Since I didn’t have to work on my hair, I focused on my makeup, going a bit heavier on the eyes than normal. I’d always been a light mascara kind of lady. Tonight I had on eyeliner and shadow. I’d looked online for a technique, attempted it three times, and finally figured it out.
I didn’t know the person staring back at me, and I didn’t want to. My real life was in shambles. It was a clusterfuck of madness. I was determined to be someone else for just one night. I needed to feel empowered, and this was the only way I saw it happening.
At three-forty five I heard a car pulling in the driveway. My heart started thumping as I took one last look in the foyer mirror. “This was a mistake,” I thought to myself. Before I could rush in the bathroom and wash off an hour’s worth of makeup, the doorbell was ringing.
I tugged down the dress so it wasn’t so high up on my thighs and took a few deep breaths, determined to act like nothing had changed. I assumed the driver would be picking me up, but instead opened the door to find Chad standing there. He was wearing a pair of dress pants and a button down shirt. His tie had been removed and the first two buttons near his collar were unfastened.
I loathed the way he took in my appearance, and rolled my eyes as he did it. “Excuse me, I’m looking for Rachel. Have you seen her? You must be her younger sister.”
I shoved past him. “Shut up, Chad. I got my hair cut today, and my washer broke, so I had to wear something of my daughters.”
He laughed from behind me. “You should dress like this every day. Damn, woman, no offense, but your husband is a lucky man.”
I froze. Not that I’d ever take anything Chad said serious, but his words this time were like someone putting their hands around my neck and slowly choking the life out of me. I didn’t know how to respond, and I certainly didn’t want this kid to know my personal business. “He is,” I responded, before coming to realize we weren’t going to dinner in the company vehicle. “What happened to the car?”
“Oh, my grandfather needed it for a charity event. You were supposed to attend, don’t you remember?”
It had entirely slipped my mind. I felt like a disappointment as I stood there looking half my age in heels that were definitely going to break one or both of my ankles. “Shit. I forgot about it. It’s been a hell of a week so far.”
“No worries. If you’d like we could swing by after dinner. It’s not a big deal. I’m sure he’d like to see you. My grandfather thinks highly of you. He warned me not to let you go. He told me it was important to do whatever necessary to keep you around and comfortable.”
It wasn’t how I saw things the other day, but I understood why he’d been hush hush. I’d never been able to keep secrets, especially when they involved people losing their jobs. “I have a heart. That’s what he admires about me. Most people in our line of work look for the dollar signs. I’ve always enjoyed what we do.”
He clenched his jaw like he was taking in what I’d said and processing it. It was strange how he wasn’t looking at my body anymore, but more trying to read me from the inside out. I felt uncomfortable.
“We better get going. Traffic was a bitch getting here.”
His steel toned Porsche sat low to the ground. He opened the door for me, while I struggled to find an easy way to climb in without my crotch displaying. I held onto the hem of my dress and basically fell into the seat, finally bringing my legs around in front of me. He closed the door without saying anything, and while he walked around to the driver’s side I thought about getting out and calling it a night.
This didn’t feel like a business meeting. I wasn’t used to tight fitting dresses, or feeling sexy. I didn’t have a dresser full of lingerie. I wore nightgowns and pinned my hair up. The person in this body wasn’t me.
Why was I trying to change again? What had I done wrong?
I started to open the passenger door when he climbed in next to me. “What’s wrong? Did you forget something?”
“I think I should change.”
Chad reached over and touched my knee. I jerked it away as a gut reaction. “Don’t. You look amazing. If you wanted my attention, you’ve got it.”
I let the door close, but felt it necessary to explain. “I didn’t wear this for you, Chad. Like I said before, I didn’t have anything else to put on, and I wasn’t sure where we were going. This is a business meeting, correct? I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.”
“We’re on the same page. Forgive me for overstepping. Where are my manners? What I meant to say was that I like the change. You look happy. Good for you.”
If he only knew how wrong he was. Inside I was the saddest soul. I just prayed I could get through the night without tears. I had to stay focused on my future, because without it I may as well have been dead.
Chapter 7
Grayson
I’d been at the office but gotten nothing productive done. Kyla continued to call so many times I had to block her number. Then she somehow got the office number and tracked me down. I assumed I had a business call, but instead heard her voice on the other end of the line.
“This is Grayson.”
“Why are you avoiding my calls? Did you block my number?”
I rubbed my temples as I spoke into the receiver. “Yes. I told you to leave me alone. Kyla, this has to stop. I need to repair my marriage.”
“Why? You know I can make you happy.”
“You don’t know what I need. You never have. Sex isn’t fulfillment. Please stop calling me.”
“I need you. I feel like I can’t live without you.”
This girl was insane. She was going to stalk me, I just knew it. I closed my eyes and knew what had to happen. “If you don’t stop this right now I’m going to have to tell Stephanie what’s going on.”
“You wouldn’t. She’ll hate you.”
“At this point, I already hate myself. It can’t get much worse than that. I’m asking you again, Kyla, please stop calling me. Whatever happened between us is over. It should have never happened. I hope you have a good life, but I’m going to need you to stay out of mine. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll cut ties with Steph too.”
“She’s my best friend.”
“As far as I’m concerned, you betrayed her. She’ll never forgive you.”
“She’ll never find out.”
I hung up on her and asked my secretary to hold my calls. For the next hour I sat at my desk contemplating how I was going to tell my daughter what I’d done. She would hate me. She’d never forgive me. We’d been through hell when her mother passed away. The woman had been in and out of institutions her whole life. When she was on her meds she was a good person, but off them, she was a danger to herself and others around her. When she died it was like a weight was lifted. I no longer feared coming home and finding my child harmed or worse.
Rachel had come into our lives and picked up the pieces. She’d accepted Stephanie as her own and helped me raise her. We were married two years after first being together, and I never regretted a single moment of our marriage. Now I was determined to fight in order to save it, even if I had to throw myself under the bus to make it happen.
I waited until I knew she’d be out of her last class of the day to call. Dialing her number made the hair on my arms stand up. This wasn’t how I wanted to go about ending my relationship with my daughter, and ultimately the bond she shared with her very best friend.
When she picked up the line, I realized there was no way I could break the news over the phone. We were going to have to meet.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hey, babe. How’s it going?”
“Good. What’s up? Is everything okay?”
“Actually, I was thinking I could drive out and take you to dinner. Are you interested?”
“You’d drive an hour to take me to dinner?”
“I’d do anything for you. How about I pick you up around five?”
“Okay. Are you alright? You sound weird.”
I
knew I couldn’t tell her the truth, because she’d be on the phone with her mother, and then she’d know the hard reality I was faced with. This had to come from me, not Rachel. We may have only been married for seven years, but she’d spent the past ten being the only mother my daughter had left. If something was happening between us she had a right to know. “I need to go so I can finish up. I can’t wait to see you.”
I hung up before she could press me for information. It was best to elude the truth until we were face to face.
I knew she’d hate me. There was no doubt in my mind my news would break her precious heart. In order for me to make amends with Rachel, I’d have to get rid of Kyla. This was the right thing. Once Stephanie kicked her friend to the curb, I could focus on my marriage without having her stalking me.
I tried to call Rachel to let her know what I was doing, but as of late, she hadn’t been returning my messages. It was difficult thinking about her being home alone, shedding tears, and facing unbearable pain because of my actions. I deserved the cold shoulder. Hell, I deserved it if she filed for divorce. I’d have no one to blame but myself.
I drove to the campus in silence. I didn’t tune into the sport’s channel, or listen to music. My head had to be mentally prepared for what was about to go down. It wasn’t every day where I woke up and decided to break my child’s heart. She’d been through enough. Had I thought about that before making such poor decisions, I probably wouldn’t have been in this predicament.
When I arrived, I took notice of the young people making their way to and from the parking lot. They were just kids, yet I’d gotten involved with one. I felt sick to my stomach, not only because I’d done it, but because I enjoyed it. I was a pig. I didn’t deserve my wife.
It took me a few minutes to settle down to where I was able to get out of the car without breaking down. This event was already taking a toll on me, and it hadn’t even occurred yet.
Stephanie met me outside of her dorm. She was sitting on the steps peering down at her cell phone. I waited until I was right in front of her before speaking. She looked up with a huge smile on her face, stood and wrapped her arms around me. “It’s so good to see you. Is Mom working late? I figured you’d be together.”
She finally let go of my arms. I motioned for her to sit back down and took the spot on the steps next to her. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Is Mom okay? Oh my God did something happen to her?”
There was no easy way to start this. “Sweetie, your mom is okay. She’s not speaking to me at the moment, but she’s fine.”
“Why? Did you two have a fight? I thought when the teenager moves out of the house the parents party it up. Were you sticking together for my benefit, because I know for a fact Mom loves you very much.”
I appreciated her thoughts, but she could never be prepared for what I was about to say. “Your mother isn’t talking to me because of something I did. I hurt her, and to be honest, I’m not sure she’s going to forgive me.”
I was already beginning to get choked up. I covered my face to keep the people passing by from noticing. My daughter put her hand on my shoulder. “Dad what did you do? Are you having financial problems? Is your job in danger?”
“No. I wish it were that simple.” I took a few breaths and let it out. “I had an affair.”
“What?” I could tell she was shocked. “When? Why? I thought you were happy.”
“I am, I was. I got caught up in the excitement of it. I never planned it, and I certainly didn’t mean for it to continue.”
“So Mom knows?” She asked.
“Yes.” I began to cry. “She caught me.”
Steph tucked her arm inside mine and held it there. She leaned her head on my side. “Please don’t cry, Daddy.”
“I can’t help it. I’ve ruined everything. Your mom didn’t deserve this, and neither do you. I just thought it was best you found out from me.”
I finally calmed down and stopped being such a baby. I deserved this fate. Rachel would want the bystanders to call me a pussy and take away my dignity. I’d certainly done enough damage to her to warrant it.
“Do you love the woman?”
She still didn’t know who I’d been with. “No! Absolutely not. There were never feelings for me. It was just sex.”
“How did Mom find out?”
“She caught me.” I turned and looked out at an open field. The sun was beginning to set, and plenty of young adults were sitting around, reading and enjoying each other’s company. “She came home and I was there.”
Steph placed her hands up to her mouth. I could tell she was in shock. “I’m sorry, Steph. I knew better, but I went through with it anyway.”
“Jesus, Dad.” She didn’t call me Daddy, which meant her opinion was changing. “How could you? No wonder she’s pissed. Did she know the woman?”
“I’m afraid so.”
She seemed intrigued, and I knew what she was going to ask next. “Do I?”
I took her hand and looked right at her, as if it would help the blow. “Honey, it’s Kyla.”
Steph jerked her hand away. She stood up and stared at me, like she could see right through me. “No. There’s no way. Not my Kyla. She wouldn’t. You wouldn’t. That’s sick!”
“Please hear me out.”
She pointed to the parking lot. “You need to leave.”
“I can’t go. We have to talk about this. She came onto me. She said things to me, and threw herself at me. I’d never make a move on my own. I never even considered it.”
“Please stop. I can’t hear this. I feel like I’m going to be sick.” She held her abdomen. “This can’t be happening. I just talked to her. She wants to get together this weekend. She asked if she could stay the night. This is a bad joke, right? Tell me it is. It has to be.”
“I’m afraid it’s not a joke. The last time you were home Kyla stayed the night. You had to leave for a class the next morning. After your mother left for work she came down and sat on the couch with me. She started making comments about the way I looked. I ignored her, but then she began taking off her clothes. I don’t know why I went through with it, but I did, and then it continued.”
“This is disgusting. She’s my age, Dad. How could you? She’s like daughter to you.”
“She was. I’d always thought of her that way, but things changed. Your mom and I haven’t been on the same page and I appreciated the attention. It was selfish, and I hate myself, but that’s the truth.”
“I can’t look at you. I’m so angry right now I could kill someone.”
“Please don’t. We need to handle this as a family.”
“A family? Dad, do you hear yourself? We’re not a family. Mom won’t get over this. I wouldn’t if I were her. Maybe it would be forgivable if it were with a stranger, but you screwed my best friend. An accident is once, but you’ve mentioned it went on for a while. That means both of you were sneaking behind our backs. Because of your actions our family might break apart, and I’m losing my best friend, because obviously she’s lied and used me to get to you. How could I have not seen it? She’s been mentioning you, asking me questions.”
“Honey, I’m not going to give up on your mother. I can fix this. I promise I won’t stop trying.”
“I still want you to leave. I’m going to need to make a call and break up with my best friend. It’s going to be ugly, and honestly, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to handle it. She’s my oldest friend. I trusted her with my life.”
“I hate to ask you this, but I need your help. I’ll leave you alone. I promise I’ll give you time.”
“What do you want? I think you’ve taken enough from me, from mom.” Stephanie wasn’t letting up. She was pissed and hurt. I couldn’t blame her. I never would. These were my sins.
“Kyla’s causing problems. She won’t stop calling me. I can’t make good with your mother if she’s still trying to contact me. I’ve asked her to stay away, but she refuses. She says
she’s in love with me.”
She covered her face and shook her head. “Spare me the details. It’s making me ill.”
“We need to sever ties with the girl. She’s starting to act crazy.”
“You do realize you’re asking me to give up my best friend? Do you have any idea how I feel about you right now?”
“I do.” I glanced away. It hurt too much to see the disappointment in her eyes. I was no longer the father she looked up to. I was someone who’d made a mistake that could cost us our family. “Please help me make this right. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate.”
“I need to be away from you so I can think. I need to call Mom. It’s going to take me a long time to be able to consider forgiving you. I can’t imagine how Mom is feeling.”
I reached over to kiss her, but she backed away. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to be my dad right now. You need to get out of here and make things right. If you’ve broken up our family I’ll never forgive you.”
I nodded and turned to walk away. I was well aware it would go down the way it had, but nothing could have prepared me for the tornado of emotions I’d experience. My actions had cost me everything. I’d have to start from the bottom. I didn’t care how hard it would be. I’d get my wife back, and I’d prove to her I could be the man she depended on to love her forever. I had to. I didn’t think I could live without my girls, I wouldn’t want to.
Chapter 8
Rachel
I should have known he’d have good taste in food. He drove us into Baltimore, stopping only for the valet to be able to park his vehicle. He came around to my side and helped me out of the car, making me feel like it was more of a date than business meeting. Chad winked when he caught me giving him a inquisitive look. “Don’t worry. I’m just trying to be a gentlemen. I won’t bite.”
Bereft Page 5
