Possession

by Johnson, A. M.

  Declan’s posture was rigid once I got to his table.

  “Hey, Declan.” I kept my smile small, quiet, and private… for him.

  The girl noticed me and dropped her hand from his shoulder. As soon as she relieved him of her touch, his eyes lit; the blue seemed to shimmer under the low light of the club as he looked at me. The moment should’ve been tense, filled with an awkward silence, but it wasn’t. We both watched each other, ignoring the girl, deciphering, and feeling. His eyes followed along my face, my body, and back to my gaze before he said, “I’m glad you decided to come.”

  “I’m Kate.” Her voice wobbled and my earlier assumption seemed accurate, she was, at the very least, buzzed.

  I was reluctant to lift my eyes from his appraisal. “Hi.” I held out my hand. “Paige.”

  She ignored my olive branch and I let my hand fall to my side without letting it bother me. I was used to cold receptions. I’d lived in a constant state of winter for over nine years.

  Kate narrowed her eyes. “How do you know Declan?”

  I knew Declan from soul to bone. “We go way back.” I gave him a grin and he smiled.

  “Have a seat.” Declan motioned to me with his hand to the seat next to him.

  I wanted to ask her how she knew Declan, but I wasn’t sure she really did, and the way his body naturally leaned away from hers, as if she repulsed him, it made me think she didn’t know him at all. I sat down and rested my hands in my lap. Declan surprised me. The warmth of his palm encapsulated mine under the table. He leaned over and whispered into my ear, his breath tickled down my ear and neck, “You look sexy.”

  It was bold and the pleasure of his timbre vibrated down my flesh and pooled inside my stomach, setting my cheeks on fire. I whispered a thank you as I turned my face to his, our noses almost touching, and Kate long forgotten. It wasn’t like us, public displays. My heart thundered as he pulled me in, so close, our lips if we spoke, would touch, take flight, and I’d be lost to the height of it. He exhaled and it was strained as he leaned back, his eyes on my mouth. Kate cleared her throat, and for a split second, I marveled in the thought that maybe Declan was marking me, letting her know she had no chance.

  “Good to see you, Declan,” Her tone proved otherwise. She gave me a snide grin and turned, almost tripping over her own two feet.

  She swayed through the crowd and I watched her until she was swallowed whole by the sea of people.

  “Do you know her?” I asked, and immediately wished I hadn’t as Declan almost winced. As much as the thought of him kissing this woman made the pleasant warmth in my stomach turn to ice, I had no right to care. “You know what, it doesn’t matter.”

  “I haven’t been with anyone since you, Paige. I was honest when I told you that. There were times…” Guilt flashed across his features. “I tried to move on, but like I said before, it never went far.”

  “I shouldn’t have asked.”

  A waitress came to the table then. “Can I get you something?”

  “Just a glass of water, please,” I said.

  “What about you, Declan?” she asked him with a knowing smile. “Water, as always?”

  He nodded.

  “Two waters,” she confirmed before she turned and headed to the bar.

  “Kate doesn’t matter.” Declan squeezed my hand under the table.

  Again we were almost nose to nose, the charge between us crackled over the loud grind of guitars.

  I shook my head. “She doesn’t.”

  His lips brushed mine not once, but twice, and the flavor of mint flooded my senses as his mouth captured me. It was a quick stolen kiss, and when he pulled away, my face burned crimson. The room was loud and yet we were trapped in our own bubble. He glanced to the bar and his expression went flat. I followed his gaze and my eyes widened. Lana was practically draped across Liam and he didn’t seem to mind.

  “Lana’s always been… aggressive.” I frowned.

  “Then they’ll get along great.”

  “I think she’s determined to try out every member of the male species. Too bad Liam has a girlfriend.”

  Declan laughed. “Liam? No, he’s trying to fuck away Kelly’s memory.”

  “What about the girl I heard you guys talking about the other morning?”

  “She’s just a regular.” Declan’s eyes darkened with a sad shade of blue.

  I watched as Liam took a long draw from his beer bottle, his eyes locked on Lana’s. The intensity of his stare would have crushed me, but Lana basked in it.

  “What happened with Kelly?” I’d known her briefly. Her and Liam hadn’t been together long before Declan and I had split.

  The waitress dropped off two glasses of water, and Declan lifted his and took a drink with his free hand. “She took a modeling job in L.A. and he didn’t go with her. If it wasn’t for me and Mom though, he would’ve left with her.”

  That same spark of guilt flashed across his features. I bumped his shoulder with mine and nodded my chin at his sketch book trying to deflect the clouds I saw brewing in his eyes. There wasn’t much on the paper, a few lines and some shading. I stared at it and realized it was the outline of the bar. I looked up from where we were sitting, and from his viewpoint, he could see everything perfectly.

  “What are you working on?”

  “This?” He released my hand and brought his fingertips to the rough lines of the paper. “This is shit, I was bored, just waiting for you.”

  “You come here with your brothers a lot?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Yeah, I sit here and sketch usually. I like the bass, it helps with the voices. Liam and Kieran, they do their own thing.”

  I glanced around the room again, Liam and Lana were still flirting at the bar. His hand was on her hip, her mouth at his ear. I didn’t see Kieran. “Where’s Kieran?”

  “He’s around, probably closer to the stage. He really likes this band. So does Liam.” His brows furrowed.

  I laughed. “But you don’t?” I raised my eyebrows and watched his lips turn up at the corners as I sipped my water.

  “No, not really.”

  Setting my glass down, I said, “Then why are you here?”

  “I wanted to see you.” He pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear and I shivered. His touch was the fire I’d needed for so long, the heat my body had lost.

  “This is my first time in a bar, you know.” My laugh was soft and his smile widened. He reached for my hand again and I gave it to him. The feel of his calloused palm in mine was simple, and I sighed in relief as that fire stoked higher.

  “How do you like it?”

  “Honestly?” I quirked my eyebrow.

  He nodded.

  “It’s loud and smells weird… and I’d rather be somewhere quiet, drawing with you.”

  “Then let’s leave.” He stood and I was forced to stand as well as his grip tightened in mine.

  The black sweater I had on fell farther down my arm exposing more of my shoulder. Declan admired the exposed skin.

  “Where are we going?” I asked, a little dizzy as we moved toward Liam and Lana.

  “My place.”

  Liam and Lana hadn’t seemed to care that we’d decided to leave, and I’d told him to tell Kieran I’d see him tomorrow at work. The front door of Bellows shut and the sound evaporated into the vacuum of pandemonium behind the glass door. The ice in the air coated my lungs as I sucked in an anxious breath. Paige gave me a shy smile and laced our fingers together. Her smell mixed with the fog of her breath as she leaned closer to me starving for heat. The bare skin of her shoulder and arm was covered in goose bumps as I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close.

  “Where did you park?” Her voice was muffled. She’d hidden her nose in the warmth of my thermal shirt.

  “I walked, I don’t have a car.”

  She stopped and looked up at me. “You don’t?”

  I shook my head. “No, I use TRAX. Public transportation is easier, everything I need is
within walking distance most of the time anyway.”

  She shivered again. “I wished I hadn’t driven Lana’s car tonight, we could have used mine.”

  I chuckled. “My apartment is just a few blocks.”

  She frowned, but conceded, snuggling back into my side as we crossed the street. “Alright.”

  The sky was empty of clouds, the midnight blue soaked the atmosphere with pinpricks of light. Even in the well-lit city, you could see the stars. This was how it should’ve always been. Me and Paige, together. A wash of regret chilled me, and I pulled her, if possible, even closer.

  It took about ten minutes to get to my apartment. Paige’s teeth were chattering as I opened the back door. She practically fell over the threshold and sighed once the heat of the apartment surrounded her.

  “You’re lucky I love you. I wouldn’t walk that far for just anyone, especially in the freezing cold.” She hugged her body and I shut the door behind us with a quiet laugh.

  “Do you want anything to drink?” I asked as we moved through the kitchen.

  She shook her head and her stare took on the edge I’d admired when she first walked into Bellows earlier. It charged my pulse. She hesitated at the mouth of the hallway.

  “Did you want to work on something? I’d love to see more of what you’ve been up to all this time.” She fidgeted with the hem of her sweater and I wondered if she could feel that charge too.

  “Sure, head on back.”

  I followed her to my room. The light of the hallway illuminated a path along the floor of my bedroom as we walked in. Paige stood inside the cast of yellow light as she dropped her arms to her side, her back to me. She paused and stared at one of my paintings on the wall. She’d already seen it, but she tilted her head as she considered it. Her sleeve fell again and that perfect slope of skin was visible. I thought about walking up behind her, pulling her body against me, and pressing my lips to the bare flesh. I liked her without make-up and artifice, but the dark power she wielded tonight, I was weak for it. My legs moved me forward until my hands found her hips. She exhaled and leaned back as I slid my arms around her waist.

  “It’s so gruesome, the way you used the red like you did. She looks like she’s bleeding.” The painting was a black and white silhouette of a woman’s form with one bright red splatter of paint cutting across her body.

  It wasn’t a critical review, it was just her observations, her thoughts. I smiled before I kissed the top of her head and then lowered my lips to her ear. She trembled as I spoke, “It wasn’t supposed to look like blood. It was supposed to be a burst of feeling.” I raised my right hand and pulled the waves of her hair away from her neck.

  She lay the back of her head against my chest and I could feel her struggle to breathe, feel each intake and exhale as I brought my mouth to the hollow just below her ear. The heat of her body absorbed into my lips and ignited the empty space with pressure and pulse.

  My heart raced and my mouth watered.

  “I’m nervous.”

  I lifted my lips from her neck and set my hands back on her hips. “Don’t be. Nothing has to happen, Paige. I just get carried away when I kiss you.”

  Her breath hitched. “What if I… I mean, is it wrong if I want something to happen?”

  I dropped my hold on her and stepped away enough so that she could turn and face me, but she didn’t. Her head tilted down, and her fingers shook at her side.

  “Will you look at me?” She finally turned, reluctantly, insecurity written in the crease of her brow. “Is it because you’re still married? I can respect that.”

  I didn’t have to like it, but she was still legally bound to him.

  Her eyes searched mine. “No… and yes.” Her bottom lip quivered as the color drained from her cheeks. She dropped her eyes to the floor. “When I was with him, it wasn’t like me and you, Declan. My body… it was a vessel for birth, not for pleasure.” Her stance became submissive as if she was trying to crawl inside herself.

  “Paige–”

  “It hurt, most of the time. I hated every second I was with him. I tried to think my way through it, nights with Clark… but even thoughts of you never made it better, so instead I’d chosen to fade. I’d become numb. I’d vanish inside myself until he had… finished. Until I couldn’t remember who I’d been or what it was like to feel.”

  I felt sick. She was withering, right here in front of me, falling back into the hell she’d been imprisoned in with him. My anger flared, and my molars threatened to crack as I grit my teeth. But, Paige didn’t need a warrior. She needed to be comforted, and my concern for her cooled my rage temporarily as I took a few steps toward her. I steeled my expression, breathed deeply before I lifted her chin. She didn’t resist the gentle command. If I could I would erase her past, rip the self-righteous flesh from his bones, watch as his blood pooled at his feet. I’d find the color to match it and paint his death a thousand times in victory.

  The demon inside my head was on the verge of awakening, but I closed my eyes and reigned myself in before I said, “A vessel…” The words strained through tight teeth. “He hurt you.”

  Her eyes were wide, her history unable to pollute the innocence of the crystal wave of blue and she shook her head. “He couldn’t really hurt me, because I had you the entire time.” Her smile was timid as she placed her hands on my biceps. “Your whole body is shaking.”

  I hadn’t realized it, but once I let myself fall into her gaze, every muscle in my body relaxed. She raised her hands and placed them on either side of my neck, the tips of her nails slightly grazing my skin.

  “I want to kill him.” The real threat had evaporated under her touch.

  “He’s not worth it… I don’t want to think about him anymore… I want… I want—”

  Her cheeks filled with blush.

  “Tell me,” I said in a low whisper.

  “I want you to show me, Declan. Show me I can still feel. Show me I’m more than just flesh and bone. Show me I still have a soul.” Her cheeks turned that final shade of need, crimson, and hot.

  The sound of the oncoming train rumbled outside my window. I leaned in as her lips parted, taking her mouth slowly, letting the feeling overwhelm her until all the tension evaporated, and until her mouth moved against mine with eager strokes. She was alive against my body, her breasts pushing against my chest, her arms around my neck.

  “Shut the door,” she whispered against my mouth.

  I kissed her one more time before I broke away to close the door. The train began to pass, and as I turned back to Paige, she was lifting her sweater over her head. Black, white, black, white, the light through the blinds blurred and flashed. It was as if someone was flipping the pages of a comic book. She was drawn out with graceful lines. She wasn’t wearing a bra and the teardrop contour of her breasts made my mouth go dry. Her nipples were pink and stood out in a sea of colorless light. Her eyes were veiled with shadows, hooded, and the blood in my veins begged to be warmed by her, mixed and close, calling out to the other. My lungs burned as I held my breath. None of this seemed real. She was too still. Was this my nightmare all over again? I needed to wake up before the pink of her nipples turned the color of—

  Paige shifted, moved toward me, and grabbed the hem of my white thermal shirt, lifting it with her fingers. I helped and removed it over my head, tossing it to the floor with her sweater. She placed her hot hands on my waist, pulling me in, bringing our naked flesh together. Her soft breasts gave way to the steel of my chest, and I pressed myself into her stomach. She gasped as she felt the hard length. My hands gripped her hips with a surge of need, holding her still, denying myself the overdue friction.

  My tongue plunged into her mouth, stealing her breath, her taste, her moans. Our lungs together, expanding and contracting as we walked backward toward the bed. The train still vibrated the foundation of my room. The chaos of the light, the sounds, and her quiet plea—this wasn’t my nightmare, it was Paige, and she was showing me what it was
like to feel again.

  I lay her back and pressed her into the mattress as she pulled at the buttons of my jeans and I quickly undid hers. I slipped her out of her shoes and the rest of her clothing, pushing off mine as well. I stood at the end of my bed fully naked as the train finally passed. The moon poured in from the half-opened blinds and bathed her nude form in an eerie, white light. I had to close my eyes.

  This is fucking real.

  “Declan?”

  Without opening my eyes, I said, “Is this what you want?” My voice was gravelly and craving.

  “Yes.” It was just a breath and my eyes opened, no longer feeling vulnerable.

  Her arms were at her sides, bent at the elbow, and her hands covered her stomach. The blonde waves of her hair fanned out around her head, absorbing the light and creating a halo. It spilled over her shoulders and breasts. Her lips were swollen from my kiss, her chin and nose rubbed red from my beard. She wasn’t a phantom. She wasn’t a perverted piece of my homemade fiction, she was here, warm and waiting. My eyes lowered, lingering between her legs. She was bare and she shuddered under my stare. I trailed my eyes along her thighs, the alabaster color was flawless, nothing marring the surface of her skin. I swallowed as I thought of how my fingerprints would look on her inner thigh.

  Paige sat up, and moved to her knees, bringing us eye to eye. I wrapped my fingers around her waist with my left hand and brought my lips to hers. She whispered my name as I slipped my other hand between her slightly parted legs. She was slick against my fingers, and the familiar feel of her body made me groan. Her hands grasped my shoulders as if she was already bracing herself for the fall. I teased her sensitive skin and she shivered against me. Our mouths moved easily together. Instinct, teeth and taste, sound and sensation. I nearly came when she dropped one of her hands and wrapped it around my cock. My hand bruised the skin of her hip as I grasped her tighter, sliding two fingers deep inside her.