The Alchemy of Desire

by Crista McHugh

  “Had is the key word. It was dark out when they met, but I saw that he had a Lakota girl bound, gagged and pretty well beaten with him. I caused a distraction and helped her escape. Yesterday, we parted ways. She said she was returning to her home. Apparently, she never made it. Hinkle’s the only person I know of who would want her dead.”

  The sadness in her voice reached all of them, and her eyes glittered with unshed tears. Diah could only imagine what state the girl was found in. He ached to comfort Oni and protect her, but his fear held him back. Until he discovered where Oni fit in all this, he couldn’t let his guard down.

  Jim wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You can’t blame yourself, Oni. You did all you could to help her.”

  “I suppose you’re right, Jim. Anyway, I think we should avoid the forts and trading posts for a while.”

  “Why? Diah and I need some new clothes. Our packs are still sitting in Fort Pierre.”

  “I grabbed two packs when I saddled the horses.”

  Cager’s face twisted into a scowl. “Those contained our supplies, but not our personal belongings.”

  “Yeah, I’ve had to share my razor with these boys.” Jim rubbed the stubble on his cheeks. “I have half a mind to grow out a beard this winter, so I suppose y’all can take it with you.”

  “You two are wanted men.” Oni’s voice was hard and flat, adding further weight to her words. Diah’s gut tightened. Things just went from bad to worse.

  Cager cracked a smile. “I’ve always known that. Women can’t keep their hands off me. Well, except for you.”

  “Be serious, Cager. This isn’t a joking matter.” Diah turned to her. “What do you mean?”

  “Hinkle mentioned that he sent out wanted posters to all the local forts with your names and descriptions.”

  “That Yankee bastard!”

  Another glare from him silenced Cager. For once, Diah felt like he was the cool and collected one, and his brother was flying off the handle. “We need clothes, especially since the weather is getting colder. You know this area better than we do, Oni. What do you suggest we do?”

  She raised one brow in a challenge. “You’re trusting me?”

  His pride mixed with doubt and formed a lump in his throat that he needed to swallow past before he could answer her question. His mind still urged him to be cautious. “You’ve done more good than harm.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “That’s so gracious of you to admit that.”

  “Stop pissing her off,” Cager muttered beside him.

  Oni stood and took her bowl to the washbasin. “I’m going to check on Esnella. I’ve been worried about her.”

  Diah wondered if the door banged closed behind her on accident or on purpose. “Who’s Esnella?”

  “Her horse.” Jim laughed. “I told you she loved it.”

  Cager’s grin only partially faded when he winced from the bruises on his face. “You’ve reach a new level of pathetic if she would rather spend time with her horse than you.”

  Jim stood behind Cager and squeezed his newly healed shoulder. “Since you seem to need something to busy your hands, why don’t you do the dishes tonight?”

  Cager scowled as he went to the sink and began scrubbing the bowls.

  Diah stood and headed for the door. “I’m going to check on the horses and make sure they’ll be ready to go tomorrow.”

  Jim slouched back in his chair and lit his pipe. “If you say so.”

  He found Oni in the barn brushing her pinto and whispering to it in another language. Lakota, he assumed. It didn’t matter. He was content to watch her unnoticed.

  The horse fidgeted and she looked up. “How long have you been there?”

  “A few minutes.” He came closer and rubbed the horse’s nose. “Your horse is named Esnella, huh? Does it mean anything special?”

  “It means loner. The army rounded up a group of wild horses, and they were going to kill her because she was the only one in the group who refused to be broken. I felt sorry for her, so I, um, set her free.”

  “Stole her?”

  “If you’re coming in here to lecture me—”

  He caught her hand.

  “Diah, I know you’re upset about what you saw earlier today, but please believe me when I say it wasn’t what you thought it was.”

  Diah wove his fingers through hers. “Prove it to me.”

  Her lips began to tilt downward until she seemed to realize what he meant. Then they slowly rose into a seductive smile. “How?”

  “I’m sure you could think of something.”

  She closed the space between them and kissed him in such a way that if he had any doubts about her passion for him, this erased them. Her tongue teased his mouth and coaxed him deeper into the kiss while her fingers threaded through his hair. A sigh of pleasure rose from her throat as he followed her lead in the sensual dance between their lips. He pulled her closer so he could enjoy the softness of her body against his erection and massaged circles along the curve of her lower back. If this continued, he was in danger of giving in to his lust.

  He forced himself to break away. “I want to make love to you, Oni, but not like this, and not here. It doesn’t seem appropriate to literally roll around in the hay in a room that smells like horses.” He stroked her cheek. “You deserve better than that.”

  He didn’t expect her to appear so surprised by what he said. It was like no one had ever told her she deserved to be treated well. She lowered her eyes and leaned into him. Her breath brushed against his ear when she whispered, “Techihhila.”

  “And what does that mean?”

  She replied with only a bashful grin and led him back to the dugout.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Up and at ’em.” Jim’s voice broke the early morning silence.

  Oni grinned and shook Diah awake. He gave her a sleepy smile and her heart lurched. She could get way too comfortable waking up to that every morning.

  She was falling in love with him. She’d even told him as much last night. Thankfully, her brain had been functioning enough to say it in Lakota so he didn’t know what she said. Why was she so scared to tell him how she felt? She seemed to have no trouble showing him.

  Part of her wanted to slap her forehead for being so stupid, but when she heard he wanted to make love to her in someplace nicer than a dirty barn, her walls crumbled. Make love—she had never had a man refer to it that way to her. She wished there was a place where they could be alone so he could demonstrate what his definition of making love entailed.

  “So, y’all are thinking of taking off today?”

  Her uncle’s pout did little to change her mind. To stay here any longer would risk putting him in danger. “I think that’s the plan, Jim.”

  “Then be careful out there, Little Trickster. I don’t want to hear anything about any of you getting shot, got it?”

  “Even Cager?”

  Jim chuckled. “I think the boy’s had enough wear and tear for the next month.” He pointed at Cager’s bruised face.

  “What happened to you?” she asked innocently. “You look like you’ve been in a fight.”

  Cager scowled. “It seems a woman decided to slap me as hard as she could, and then my brother belted me afterward.”

  “That should teach you to keep your hands off my girl.” Diah winked at her as he folded the last of the bedding. “I’ll go saddle up the horses.”

  She watched him go to the barn, her heart lodging in her throat. His girl? He was laying a claim on her and she wondered at the meaning of his words. Was he referring to her as he would his horse or some other possession? Or, by his girl, did he mean that she was his love?

  You’re being ridiculous again. Remember, he’ll be gone before you know it, and you’ll spend another cold winter alone.

  Something soft pressed into her hands and pulled her from her thoughts.

  “You could probably use these.” Jim offered her two buffalo skins.

  “Are you sure
?”

  “I’ve got more than enough stuff here to keep warm, and if I need more, I can always kill me another buffalo. This should keep the boys warm until you can get them some decent coats.”

  She nodded. They would definitely need new clothes before long. The days were growing shorter and the nights colder. “Fort Pierre is the closest post around here, but we can’t show our faces there. I heard the army built a new fort over the summer up the Missouri in the Mandan lands. Maybe we can find something there.”

  “Fort McKeen? That’s a good five days’ journey, by my estimation.”

  “I know.” She frowned. “We keep getting sidetracked. I’ll be lucky to get them up into the Paha Sapa before the snow comes. We’re so close to them here, though. Maybe I should talk to them first.”

  “Talk to us about what?” Cager asked.

  “Whether or not to go north to the new fort and get more supplies or to continue to the Black Hills where we’ll most likely find the White Buffalo.”

  Cager wrapped his hand around his wand. “How many days do you think it will put us behind?”

  “Eight to ten days, depending on how hard we push the horses.”

  He looked toward the door. “What do you think, Diah?”

  “I’d prefer to come away from this with all my fingers and toes. But on the other hand, I remember Lamont saying something about the White Buffalo only appearing for a set amount of time.”

  Oni nodded. “According to the legends, she should appear around the full moon, which is in twelve days, and linger until the moon grows dark.”

  Diah glanced at his brother before turning his attention back to her. “So we have time to hit this fort to the north and get clothes before we miss our opportunity to find it?”

  “I suppose so. But it may give us less time to stumble across her.” She sat at the table and held the buffalo hides to her chest. This was getting more complicated than she cared for. But maybe it was a good thing. She didn’t want them to kill it and bear the curse.

  “I’m with Diah. I say we take a detour to this fort and get a change of clothes and then go to the Black Hills.”

  Jim clanged the pots and pans as he started preparing breakfast. “You know, the one idea none of ya’ll have mentioned is letting me go down to Fort Pierre and get your clothes.”

  Cager snickered. “That wouldn’t be obvious at all. I can see it now. You walk into the fort and ask for our bags. If that wouldn’t get us all arrested, I don’t know what would.”

  “I was talking about buying you some new clothes, you little snot.”

  Diah wiped his hands on his pants. “We appreciate your offer, Jim, but you’ve already done more than enough for us. I’d hate to see you get involved with this mess if you get caught associating with us. Like Oni said, we’re wanted men now.”

  Diah’s concern for her uncle matched her own, and a warm spark flared deep inside her chest. If she could fall in love with anyone, she thanked the stars above it was someone as honorable as him.

  After they ate, the brothers packed their belongings and attached them to their saddles. They seemed anxious to leave and she didn’t blame them. A week in Jim’s dugout could make anyone feel cramped.

  “Never doubt yourself, Little Trickster, and don’t do anything stupid.”

  Oni draped the two hides over her horse’s back and slung her bag over her shoulders. “Such as?”

  Jim’s gaze focused on Diah. “You know what I mean. Everyone needs a little bit of happiness.” He smoothed her hair. “Don’t throw away your chance at it, you got it? And you’re welcome to stop by on the way back.”

  “Thanks, Jim.” She gave him a hug and mounted Esnella. “Ready to go, boys?”

  Cager grinned. “Been ready.”

  She waved to Jim until his home vanished out of sight. She’d miss the comforts of a roof over her head and a warm stove, but she had work to do. She just hoped she’d have a chance to return after all was said and done.

  They crossed the Cheyenne River and followed the Missouri River north toward the new fort. As night fell, the air chilled, and they made camp along the bluffs.

  Once they had a fire started, she stood and brushed the dust off her dress. She wanted to shift and make sure there was no sign of Hinkle nearby. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

  Diah reached for his rifle. “If you’re going to scout the area, I’m coming with you.”

  She closed her eyes and silently cursed. “That’s unnecessary, Diah. I’ll move faster without you.” And will be less likely to be noticed.

  He shook his head. “After hearing last night how Hinkle shot his guide, I don’t want you wandering off on your own.”

  His face was tense with worry, not suspicion, and his protectiveness was kind of endearing. And annoying. “Then try to be silent and quick.”

  They scrambled up the bluff and scanned the landscape. It was a clear night, and as far as she could tell, their campfire was the only one for miles. She sniffed the air and smelled the mud and grass that mingled with Diah’s scent of soap and smoke.

  He stared at the sky with his mouth agape. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many stars before.”

  “There’s no moon to drown them out, nor any smoke like you have back East from all the steam plants.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “We can stay up here for a little bit, if you want.” She smoothed her skirt and sat on the ground with her back against a large boulder. “Have a seat and rest your head in my lap so you can continue to enjoy the view.”

  His jaw dropped at her suggestion. Silly boy! He should know by now that she didn’t conform to the Eastern girls’ standards of what was proper and what wasn’t. This type of contact would probably be considered scandalous. But he knelt and held her gaze as he did what she suggested.

  “Why was that so difficult for you?” She rubbed his head. His hair was soft and long enough to curl around her fingers.

  “Because I was scared I would pull you down to lie next to me.”

  She laughed softly. “And the bad thing about that is?”

  He gulped and placed her hand over his heart. It beat like a sparrow’s wings.

  “Relax and enjoy the stars, Diah.”

  They sat in silence as the minutes stretched along. His thumb rubbed the top of her hand, and she was content to savor the throbs that vibrated through his chest.

  “What do you plan on doing once we find the White Buffalo?” he asked at last.

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “Are you going back to St. Joseph?”

  Fear paralyzed her as she remembered her last night there. “No, I can’t.”

  The change in her behavior visibly startled him and he lifted his head. “What’s wrong, Oni?”

  If she wanted to begin trusting him with her secrets, this was as good as any. But she couldn’t watch his face fill with disgust and horror when she told him. “Because I killed a man the night I met you.”

  He jerked away from her as if he would be her next victim. “I thought I saw blood on your shirt the next morning.”

  “His blood.” Each confession made her eyes sting and she had to keep her guilt from seizing control of her steely resolve.

  “Why did you do it?”

  She missed the warmth of Diah next to her and pulled her knees up to her chest to keep the remnants of his touch from vanishing to the cold. “I didn’t mean to stab him. It was an accident. He was trying to force himself on me and fell on my dagger. Then I shoved his body into the river so no one would find him.”

  When she was done, she found enough courage to sneak a peek at him. He stared past her as if she wasn’t there, and his mouth angled downward. The he ran his fingers through his hair. “Shit, Oni.”

  She rested her cheek on her knees and fought back tears. He was finally beginning to see her true nature and he reacted just the way she thought he would. He would never accept her other secrets if this caused him to back away from h
er. “I understand if you no longer want to be near me.” Or if you want to turn me over to the nearest authorities for murder.

  She expected him to point his rifle at her and lead her down the bluff like a criminal. Instead, he wrapped his strong arms around her and pressed his lips against her forehead. “You must have been scared out of your wits.”

  No, no, no! This is not the way you’re supposed to react. He was supposed to run away from her, not console her. Her mouth opened to tell him that, but her voice choked. She allowed him to hold her until she found it again. “Diah, didn’t you hear what I said? I’ve killed a man.”

  He pulled back and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I heard that you killed a man in self-defense. Haven’t I told you that I believe men like that need to be shot?”

  “But his blood was all over me.” The image of her hands slick and red flashed in her mind. She shivered and felt another tear welling up.

  He lifted her chin so his eyes met hers. They were so full of sadness and compassion that she could hardly bear to look into them. “If he raped you, would you be any less distressed than you are now? It’s never easy to take a human life, but sometimes it needs to be done.”

  “Have you?”

  He nodded and lowered his face so it hid in the shadows. “Many men died at my hand during the war.”

  She reached out and stroked his cheek. “So you understand?”

  He took her hand and kissed her palm. “I find it odd that you feel remorse over killing someone like him, but I suppose that shows you have a good heart.”

  “The same could be said for you.”

  One corner of his mouth rose to form a half smile. “Jim warned me you would try to push me away.”

  She snatched her hand back and buried it between her thighs. “He did?”

  “Yes, and you’re going to have to try harder than that to scare me.”

  What if I shifted in front of you right now?

  Firelight flickered on the walls of the bluff and they both turned to see where it came from. Cager appeared over the edge. He almost seemed disappointed to see them fully clothed. “There you two are. I was wondering what had happened to you. Come back down and eat.”