Never Deal with Dragons

by Christensen, Lorenda

  Good thing I wasn’t nervous in front of crowds. My body would likely shut down with the stress of public speaking coupled with the fear of public disembowelment. I put a hand over my churning stomach and took my eyes off Hian-puo.

  Trian stood just to the left of the elevated Lady Adelaida as she joined the council, his eyes flicking over the crowd as the room grew quiet.

  Lord Relobu continued. “For those of you unfamiliar with dragon procedure, you will find us slightly less formal in our proceedings than the human courts. But make no mistake, our ruling will be final, and anyone who wishes to challenge our decision will be challenging the whole of the dragon council. We will not allow it.”

  Lord Relobu mounted his perch, ceding the floor to an equally old dragon whose clouded gray scales hadn’t aged nearly as well as Relobu’s green armor. The older dragon stood and introduced himself as Dragon Lord of Australia and New Zealand before shuffling back to his seat. The remainder of the dragon council identified themselves in the same manner, until each member had been presented to the audience.

  A bailiff, also of the reptilian persuasion, stood and read the formal charges levied against Hian-puo, the most serious being the attack and captivity of Lord Relobu’s team of dragons bound for Shui-Tech.

  The lawyers were next. The defense attorney was a dragon from Hian-puo’s territory, obviously, but I was surprised to learn that the prosecutor hailed from South America. I’m not sure why, but I’d assumed Lord Relobu would be supplying the representative.

  “Vitor Neceron came highly recommended from several dragon lords. He’s the best we’ve got.” Richard had taken the seat beside me, and whispered as the lawyers completed their opening remarks.

  “Zhou,” Richard pointed to the defense counsel, “belongs to Hian-puo. He’s the only one willing to take on Hian-puo’s defense. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been forced into service.”

  I was betting on the latter. Zhou slumped on his perch beside Hian-puo, looking like he’d just lost his entire family. Maybe he had. Hian-puo wasn’t known for his generous spirit, and I wouldn’t put it past him to conscript the dragon’s help with a bit of negative persuasion.

  “Vitor is going to try and call you to the stand first, and have me fill in any other details after.” He touched my knee. “I forgot to ask. Are you wearing the biosensor?”

  Startled, I turned to meet his eyes. “No. Was I supposed to?”

  Richard shook his head. “I was just curious.” He leaned closer to whisper in my ear. “It’s not a big deal. But I don’t think he can take much more torture. I’d avoid mentioning how it’s been malfunctioning.” Richard gestured behind us. I turned to see Lord Relobu’s scientist, looking just as sick as he had the last time I’d seen him, slumped in a chair with his head hanging between his knees as if he expected to vomit at any second.

  I snickered. “Poor guy. That would be like heaping more embarrassment on top of the already huge pile of humiliation he’s wearing. I imagine I can give my testimony without talking about the weird readings from the biosensor. We found the machine without his help anyway. I’ll make sure and mention his assistance with the schematics was a big help. Maybe they’ll promote him, and he won’t have to fly dragonback anymore.”

  Richard laughed and patted my knee. “I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

  I nodded, and looked to Trian. He gave me a small smile of reassurance before returning his attention to the crowd.

  Vitor stood and addressed the council. “We ask that Miss Myrna Banks present herself for questioning.”

  I murmured to Richard under my breath before I stood. “Here goes nothing.”

  I took a deep breath, and climbed the stairs of the podium.

  “I’m ready.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Vitor’s questioning lasted most of the afternoon. He quizzed me on everything I’d seen and heard since I was first contacted by Richard and Trian, starting with Isiwyth’s negotiation, and ending with the Hian-puo threats just before the trial.

  Hian-puo’s defender, Zhou, didn’t interrupt my testimony, and asked only a few brief questions for clarification. I’m not sure whether his lack of interest was because he just didn’t care whether he won the case, or because my account was so damaging to his client that he didn’t want to risk anything worse coming out of my mouth.

  By the time it was over, I had fingernail-sized dents in my palms from having my hands fisted for so long. When I stepped from the stand, my legs could barely hold me. For over six hours, I’d been watching Hian-puo, waiting for the moment he lunged from his perch and aimed for my neck. But he sat through the entire ordeal with a pleasant expression.

  Which didn’t help. It only made me more nervous.

  I was dismissed as soon as my testimony was complete. I walked the hall to my room, Dreru and three other dragons guarding me from all sides. Trian had kept his word about providing full-time security. Dreru searched my room, his lumbering body crawling over every inch of the large space before I was allowed to enter, and reminded me to notify him should I want to go anywhere.

  “I’m not leaving.”

  And it was true. All I wanted to do was sit down. My head was pounding, and my body moved like I was swimming in syrup. I yearned for thirty minutes of free time. Even if all I did was lie on the bed and stare at the thirty-feet-tall, dragon-designed ceiling.

  I stuck out my tongue at the massive bed. I was sick of this. Sick of the danger, and the politics, and the constant shadowing “for my protection.”

  Someday, somehow, I was going to get back to Tulsa, my double bed with its flat pillows and disheveled plaid comforter, and the rest of my life. But until then, I was forced, once again, to crawl atop an overstuffed mattress covered by an overstuffed comforter and rest my head on an overstuffed pillow. I felt like the meat in a white-bread sub-sandwich. Smothered by softness.

  I must have dozed a little, because the next thing I knew, someone was knocking at my door. Stumbling from the bed, I slid the chain from its latch and peered into the darkened hallway. Carol stood, a bottle of vodka in one hand, and the most enormous chocolate bar I’d ever seen in the other.

  “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

  I eyed her cautiously. Carol’s eyes were red and puffy, and she wore a pair of faded blue pajama pants with a grayish-black T-shirt. I peered at her feet, pretty certain that her socks were totally different colors. If my friend the fashion guru was upset enough to wear mismatched socks and ratty pajamas, it was serious.

  “Of course. Please, come in.” Before someone sees you and you regret it. As soon as Carol came to her senses, she’d kill me for allowing my guards to witness her humiliation.

  Actually…

  I poked my head farther out into the hallway.

  “Have you seen Dreru?” None of my guards was in sight.

  “Nope. Not a soul.” Carol slipped inside and headed straight for the mini-fridge, where a set of glasses sat upside down on a small silver tray.

  I stayed at the door, searching the shadowed hall for any sight of dragons.

  Weird.

  “What happened with Hian-puo after I left?” The missing guards had me worried. Richard hadn’t believed the council would reach the sentencing stage of the trial until tomorrow morning.

  “Nothing. They told him he wasn’t allowed to stay here, so at the end of the day, he and his lawyer packed up and headed to lodgings across town. Lord Relobu sent a whole slew of dragons along for the ride, to make sure Hian-puo didn’t try to fly off during the night. He’s supposed to be back in the morning.”

  Huh. I guess Relobu and Trian had decided the dragon lord was too far away to cause any issues and had allowed Dreru and his soldiers a chance to get some rest.

  “Do you want any?” I returned my attention to Carol. She waved the liquor in my general direction before unscrewing the top and starting to pour.

  “Um, sure. Yeah.” I accepted the glass and sniffed it discretely
.

  Yep. Straight vodka. No sugar or juice to tone it down. I hadn’t seen this level of potential intoxication since she’d failed bowling in college.

  I looked her over. The bowling thing had been kind of funny because, seriously, who fails bowling? But whatever this was, it was on a completely different level.

  “So…” I wasn’t exactly sure where to start. The socks? The drinking? The massive plank of chocolate? I went the direct route.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I can’t sleep.” She watched me suspiciously.

  It was past eleven p.m., and Carol was usually in bed by ten. But I wasn’t the only one zipping through time zones lately. An hour’s worth of sleeplessness didn’t seem like much. And I had no idea why she was giving me the stink eye.

  “I can see that. Any particular reason?” I rubbed my eyes and prayed she wasn’t already too drunk to make any sense.

  For a couple of seconds, I couldn’t be sure.

  Like a dam breaking, Carol’s words rushed out of her mouth faster than I could track them.

  “Oh, Myrna! There’s something wrong with Richard. I showed up here at the hotel and he was so happy to see me, and we went out to a nice dinner then you called and he rushed out to meet you and when he came back I stopped by his room and asked why his room smelled so funny and he told me to mind my own business but the place did smell really weird like aerosol and some other gross odor I couldn’t even identify so I apologized but he kicked me out anyway and ever since then—”

  “Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Richard kicked you out of his room?” This was news to me. I wasn’t particularly bothered by the fact that Richard’s room smelled; Carol and I had been roommates for years, and she said the same thing every time I forgot to do the dishes. In my opinion, Carol had a sensitive nose.

  Her eyes welled with tears. “Yeah. He’s been acting strange since you two got back from finding the weapon. I mean, Myrna, when I say strange, I mean really strange. Emory and his wife arrived today, and after the trial session was over, Richard spent the whole evening with them. I watched them go into his hotel room at six and they didn’t come out until after ten. After they got on the elevator, I knocked, but he didn’t answer. It’s like he’s hiding from me.”

  “Okay.” I was trying hard to catch up. “Well, first of all, I think you need to step back from the situation a little bit.”

  Carol shot me a sharp look. “Why?”

  I sighed and dropped into the chair beside her. “Honey, you’re obsessed.”

  “I am not.”

  I put a hand on her knee. “How do you know how long Emory and Amy were with Richard?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Should I assume from your silence that it’s because you don’t know, or because you sat outside his room the entire time?”

  Carol was silent for several moments, staring forlornly at the empty glass. She grimaced. “It wasn’t the entire time. Look, I know I’m acting more than a little crazy here. But something is going on, and I have a bad feeling about it.”

  Carol paced back and forth beside my bed before whirling toward me. The stink eye was back.

  “Myrna, I need you to tell me the truth.”

  I took a sip of the vodka before nodding. With a friend this crazy, I needed it.

  Carol took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Are you and Richard having an affair?”

  I couldn’t help it, I choked. “What?” The alcohol shot straight down my windpipe and I wheezed. My lungs felt like they were literally on fire. I coughed, but it only made the pain worse.

  Instead of helping me, Carol stood up and walked over to the window, pulling back the curtain to stare out into the night.

  “It’s okay, Myrna. I can take it.” She set her shoulders and whirled to face me.

  I beat a fist on my chest in an attempt to make room for oxygen. My eyes watered from a mixture of pain and hilarity. When my lungs finally started functioning again, I started to laugh.

  “Oh, Carol. No. No, I am not having an affair with Richard. He’s, he’s…” I searched my mind, trying to come up with a description that didn’t use the words “nerdy” or “fussy” or “prissy.”

  Don’t get me wrong, he was all of those things, but I doubted Carol wanted to hear that from me. No one appreciates someone dissing the person she loves. “Richard is nice, a real gentleman, but he’s a little too…clean for my taste.”

  “Really?” Her eyes watered as she tried not to cry.

  “Really. Besides, Trian came over last night and we, uh, talked.” I felt my face heat, and saw the exact moment when the meaning of my words hit Carol.

  “Oh.” She grinned and almost re-damaged one of my ribs when she crossed the room and hugged me. “I’m so happy for you.”

  I gently disentangled myself from her embrace. “Yeah, whatever. You’re just glad I’m not sleeping with Richard.”

  Carol squealed, still hung up on the news of me and Trian. “I know I told you to just get over the guy, but he’s more decent than I gave him credit for, especially if he apologized for the hit-and-run a year ago.”

  I had to smile. Now that I wasn’t jumping into bed with her boyfriend, she was all sorts of supportive.

  She gave me a hard stare. “He did apologize?”

  “Yes. While I didn’t agree with his decisions, his reasons had nothing to do with disinterest in me or our relationship.”

  “That’s great, Myrna. I’m so glad you could work it out.”

  “Me too.”

  Her face fell. “I’m not so sure that’s going to happen with me and Richard.” She gave me a wry grin. “I feel so stupid, coming in here and accusing you of sneaking around with Richard. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s fine.”

  She hugged me again. “No. It’s really not. I feel terrible about it.” I could hear the tears clogging her throat, and my heart ached for my friend. Just last week, even though I hadn’t wanted to admit it, I’d been fighting my own broken heart. I squeezed her back.

  “Okay. I’ll make you a deal. If you promise me you’ll get some sleep tonight,” I stepped back and pried the bottle of vodka from her grasp, “I’ll see if I can talk to Richard tomorrow and find out what’s going on. Who knows? Maybe it’s something simple, like Lord Relobu asked him to prep Emory for trial tomorrow.”

  She frowned. “That doesn’t explain the funky smell.”

  “What if the funky smell is just what Richard smells like?”

  Carol laughed, as I’d hoped she would.

  “Maybe Richard didn’t want Emory and Amy to get too comfortable in his room and he built a stink bomb to make them keep their distance.”

  Carol snorted. “I’m not sure Amy’s nose works for anything other than looking down at people from it.” She sighed. “Okay, okay, I’m paranoid. I admit it. But this place is filled with dragons, and it creeps me out. All the ceilings are too tall, and the rooms make me feel like I’m sleeping in the middle of a church or something.”

  She stood up and looked down at her outfit. “Is it okay if I stay here tonight? I don’t want anyone to see me wearing this.”

  It was past midnight now, so I had to assume Trian was still guarding Lady Adelaida. “Absolutely.”

  “Great. Thanks.” Carol gave me yet another hug before stepping back. “Do you mind if I put that thing in a drawer?”

  I turned around, trying to figure out what she was talking about. “What thing?”

  She pointed to the blinking necklace on my bed stand. The weapon sensor was going so crazy the red light looked like a fire alarm.

  I groaned. I really needed to get that back to Dr. Renault. “Yeah. Better yet, I’ll stick it in the bathroom.”

  *

  I’d just finished brushing my teeth when someone else knocked on the door. I pulled my robe a little tighter, and looked at Carol. “Good grief, did someone forget to tell me I was hosting a party?”

  She shrugged, too boozed up with her cel
ebratory, my-boyfriend-isn’t-sleeping-with-my-best-friend vodka to care. “I didn’t invite anyone.”

  I started for the door, ready to tell whoever it was to come back after I’d managed to get some sleep. Or, if it was Trian, silently inform him that because of Carol’s presence, the late-night booty call would have to wait. But before I’d gone even five feet, the polished wood was torn from its hinges in an explosion of sound.

  I dropped to the floor and pulled an inebriated Carol along with me. A green dragon, one I’d never seen before, entered the suite. His eyes scanned the room until he spotted us, half under the bed.

  He studied Carol’s curly red hair, and then turned to me. A smile stretched across his broad snout, and his teeth gleamed in the low light.

  “You must be Miss Banks. I carry a message on behalf of Lord Hian-puo.” The large claws extending from his left hand coupled with his bared teeth gave me no doubt as to the message.

  I knew Hian-puo had something deadly up his sleeve! Not that the premonition did anything to help me now.

  I looked beyond the dragon, hoping to see Dreru or one of the other guards bursting through the door with claws wielded, but we were out of luck.

  And of course the only time I needed cranky next-door hotel-room neighbors, there were none to be found.

  Ignoring Carol, who’d managed to huddle between the sturdy dresser and sofa, the dragon started toward me. He swung his massive claws at my head. He missed, but only because I’d managed to scoot completely under the bed. I heard the bedsprings twang as he hacked at the mattress, and pretty soon I watched, terrified, as small bits of stuffing rained onto the floor like snowfall.

  There was a loud crash and a roar from the dragon, and the methodical thumps on the mattress stopped.

  Only after I heard Carol’s scream did I understand what had happened. Broken pieces of ceramic hit the floor an inch from my fingertips, and I saw Carol’s feet leave the floor. She must have tried to distract my attacker with the lamp.

  Unfortunately, she’d done an excellent job, and the dragon was busily shaking the life from her body.