by Dyan Chick
The phone was ringing as we unlocked the door. Ryder ran to pick it up. I threw my keys on the floor next to the door. I'd added the little table I used to put them on to my storage locker.
Ryder hung up. "That was Matt. The guys are going to stay out tonight and watch the sunrise on the lake."
I wanted to tell him how bad that idea was when he was starting on the road next day, but knowing my freedom had a ticking clock made feel a bit more reckless. Besides, he was only planning about a five-hour drive for the first day. "Guess you'll leave tomorrow afternoon instead of morning?"
"Probably. See you in the morning." He grabbed his jacket and ran out the door.
I stood alone in the quiet, empty apartment. The ancient couch sat alone in the living room. Ryder was taking the TV with him. I pulled a book out of my single duffel bag and stretched out on the couch. Choosing which books to bring with me for an entire year had been one of the hardest parts of packing so light. I only got a few chapters in before I fell asleep.
The next day was a blur of frantic packing and worried goodbyes. I did my best to stay strong for Ryder. I didn't even cry when he pulled away from the apartment in my car.
My feet felt like they had weights on them as I walked up the steps to my apartment. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I crumbled to the ground in a mess of sobs. I cried more than I had ever cried in my whole life. I'd been through a lot. I was a survivor. But how was I going to get through the next year traveling with a group of circus performers who put on warehouse parties? I still hadn't figured out who paid for the parties or what the purpose was. I wiped the tears off of my cheeks and worked to slow my breathing. I supposed I'd learn more than I ever needed to know about the Rose Circus.
The sun was dipping behind the taller buildings that surrounded my building. It was the time of day when I had to start turning on lights. I looked at the bare walls and empty rooms. There wasn't anything left for me here. After one last walk-through, I set the key on the kitchen counter, grabbed my bag and left the place that had been my home for the past three years.
I wasn't even sure how I managed to find my way to the warehouse that night. It was as if I was watching myself go through the motions. Like somebody else was controlling my steps. In a daze, I found myself standing in front of the entrance to the warehouse. The sun was still up and there was no security guard at the door yet. I dropped my bag in front of the closed door and looked around. Maybe I shouldn't have come so early.
Just as I was considering leaving to find a coffee shop to sit in for a few hours, the door swung open. Nobody was there when I walked through the threshold. Industrial lights buzzed above me and the walls were free of flowers. The cement floor shined and smelled like cleaning products. It looked like an ordinary, everyday warehouse. Even the stage was gone. Was I in the right place?
I walked to the center of the space. It felt even bigger when it was empty. Glancing around, I looked for some sign that the Rose Circus had been here. "Hello?"
Had they left without me? My stomach knotted, worried that I'd misunderstood the directions. Were they going after Ryder right now?
Footsteps behind me caused me to spin around. My shoulders dropped in relief as I saw the Ringmaster walking toward me. He was already in costume with full makeup. "I wasn't sure you'd come."
"I gave you my word," I said.
He stopped walking and stared at me a few moments. I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He reached for my bag.
"I can carry it," I said.
"Please, allow me." He took it from my hands, then looked at me. "What did you pack? A bunch of bricks?"
I shrugged. "Mostly clothes. A few books."
"You like to read?" he asked.
"I love to read."
"Huh." He turned away and started walking.
I followed him to the hallway we had gone through the first night. He paused in front of a door, hand on the doorknob. Glancing over his shoulder, he locked his electric green eyes on me, looking me up and down. "We have to do something about those clothes. You'll never fit into the circus like that."
A lump rose in my throat. I had no idea what to expect. I'd entered into a verbal contract with this man to work for his circus for a whole year. I had been so worried about getting Ryder to safety, that I hadn't stopped to consider what my job might be.
The Ringmaster opened the door, sweeping his arm to the side for me to enter. I crossed the threshold to find a massive dressing room. Mirrors lined one wall. Dressing tables covered in makeup and feathers and things that sparkled were lined up in the center. In the back, I saw racks of clothing in every color of the rainbow, complete with wings and other props.
People ran around in the room, laughing and talking in various stages of undress. I wondered how many of them were coerced into service. I lowered my eyes when a woman in nothing but pantyhose walked in front of me. I'd never had the confidence to change in the locker room at the gym, let alone in a dressing room where both men and women were present.
Behind me the door slammed and the whole room froze. Everybody turned to stare at me. Heat rose from my chest, into my face and I knew my cheeks had turned crimson. It wasn't a good look for me.
If I was going to spend a year with these people, I might as well get to know them. Doing my best to force my hand to stay steady, I waved at the room. "Hi."
A short man with blue hair and legs that looked more like a horse than a man, complete with hoofs, spit the cigarette from his mouth. "What is she doing here?"
I felt a large hand on my shoulder and my whole body tensed. The Ringmaster was inches from me, his hand on me as if I were his personal property. I shivered. In part, I was, though I still wasn't sure what that entailed.
"This is Ara. She'll be with us for the next year, working off her brother's debt. I assume you will all make her feel welcome." The Ringmaster's voice was flat and cold.
The eyes staring back at me didn't look like they had any intention of making me feel welcome. Horse-legged man lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in my face. I coughed and waved it away. He held out the box of smokes. "Want one?"
"No, thank you," I said.
The crowd in front of us shifted as somebody pushed their way through from the back. When the newcomer made their way to the front, I found myself staring at a woman who appeared to be nude, a leopard-print pattern was painted on her but left little to the imagination. She had brown cat ears on her head and her eyes were yellow with a vertical slit for a pupil.
I stared at those eyes, mouth dropping open. I'd never seen contacts that well made before. I searched for the outline of the plastic on her iris and couldn't find it.
"She shouldn't be here, Brenon." The cat-woman lifted her chin toward me. I lowered my gaze away from her eyes and noticed a tail swishing behind her. It seemed to move on its own. I let out a little gasp and turned my eyes away, hoping she hadn't noticed.
The Ringmaster, who I now knew was named Brenon, stepped in front of me, pushing me slightly behind him. "She is here because I demand it. You have no say in what happens here, Evangeline."
Evangeline hissed at him. Honest-to-god hissed. At the same time, her ears flattened against her head. My heart raced. That wasn't right. None of this was right.
I looked around the room again while Brenon and Evangeline faced off against each other.
The horse-legged man's legs ended in hoofs. There was no sign of feet. To my left, a woman in what I thought was a tight-fitting green body-suit appeared covered in scales. Along her neck were slits that looked like gills.
The man with the horns who had offered to pay my brother's debt still wore the same horns. In the same place. The hair on his head seemed to form around them perfectly, as if they grew right from his skull.
The whole room began to spin. It was like walking into a bizarre dream. Or maybe even a nightmare. I stepped backward, away from Brenon, and all the other strange creatures staring back at me. My breathing quickened and I blinked several tim
es, trying to help the world come back into sharper focus.
"Looks like your new pet just realized she's not in Kansas anymore," Evangeline said.
Brenon shoved me toward the laughing Evangeline. "And she's your problem. Get her ready for tonight."
I stumbled forward and snapped my head around to see Brenon closing the door behind him. My heart raced faster and I felt like everything was moving in slow motion. Turning, I found myself face to face with the yellow cat-eyes.
Her eyes narrowed. "My friends call me Eva. You can call me Mistress. Understood, heart-beater?"
My mouth was dry and I tried to swallow as I stared at her. Her words hardly made sense. I didn't know what a heart-beater was or why she'd want me to call her Mistress. But she had an edge to her that made me believe she'd hurt me. And Brenon had never said anything about my safety.
"Do you speak?" Evangeline poked me in the shoulder with one finger.
I pulled away from her. "Yes, I speak."
"Pity," she said as she turned away from me. "I always liked the mute girls he brought around better." She held the attention of all the people in the room and laughter rung out around me.
"Do you remember the twins?" She glanced at me over her shoulder before looking back at all the others in the room. "If he wanted a pet, he should have found another nymph."
My face reddened again as the room erupted in laughter. It was as if there was an inside joke I wasn't privy to. How was I going to spend a year with these people if they were intent on making fun of me for a whole year?
Clenching my fists, I realized I had to get over my embarrassment and stand up for myself. "I'm not his pet."
The room fell into silence. Evangeline walked up to me and grasped me by the ear, tugging me a few steps forward. "He wouldn't have brought a heart-beater like you here for anything other than his pleasure. Don't be daft."
I batted her hand away from my ear. "I'm here to work off my brother's debt. That is all. Now either you help me get ready for whatever job I have to do, or I'll find Brenon and ask him. Something tells me he won't like that."
Evangeline smirked. "There's some fire in there. I suppose I could hate you a little less."
"I don't care if you like me," I said. "I don't even want to be here. As soon as I pay off the debt, I'm out of here."
Horse-legged guy threw his cigarette on the ground near me and stepped on it. "You really planning to leave when that debt is done?"
"Of course." How did I explain this to them without offending them all? "This isn't really my scene. I'm supposed to be teaching math in the fall."
Murmurs rose from the people around me. Evangeline pursed her lips. "Then let's get that debt paid off so you can go back home."
8
I looked down at the ridiculous costume Evangeline had chosen for me. "Seriously? A bumblebee?"
She shrugged. "It's the Rose Circus. The walls are covered in flowers. Makes sense to me."
She slid a headband complete with sparkly gold antennae on my head. I felt like a six-year old on Halloween. Though, I suppose six-year olds didn't wear skin-tight striped dresses.
"Over there." Evangeline pointed to an empty dressing table. "I'll do your makeup."
I'd avoided talking to her while she forced me into costume after costume before settling on the bee. Part of me didn't want to get into it with her, part of me didn't want to find out what she'd do when I refused to call her Mistress. But the curiosity had reached its boiling point.
I sat down on a cushioned stool in front of a mirror. "What is all this, anyway?"
She picked up a tube of foundation and compared the color to my complexion. "The makeup?"
"No. The Rose Circus. I've never seen anything like it. You all go out there and perform every night? How do you make money? Who pays for this? What do you do during the day? Why did you join?"
"Woah, there," she said. "One question at a time." She smeared foundation across my cheeks, pausing to hold her hand out in front of me in a gesture that told me to stop. "But that doesn't mean I'll answer them."
My shoulders dropped. Where do I begin? "Okay, what is this? It's not like anything I've ever seen."
She snapped the lid closed on the tube and picked up a powder brush. "All of us have known each other a long time. And we're all - different. We found that we fit in with circus folk, so it made sense."
"How long?"
"Longer than you can imagine. This circus, we're a family. We take care of each other because we've been through a lot together," Evangeline said.
If they were a family, I was an intruder. How hard would it be to earn their trust? "How often do new people join? Are there a lot of people like me?"
Evangeline lifted an eyebrow. "Like you? Never. You are the first."
The words stunned me, sending my thoughts swirling in my mind. If they never let anyone in, why me? Was my brother the first one stupid enough to owe a debt to the Ringmaster and his friends?
Evangeline took advantage of my silence and started brushing makeup on my face again. She paused and looked at me with an expression that was almost sympathetic. "Look, it's not so bad. Maybe you'll even grow to learn to like circus life."
"It's not like an ordinary circus," I said.
"No," Evangeline agreed. "Circuses have changed over the last century. Most of them closed down as the tastes of humans changed. We had to be different to survive. For most of us, performing is in our blood, it's who we are. So we evolved. Modernized. Found a way to stay relevant in this ever-changing world.”
Goosebumps rose on my arms. Her words made sense, but there was something unusual about the way she talked. There was so much I didn't know. "What about the Rose part?"
She shrugged. "Brenon has a thing for roses. Orange ones. You've seen them on the walls."
"Is Brenon your boss?" I asked.
"That's enough, Eva." Brenon's reflection appeared in the mirror. "I'm sure she can finish her own makeup."
Evangeline nodded and set down the powder brush before walking away.
I stared at the reflection, wondering how I should react to the tension between Evangeline and the Ringmaster. I hoped I hadn't gotten Evangeline in trouble.
Brenon pulled a stool up next to me, so I turned to look at him. The thick white paint on his face looked freshly applied. He wore bright red lipstick tonight, and thick black eyeliner outlined his electric green eyes. He probably knew more about makeup than I did.
He lifted an eyebrow. "A bumblebee?"
I covered my face with my hands, feeling self-conscious. Dropping them on my lap, I kept my eyes down, avoiding looking into his green ones. "Evangeline picked it out."
He laughed. "Of course she did."
Up close, in the well-lit room, the Ringmaster didn't seem as intimidating as he had before. Or maybe I was getting more used to seeing him. Either way, I didn't want him to think he held any power over me. "Why won't you tell me anything?"
"It's not time yet," he said.
"I signed your blank contract. I came of my own free will. I think I deserve to know what I've gotten myself into." I stared at him, trying to prevent myself from blinking.
He smiled. "We have a whole year together. What would be the fun of telling you everything when I can let you figure things out for yourself?"
I shook my head. "That's not how I work. I need to know what's going on, what to expect. I don't like surprises."
"You know, you make a beautiful bumblebee." Out of nowhere, he produced an orange rose. It was a perfect blossom, at that moment in bloom where it wasn't so full it was losing petals, but open enough that you could see them all. Leaning closer to me, he tucked it behind my ear, securing the stem with the headband. My heart raced as he got closer to me. I couldn't tell if it was from fear or something else.
His lips hovered next to my ear and he whispered, "Bees need flowers, or is it the other way around?"
Flutters moved through my stomach up to my chest. I was too stunned to s
peak. Slowly, he leaned away from me, then stood. Without another word, he walked away. I stared at my reflection, at the perfect flower tucked in my hair for several minutes. The chaos and movement of the dressing room around me didn't even phase me. It was as if I were alone.
There was something very different about the Ringmaster. I wasn't sure if I wanted to get to know him better or avoid him entirely. The logical side of my brain, the part that got me through school, the part that chose to break the bad habits, told me to run from him. The other part, the part that missed the thrill of the heart-pumping beats, the adrenaline rush of the crowd, and the ability to quiet my mind through chemicals, that part wanted me to get as close to him as I could.
The sound of a champagne cork popping broke me from my trance. "Give some to the heart-beater."
I turned at the sound of the strange nickname Evangeline had given me. I jumped at the sight of a man covered head-to-toe in fur. He looked like Bigfoot but smaller. He was probably only a few inches taller than me.
"Here." Bigfoot stretched out a fur-covered hand with a green bottle in it. "Have a drink."
I opened my mouth, intending to say no, but something inside me, something I hadn't felt in years grabbed hold. I was stuck here. With a Bigfoot and a man with horse's legs. A cat-woman dressed me up like a bumblebee. Life as I knew it was over. Grabbing the bottle, I took a big swig. The bubbles burned on their way down. I had a feeling this wasn't the same kind of champagne we'd had at my graduation party.
Pulling the bottle from my mouth, I coughed as the fizzing settled. My eyes started to water.
Bigfoot grinned at me. "Have another swig. First night out there. You might want the extra liquid courage."
I lifted the bottle. "Cheers." Then took another long swig. More coughing. More bubbles. This time, my nose burned. I handed it back to him. I'd been here a few hours and already found myself slipping into old habits. I should have been appalled with myself, but I felt liberated. My whole life had come crashing down when I agreed to be the prisoner of a traveling party-circus. I'd worked so hard the last four years to graduate quickly, get a real job, and become a respected member of society. In an instant, all of that had been thrown out. At least for a year. What was wrong with wanting to have a little fun with it?
