The No Bad Boy Rule (Rule #2)

by Ashley Erin

  “No. You made me a promise, one you can’t break every time something happens. You think this is the only time? He’s found a crack in your resolve, and he’s going to use it.” Her voice stays low, breaking with the feeling behind her words. “Your head is clouded and he’s manipulating your fear.”

  “It’s for Peyton.” Pleading. Begging her to understand, hoping she won’t let this ruin us.

  “I love Peyton, but you need to choose. Your future with me, with Noah. Or risking everything to hang onto a past that will continue to suck you back in whenever you show weakness. They will continue to use Peyton against you, and that’s her family, she will let them.” Her words cut me like a knife, I look at Peyton over my shoulder, her tears have stopped and have been replaced with a look of determination. If Ava’s words sting, she gives no indication. When I look back at Ava, the only person in this room that she sees is me. “Please, Dax. Please don’t go. We have a life here, a future. Please . . .”

  The thickness of her voice cuts me as I see her struggling not to cry. The words, please don’t go flooding from her at a rate so fast they blend together. I’m not even sure she sees me anymore, her body seems smaller than it is as she continues to ask me to choose her.

  “She’s family, Ava, please don’t make me choose.” Reaching for her again, I watch as her face breaks, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

  “You’ve already made your choice, and I can’t be involved in it. I won’t put my heart through this again, and if you’re willing to go back once, I can’t trust you won’t go back again. I can’t do it to myself, or to Noah. What if you didn’t come back? There is more at risk here, and you know it.” My eyes drop to her hands, shattering my soul as she slips off the ring I gave her only a short time ago. “I love you. Goodbye, Dax.”

  My hand is limp as her trembling fingers set the ring inside it, squeezing my hand tight around it before falling away.

  My throat seizes as she slips past Peyton out the door, both of us cringing when the door across the hall slams. Peyton’s eyes are wide as I walk past her and down the hall, her feet rushing to catch up as I bound down the stairs without looking back.

  “Dax . . .” Peyton stops me before we exit the apartment, the realization of what I’m sacrificing for her breaking through her grief. “Go back there. Tell her you made the wrong choice. I shouldn’t have asked this of you, knowing you would never say no. You can fix this, I can try to help Bear, and Manny might talk to me.”

  Pushing past her, I don’t respond. I’ve already done the damage, hurt Ava in a way I promised myself I wouldn’t. Ava’s face is all that I see as I get into the vehicle. It’s all that I will see the entire four hour drive to Edmonton. It was as though I watched her heart break, my feeble hope that she would understand why I was doing this shattered as she handed me the ring.

  Staring out the darkened windows, I watch the door hoping to see her. When the building disappears, I set my phone on my lap, hoping to see her name.

  It never comes.

  There are moments in life that we regret, but we’re able to live with. Watching as I was the cause of her breaking, that is something that will torture me for the rest of my life. Something I will never forgive myself for.

  Tucking my phone away, I harden myself. I find the person I thought I left behind and I cling to the heartless, cold person I know I can be.

  Dropping the spoon into the ice cream carton, I abandon it on the floor at my feet. It didn’t help me feel better. Cradling my stomach, I breathe past the pain that waves through me. It’s been several hours, and he hasn’t come into the apartment to tell me he made a terrible mistake. I’m not surprised. One of the things I love about Dax is how protective of his family and friends he is, but to go back into that world is something I cannot handle. The pain of losing him would only be surpassed by the pain of him being hurt, or worse . . . killed.

  Curling more into myself, I don’t bother looking up as the apartment door opens. I know it’s not him.

  “Hey, Ava.” Andie greets me as she pulls her shoes off, filling me in on the brutal exam she just took. She turns from hanging her coat up and pauses mid-sentence. She sees the puffiness of my eyes, the empty ice cream carton at my feet. “What happened?”

  My face falls as she looks at me with concern, her eyes so like Dax’s. “Dax and I broke up.”

  Shock fills her face, and she stumbles towards me, collapsing on the couch. “What happened?”

  The last thing I want to do is relive earlier this afternoon, but I fill Andie in anyways. My voice cracks as I try to explain how Dax chose to leave even though I asked him not to, but the wound is still fresh. “I’m sorry, this is too hard. I can’t talk about it anymore.”

  Andie reaches out and takes my hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m calling him. I can’t believe he would go back. I’m half tempted to call the cops and let them know where they can find Manny.”

  “You can’t. He’s in breach of his probation by going.” The hand around mine tightens causing me to flinch.

  “Probation?” She hisses out a breath, momentarily distracted from my pain. “I guess I should have known. I mean he always had . . .” She breaks off as she focuses on the grimace on my face.

  We sit silently. I’m too exhausted to feel awkward, her hand firmly holding mine. Shivering, my body feels like I’ve been run over by a bus. Andie reaches behind me, covering me with a blanket.

  “I’m going to make you some tea.” Nodding blankly, I watch as she casually tries to pull her phone out. Rolling over to face the back of the couch, I pretend in my head that I don’t hurt so badly. When that doesn’t work, I allow myself to hurt until tomorrow, and then I need to toughen up. This is why I told Dax I couldn’t let him be my entire world. Andie returns with a steaming cup of peppermint tea, my favorite, and sets it down on the coffee table when I don’t turn over.

  “Andie, I love you, but I think I want to be alone right now. Sort through this in my head, maybe paint a little once I can. I’m only allowing myself tonight to be sad. Tomorrow I need to be a mother, a student, a daughter, and a friend. I need to remember that I am a whole person outside of my relationship.” Andie nods wordlessly, handing me my tea as I sit up.

  “Please text me later. I’m sure it’s not easy being around me, but regardless of what my jackass of a brother has done, nothing changes in terms of our friendship.” She waits for me to acknowledge what she’s saying, staring at me until I finally nod.

  The door shuts behind her, the sound is loud in the silent apartment and causes me to flinch. Sipping my tea, I try to remember that I am not the same girl I was before Noah was born. I let myself fall apart when Joe ended things and even though this hurts a million times more, I’m not going to be so weak.

  Heaving myself off the couch, I migrate to my room. The black canvas I abandoned so long ago sits on my easel. Setting my tea down, I reach into my bin of paints and grab the first tube my hand touches. Soon the familiar comfort of painting lulls my head into a safe and comforting place.

  Reaching for my brushes, I catch sight of a photo of Dax and me. I’m laughing at something he said, neither of us is looking at the camera only at each other. Abandoning my painting, I take the picture off my nightstand and sit on my bed.

  My door slowly opens, Lucas stepping in cautiously. “Andie told you, didn’t she?”

  Nodding, she comes and sits next to me, looking at the picture in my hands. “I didn’t believe her at first, but it’s a little late for April Fools.” He leans back against the wall, grimacing at his attempt at a joke.

  “I didn’t think this would happen. I thought we had forever. Was I unreasonable for making him choose?” Lying back on my pillow, I wait anxiously for Lucas to respond. I already doubt my decision, wondering if I acted rashly.

  “No, I don’t think so. It’s not something you want to be associated with and if he’s drawn back once it’s not impossible to think it might happen again.” We sit silen
tly, the photo still in my hands. Lucas takes it from me, looking at it before setting it aside. “I guess I just wonder how you will feel about it tomorrow, or even next week.”

  “What if I didn’t walk away now, giving him the benefit of the doubt that it was a one-time thing and then six months from now there is a new disaster? We had the discussion! I thought I was clear about where I stood, and he still chose to go. He watched me walk out the door and left with them.” My voice reaches a high level, eyes burning as fresh tears threaten to spill. “This hurts and every moment since I left the apartment I’ve been second guessing the decision to end things. I begged him, Lucas, I begged him not to go. Pleaded while he stared at me. I saw the torture in his eyes, but I also saw the decision he made. I don’t think I could go through that again.”

  “Okay. I told Andie I was going to stay home with you tonight, what do you want to do?” He smiles at me brightly and my lips twitch in return. It’s not a real smile, but I appreciated his effort.

  “I don’t want to do anything.”

  He nods in understanding. “Okay. I will make us some dinner.”

  Left alone, I curl onto my side. I know that eventually the feeling of hollowness will subside, that the ache in my chest will ease.

  Time passes in a blur; it feels like I’ve been lying in bed for hours when Lucas calls me for dinner. He means well, making sure I get up and move around, and it’s difficult to drag myself up, but once I’m at the table, I feel grateful to be doing something normal, something that doesn’t remind me of the tears in my heart.

  “I don’t know if you want to hear this, but Andie texted me to let me know Dax is okay. He and Peyton are on their way home.” Nodding, I quickly glance at the clock on the microwave, shocked at how much time had passed.

  My heart flutters in relief that he’s okay, and then stutters at the apprehension of realizing I will be running into him regularly. I forgot about that.

  Ivan stops outside the grungy house, turning towards me expectantly. “While you’re in there . . .”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Leaning into his face, I stare him down as I make myself clear. “I am not your pawn. I am here for Peyton and Peyton alone. This is a ONE-TIME thing. I go in, retrieve Bear and get out. After this day, you do not contact me and you do not contact Peyton. Otherwise, you will be on the receiving end of the wrath you’ve never thought twice about using.” Ivan is not one who usually shows fear, but he’s never had my rage fully unleashed on him and at this point I have nothing left to lose, and he’s aware of that. Gulping, he nods and turns back to the front of the car.

  “Don’t move, this isn’t going to take long.” Exiting the car, I stalk towards the house.

  Two men greet me, searching me before letting me enter. Ivan isn’t wrong, Manny does like me, but that doesn’t mean he trusts me, especially with Ivan parked at the curb.

  The house is quiet and surprisingly neat. I don’t hear or see Bear as we make our way to the backyard. Once outside, my eyes automatically survey my surroundings, noting where everyone is located, and quick escape routes. This habit is not one I’ve shut off since leaving the Vipers, and it’s one I think will stay with me for life.

  Realizing that Manny is having a party, I hope that my promise to be quick will be kept. A few people by the house are snorting cocaine, completely ignoring the guards and me as we pass. A girl is on her knees in front of one guy sucking him off. Disgust fills me as I recall when my evenings were spent in crowds like this.

  Finally, I spot Manny in the back corner of the yard. He sees me standing there and gestures for me to wait, finishing his exchange with the gentleman facing away from me. The guy slips out the back gate after handing Manny a package.

  Manny saunters towards me casually, a friendly smile on his face. He’s a prime example of a guy who makes bad decisions, but is completely likable if you don’t know what he’s capable of.

  “Dax! It’s so good to see you, even if you did leave that scum tainting my front yard. How are you?” He slaps my hand, giving me a half bro hug.

  “I’m fine. Honestly, I just want to get this exchange done so I can get back to my life.” I try to maintain a level of respect in my voice, I’m not really pissed at Manny, it’s the way this world works, and if Bear was crossing boundaries it’s his own fault he got caught.

  Manny nods sympathetically. “I don’t know why he got you involved, I told him we could do an exchange elsewhere, but you know Ivan. He wanted to punish you for leaving, what better way than to use your attachment to Peyton.”

  Seeing red, I realize that everything Ava told me was right. How she has a better grasp of the way Ivan thinks than I do is beyond me. I completely fell into his trap. “Why did I not see it? I’ve watched him do this to countless others.”

  “You’re too close to the issue, and that’s why you were never meant for this world. Don’t get me wrong, you’re amazing at what you do, but you form attachments. Real attachments.” Manny gestures behind me. “They’re bringing Bear out. He only has some minor injuries; it didn’t take long to realize he was just being a dumbass.”

  Nodding, I’m still caught up on how easily I was manipulated. The rage that had finally started to simmer boils up. “I think my ego just got too big, I thought he would be too intimidated to try something like that with me.”

  Bear stumbles out of the house, looking relieved when he sees me. Examining him with a clinical eye, I only see some faded bruising. Turning back to Manny, my mind calculates how I can exact revenge on Ivan. “I’ve always liked you Dax, so I’m going to say something completely uncharacteristic. Don’t. Do. Anything.”

  “Here.” Handing him the envelope, I ignore his request. Turning on my heel, I exit the back yard, grabbing Bear’s arm and dragging him through the house. He doesn’t say anything, smart enough to know I’m ready to smash his face through the wall and break his arm. When we get to the car, I unleash the rage.

  Grabbing the back of Bear’s neck and shove him up against the car. Ivan, Tom, and Peyton stay in the vehicle, held in place by the twisted look on my face. “Here is how this is going to go down. You either get your shit in gear so I never have to save your punk ass again, or I will bring so much pain that you will wish I just killed you. Do you fucking hear me?”

  The whites of Bear’s eyes circle the irises they’re so wide. Gulping, he silently nods unable to speak because of the grip I have on his throat. Releasing him, I watch him cough to relieve the pressure my hand caused on his throat. It’s disgusting, but that sound makes me smirk.

  Stalking around to the driver’s side of the car, I open the door and yank Ivan out. He puts up a fight, only satisfying my need for violence more as I kick his feet out from under him and smash his head on the pavement. Grasping his hair, I pull his head up and slam it down again, the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking only fueling me more.

  “Listen here you piece of shit. Manny happened to inform me that he offered to meet you in a neutral location, and you refused. You have only managed to piss me off. See, I was perfectly content to live my life and completely forget about the Vipers, but now . . . Now I have nothing to lose.” One of the car doors opens, and I shoot a warning glance, thinking it is Tom coming to Ivan’s defense. Peyton’s cautious eyes meet me instead.

  Turning away from her, I press my knee into Ivan’s back. “If you ever and I mean ever threaten anyone who is important to me, past, present or future, I will make your life hell. I never want to see you or even hear your name again.” Twisting his arm behind his back to make my point, I lean down growling in his ear. “I have people ingrained in your system. A simple phone call and I can have you gone. Just remember that.”

  Peyton’s hands are on my shoulders, pulling me back. The world is hazy, blurred by the rush I’ve always felt doing this. The release of anger, instilling fear in people. “Dax, step away. Remember who you are, not what you’ve done.”

  A crowd is building on the law
n, Manny standing on the porch watching with thinly veiled interest. “You’re right. He’s not worth my time.” Standing, I swiftly kick him in the side before taking Peyton’s hand and walking her back to the house. Bear follows silently at a safe distance. “Manny, do you mind giving us a ride to the west end? I have something I need to pick up, and I think my ride is no longer available.”

  Manny gestures to his second in command, if I recall correctly, his name is Rich. Nodding at Manny, I leave Ivan behind without a backward glance.

  It’s not until the car is moving that what I’ve resorted to sinks in. The coldness melts away and the person I’ve become fights his way to the surface. Telling myself I did what I needed to do, I fight the shame.

  Peyton’s warm hand finds mine, squeezing it gently. “Everything will work out.”

  All her words do is remind me of what I’ve thrown away.

  Collapsing at the kitchen table, I grab an orange and start peeling. Everyone has been by my side for the past few days, hovering to make sure I’m okay even though they know I’m not. All of my energy is spent being the mom and student I need to be, crumpling at the end of the day in a heap of exhaustion. Sleep still evades me.

  Wearily standing after I devour the orange, I stumble my way to the couch to try to sleep. Being in my room is difficult, the memories of so many moments with Dax spent in there. The painting I finally finished a taunting reminder of how it felt when he let me walk out the door.

  Covering my head with a blanket, I focus on tensing and releasing my extremities in an effort to relax my body into sleep. My eyes begin to feel heavy, and I’m hopeful that it’s working when the door opens. Sighing as my brain clicks back on, I lift the covers to see who has come into the apartment.

  Peyton shuffles her feet awkwardly, as though unsure she will be welcome. I can’t even be angry with her; if our roles had been reversed, I would have asked for the same thing. Hugging the pillow to me, I nod towards the empty spot at my feet.