Bereft

by Jennifer Foor

  “You’d still have me,” she added.

  “I can’t do this. I’m hanging up. If you’re a smart girl you’ll lose my number and try to forget the things we did.”

  “Please don’t…” I couldn’t listen to her pleas any longer. I felt sick to my stomach. I needed to get a room and think about what I was going to do next. My wife didn’t want to see me, and who could blame her? I’d fucked up. I’d let a little ass ruin my marriage, and that’s exactly what it was coming to. Rachel was a strong-willed woman. She was set in her ways and liked being in control of the situation. I admired her strength, and the way she was able to manage multiple problems at once. This though, this broke her. I saw it in her desperate eyes. She was broken – lost – destroyed, all because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. I saw an opportunity to feel young again and I dove right in, knowing the consequences would bite me in the ass at some point. I made the decision out of greed. I wanted to feel empowered; like I was able to get someone young and attractive. For a little while I felt like the king of the world. I thought I’d get away with it. The more it happened, the harder it was to imagine getting caught.

  I suppose having her over to my house was the worst decision. I’d rather my wife have found out another way, so she wouldn’t have been able to see and hear it. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to look into her eyes without seeing betrayal and hate. I was lucky she didn’t find some way to murder me. I’d certainly never experienced her this upset in our years together.

  I thought about calling my daughter, but what could I say? I wasn’t going to tell her what I’d done over the phone. This was someone she thought of as a sister. As her father, I knew she’d lose respect for me. The thought of losing my little girl over this made me want to drive off a bridge. How could I have been so blinded by lust? Better yet, how in the hell was I going to fix the mess I made?

  It took me a while before I could get my shit together enough to walk into a hotel and seek out a room. Once I did, I went inside and closed the door, looking around at the décor. Rachel wouldn’t approve of this place. She’d say the linens were out of date, as well as the furniture. She’d complain about the germs found on the carpet, and even the remote control. I didn’t even want to think about what she’d say about the bathroom.

  I couldn’t worry about what she’d think. I had to get myself together, and come to grips with the consequences of my actions.

  After a long shower, where I actually wept, I wiped the steam away from the mirror and stared at my reflection. I hated the person looking back at me; the one who’d stray from his wife, his daughter, and the sanctity his family stood for. The person who’d put his own selfish needs before everyone else. I despised this man, and I didn’t know how to overcome it.

  I thought back to earlier in the morning when I’d received the call from Kyla. She sent me a message of her in a towel. I dreaded looking at my phone and erasing it, because it would bring back the guilt once more. I’d been consumed by her. Everything she asked of me I did, like a little puppet. I wanted more, because what she offered blew my mind. I hadn’t felt promiscuous since being a teen, perhaps I’d never been very adventurous in the sack, given the reason why I acted so reckless when it came to Kyla. Acting on impulse was easy, considering it had been a while since I’d been intimate with my wife. She didn’t have to try hard to tempt me. That first time overwhelmed me. I couldn’t help myself. I had to have her – to take what was forbidden. It was invigorating and terrified me at the same time. I’d never done something taboo, and the fact that it was with someone half my age – someone I’d known since childhood, well it made me feel like I was invincible.

  The first time we messed around I didn’t know how to react. We were sitting on the couch watching television. She was at the opposite end with her knees up to her chest. She kept fiddling with her fingernails, paying little attention to the football commentary happening on the television screen. I was engulfed in the show, following up on a game I’d fallen asleep watching. They were doing the highlights, running recaps of the top plays.

  All of a sudden she stretched her legs out and touched the side of my thigh accidentally, so I thought. I gave myself a scoot in the opposite direction and went back to watching the show.

  Then I discovered she’d done it on purpose. Her voice was calm, so collected, as she spoke. “Rachel is lucky to have a guy like you.”

  I didn’t look her way when I responded. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

  “Isn’t it obvious? You’re so attractive for your age. Look at my dad. He looks old, like a grandfather even. You stay in shape. It’s obvious you work out. I bet you have a lot of women hitting on you at work.”

  Her assumption made me laugh. In my twenty-nine some odd years working for the shipping company I’d had several advances, but they were quickly rejected on account of my values, especially while I was in my marriage. Still, when I smiled thinking back to them, Kyla noticed. “See, I knew it. Have you been a bad boy, Grayson?”

  For the longest time I’d been Mr. Grayson. Since college started, Kyla had shortened it, like turning eighteen had granted her permission to refer to me as an equal adult. “What? No! This conversation is inappropriate don’t you think?”

  She adjusted the way she was sitting, sort of coming at me while still on her butt. “I don’t know. I’ve seen you looking at me. I think you’re experienced when it comes to getting your way?”

  I turned off the television and sat the remote down, determined to head to work before it became any more awkward. “I better get going.”

  “What’s the hurry?” Her question made me turn to look at her, because at that moment I wondered if she was losing it.

  I should have never given her my attention. When I did, I watched as she lowered her tight blue tank top off her shoulder. “What’s wrong, Grayson? Do I scare you? Haven’t you ever fantasized about being with me?”

  “No!” I was adamant. “Stop this. You need to get going, Kyla.”

  She crawled across the couch, breaking the distance between us. Before I could react by stepping backwards, she captured both of my arms. “I can’t stop thinking about being with you. Don’t you want to touch me?” I was ready to pull away, and then she sweetened the deal. “I won’t tell anyone. It’s just between us.”

  It was weird kissing another woman other than Rachel, at first. Kyla moved her tongue at a different rhythm and it took me a few seconds to match her groove. With every thought of stopping, I had more about going further. Suddenly my rational thinking went out the door. She pulled away and removed her top, tugging me down on the couch with her. I hovered over her, still intent on making out, like I assumed someone her age would want. She wasn’t interested in that though. She wanted what was beneath my trousers. While kissing me, she used her skilled hands to unfasten my belt, then I felt my button coming loose. She shoved her fist down until she was able to put her hand around my dick. While steadily gripped, she jerked it up and down. I groaned and tried to rationalize once more with what I was about to do.

  I couldn’t stop it now.

  I couldn’t stop her.

  I didn’t want to.

  Our clothes came off quickly. We met back on the couch, until I slid off to examine her soft, curvy body. She let me touch her, and I felt chills down to my feet. She was perfect, and she wanted me, the old man she’d been around as much as her own parents. This wasn’t right, which made it feel so good.

  When I entered her for the first time I got lost in it – in her. I forgot about my responsibilities, my commitments, and above all, who I was. Kyla and I fucked right there on my couch not once, but twice. I didn’t need a break, not with someone so seductive. She let me flip her over and take her from behind. She let me fuck her in her ass, and she practically begged me for it. The little temptress knew what she was doing. She was skilled in the male anatomy and took advantage of her knowledge. We spent the whole damn day naked. I felt like a kid again, and I think she
recognized it. She kept taunting me with different ideas, and giving me more reasons to keep coming back. She knew I couldn’t resist her, and when it was time for her to leave she gave me the hottest blow-job I’d ever received. I was captivated by her essence, and until she walked out the door, I didn’t feel the least bit sorry for what I’d done, because in lieu of my actions, I’d rediscovered a part of myself that had been dormant for too long. I suppose that’s why I couldn’t stop it from happening over and over again. After time it was just normal to hook up with Kyla and go about my day. We’d fuck wherever we could, even at my office.

  When I woke up this morning I felt good about life. I was getting away with murder, per se. I was involved with two women, one emotionally, and one physically. All it took for it to end was to see my emotional relationship fall apart before my eyes. It was a wakeup call, and now I had to come to terms with how it would impact my future.

  Chapter 4

  Rachel

  Tissues. How could we be out of tissues? I specifically remember there being three full boxes when I arrived home yesterday. As I pulled the very last one out of the square package, I recalled the past twenty-four hours.

  Feeling as if I had nothing, I ventured over to the stairwell and looked around at the pictures strategically hung on the wall. So many memories filled my mind, all good and happy times. I wanted to close my eyes and go back to them, because thinking about the present made me want to crawl in a hole and die. Since I’d lost my job, and discovered my husband’s affair, I’d considered drowning myself in expired prescription pills while lying in the hot tub. I wanted to close my eyes and never have to see or hear something painful again. After shoving those thoughts to the farthest place in my mind, I considered buying tickets to another country and reinventing myself, leaving this one, and everything in it behind. But I couldn’t do that. I had a daughter to care for – and I was her only mother, even if she didn’t have my blood in her veins. She was my reason for existing now, and I could never fail her. Yes, she was an adult, but she’d always need a mother. I had to think rationally, without regard for what I couldn’t change. It was important to keep the good parts of my life in focus, because without it I was afraid I’d lose myself in depression.

  That next afternoon Grayson began calling my cell phone. The mere sight of his number flashing on the screen made me cringe. When I closed my eyes to look away I saw him touching her in my mind. The excruciating truth was too new to fathom it ever going away.

  By three p.m. I felt like death. I hadn’t checked the slew of messages I was sure he’d left me, nor had I contacted work about further instructions. For all I knew I was supposed to report as if nothing was going on. I’m almost certain they wanted to stretch out the help for as long as they were able. I didn’t have the energy or determination to leave the house, especially to travel so far for what was only going to frustrate me more.

  When someone rang my doorbell I considered pretending I wasn’t home. I waited a few minutes in hopes whoever it was would leave. I almost jumped when the doorbell rang a second time, right when I was about to peek out a window to see who it was.

  Standing on the stoop was someone I never expected to see in my neck of the woods. I opened the door paying no mind to the fact that I probably looked like death. Chad gave me a once over and smiled. I went to close the door on his face, but he spoke quickly to change my mind. “Hold on, Rach. I come in peace. Please. My grandfather has been trying to reach you. From the look on your face, I can tell you’ve had a hell of a night.”

  “You don’t know the half of it,” I whispered under my breath while leaning against my door for support. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

  “I need your help, and since you packed up your things from the office, I figured you’d written us off.”

  I cackled in an annoyed manner. “You need my help? You’re the last person on earth I’d want to help.”

  He motioned toward the foyer. “Are you going to invite me in?”

  I cocked my eyebrow. “Why should I?” Was I glutton for punishment? Did I really want more reasons to hate my life?

  He stuck his hands in his pockets and jingled some change around. I was surprised he was in a pair of jeans and a shirt with designs and skulls on it. The tight sleeves made his muscles look huge. It was rare, but I’d seen him dressed down before. He seemed more comfortable this way, instead of in business attire. “Hear me out. If you want me to leave afterwards, you never have to see me again.”

  The idea of that was intriguing. I tipped the door to imply he was welcome, even though I had immediate doubt. “The house is a wreck. I probably don’t have anything to drink either, well not unless you want some bourbon.”

  “Actually,” he walked inside and looked around. “That sounds perfect.”

  When he passed by I got a whiff of his cologne. He smelled magnificent. For a second I closed my eyes and took in the musk, pretending it wasn’t coming from someone I despised.

  I headed over to the liquor cabinet and located a newly purchased bottle. I’d picked it up for Grayson a week before, because I knew how much he liked to have a glass before bed. He wouldn’t be needing it anymore, since he certainly wasn’t going to be coming home to me. “Why are you here, Chad? I don’t have the time or energy to deal with bullshit.” I’d never talk to his grandfather that way, but Chad was another ballgame. I didn’t care about disrespecting this little dickhead.

  I spun around and noticed he’d sat down on the brown leather couch. He clapped his hands together and leaned back to get more comfortable. I don’t know why, because he wasn’t staying long. “You’ve got a nice place here, Rach.”

  “Stop calling me that,” I requested, while handing him the glass.

  “You look like shit. It wouldn’t have been so bad for you if you’d just stuck around yesterday.”

  “You have no idea,” I sarcastically added.

  “After yesterday I wondered if you’d even want to be a part of the business.”

  “What business?”

  “My new business. You see, Rach, I respect my grandfather, but he’s an old man who can’t see the future. I was born to be a leader, and that’s why were closing the Leviathan Agency, per se. We’re going into this with a new approach.”

  “I’m not following you, and again, stop calling me Rach.”

  “Aren’t you sick of catering to a bunch of snobby assholes?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m used to being around assholes.”

  He let out a chuckle but continued. “Yeah, maybe you are. That’s why I know this new venture will be right up your alley. How do you feel about commercials?”

  “What?” I shook my head, not understanding this at all. “People hate commercials. Most fast forward through them.”

  The shit-eating grin was back. He nodded, but replied to my opinionated comment. “True. Some people do hate them, but what about the one person needing an extra push for his or her business?” He wiped the stubble on his chin and continued. “The clients we’ve been catering to for years need a firm they can trust. I’m talking commercials, music videos, video blogs, magazine articles, and billboards. I want to stop being the company who only gets a cut – a mere percentage of the profit.”

  “So, you want to sell off our clients to be able to open a video production company? Wait!” I thought to myself for a second and then it hit me. “You majored in what in college?”

  “I double majored actually. Science and Marketing. That’s a personal question, Rach. Do I get to ask you one in return?”

  “No.” I rubbed my hands on my yoga pants while trying not to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t like Chad, and I certainly didn’t want him in my living room, especially after discovering my husband was having an affair, probably on this very sofa we sat on.

  “I’m going to ask anyway. Are you all right? Forgive me for being blunt, but I’ve never seen you look so…”

  “Horrible,” I answered for him.
“I know. I’m sorry. Do we have to do this now?” I was starting to lose it. Of all people to show interest in my well being, he was the last I expected. It made me feel worse about my life.

  “I’m here because I want you to be a part of the new company. It’s going to take several months to get going, and of course we’ll have to do everything by the books as far as legally utilizing our old clientele. I don’t want to ruffle any feathers.”

  I sniffled, choking back tears. “You’re offering me a job after you fired me?”

  “We never said you were fired. If you would have hung around I could have at least briefed you on the idea. My grandfather is excited about this. He knows how much it means to me.”

  “What about his company? I know how hard he busted his ass to get where he is today?”

  “We’re selling off the shares slowly. The name will remain the same. We’ve got a buyer who is eager to purchase the majority of shares. It will go smoothly, and hopefully with your help, we can train the new staff to go above and beyond our average standards. In the meantime, we’ll be managing both assets. I’m going to need a right hand person to help me. I’m asking you to consider it.”

  I thought about my predicament. My marriage was in shambles, and I didn’t know where my life was headed. Having a job to provide a roof over my head was a priority. “I’ll help you until I can find something else.”

  When he smiled, one deep dimple filled his whole left cheek. “I’ll take it.” He stood up, finishing his bourbon before sitting it on the coffee table. “I’ll be in touch about the details.” He began to head toward the door. “You need to clean yourself up, Rach. You really do look like shit.”

  “Wait!” I called out to him. “What if I say yes?” I didn’t want to seem desperate. “I’d like time to consider other options. When do you need my answer?”

  “It’s like a ghost town in there. Take a couple days. Think about my offer. It’s going to be hard work, and a lot of long hours in the beginning. I don’t want you to commit to something your husband might not be happy about. You need to do what’s best for you. I just know there isn’t anyone with your credentials who will give me the time of day at my age with a new company. You may think I’m a young, gold digging prick, but I’ll prove you wrong. Being a businessman is in my blood. I’ll make it work, or I’ll die trying.” He peeked his head in the door as he started to close it behind him. “You have my number. Call me when you have a firm decision.”