Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6)

by Camilla Chafer

  "I'll get started," I said, rising. My mind was filled with ideas of places I could search for Nancy.

  "Keep me informed," Solomon replied. "I have to make a few phone calls, but I'll be in my office most of the day if you need to brainstorm."

  "What if I can't find anything? What if Nancy has really disappeared entirely?"

  "We both know that hasn't happened. Nancy might be missing for now, but we've got a man sitting on her friend's apartment, and it's only a matter of time before we find her. Plus, she must’ve left some kind of mark pre-disappearance. You just have to find it. You can do it, Lexi. I wouldn't have hired you if I didn't have total confidence in your skills."

  "True," I agreed, "and I am good at my job. I'm going to track Nancy down, and then you'll take me on vacation. I have brochures."

  "I noticed the way you strategically placed them on my nightstand, kitchen island, as well as the coffee table."

  "There's one on your desk too."

  Solomon laughed, shaking his head. "Go get 'em, Lexi."

  "Since you insist..." I said, smiling, now that I had a mini internal pep talk and confidence boost. I crossed the room to Solomon, kissed him lightly on the lips, had a feverish thought about what activities we could do on vacation, and hightailed it back to my desk before my brain gave up the search in favor of bikini shopping.

  Despite my previous failure at locating anything to do with Nancy online, I tried again. After spending a fruitless half hour pursuing search engine images and web pages, I did not score any hits. Finally, I changed the key word of my search to Leo's hometown, Greenacre, where I read up on the rural locale. It was a moderately sized town with no notable residents, past or present. The crime rate was low and mostly restricted to car thefts and burglaries with one unsolved murder.

  I switched to a map search, entering the information for Leo's home. An aerial photo of a nice-sized, isolated cabin, came up on the screen. A long driveway wound from the road to where the cabin stood in a clearing. There was a vehicle parked out front and a large patio area at the back. Woods surrounded the cabin, growing denser with the loss of proximity to the cabin. I scanned the area, panning in all directions. The woods continued for miles, and were intersected in the north by a narrow river. It actually looked enchanting, the kind of place I'd love to own for weekend getaways. I could imagine waking up to the sounds of bird singing, and drinking wine at dusk while breathing the scent of a barbecue. I wondered if deer ever ventured across the patio, and in my fantasy, I decided it would be so.

  What I failed to find was any evidence that Nancy stumbled off and flagged down a car before vanishing. Leo told us that Nancy fell on their walk and he had to run back to the house to call for help. The driveway at the front indicated their morning walk must have been a route that started at the rear of the cabin. It took zooming out several times before I found a country road, but Nancy would have had to wander north through dense woodland, injured, over three or four miles to reach it. Even if she had, the photos revealed it was not a heavily traveled route. For Nancy to get picked up there, she had to have been quite lucky. However, I admitted, it wasn't impossible for that to have occurred.

  I printed out photos of the cabin, panning out to show the area, and zooming in for detail. I added the pictures to my file, making notes of how far Nancy would have had to walk. When I finished, I zoomed in on the cabin again, then slowly panned out, searching for any neighboring dwellings. Leo previously told me there was nothing for miles and he was right. I had to wonder how much Leo and Nancy valued their privacy to choose to be so far away from anyone. Was it too quiet? I pondered, or did the isolation translate to clear night skies and fresh air? I could see the value in that; but I couldn't fathom what it would be like during a power outage, or if they ran out of gas, and how much planning it took to avoid running out of milk when the nearest store was miles away. Winter would probably have been worse if they got cut off, but maybe they didn't care. Maybe they relished the pioneer lifestyle. Not any more though. Leo was living out of a Montgomery hotel and Nancy was definitely hiding.

  For the first time, I wondered how Leo could afford to stay here. He dressed nicely, but not like he had lots of money, and he certainly didn't drive a fancy car. His declared career as a freelance photographer probably offered a moderate salary, but I had no clue regarding the value of his savings account. Perhaps he was burning through his savings to be here, or did he have an alternate source of income? It was something to look into, I decided, and made a note to ask Solomon.

  "Back to basics," I muttered, staring at the photo. "If I can't find anything online, maybe I can find someone to talk to."

  "Hope so," said a voice behind me. "Talking to yourself is sad."

  "Ha-ha, Flaherty. Where have you been? I haven't seen you in a while."

  "Busy closing cases," Flaherty said, moving past me to drop into his desk chair. He dumped a satchel on his desk and slid down, clearly relaxed. "Two solved today. I look forward to my bonuses. How're things going with you?"

  "Slow."

  "At least you look nice."

  "Aww, thanks for noticing. Yes, I do." I flipped my file back to the beginning, starting with the first things I learned about Nancy.

  "Why are Fletch and Delgado running surveillance for you?"

  "I spooked my target."

  "Huh."

  I looked up and found Flaherty staring at me. "Huh, what?"

  "Rookie mistake."

  "We all know surveillance is best performed in teams," I responded smartly. "Less chance of the target making the team."

  Flaherty held his hands up. "I'm not criticizing."

  "I'm stuck," I told him. After having a quick internal discussion over whether or not to tell him about the case, I figured he probably already knew. "I want to look into my missing woman's background, but at the time she disappeared, she had no family, friends, or a job."

  "That's weird."

  "I know, right? Who am I supposed to talk to, except her boyfriend?"

  "The easiest thing to do would be to look for her past employment records. She must have had a job recently."

  "I can look through her bank records," I said, brightening. "I can find her past employer."

  "Get to it," said Flaherty. "You can thank me later."

  "Thank you!"

  I flipped through the file to the printout of Nancy's bank records. Meantime, Flaherty was holed up with Solomon in his office behind the shut door. Going back two months in search of her last job, I found regular deposits from Greenacre Books and Cafe. It took me a couple of minutes to type the business name into a search engine and whittle down the resulting pages to find the correct one that gave me a phone number.

  Placing the call, I held my breath, awaiting my next big break, but it went straight to voicemail. I left a message with my name and phone number, explaining that I was looking for Nancy in regards to a case, and would appreciate talking to her boss. I added her place of employment to my file before continuing my search through her bank records for other deposits. Besides the ones from Greenacre Books, I couldn't find any.

  Then I had a good idea! I decided to take a trip and poke around her town. Maybe if I were armed with her photo, I could try any of the stores she visited from her past transactions, and find someone who knew more about her. Maybe she was friendly with store clerks? With that in mind, I knocked on Solomon's door and stuck my head inside. "I want to take a trip," I announced.

  "Me too," said Solomon. "Have you closed the case?"

  I shook my head and tried not to laugh. "No, I meant, I want to take a trip to Nancy's hometown, Greenacre. I found where she was formerly employed and left a message, but I thought it would be a good idea to poke around the town, and try to locate someone who knew her."

  "Good idea."

  "Flaherty inspired the idea," I admitted, giving credit where it was due as I nodded to my colleague, "He pointed out that it was weird she had no one; so I remembered her most re
cent job and got an employer. It got me thinking, she couldn't possibly have been a total hermit. She must have talked to someone, and been friendly with someone. The Nancy we know here made a friend. Pre-disappearance Nancy could have also had a friend Leo didn't know about."

  "Good call. We'll go together."

  "We might need to stay overnight. It's a long way for a day trip."

  "Set it up. We can go day after tomorrow."

  "What's happening tomorrow?"

  "I have meetings all day with the risk management division. We could drive there tomorrow after work, stay over, and be ready to start in the morning. Can you find a bed and breakfast?"

  "That's one of my fortes."

  "So long as it doesn't go missing," said Flaherty.

  I stuck my tongue out at him, which was puerile, but satisfying. "I'll get on that. Also... family dinner tonight so... where do I pick you up?"

  "I'm the man. I do the picking up."

  "That's nice of you, but..."

  "Also, it's your family dinner, so you will need wine and I will have to drive home."

  "You win," I conceded as my cell phone began to ring. It was my sister. With a small sigh, the size of which diminished, the nicer she got — the Delgado effect, our family called it — I answered.

  Before I could speak, she started, "It's family dinner this evening and Antonio is doing surveillance for you. Stop it! I want it to stop!"

  "Uhh..."

  "I mean it, Alexandra. He's family too and will miss dinner because he's doing surveillance for you. I baked a cake so we didn't have to suffer eating yours. Also, because you probably forgot. Are you missing dinner? No, I didn't think so!"

  "I..." I did forget to make the cake, but didn't appreciate her insult. So much for the Delgado effect.

  "This is so typical of you!"

  "But..."

  "Do your own surveillance, but not tonight because of..."

  "Family dinner, I know!"

  "And no surveillance for Antonio! I got him a new tie."

  "That's..."

  "I mean it!" Serena said before hanging up. I wasn't entirely sure what she meant: Delgado had to abandon his surveillance shift so he could have dinner with the Graves clan, or she bought him a new tie. All the same, Solomon and Flaherty were watching me expectantly.

  "What are you doing later?" I asked Flaherty.

  "Sounds like a favor for you," he replied.

  "Please," said Solomon, "do it for Delgado. Also, you're the only one who’s free."

  "Not a problem, boss."

  "Thank you," I said, hoping my appreciation was conveyed in my voice. If Flaherty could not have relieved Delgado of his duties, I would have never heard the end of it from Serena. Or my mother. Come to think of it, maybe I would have been better off taking over the Joelle surveillance.

  Opening my mouth to suggest that, Solomon interrupted me with, "Don't even think about it. I'll never hear the end of it. Your mother has my phone number."

  "I'm going to head home after I book our bed and breakfast," I said, closing the subject. "And thanks again."

  I found an inn on the north side of town that had a nice website and a series of pleasant pictures. It was a shame we were taking a work trip; otherwise, I'd have chosen the place as a perfect romantic getaway. As soon as I solved the case, at least, I had a romantic getaway to look forward to. With that finished, and time pressing, I headed home. I called Lily on the way to find out how her own surveillance was going.

  "I watched the jackass all day, and nothing. I don't think he even got out of bed," she said.

  "Any visitors?"

  "None. I gave up. I'm home. Should I wear my blue dress or the green one for dinner?"

  "Either. They're both pretty."

  "That's why I can't decide. I'm too good looking."

  "First world problems, huh?"

  "What are you wearing?"

  I looked down. "Right now?"

  "No. Later. Unless you're wearing the same thing?"

  "Actually, I have no idea, but I do know Serena bought Delgado a new tie and baked a cake for dessert."

  "Wow."

  "I know."

  "She baked a cake?"

  "I know!" I squeaked.

  "Do you think it's edible?"

  "Since it's Serena, she probably took a gourmet baking class, and it's got two tiers and is decorated perfectly."

  "Now I can hardly wait. See you at six? We can throw both of our cases in front of the family and get the diverse opinions of many detectives."

  "I really don't need all that confusion now; I have new leads."

  "I do. I have no leads, just a hunch. Oh, and a potential lawsuit. The asshole might be suing me unless I give him compensation. I hate him."

  "I hate him since you hate him and that's what best friends do. See you at six?"

  "Sure will."

  The phone rang again as I pulled onto my driveway, and the area code flashing up was Nancy's hometown. I parked, switched off the engine and answered.

  "This is Abigail Harris from Greenacre Books and Cafe. I got a message from you earlier today. I'm sorry I couldn't return your call until now."

  "That's not a problem. I appreciate you calling me back."

  "You asked about Nancy. Said it was something to do with a case. How can I help you?"

  "That's right. I'm trying to find Nancy in relation to a missing persons case, which is why I'm looking into her background. As she worked for you..."

  "You're trying to find her?" Abigail interrupted.

  "Yes, that's right, and I..."

  "Well, I can tell you exactly where she is."

  "You can?" I could barely conceal my relief. Finally, my big break! Someone who knew where Nancy was and had no problem telling me! I could almost taste the mojito waiting for me at the beach-side bar.

  "Sure, she's at Resting Pines Cemetery. She's been dead six months."

  Chapter Twelve

  "Smile!" My father blasted off a series of photographs on his new smartphone, capturing the entire family in various states of gurning. Looking down at the screen, he pulled a face, and yelled, "One more!"

  "No more," sighed my nephew, Sam, echoing the thoughts of the rest of the family. He definitely heard my thoughts.

  "Just one..." started Dad.

  "No!" chorused the family as we began to disperse from the side of the dining table where he had us all grouped for the past ten minutes to get his perfect shot.

  "But..."

  "No!" Jord grabbed Lily's arm, propelling her into the living room, while almost tripping over our niece, Chloe, in the process of escaping. I barely constrained the sigh of frustration as I realized Solomon and I were still trapped behind several relatives.

  Solomon leaned forward to whisper into my ear. "If someone causes a diversion, we can run up the stairs and rappel out the rear bedroom window. We can be gone in three minutes."

  "You sound like Lexi as a teenager," whispered Garrett. "I'll be the getaway driver."

  "We came in Solomon's car," I whispered back.

  "I don't mind making a solo escape."

  "What about me?" whispered Garrett's wife.

  "Oh, fine. You can come too."

  "And the kids?" Traci continued.

  "Don't push it, darling."

  "We'll leave the kids," she decided. "It's every person for themselves."

  "Pie is served," shouted someone. The ensuing mini stampede towards the kitchen provided our opportunity to exit. Solomon and I slid around the dining table and continued towards the living room. After a moment, I realized I was alone and Solomon was en route to the kitchen.

  "Pie traitor," I said after him, then added a little louder, "Cherry for me!"

  "And my cake!" said Serena loudly. "It has six layers!"

  Even though cherry pie was forthcoming, as long as the ten people in line before Solomon didn't finish it off, my spirits weren't lifted. Since our arrival, I'd been trying to corner Solomon all night to te
ll him of my shocking discovery that Nancy was laid to rest. For several months.

  The person we were searching for was not Nancy Grant.

  To make matters worse, it looked like I would be paying for our vacation. Not that I could even think of vacationing at a time like this. Not when I would likely have to admit Solomon was right, that there was something seriously strange about our case. Having to admit his hunch about Leo Chandler being a liar seemed to be playing out right in front of us, I should have ordered humble pie.

  "Did I tell you about my new class at the adult ed center?" asked my mother. She perched on the edge of the armchair I just dropped into.

  "No, Mom."

  "You'll be so pleased. I'm taking a spy class."

  I looked up, blinking. "A what now?"

  "Spy training. I'm going to learn how to be a spy. Isn't that great, Antonio?"

  Delgado nodded. "That's great, Mrs. G." My newest niece, baby Victoria, reached a chubby hand upwards to stroke his cheek before sliding her tiny fingers into his mouth. Unperturbed, he pretended to nibble them and she chuckled happily.

  "Antonio thinks it's great," said Mom. "Class one is surveillance. We have to follow an unknowing subject without being caught. We have to record all of our subject’s movements. Don't tell him, but tomorrow, I'm following your father." Behind her, my father stopped, his forkful of pie prevented from reaching his mouth. Then he sighed, shook his head, and carried on eating as my mother continued. "I bought a new notepad just for the project."

  "What else does the class cover?" Delgado asked.

  "Disguises, burn phones, gadgets, getaway driving - Daniel, can I borrow your..."

  "No," said Daniel.

  "Lexi..."

  "No!" I said, my heart beating faster at the thought of all the trauma my mom could put my VW through.

  "Fine, I'll use my car, but I don't think it's fast enough for getaway driving. There will be obstacles," said Mom. "I studied the example in the booklet."

  "Pretend you're at the market on a Saturday afternoon," said Daniel. "It's very similar to advanced police driving training."