The Alchemy of Desire

by Crista McHugh

  “We’ll be down in a minute.” Diah waited until his brother disappeared to help her to her feet. His nose pressed against hers. “I wanted a few more minutes alone with you.”

  It was so easy to join her lips with his. His touch drove the fear and guilt from her heart and left a burning desire in their wake. He still wanted her and she was more than eager for him to claim her.

  He pulled back. “Your kisses are dangerous.”

  She laughed and wavered on her feet, causing him to grab her waist and steady her. “I know. I feel like I’ve had too much to drink.” Her arms wound around his neck. “But may I have another sip?”

  He grinned. “Just one.”

  His hands stroked her back and traced the outline of her hips as he kissed her again. She could feel the heat building between her legs and, when the physical evidence of his desire pressed against her, she angled her pelvis so it could be closer to the area that craved it. A moan fought its way up from her throat as his tongue filled her mouth, tempting her to pull him to the ground on top of her.

  He gasped and tucked her head under his chin. His chest heaved along with hers, and their hearts raced in time with each other. “Dear God, Oni, one of these days…”

  “Yes, and I hope it will be soon. I don’t know how much longer I can resist you.”

  His hands shook as he released her. “Me too. Maybe we should get back to Cager before we—”

  “I agree.” The more time she spent alone with him, the closer she got to wanting to rip his clothes off and wrapping her lips around his cock. And then afterward, she would…

  Stop torturing yourself, her mind screamed.

  He caught her hand. “You have no idea what your touch does to me.”

  She knew all too well what it did, and she didn’t need to see his growing arousal to verify it. “I’ll behave, then.”

  “Thank you, dear.” He squeezed her hand and led her down the bluff.

  He called me dear.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The tip of Diah’s nose burned from the cold and he pulled the buffalo hide up to cover it. He glanced at the gray sky overhead. The clouds to the east burned red and orange. The sun would be up soon to warm them. In the meantime, he enjoyed the heat from the small body that pressed against his.

  Oni hadn’t moved since they fell asleep last night. Her arm still hugged his chest and her thigh pinned his to the ground. He stared at her peaceful expression and the way her lashes cast shadows on her cheeks, and something stirred within him. Yes, he still physically desired her, but he wanted to do more than just make love to her. He had a hard time thinking about how she could be gone from his life in less than a month. He wanted to keep her like this, in his arms, feeling her hand in his.

  Her eyes fluttered, and she looked up at him and smiled. “Good morning,” she said with a sleepy smile. “Sleep well?”

  “Amazingly so.” He kissed her forehead.

  She licked her lips so they appeared full and moist. “Is that all?”

  Diah glanced over his shoulder. Cager was still sound asleep. They had a few moments to themselves. His mouth curled up into a smile as he rolled her under him. She pulled his face closer to hers and he lowered his mouth to taste those luscious lips.

  This is madness, he thought as heat flooded his body and gathered in his groin. Yet he wasn’t ready quit. She sucked on his bottom lip and rubbed her pelvis against his erection. He had to stifle the moan that welled up. Like a crazed man, his hands roved under her dress and over the silky flesh of her stomach. He tugged at the top of her breeches. The burning desperation to get inside them grew with each flicker of her tongue in his mouth. He slid his fingers past the waistband and into the hot wetness between her thighs.

  Oni gasped and threw her head back. Her breaths came sharp and fast as he stroked the tiny nub just inside her, and her nails dug into his back. She whimpered and arched her back, so his fingers pressed harder against her pleasure spot. And as he watched her enjoy his touch, his own desire increased.

  “You know I can hear you two.”

  Diah jerked his hand out of her pants and rolled over to see his brother lying across the fire pit with his arm flung over his eyes.

  “Why do I feel there’s something terribly wrong with the universe? I’ve been reduced to hearing my brother have sex while I’m all alone over here.”

  Oni squirmed out from under Diah. “Relax, Cager. We still have our clothes on. It’s too cold to be naked out here.”

  “At least you have him to keep you warm.”

  She laughed and threw back the buffalo hide. “I’ll get the fire going and start some coffee.”

  The cold air hit Diah like a thousand little daggers and he shivered. Already, he craved her warmth. One of these days, he had to get her alone and finish things without Cager interrupting them.

  That night, Diah followed Oni again as she scouted the area. He stood behind her on the bluff and watched her scan the river.

  “We’re making good time. Maybe we’ll reach the fort a day earlier than I expected.”

  He draped the buffalo hide over his shoulders like a cloak and pulled her closer to shield her from the wind. “That sounds good to me. I hope they have a lodging house with a private room and a nice soft bed with a warm down quilt.”

  “Already tired of sleeping on the ground?” she teased.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He lowered his head and nibbled on her ear.

  She made a sound of contentment. “I know.”

  “Sorry about this morning. I got carried away.”

  “There’s no need to apologize. If you didn’t appear so embarrassed that Cager overheard us, I would have let you continue.”

  He turned her so she faced him and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Oni, I want you to know that my feelings for you run deeper than just physical attraction, although I won’t deny that I want you in that way too.”

  “I never doubted that.” She stroked his cheek, her eyes glistening in the starlight. “Techihhila, Diah.”

  “That’s the second time you’ve said that to me.” He could feel the wrinkles forming in his brow. “What does that mean?”

  “It means—” She paused and lowered her eyes. Like before, she avoided answering his question. “Maybe you should learn Lakota.”

  “I’d be willing to learn if you’d tell me what you were really saying.”

  “A girl needs to have her secrets.” She pushed away and walked back to the camp.

  He followed and wondered how many more secrets she was keeping from him. He was beginning to think it was some sort of a game to her. She would open up to him one night and be closed the next. Or as Jim put it, she was trying her best to keep him away. And perhaps she had a good reason to. He tried to imagine her in Vicksburg with him, in a fancy dress with her hair pinned in some intricate knot, and his heart sank. She would have a difficult time adjusting to life there. Here, she was in her element, on the bare plains with an open sky full of stars.

  Oni knelt in front of the fire. “I was telling Diah we may reach the fort in a couple of days.”

  “Good.” Cager pulled his buffalo hide tighter around his shoulders. “I’m ready to have some warm clothes.” He sniffed his collar. “And something clean to wear. God, I miss civilization.”

  She snickered. “Is it really that simple back East?”

  “You were in St. Joseph. You saw how you can just walk into a store and get what you needed. Now imagine cities three times the size of St. Joseph.”

  “I’ve never been farther east than St. Joseph, and even then, I chose to stay on the outskirts. I’ve never had any desire to be in a place with so many people you can’t walk down the street without bumping into someone, nor do I want to live in a place where the smoke chokes the air you breathe.”

  Diah settled down next to her. “It’s not all like that. There are still plenty of open places back East.”

  “Yeah, like home.” Cager stretched his le
gs out. “And people wondered why I couldn’t wait to leave.”

  Oni leaned back against Diah and he wrapped the hide around her. “What’s your home like?” she asked.

  Cager snorted. “It’s a glorified farm that’s now falling into ruin because we have to pay the slaves that stayed there after the war.”

  Diah stiffened and she placed her hand over his fist. Her simple touch calmed him. “It’s not like Cager says. It’s just been difficult to manage things with Father gone and cotton prices being so low. I’ve been doing the best I can.”

  “I’m not blaming you, Diah. Mom should have sold that place years ago and moved into the house in town.”

  “She keeps hoping one of us will claim it.”

  Cager crossed his arms. “Tell her to stop holding her breath on me. I’d never go back to Mississippi if I had a choice.”

  “It’s not like you’ve been around much anyway.” The blood vessel along his temple began to throb. “You’ve always been too busy chasing somebody’s skirt to give a damn about the rest of us.”

  “Well, at least I’m doing something I love instead of wasting my life away being miserably honorable. Let’s face it—you’re having a much better time with me than you’d be having back home.”

  Diah started to disagree with him, but Oni stared at him as if waiting for his answer. If he said he would have been happier staying home, it would be a lie. He would have never met her and he realized how much she filled the emptiness inside him. “I won’t deny that, but I know what my responsibilities back home are.”

  “So you plan on going back home once you’re found the White Buffalo?” she asked.

  “I have to. Someone needs to look after our mother and sister.”

  She grew more distant with each second. He was right in thinking she’d never follow him back to Vicksburg.

  “You don’t have to take care of them. You just think you do.” Cager tossed a stick into the fire. “They’re quite capable of managing things without you. What do you think they’re doing right now? Maybe one day, Mom will get it through her thick head that she needs to stop clinging to the past and move on.”

  Why did he feel like everyone was against him? If he stayed any longer, he might take another swing at this brother. The thought was tempting. Instead, he got up and decided to put some distance between them.

  The cold night air was comforting at first, but as he walked farther away from the fire, he missed the buffalo hide he left behind. He started to lose feeling in the tips of his fingers. He clasped them together and blew his warm breath into the hollow space between his palms. As cold as he was, he wasn’t calm enough to return yet. How could his own brother be so selfish and callous? But then, again, Cager had always been that way. Except maybe that one time at Chickamauga.

  The grass rustled behind him and he turned to see Oni with the blanket over her arms. She waited for him to acknowledge her and then wrapped it around him. “You shouldn’t be out here without something to keep you warm.”

  She kept her distance and waited a few minutes before she said, “Do you feel you need to stay there because they truly need you, or do you stay to make amends with your father?”

  Her question caught him like a slap in the face. “I have a certain obligation to my family, Oni.”

  “I’m not saying you don’t. I’m just asking you what your true reason for staying in Vicksburg is. Would your family be happy knowing that you were sacrificing your dreams to take care of them, especially if they might not need your help?”

  “Don’t you start on me too.”

  She raised her hands and backed away. “I’ve said what’s on my mind, Diah. No one can tell you how to live your life but you. Just remember we women are not as helpless as we seem, even your delicate little Eastern girls.”

  He watched her shadow return to the fire a hundred yards away. Oni was strong and could take care of herself. She didn’t need anybody to look out for her. But his mom and Hannah—did they have the same steeliness to them that she had?

  He wondered if there was some truth in her accusations. Maybe he was just trying to fill in for his father. If he hadn’t run away to fight for the enemy, maybe his father wouldn’t have died so young. Guilt had nagged at him ever since he came home and held him prisoner. Had he served his sentence?

  Cager was right about the plantation slowly falling apart under his management. He never had a head for farming. The only thing he’d ever been good at was alchemy. Was his mother still holding on to the land because she thought he wanted it? If he left, would she sell it and move to the city? She and Hannah already spent most of the year there as it was.

  The more he pondered the options, the more he realized that clinging to the past was holding everyone back. But he still needed to go back at least one more time to convince himself that his mother and sister would be fine without him.

  He was going to miss Oni, though. Miss feeling her body next to his. Miss her sweet kisses. Miss the way she looked at him as though he was the only man in the world. Miss how much more of a man he was when she was with him.

  Would she wait for him to come back?

  Chapter Seventeen

  It was midafternoon on the fourth day when Oni spotted the new fort on the Missouri River. The raw wood buildings shone in the sunlight, not yet dulled by the wind and rain. As they came closer, she caught glimpses of men in blue running around the grounds. The army was well-established here already and she wondered if Hinkle had beaten them to the fort.

  She stopped Esnella and waited for the others to do the same. “Let’s form a plan before I go in there.”

  “You?”

  “Yes, me, by myself, Diah. Remember, Hinkle said he sent out wanted posters with your names and descriptions on them and, no offense, you tend to stand out.” Even with the variety in white men, someone with his size and hair color was bound to attract unwanted attention. “To them, I’m just another squaw and it’s difficult for them to tell me apart from any other Sioux woman.”

  “She has a point,” Cager agreed. “So what do you suggest we do, Oni?”

  She searched the river for a suitable place for them to hide. Across the river, the railroad crews labored on the metal snake of tracks that stretched back East as far as she could see, and a few houses stood to break up the horizon. Perhaps it would be safer to go over there to find them clothes, although she doubted they would have much in the way of supplies. At last, she pointed to a grove of trees at the tip of a bend in the river.

  “Wait there for me and I’ll go grab you some clothes. Hopefully, I can find something that’ll fit. But I’ll need money.”

  Cager scowled as he reached into his coat and pulled some bills out of his wallet. “This expedition is growing more and more expensive by the day.”

  She took the money and secured it in the pouch on her belt.

  Diah frowned as his eye flickered between the two settlements. “Oni, why don’t we go to that town across the river? It seems safer than trying to go into the fort.”

  “Are you willing to take a swim in the river with it being as cold as it is?”

  “I was thinking more along the lines of building a boat of some sort to get us across—”

  A gust of wind blew past them and Cager rubbed his arms. “That will take too long. I just want to get some thicker clothes and get the hell away from here.”

  Diah kicked at a pebble. “It was only a suggestion. I guess I don’t want you going in there alone, especially if Hinkle’s there.”

  “If really worries you, I’ll find a way across the river and go to the railroad camp, but I’ll need your help.”

  She led them to a couple of fallen logs on the banks and they strapped them together with some of the rope in their packs. After they pushed the makeshift raft into the river, she hopped on.

  Diah held the end of the logs. “Are you sure one of us can’t come with you?”

  “This raft is barely enough to handle me. If I’m not
back by sunset, then you can worry. Otherwise, let me get going.”

  He released her and she paddled across the muddy river using a long branch. When she reached the other side, they were still watching her and she waved them away. They needed to be hiding, not standing around waiting to be captured by Hinkle’s men.

  She hiked to the camp with her pack slung across her shoulders and found a small mercantile. When she passed a group of soldiers on her way into the store, she lowered her eyes and hoped no one recognized her. The man behind the counter watched her with a frown as she looked at what little they had in ready-made clothing.

  “I need some clothes for my husband and his brother,” she asked, breaking the uneasy silence.

  His jaw went slack. “You speak English?”

  “Yes. are you going to help me or not?”

  “Depends on what you have to pay with. I ain’t running this place on trade.”

  She leaned on the counter and almost laughed when he backed away. “I have greenbacks. But if you’re not interested, then I can see what they have at the fort.”

  “No, I’m sure I’ve got something here that will do.”

  She spent the next hour going through every pair of trousers, every shirt, every fur-lined coat he had. Finding stuff for Cager was easy—he was smaller than his brother. Diah was a whole other issue. In the end, she bought what she hoped would fit him and added a pair of scissors and some needles and thread to her purchase. If worst came to worst, she could always make something out of the buffalo hides.

  Oni stowed the clothes in her pack and left the store clerk with a big smile on his face as he counted the bills.

  “Excuse me,” someone said beside her as a hand wrapped around her upper arm. She looked up at one of the soldiers she’d passed earlier. “Would you mind coming with me?”

  “Let go of me.” She tried to jerk her arm free.

  “Sir, is this the Indian woman Colonel Hinkle’s looking for? I overheard her say she was buying clothes for two men.”