Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6)

by Camilla Chafer

  "Is that right? Huh." My mother nodded knowingly. "Let's see. What else does the training cover? Hand-to-hand combat, package drops and evading detection."

  "Mom, what are you planning to do with this after you finish the class?" It was dumb, I know, but I had to ask. Something compelled me. Something probably not very bright.

  "I could become a private investigator!"

  With a heavy sigh, Dad continued to panic-eat the rest of his pie.

  "There are a lot of crimes to investigate, you know."

  "I think we have them covered, Mom," said Garrett, joining us. I looked past him hopefully, but there was no sign of Solomon or my pie. "And Lexi takes the ones we don't want."

  "I even helped solve a crime," said Serena, turning to Delgado. He gave her such a look of utter adoration that I had to remind myself he once intimidated me. It was hard to be scared of a man with a toddler climbing over his shoulder, her frilly butt high in the air. "Remember, honey, when I told you about the time Lexi asked me about the notebook full of strange numbers? And how it led to busting a huge insurance fraud ring?"

  "Yeah, you busted that one wide open," I snorted, but Serena ignored me.

  "I'm running surveillance right now," said Lily, drawing my mother’s full attention on her. "I'm going to bust a punkass jerk for stealing from me."

  "I could help you," said Mom. "I could be your getaway driver."

  "I'm not getting away from anything or anyone. Mostly, I just sit still and watch. For hours."

  "Who's watching Kyle now?" I wondered.

  "Ruby."

  "Then who's watching the bar?"

  "Ohmygosh! The bar!" Lily's hands flew to her face and she dropped her jaw in mock horror before laughing. "The bar is covered."

  "You should come to my class, Lily," said Mom, passing Lily a booklet. It had a spy in a trench coat and hat on the front beneath the words, Spy Training. In smaller lettering, it said, Taught by a CIA Operative. I raised my eyebrows, but let it pass without comment.

  "I think I will," said Lily. "I firmly believe in the value of a good disguise."

  A plate with a slim slice of pie arrived in front of me. I looked at it with disappointment, then up at Solomon. "Is that all?"

  "I had to pay Sam five bucks for the last slice."

  Sam skidded into the room. In one hand, he held a large slice of apple pie, and in the other was five dollars. "I don't like cherry pie," he said. "But I like green!"

  "I stole your watch while you were driving the bargain," said Solomon, dangling a blue watch between his fingers. A few minutes earlier, it was on Sam's wrist when he impressed us with the stopwatch function.

  "Cool! Can you teach me that?" asked Sam, reaching for the watch, his eyes wide.

  "No!" said his parents at the same time.

  "I'm going to be a detective when I'm older," said Sam, grinning as Solomon dropped the watch into his palm. "Or a thief."

  "Take the one with dental, son," said Garrett.

  I tugged at Solomon's sleeve and just had time to whisper "I need to talk to you," before my mother grabbed his other sleeve and asked him what kind of camera she should use for covert photography. thereby stamping paid on our discussion.

  I ate my pie, all four pitiful forkfuls of it, and deposited the plate on the coffee table. I looked around at the adults perched on every comfortable surface, and the kids huddled together on the floor with a large basket of Legos. It had been a while since we were all in the same room together. Even though it was a strain, being squeezed into a house that now burst at its proverbial seams, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. In that moment, my life seemed very complete.

  Shame it was about to get really difficult, just as soon as I could get my moment alone with Solomon. It should have happened when he picked me up, but instead, he sent a text message saying to meet him at my parents. It could also have happened over dinner, except somehow, we were seated at opposite ends. Perhaps, I could have passed him a note, but this wasn't homeroom. Besides, the eight people separating us would all have read it. That was the thing with a huge Irish family like ours: there were no secrets.

  "You two should go into business together," said Mom, making me blink. What did I miss? "You could be called the Two Graves Detective Agency!"

  "Who? Dad and me?" I asked.

  "No, you and Lily. But if you asked your dad, you could be the Three Graves Detective Agency."

  "I go by Shuler-Graves," said Lily, "since I'm a modern woman."

  I gave her an approving nod before turning back to my mother to ask, "You do remember, Solomon is my boss, don't you?"

  "Yes."

  "And you're trying to poach me in front of him?"

  "Ah," said Mom.

  "I'm armed," said Solomon. We all looked at him. "Not really," he said. "And you can't have Lexi. She's working a big case."

  "Maybe I'll start an agency," said Mom. Behind her, my dad turned around and headed back to the kitchen.

  "Maybe you should do a few field trips first," suggested Solomon. Several heads shook and a couple of “shut ups!” ensued, but he carried on regardless.

  "Get a feel for the work. It's not for everyone."

  "That's a great idea. I have a field trip for my practical exam, and with the surveillance I plan to run on your father, I should get lots of valuable experience." A glass dropped in the kitchen.

  "Good for you," said Solomon. "Lexi is still mine."

  "I don't like a possessive man," said Mom, giving him a pointed look.

  "Her job has a great incentive plan."

  "Don't get fresh, young man! You keep your incentives to yourself."

  "Mom!" I squeaked.

  "I get the double entendres!" said Mom.

  "That wasn't one!" I sighed, putting my head into my hands. "He meant health insurance."

  "It's hard to know with you young people."

  Lily nudged me. "Your mom called us young."

  "We are young!"

  "I need a cigarette," said Garrett.

  "Me too," said Daniel.

  Jord frowned at both of them, then pointed his finger to each of our brothers in turn. "You quit, and you don't smoke."

  "I'm starting," said Daniel. "I just decided."

  "May as well join you," said Jord, following the two of them out the back of the house into the yard.

  "I better check on your father," said Mom, rising. "I'll see if I can surprise him." She tiptoed towards the kitchen, and for a moment, we all just watched her.

  "Your mom's great," said Delgado.

  "Serena will be just like her one day," I reminded him. Or rather, warned.

  "And you?" Delgado wanted to know.

  "Probably, but better dressed," I admitted, "and stealthier."

  With my brothers and parents out of the way, I grabbed Solomon by the elbow and propelled him out of the living room. There were few places to escape to. If we went upstairs, my mother would probably follow us with milk and cookies before reminding us to leave the door open. If we closed the door, she would probably have handed me a pregnancy test on the way out. If we stepped out front, the neighbors would call my mom and ask what we were doing. There was only one other option. I opened the sliding doors and we stepped out onto the patio. My brothers looked up guiltily from their huddle as I pushed the door shut again.

  "I thought you were all smoking," I said. "But it looks like you're reading a florist catalog."

  "We have wives," said Garrett. "We know what side our bread is buttered on. I smell of smoke, Traci gets mad and sprays everything I touch. I send her flowers for absolutely no reason, and she's happy. Very happy. What do you think of the carnations?" He held up the catalog.

  "Very pretty," I said. "Now if you excuse us, we have things to discuss."

  Daniel and Jord looked up. "Are you pregnant?" asked Daniel.

  "No!"

  "Don't touch our little sister," said Jord. "We're armed and we know you're not."

  Solomon held his
hands up. "I promise not to touch your sister."

  "Oh, c'mon guys!" I half-yelled in exasperation. I grabbed Solomon's hand and dragged him to the end of the yard, our footsteps muffled by the sounds of my brothers’ snickering.

  "We need to talk," we both said, as we sat at the bench at the end of the yard. Then, "You first." We paused, looking at each other. "You're the boss," I said, which I knew Solomon wouldn't say. "You go first."

  "I got a call from Flaherty. We lost Joelle."

  "What?"

  "Flaherty went to switch shifts and took a walk around the building where he realized they exited via the rear entrance. He confirmed it with a resident that Joelle and another woman left together."

  "How could Delgado have missed that? He was working the shift before Flaherty."

  "Because they were watching Joelle's vehicle at the front, thinking if she exited, she would take it. It was a dumb error."

  "You're telling me!" I looked toward the house. "Who's going to tell Delgado how much time he wasted?"

  "Me. Fletcher covered for him until Flaherty could get there. It could have happened on Fletcher's watch or Delgado's. Errors happen. Right now, I have them both canvassing the area to see if they can pick up any leads." Solomon didn't have to continue. We both knew it was going to be very unlikely that they would be spotted in the street. Joelle and her mysterious houseguest didn't want to be found. They might not have been professionals - I was sure Joelle wasn't, in any case - but they would both be on alert. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

  "We have a huge problem. Nancy is dead." I relayed my conversation with her old employer, finishing with Nancy's location for the past several months.

  "This doesn't add up," said Solomon, frowning. "Who in hell are we searching for?"

  "Beats me."

  Solomon reached an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in.

  "We saw that!" yelled Garrett.

  Solomon kissed me.

  "Who wants to shoot first?" added Daniel loudly.

  "Your brothers like me," said Solomon, smiling.

  "Yes, they do."

  "I like this." He gestured towards the house, but before I could ask him exactly what he liked, he said, "We have a big problem with this case."

  "I know. We don't know who this woman is."

  "We need to find out. Leo is positive she is Nancy. We can be reasonably sure she is not, unless her grave contains someone else. This gives us a whole bunch of questions. Does Leo know she’s not Nancy? If yes, then perhaps he knows who she really is. Was our woman known to the deceased Nancy? Then why did she steal her identity? If it is Nancy, then why doesn't Leo know she's dead like everyone else does in Greenacre?"

  Those were all questions that were running through my mind and, despite the pie infusion, I was no closer to answers. Stealing an identity wasn't uncommon; I knew that, but what I couldn't work out was Leo's involvement. Had she conned him? Had our mysterious woman persuaded him that she was Nancy to work an angle? Had she taken something from him? Maybe even stolen his heart? The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if fake Nancy wasn't playing all of us.

  "What if Leo is innocent in this and Nancy is playing him?" I voiced aloud. "You got a bad feeling, but what if it was about the case, and not him?"

  Solomon gave a short, sharp shake of his head. "No, there's definitely something off about Leo, but now I'm starting to wonder if they're both playing us. I’ve got to admit, Lexi, this is a strange case and it puzzles me." His cell phone rang and he took it from his pants, holding it up so we could both see the screen. Fletcher. "Yes?" said Solomon, answering. He spoke in brief monosyllables for a few minutes before hanging up.

  "Did they find Joelle?" I asked, knowing it was too soon to be hopeful.

  "Not yet. Lucas is running her phone records to find out if she called anyone in the area, or someone she might go to."

  "Joelle could be in danger. Until we know who this woman is, she could be anyone... and capable of anything!"

  "That's my concern. I'm going to get Delgado and go join them. Can you apologize to your parents for me?"

  "I can."

  "And did you book us somewhere to stay in Greenacre?"

  "Yes."

  "I'll cancel my meeting. We'll leave first thing tomorrow. Are you okay to drive home?"

  "Yes, go already!"

  Solomon rose, but appeared reluctant. He pulled me onto my feet and then into his arms, kissing me. For once, my brothers didn't make any smartass remarks. I had to assume they'd given up, too busy with cunning plans to please their wives, whom they’d gone inside to rescue.

  With Solomon and Delgado gone, Victoria began crying baby tears and Serena shot daggers at me before the evening took a vertical nose dive. Lily poked me in the ribs over coffee, and told me that Ruby sent her a text that said Kyle had just received a visitor. I was ready to go. Fortunately for Lily, Jord was called in to investigate a burglary, so it was just like our old days of hightailing around town.

  We drove in tandem until I pulled in behind Lily, and got out. Then we both climbed into Ruby's car. I was relieved to see that some surveillance was going well, even though I wasn't entirely convinced it wasn’t a wild goose chase.

  "What's happening?" Lily asked as I leaned forward, between the seats.

  "Twenty-five minutes ago, this guy pulled up in that sedan, got out, took a bag from the trunk, and knocked on the door. Kyle opened it and let him in. They haven't moved."

  "What kind of bag?" I asked.

  "A duffel bag? Or a gym bag? Some kind of canvas fabric and cylindrical in shape. I got a photo."

  "Did it look heavy?"

  "I don't know. Maybe."

  "I bet that's his cut of the money," said Lily. "I bet the deal is going down right now."

  "If he is the thief, that deal went down weeks ago," I pointed out. "This could be payday. Or he could have left his gym bag at his buddy's house and his buddy is returning it."

  "It's the money," said Ruby with stronger conviction as Lily nodded enthusiastically.

  We waited quietly. After ten minutes, just as I was beginning to wonder why I agreed to the ride-along, the door opened and two men exited.

  "That's Kyle," said Lily.

  "I recognize him."

  "Is it just me, or does he look like a jerk in that tracksuit?" asked Ruby.

  We both agreed he did look like a jerk, but since we weren't there to judge his fashion choices, I pointed out, "They're both getting into the car."

  "We'll have to follow them," said Lily.

  "I'm not leaving my car here!"

  "You can follow us?"

  "Are you going to leave your car here?" I asked.

  Lily looked around at the smashed street lamp and graffitied walls. "Nope," she said. "We can tag-team like they do on the movies. Let's all put our cell phones on speaker so we can talk to each other, and we'll take turns following. He'll never spot us!"

  "That's so smart," said Ruby. The headlamps of the car flipped on and Lily and I scrambled out as she swerved to tail them scarce seconds after we slammed the doors. We waited until they were half a block away before taking off in pursuit, Lily's car ahead of mine.

  "Do you think they're leaving town?" asked Lily over the speaker phone.

  "Nope," I replied, making the turn after Lily. "Kyle wasn't carrying any kind of bag. Besides, he has his own car; why would he leave it behind?"

  "So no one tails him. And maybe he'll buy a new clothes with his stolen stash?"

  "I don't think so. Most people would have taken something else."

  "Okay then. We'll just follow and find out where he goes."

  Despite my feeble optimism on the tail, especially given the recent disappointment at losing Joelle and Nancy, we managed surprisingly well. Ruby stayed in front for several more minutes before taking a left turn and allowing Lily to take the lead. After a few minutes, I spotted Ruby in my rearview mirror. We didn't have time to switch leads again before t
he car pulled over. I told Lily to drive past it while I parked further down the street, and Ruby pulled onto a side street.

  "What do you see?" asked Lily.

  "Not much. They're talking, I think, and Kyle's friend is getting out of the car... so is Kyle. They're walking into a bar."

  "Do they have the bag?"

  "No, it's in the car."

  "We should break in and check the bag. If my money is in it, I want it back."

  "I'm not breaking into the car. This is a rough neighborhood."

  "Fine, I'll do it."

  "Have you ever broken into a car before?" asked Ruby. Finally, the voice of reason!

  "No," said Lily. "But plenty of houses, thanks to Lexi, but we agreed it's not a crime if no one gets caught."

  "I'll do it," said Ruby, without questioning the validity of Lily's convictions. "Keep a lookout, Lexi."

  I opened my mouth to ask her how she knew how to break into a car, but she was already sprinting past me. I watched as she crouched next to the car and produced something from her jacket pocket, which she inserted into the door. It took mere seconds for her to open the door, reach into the back, and root through the bag. She retreated carefully, shutting the door, and sprinting past me, shaking her head.

  "I don't think Ruby found anything," I told Lily via the phone.

  "What? No way!"

  "It would be kind of stupid to leave a bag full of cash alone in a car parked in this area."

  "I know, but I was counting on some kind of stupidity to break this case open!"

  "We could be following him for no reason."

  "There is a reason. One, he stole from me. Two, he quit before I could fire him. Three, based on the evidence of one and two, he's an asshole."

  "But he could be innocent," I pointed out, erring on the side of caution. "We need some definitive evidence that points to him being more than just an asshole."

  Ruby's voice came over the phone then. "It was just clothes," she said. "I checked the backseat and all the other seats too, and there's nothing. I'm sorry, Lily."

  "Let's wait a little longer," Lily said. "Maybe he's meeting a contact inside."

  "One of us could go inside and check?" suggested Ruby. "Though I don't like the looks of this bar."

  "Me neither," Lily and I both agreed.