by Zoey Derrick
I nod and go back to looking out the window. “I just need some time to myself. I’ll decide in a little bit if I’m going to go out or order room service.”
She nods and stands. “We really are here to protect you. If Dex or Beck is bothering you, will you let me know?”
I nod again. She leaves the room quietly and the tears start to flow.
Who knew that ten years later that asshole would still affect my everyday life from something as simple as having my elbow grabbed?
Shortly after Tori went into Raine’s room Mills moved down the hallway to be near the door. Rusty and Beck start chatting and we’re quickly joined by Casey, Troy, Leroy and Bruce. “What’s going on?” someone asks. The deep voice says it’s probably Bruce or Leroy, but I don’t turn around to find out.
“Tori is talking to Raine,” Rusty says. “We’re waiting for the results of that conversation.”
I want to just go back to my room, or the bar, but I need to know if her reaction has anything to do with me and I need to make sure she’s all right.
Finally after what seems like a lifetime, a door opens. But it isn’t Raine’s. I turn to see Talon, beaten up emotionally, standing in his doorway. “What’s going on?”
“Nothin man, no worries,” I say. “Go back to your girl. How’s she doing?”
“Quite possibly better than I am.”
“You need anything?” Rusty asks him and Talon just shakes his head. “Holler if you do, we’ll take care of it.” Talon nods and quietly closes the door.
“Jesus, he’s a fucking mess,” someone says.
I turn around and address whoever it was. “You would be too if you were dealing with what he’s got going on,” I tell them. “Just leave him be.”
My defense of Talon doesn’t come as a shock to anyone. Though I fucking wish Kyle were here. Maybe none of this would have happened because we’d have all been out to dinner having a good time instead of dealing with all this drama.
We all wait with bated breath when we hear a door click, this time quieter and further down the hall. Thank god, we have the fucking floor to ourselves.
Tori steps out of the room and quietly closes the door behind her. “She all right?” I say a little too loudly and I get shushed.
Tori looks at me, gives me a sad smile and nods her head. Fuck me, what the hell is this all about?
Tori steps closer to Mills and they turn around, talking quietly. I don’t get my panties in a bunch, Beck will tell me eventually. Provided he finds out. The circumstances of the situation will determine if Mills tells the crew or not.
I’m nearly crawling out of my skin, ready to totally rip it to shreds and fuck if I know why.
Because this one means something to you…
I want to scream at the fucking voice in my head, tell it to shut its pie hole and stop fucking around with me, but I know damn well, it’s right. My standing here, waiting on bated breath is proof of that fact.
They turn around and start walking toward us. Mills has his normal game face on and he’s looking at all of us, then his eyes land on me. “Dex?” He stops halfway between Raine’s room and where I’m standing. I feel like I’ve been called before a firing squad and my legs feel heavy as fuck. What the hell did she tell her?
Beck was there, I guess this is where I figure out what kind of friend he really is.
I get closer to them and finally come a stop. “Yeah?”
Mills straightens a little bit. Why do I all of a sudden feel like a child who stole the last Twinkie in the box? Oh wait, because I’ve been that child. “You’re fine,” Mills says quietly. “So is Beck.”
The air in my lungs leaves in a relieved huff. “So then what’s the deal?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Fuck you, you can’t tell me. I’m the one that touched her, I’m the one that made her freak out and ruin her evening.”
“No, I really can’t tell you.” Tori steps up. “There are certain things that should be heard straight from the horse’s mouth. You need to let her tell you, if that’s what she wants to do.”
I try to sidestep both of them and go to her room, to fucking apologize, to talk to her, anything. “No.” Mills’ voice has that stern command in it and like a stupid love struck teenager meeting the parents for the first time, I freeze.
“She’s asked for some privacy, some time. Let her have it,” Mills says and I deflate. “Believe me, the more time and space you give her, the better off you’ll be.”
I nod.
“Just do your best to keep your hands off of her,” Tori says, though there is no malicious intention in her voice, the threat is implied.
“That might be easier if I understood,” I bite back.
“Well, you’ll have to take it up with her, another time,” Mills says and finally getting the hint, I turn and head for the elevator just as Mouse and Peacock exit their rooms. I hit up instead of down. I’m going to the roof. I need the fresh air and the view.
Somewhere in the midst of all this, I started to care. Somewhere in the midst of what the fuckity fuck is happening inside my head, I’m losing my edge and it’s pissing me the fuck off.
Surprisingly, I manage to make it onto the elevator alone. I slump against the wall after pressing the 32 button. No doubt they’ll know where I’m headed. I mean, where the hell else am I going to go? When the doors open, surprisingly the rooftop bar has more people in it than I expected, but whatever. I head up to the bar and order two Scotches and a book of matches. I need a smoke.
The bartender slides me the drinks and the matches, I slide him back two twenties. “Keep it.” He nods and I turn around for the door to the open air patio, though it’s caged, there’s some comfy as hell seats out there and I can smoke. If I can’t shoot it or snort it, might as well smoke. And no, I’m not talking about smoking drugs, I just want to smoke a pack of cigarettes and get drunk off my ass. So drunk in fact that someone will either leave me on the rooftop passed out, or have to carry my drunken ass to bed.
It’s chilly out here. I mean, shit, it’s fucking what? April, in New York City? It’s not Los Angeles. But the cold drives patrons back inside faster which fucking works for me.
It’s obvious that Raine has some deep secrets to keep. I snort to myself. Don’t we all? But what do these secrets really do to her.
Somewhere around my fifth or sixth shot, Beck finally shows up. He doesn’t say anything, he just fucking slumps onto the couch, a beer in his hand.
“It’s my fault,” he finally says after I light another cigarette.
“What? The elbow thing?”
He shakes his head and sips his beer. Leaning forward on his elbows, he grabs a cigarette from my pack and lights it then leans back again. “What, dude? Seriously?”
“That she bailed out on you last night.”
“Huh?” I look at him, raising an eyebrow.
“I don’t know the details, but I spooked her somehow.” He takes a drag.
“So they tell you that, but can’t tell you why or what?”
He shakes his head. “No, but I will ask her. The next time I see her. They also told me that she specifically requested that I not escort her tonight.”
I squint at him. “What the fuck did you do?” I look at him, the alcohol finally kicking in and taking hold. Though the warming took effect almost immediately, my brain is starting to get a little fuzzy.
“At first I wanted to think that she figured if I escorted her that you’d come along. Then I thought maybe she was really just giving me, or us,” he corrects himself, “a one night stand. Stuffing it back in our faces the way we do it to so many women, but I honestly think there’s more to it than that.“
I finish off my latest glass just as the waitress arrives with another. I tip my head toward her and raise my glass, then point between Beck and I. She nods and takes off for the bar once again. I down half the new glass in one big gulp. “Well, I was told that if I wanted to know the answers, I had to ask her mysel
f. So whatever it is, they’re doing a damn good job of hiding it.”
“As they should. Listen, there are certain things that we know about each and every one of you guys, even maybe stuff you might not even know or be aware of, but the whole point of the matter behind that is so that we have a better idea of the people we’re trying to protect. You may think I tell you everything, but I don’t. In fact, nowhere near everything.”
“Are you telling me everything now?”
He takes a big long drink of his beer, finishing it off before answering me, “yes.”
As much as I want to accuse him of bullshitting me, I have no doubt he’s telling me the truth. If Raine’s private matters won’t be told to the person who actually caused the reaction, I doubt that they told the guys either. Or because Beck is central to the story, they didn’t include him.
It isn’t until two drinks later that Beck finally moves onto the hard shit, trying like hell to catch up with my state of inebriation, but I’m too fucking drunk to give a shit. I also only just now notice his ear piece is out. “You’re off duty?” I question him.
He nods. “Why do you think I’m getting sloshed?”
I laugh at his choice of words. “Who’s…” Then I look through the glass of the bar and see Bruce and Casey standing there, trying to look all nonchalant and shit. “Fuck this. I’m going to bed.”
Drinking and standing… standing and drinking, drinking and walking, yeah, none of those are advised to be done simultaneously as I stumble my way into the bar, toward the elevator. Bruce is hot on my heels. No doubt Casey will stay behind to keep an eye on Beck.
Once we’re in the elevator, I half sit on the bar that divides the wall. “She still in her room?”
“No,” Bruce says short and sweet.
“Good, she went out then.”
He doesn’t answer or say anything else. Our elevator arrives on the seventeenth floor and I stumble out. Just in time to see Raine standing in front of her door. I need to apologize to her, I need to make this right, but I can barely walk, let alone talk, and she can see that. She slips inside her room, closes her door and throws the chains. Shutting me out.
“Fuckin’ A,” I groan as Bruce lets me into my room. I manage to strip off my shirt, boots and make a half-ass attempt at my jeans before I fall hard and heavy onto my bed, face down. Turning slightly, I fall asleep with visions of those bright ice blue eyes and luscious lips.
Waking up Tuesday morning, after a nightmare-free sleep, I feel revived and refreshed. All the craziness of the last twenty-four hours finally seems to be lifting. Though I am certain Kyle hasn’t returned. I don’t need someone to tell me he hasn’t to know, only because someone would have told me if he had.
After my shower, I stand before the closet that I finally managed to unpack myself into and I try to decide what to wear today. A birdie, namely Rusty, told me last night that Dex would be going with me and Talon to the studio today and that Addison wasn’t needed. If it weren’t for the fact that Addison had asked me to go to the studio to help, I’d stay back and help her.
So when I crawled into bed last night, I gave myself two choices. Option A - make it impossible for him to resist me. Suck him in. Make him crumble. Or option B - ignore him.
On the exterior, Dex is a hard ass, an assholian, a complete and total dick, but there is something simmering just under the surface with him. He looked desperate to come to me last night, but he was too drunk to really be able to do anything about it. So I am going with option A. Make it impossible for him to resist me. Make him come to me, begging for it. Then, string him along. Okay, I’m not a total bitch, but the reality of the situation is if he really wants this (meaning me) then he’s going to have to work for it and work pretty fucking hard.
I regard myself in the mirror. Black hair pulled up into a stick straight pony tail. Hot pink and black bangs forward and straight across. Make-up, subtle but there, with hues of pinks and purples. Lipstick, cherry chocolate. Perfect for my complexion. Earrings - my mini-spikes and I’ve changed my industrial piercings to my hot pink barbells. Top - low cut, falls off the shoulder, exposing part of my ink with a tank top underneath to hide the bra straps of a red, sexy lace bra and panty set. Pants - black skinny jeans with my fur lined buckle boots. Jewelry - there’s plenty of that to go around.
Confidence boosted.
I grab my deep hooded jacket, my messenger bag and turn out the lights just as there is a knock on the door. “Coming,” I shout and finish grabbing everything I think I need. I grab everything except my courage to actually do this. The moment I open the door, all bets are off.
Dex is standing there with his hands on the door’s frame and he is staring at me. Courage recovered. “Wow,” he breathes as if he expected me to be dressed in a frumpy housedress. Though a dress did cross my mind, but it’s not really my style. I figure if I’m hanging out with rock gods all day, I might as well look the part.
“Breathe, Dex,” I tell him and he smiles.
“I can’t help it, you’re gorgeous.”
I know I blush as red as a cherry and he lights up.
“We need to talk,” he says softly.
“We don’t have time. I need to stop in and say hi to Addison and…”
“Tonight?”
I shrug. “We’ll see.” I slide out of my room under his arm.
“You’re killing me, smalls,” he whispers.
I stop and turn to look at him. His eyes are alight with some excitement and a little bit of desire. “You can handle a little payback,” I tell him and his eyes widen a fraction and then narrow at me.
“Payback? For what?”
“For being an assholian.”
He snorts, “A what?”
“An assholian - it’s a religion for assholes.”
He crosses his arms over his chest, the muscles in them bulging, my mouth waters, wanting to lick along the bluish veins popping out. “So you think I’m an asshole?” There is a playfulness in his eyes that I’ve never seen before, and well, I kind of like it.
“No, Dex, I don’t think, I know.” With that, I turn and walk away, walking toward Addison’s room just as Talon comes out and we nearly collide.
“Shit, Raine, sorry,” he says with a small smile.
“No problem how is she?”
His shoulders slump. “Not much of a change, she’s sleeping now.”
“Should I…”
He just shakes his head. “You’re coming with us, right?” he asks and I nod. “Okay, then we should probably get going.” I nod again and Beck, Mills, and Rusty come out of a room near the elevator decked out in black cargo pants, with guns secured in gun holsters and black t-shirts. They actually look very scary and intimidating when they’re like this. “We’re ready,” Talon tells them and we all head toward the elevator.
Dex is bringing up the rear behind me. He leans closer to me and whispers in my ear, “You’re right, I am an assholian. But I still want to talk.”
I shiver at the breath that washes over my neck as he whispers but I don’t reply. I know what he wants to talk about and I don’t want to discuss it. It was easy to tell Tori because I didn’t exactly tell her, she just kind of knew. But Dex, I have a feeling I’m going to have to spell that one out and I don’t know if I can do that again. But the caveat to that is the fact that telling him could make or break any future plans he may have for me. Some men can handle the pain and trauma that comes with a rape victim, but many can’t. It’s hard to sleep next to someone who wakes up screaming in the middle of the night because something has triggered the nightmare in the first place. Michael was an exception, though. He never complained, but I also never told him why either. I guess that was our first mistake.
When we arrive at the studio, I sit back to enjoy the show as they get set up for Dex to lay a drum track on the original song Talon had written. It’s performed on stage as an acoustic duet, but the change in adding a drum is to enhance the experience for radio, taking a
way the sound of a live performance and making it something else entirely.
I watch as Dex tirelessly practices his part. It was only written recently and he hadn’t had a chance to work on it yet. I’m blown away by how his demeanor changes when he sits down behind his drums. Gone is the asshole and sitting in his place is a man of music, creativity and sexy hot rock god drummer. It’s like flipping a switch with him and I have to tell you, it is the sexiest thing I think I have ever seen.
“Go easy on him.” I turn to Talon who’s joined me in the mixing room.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell him but then I can’t help but let my eyes drift back to watching Dex on the drums. I can’t hear him play; I can only hear the faint sounds coming through the headphones in the room.
Talon snorts a laugh. “Really?”
I look back to him and he’s smiling slightly. “We’ve gotten off on the wrong foot,” I tell him.
“I know.” My eyes widen a fraction. Talon takes a seat next to me, leaning forward on his elbows. The last twenty four hours have really taken a toll on him and it’s physically showing now. “But I also know that when Dex wants something, he won’t stop until he has it.”
“I don’t want to be just another girl.”
“That’s not what happened Sunday night. At least I’m gathering that you had no inhibitions about where things would go from there,” he tells me quietly.
“I was fueled by fantasy and alcohol. I knew then that it would probably be best to just let him get it out of his system; at least it might have made it easier for us to work together. But instead, it turned disastrous and it’s making it more difficult. I only pulled Beck into the room because I needed a sense of security. I was pretty certain that Dex would have torn me to shreds if we’d been alone,” I share quietly and it’s true. My gut instinct had told me that I could decipher the difference between fucking Dex and wanting something more if someone else was in the room. That it would make the situation less intimate, but instead, it only heightened the intimacy. An intimacy that I suspect was brought on by jealousy.
