and regroup, and the only place I can do that is in London, with you by my side?”

  I nod. “Of course,” I say and lean down and kiss him, and that spark between us flows through me and I can’t help but smile.

  “Hey, I went and got
the doc,” Hux says walking back in and disturbing my moment with Colt.

  “Hello, Mr. Slade, how are you feeling?” the doc asks as he listens to Colt’s chest.

  “Well, I’m in two minds about that doc. On one hand I feel like absolute shit, pretty much like I’ve been hit by a bus, but on the other hand I’m feeling the best I have in months, ‘cause my girl is here.”

  “Okay, well your brother tells me you’d like to check into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre, is that correct?”

  “Yes,” everyone says including Colt.

  The doctor smiles and nods his head. “Okay then, it’s good to know you have the support around you that you’ll need. I can arrange for you to be transported back to London and into a clinic as soon as possible. I’ll get all the details arranged and be back a little later. I’m glad to see you’re okay, Mr. Slade. My daughter would kill me if I didn’t save you in emergency today. She’s a big fan.”

  “How are you really?” I lean in.

  “I feel terrible, but seeing your pretty face makes everything better,” he says, gesturing with his lips that he wants a kiss. I smile and lean down and kiss him.

  “I love you, Colt. I never stopped, not for one second,” I say and he smiles at me.

  “I know baby and neither did I,” he replies. It’s not the ‘I love you’ I’m so desperate to hear, but it’ll do for now.

  The doctor arranges for Colt to be admitted into the Priory Hospital in Roehampton in the south-west of London. Colt’s happy to go there as many other celebrities have been and come out the other end for the better. The press got hold of the news and Rob had to cancel the last week of the tour. Rumours of Slayed breaking up are rife, but I’m trying to keep that from Colt. He hasn’t had a hit for over thirty-eight hours and he’s starting to show signs of withdrawal as we get him onto the jet ready to fly back to London and into the Priory. He’s so heavy as I hold him up and he drags himself to the bedroom on the jet. He’s shaking violently and is sweating heavily as I lay him on the bed.

  He doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s in pain so I lay down next to him and watch him. I don’t cuddle into him as I think he’s too hot and I don’t want to add to his discomfort. So, I lay and watch over him. He’s on his back with his eyes scrunched tight and his body shaking. It’s heartbreaking to watch. Johnny comes in to check that everything is okay from time to time and I nod at him and he smiles and walks out without saying a word. I feel like I should be doing something to help ease his pain, but I’ve never dealt with this kind of situation before, so I have no idea what to do.

  “Lia,” Colt groans.

  I lean out to touch his face, he’s so clammy but I try to comfort him anyway.

  “I’m right here, babe,” I answer while caressing his cheek. His hand shoots up and holds on to my hand against his face. His breathing quickens, he moans and clutches at his stomach. The doctor said he could be sick from the withdrawal, so we asked Tamara to make sure a bucket was handy in the room. He gags and I quickly let go of his cheek and lean down to grab the bucket from the side of the bed.

  “Colt, babe sit up,” I say. He groans as I pull him into a sitting position and put the bucket in his lap. He gags again and I raise the bucket to his face as he hunches over moaning and mumbling incoherently. He heaves and I rub his back as he throws up. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. He’s suffering and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to help him. He continues to heave and he coughs and splutters. He’s a mess, and I swallow a lump in my throat and try to ignore the fact that I now want to vomit.

  “It’s okay Colt, let it all out,” I say as he slowly stops heaving. I take the bucket from him and place it on the floor. His body’s limp as I lay him back down on the bed. I exhale and shake my head looking at him as his breathing slows. He looks so frail and weak. I take the bucket to the adjoining bathroom and empty it down the loo, trying my hardest not to gag. I hear him moaning so I wet some paper towel and walk back into the bedroom. I exhale and walk over to him with the paper towel and wipe his mouth. As I do he groans and swats at my hands trying to push me away. I try to wipe again and he rolls onto his side into a ball.

  “Fuck off,” he moans and I stop and back away. I know he doesn’t mean it, but it still hurts. I sniff and walk back into the bathroom and flush the paper towel. I turn on the water and splash my face. I know I have to be there for him, but damn if it doesn’t hurt like hell to see him like this. Especially knowing that I’m to blame. I look at myself in the mirror and exhale holding on to the basin.

  “You can do this,” I say trying to convince myself. I breathe in deeply and exhale slowly. I take some more paper towel and dry my face. I walk back out to the bedroom and he’s shaking again. I lay down on the bed next to him and he sounds almost like he’s whimpering.

  “Lia?” he yells opening his eyes wide and looking directly at me. I smile at him and he moves on the bed closer to me. “Hold me,” he mumbles and I pull him in line with me and I wrap my arm around him. He nuzzles into me and moves his head just under my chin and nuzzles into my chest. He wraps his arm around my waist and holds on to me tightly. I nuzzle my chin into the top of his head and hold on to him just as tight. He wraps his legs in with mine and this is the closest I’ve been to Colt in two months. The position we’re in is almost like I’m a mother comforting her child. His shaking becomes more prominent and his breathing increases rapidly. He’s struggling and all I can do is hold him. I start to become emotional as Colt detoxes in my arms. Knowing that I can’t help him or make him feel better gets to me and I lose my composure and start to cry. I hold on to him tightly as he moans and mumbles. I knew it’d be bad, but I had no idea that it’d be this bad, to the point where I just want to scream because I’m so frustrated. I start to actually sob as I hold onto him for dear life. I don’t know how long I’m holding him and crying into his hair before Anna and Johnny come in.

  “Hey, Lia. Do you want a break? I can watch him while you recharge and have something to eat and drink?” Johnny asks and I shake my head. Anna frowns and looks concerned as I wipe the tears from my face.

  “I can’t leave him,” I say as I sniff and nuzzle my head back into his. He’s still shaking violently and I don’t want him to think for one second that I’ve given up on him. He tightens his hold around my waist almost like he can hear what I’m saying, although I’m quite sure he’s so far out of it right now it’s just a coincidence.

  “Lia, you need to eat something,” Anna pleads.

  I shake my head. “I’ll eat when we land and Colt’s checked in and settled.”

  “Lia, c’mon, that’s probably another couple of hours away.”

  “Anna, just… leave it,” Johnny says nodding at me, taking Anna’s hand and pulling her away.

  I exhale and kiss Colt’s head. He stirs but soon settles again. We’ve been in the air for a while, so we should be getting close to London by now. I hear someone enter the room, but I don’t look up to see who.

  “Um, Lia.” I close my eyes tight as I hear Huxley’s voice. I exhale loudly so he knows just how annoyed I am with him.

  “Look, I know I stuffed up, I know that I’m mostly to blame for how Colt is right now, and trust me I never wanted for this to happen.” If my eyes were open I’d roll them. “I just want you to know that I’m so grateful that you came back and I know how much that means to my brother. Also, I’ve made sure that Dragon’s Lair are never to tour with us again. So, you don’t have to worry about Coslecki bringing drugs around anymore.” I breathe a sigh of relief. Hearing that I don’t have to worry about Jarred anymore makes me happy. “I’ve also made sure that Jessi is removed from our entourage list and even if she tries to come back after Colt made her leave, she won’t be able to.” That little bit of information makes me almost smile. I had no idea that Colt made her leave, and a big part of me is massively proud of Colt for doing that. “One last thing before I’ll leave you alone, when you check Colt into the Priory,
I’m going to check myself in as well for the same program. I called ahead and they have an opening for me too, so I took it. I just want you to know that I’m truly sorry, for everything. I know I’ve been a complete arsehat and I know I’ve let everyone down, especially you, and I really want to make that up to you. You’re important to Colt, so you’re important to me, and well I guess, I just wanted you to know that,” he says and I open my eyes to look at him. He looks sincere so I smile and nod.

  “Thank you.”

  He exhales and nods, then turns and walks out of the room. I don’t know if I’m in shock or in awe, but either way I feel amazing that Hux wants to turn his life around as well. I nuzzle back into Colt and I think I can see a light at the end of this dark and torturous tunnel.

  Tamara comes in and tells me that we’re landing soon, and relief floods over me. I’ll be glad to be off this bloody jet. My flying nerves mixed with the emotion of taking care of Colt is a little overwhelming. I feel the jet touch town and Colt stirs in my arms.

  “It’s okay baby, we’re nearly there,” I whisper into his ear as I stroke his hair. He moans in response. At least his shakes have quietened down a little, they haven’t completely stopped but they’re better than they were.

  Johnny comes in with a wheelchair and I finally let Colt out of my grip. I untangle myself from him and sit up on the bed. He reaches out for me and I take his hand in mine and squeeze letting him know I’m still here. Johnny leans down and picks Colt up placing him in the wheel chair. He slumps over and my heart breaks at seeing how weak he is. My strong, overly confident and dominant man, is a shell of who he normally is, and that thought kills me.