Heart Ache (Bound by a Touch Novels #1)

by Morgan Kearns

  He’d heard people say every bride was beautiful, but no other female could compare to his Gabrielle. Her cream dress hugged tightly around her breasts, then flared out in a shower of chiffon and lace that settled at her feet. A single tear slid down her cheek and he rubbed at his beating heart.

  “Gabrielle.”

  He wanted to rush to her, take her in his arms, kiss her, love her, but his feet seemed to have fastened themselves to the floor. Her eyes met his and his heart broke.

  “Come to me,” he whispered the phrase he’d spoken many times to her, not expecting her to obey him this time either.

  He was still musing in his thoughts when she launched herself into his arms and sobbed, “Oh, Nikolai.”

  With tender strokes he rubbed her back, her neck, easing her further into his embrace.

  “Shh, love, it’s okay. I’m here.”

  He kissed the top of her head, burying his nose in the curls and flowers piled there. He remembered that Flo had said baby’s breath meant innocence, and Gabby had never looked more innocent.

  “What’s wrong, sweet?”

  She stepped out of his arms and wiped violently at her damp cheeks and red nose. Her vivid blue eyes reminded him of a tempest ocean. “Wh- what are you doing here?”

  “You invited me. I came.”

  “No Niko, why are you here?” She waved her hand around the room. “Why are you standing in here, with me?”

  The lump jumped back into his throat. “I, um, I—”

  “Niko.” She stepped toward him and took his hand. The expression on her face was … hopeful? “Why are you here?”

  Taking her hand to his lips, he pressed a kiss to the knuckles. “I came to wish you all the happiness in the world.” At least the words were honest enough.

  Her eyes once again filled with tears and she jerked her hand out of his as another sob broke free.

  “Oh, bebelus—”

  She jerked away from him, studying his face. “Why do you call me that?”

  “It is Romanian for baby. You seem so fragile.” He led her to the couch across the room. The steady thump of his heart beat in perfect unison with hers, the only sound for long moments. She watched him closely, as if trying to see right into his soul.

  “Tell me; what’s got you so distraught?”

  “I can’t … I don’t think—” She collapsed onto the couch.

  His breath caught in his throat. “What can’t you…?”

  She rubbed at her cheeks again with the back of her hand, sniffed, and straightened her spine.

  “My dad,” she said softly and her eyes flashed with an emotion he couldn’t place before she concealed it, “he um, isn’t going to make the ceremony.”

  “Oh?”

  “I have no one to walk me down the aisle.”

  “Oh.” Oh, Goddess, no.

  “Would you … give me away?” Her eyes bored into his, pleading with him.

  His stomach clenched as if he’d just received a sucker punch with a two-by-four. He felt sick. No, worse than sick, devastated. All the hopes he’d cultivated in the last few seconds were dashed just and Nikolai felt … Oh Goddess!

  Vampires didn’t usually throw up, but he debated that as an option to rid himself of the nausea in the pit of his stomach.

  He studied her innocent expression carefully.

  Her tiny hand squeezed his large one gently. “Nikolai, are you okay?”

  He forced himself to keep eye contact. There was a look in her eyes, one he’d never seen before. A challenge? Was that it? Or was she simply blind to his efforts? Or worse, did she just not give a damn, and was actually trying to break his heart to get her message across?

  “Yes, I’m fine,” he lied.

  He scrutinized her expression, looking for some tell as to what she was really asking him. Did she see him as a father figure? Or a potential lover who would keep her from nuptials she didn’t really want?

  “Will you,” she pressed, “walk me down the aisle?” Her eyes shimmered like ocean waves kissed by the sun.

  “If that’s what you want bebelus, I could deny you nothing.”

  A frustrated breath blew through her teeth. “What if it’s not—”

  “Not what?” He cut her off, eager to finish this conversation and leave the church together. Or better yet, take her up the aisle and marry her himself.

  “What if it’s you…?”

  A knock at the door interrupted her words this time. Marie opened the door, and smiled at the couple sitting so intimately close on the couch.

  “Are you ready? It’s ti—” Marie smiled at Niko then backed out of the door.

  “Am I ready to do this?” Gabby’s eyes searched Nikolai’s again.

  He felt as though she was stripping him bare, one layer at a time. He swallowed hard, trying to put the pieces of his heart back into the empty cavern where it would forever go dormant.

  “Nikolai, please.” There was an edge to her plea, one that insinuated she was asking for more than an escort. He took her hands in his and pressed them to his lips. Her eyes filled with tears. “Nikolai?”

  His heart pounded so hard in his chest he feared it might just break the ribs that were meant to protect it. He dropped to the floor and knelt at her feet. “My sweet Gabrielle.”

  “Please.” That one simple word, spoken with such pure anguish assured he would deny her nothing.

  “What do you want from me?”

  She cradled his face in the palm of her hand. He leaned into her touch. He waited for her answer. She stroked his cheek with her thumb, but didn’t respond.

  “Gabby, do you love … him?” Or me?

  “I love Jayson,” she said in a rehearsed, robotic way.

  But not as much as you, Nikolai, he added in his head, I have never loved a male as much as I love you.

  But there were no ‘buts’.

  She stood and turned to face him. Her eyes locked on his. He disappeared into the deepest blue he’d ever seen, getting lost. His hand absently rubbed at his chest again, at the breaking heart just below the surface.

  He got to his feet and stood before her. “Are you … sure … this is what you want, Gabrielle?” He let his accent seep heavily into every word.

  She took a step closer to him, their bodies only a breath apart, and looked up into his eyes. The deep cobalt was intense, filled with a thousand emotions he couldn’t name, they flashed so quickly.

  “Give me one reason I shouldn’t marry Jayson.”

  I love you! I need you. You are my life, my soul, my very heart!

  She pushed up one her tiptoes, her breasts brushing lightly against his chest then grazing upward as she continued the motion. Her lips pressed to his chin, then drifted to the corner of his mouth.

  He couldn’t stop the groan that escaped his throat. His mind came back on track, sent the orders to his hands to capture her and pull her to his body. His lips bruised hers with kisses long awaited. Gabrielle’s heartbeat echoed in his ears. Her scent increased, intensified, exposing her desire. She wanted this. She wanted him.

  His tongue moved across her lips and she opened to him. He swallowed her gasp as he deepened the kiss. She met his aggression, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down. His arms tightened around her and lifted until she nearly melted against him. One step toward the couch and another and—

  A knock interrupted their kiss, and she went stiff when a male voice asked, “Gabs, baby, is everything okay?”

  She ripped herself out of Nikolai’s embrace and began to smooth the front of her dress with shaking hands. She flew over to the mirror to examine her smudged lipstick. “Yeah, Jay, I’m fine.”

  “Like hell you are,” Nikolai hissed.

  “Okay, well, we’re all um … waiting on you.” Jayson’s attempt at calm was eclipsed by his anxiety.

  “I’ll be right there,” she called.

  Nikolai’s mouth dropped open and he gawked at her. “You’ll be right there?” he mocked her s
tatement. “After what just happened, you’ll be right there?”

  Her fingers slowly, intoxicatingly swept over her full lips, which were even fuller and a deeper red than usual due to his aggressive kisses.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, Nikolai,” she muttered, unable to meet his eyes.

  His entire body shook with fury. Rage filled breaths rushed in and out of his lungs. If he didn’t gain control of himself he would become the male he hated most and throw her over his shoulder, kidnapping her from the groom.

  If only she’d listen her heart. He’d kissed her. She’d kissed him back and yet she was still ready to walk out the door, down the aisle, and marry her mortal.

  “Damn you, Gabrielle.”

  “Damn me? You’re one to talk, Nikolai!” she shouted back. “It’s my wedding day for hell’s sake. What did you think would happen?”

  Her eyes collided with the angriest man she’d ever seen. His black eyes flashed like an electrical storm at midnight. The muscle in his jaw jumped with the audible grinding of his teeth. His hands formed fists at his sides.

  “It’s not like I can leave Jayson at the alter.”

  He closed his eyes and the muscle in his jaw jumped again.

  “I think you should leave.” She sighed.

  “I think you should be honest with me.” His voice was so low it vibrated in her ribcage.

  “I want you to leave.”

  “Liar.”

  “What did you just say?” She stomped over until they were toe to toe.

  “You. Are. A. Liar,” came his slow, even accusation.

  “And you are a coward!”

  His eyes widened and went nearly all white. He turned from her and stalked away from her. She thought he might leave her and her heart skittered. At the doorway he stopped, leaned his head against the wood and gripped the jamb. His knuckles whitened. His suit expanded with his breath. She heard his exhale.

  “Is this what you want … to marry him when—” His face hovered over hers in the next breath. She could see every silver fleck in his black eyes. “—when you are in love with me?”

  At some point she would realize she should have agreed with him. She should have leapt into his arms and kissed him like the sun would never rise again. Yeah, but in this moment, she was pissed.

  “How dare you?!” With a huff she turned her back to him. The way he’d flung the words at her, like some kind of dirty laundry he was airing to the world, added fuel to her don’t-screw-with-me fire. “I have never given you any reason to think I feel anything for you except respect as my boss.”

  His hands dug into her shoulders and he spun her around to face him so fast she’d have fallen in the floor if not for his hold on her. His breath was warm against her cheek. His hands firm as they moved down to hold her by the arms.

  “I see the way you look at me. There is not a doubt in my mind that you care for me, that you love me as much as I—”

  “Gabby?” Marie knocked on the door.

  Dammit! Her heart hammered in her chest. The heat emanating from his hands was about to set her ablaze. She’d never been so scared in her life. His next words would determine her future. She was afraid of what he’d say, and terrified of what he wouldn’t.

  Neither of them acknowledged Marie. They just stood close enough to feel one another’s heartbeat. He leaned in, got nice and close, his breath hot against her ear, sending a shiver up her spine and goose bumps to break out over her entire body.

  “I will walk you down the aisle.”

  “What?” She stretched up on her tiptoes to bring herself nose to nose with the man she loved more than life itself.

  “You have to stop this yourself.”

  “I … You … Nikolai…?”

  “I won’t make this decision for you.” His hand rubbed at his chest again as though he had a deep ache he was trying to soothe. “You have to choose whom you want.”

  But please choose me, she waited for him to add, but he didn’t. Instead he took her hand and pressed it to the spot he’d been rubbing, where his heart hammered in his chest, and leaned down to kiss her nose.

  “Let’s go, love, you have a groom waiting.”

  Chapter Nine

  A death march. That’s what the soft, traditional “Here Comes the Bride” sounded like to Nikolai. Gabrielle’s fingers dug into his forearm. He hoped her grip on him signaled her aversion to making the trek down the aisle.

  As they entered the small chapel, Nikolai purposely didn’t look in the direction of Gustav and Vincent. He didn’t have to.

  “Holy … shit!” Vincent breathed.

  Holy shit was right!

  Nikolai had spent so many years afraid to become like his father, been so determined to give his heartmate the choice their mother didn’t get, he’d never truly given Gabby a choice. He saw that now. It was too late. He was actually going to give her to another man.

  Although he’d sworn he wouldn’t look at his brother. Their gazes clashed. Gustav’s mouth hung open, his eyes wide.

  Vincent regained control first, turning to Gustav. “He’s giving her away?”

  Gustav rubbed at his eyes. “What the hell?”

  The reactions of his nearest and dearest validated the idiocy of what he was doing. Throwing her over his shoulder, evaporating away, and locking her in his basement sounded like a really good idea.

  She squeezed his arm and looked up at him through her veil. He leaned down. “There he is, love. He’s waiting for you.”

  She nodded and sniffed. Tears flowed over her cheeks. He knew damned well they weren’t happy tears. Dammit! Gabrielle did have feelings for him. He knew it. And she knew he knew it.

  Why did she have to be so stubborn?

  Nikolai chanced a look at the groom. The muscles of Jayson’s jaw worked so hard his teeth were going to be nothing but stubs. His hands balled into fists and the best man actually had a hand on his arm. Nikolai wanted to be smug, wanted to flash a victorious smile. But he wasn’t the victor. He was the loser.

  And he was about to lose everything.

  It had been years since Nikolai had cried. Since the day his mother had died to be exact. Right now, with his heartmate asking to be given to another man, his eyes burned. He blinked to keep the tears at bay. His heart ached like it was trying to pump concrete.

  He had always been the kind of male who could keep his emotions in check. He didn’t get angry. He seldom laughed and he never cried. But he found his eyes watering.

  He was on the verge of sobbing like a newborn.

  They were halfway up the aisle when Nikolai couldn’t take another step. He paused. Gabrielle looked up at him.

  “Nikolai?”

  Small gasps and whispers floated up around them, creating a soft buzz. He barely registered the disturbance. His focus was on Gabby.

  He leaned down until his lips brushed her ear. “I can’t do this, Gabrielle. I’m sorry, but—” He paused and pulled back to look into her eyes. She silently pled with him. But he wasn’t sure what she was pleading for. To take her away? Let her go? Or just not embarrass her further?

  Taking her by the shoulders, he maintained eye contact. “I love you. I know I’m too late, but—” He swallowed hard then cleared his throat. “—Gabrielle, I love you.”

  Wetness gathered in the corners of his eyes and he knew he was out of time. He lifted her hand to his lips, pressed a kiss to the knuckles, then turned on his heel and struggled to keep his retreat to human speed.

  An agonized roar ripped through the air as he vaporized into his bedroom. It took a moment to register the sound had come from him. He wasn’t sure he would survive. He was sure he didn’t want to. As painful as giving himself up to the sun would be, he considered it the least agonizing.

  He shredded the curtains that were meant to shield him from the light while he slept. He grabbed onto one of the posts and yanked it from its position. The bed hit the floor with a thunderous bang and the post flew through the air
like a javelin, only to be stopped by the opposing wall.

  Crash after wall-shaking crash, he let his feelings out—with a vengeance. The gentle displacement of air and the scent of leather and rain signaled his brother’s arrival. Having a witness to his expulsion of emotion didn’t faze him one whit. He was way past the point of caring.

  Let the bastard give him shit.

  He deserved all the I-told-you-so’s the world had to offer. He had been stupid, irresponsible, idiotic, passive.

  He should have been more aggressive with Gabrielle from that very first day. There was no excuse not to send her flowers or take her to dinner—or to his bed. She was his, the Goddess had made it so. But he’d been foolish and she’d gradually slipped through his fingers.

  He growled as he tore the remaining sheets from his bed, shredding them into hamster bedding. “How could I have been so stupid?”

  He waited for the smart-ass response from Gustav, but instead his brother quietly asked, “Nikolai, what now?”

  His eyes narrowed to glare at Gustav, who took a step back under the intensity. “The only thing I can do,” he spat through gritted teeth.

  Gasps and whispers rose around her like waves of accusation, but Gabby stood frozen in the exact spot where he’d left her. Her whole body trembled as she stared at the doorway where Nikolai had disappeared. A thousand emotions raced into Gabrielle’s thoughts, weaving themselves into her very soul.

  Had he really finally admitted that he loved her? Yes!

  And what had she done? Nothing!

  The room and everyone in it became wavy as her eyes filled. Quick blinks did little to stop the flow of tears. She searched the crowd.

  Gustav stood next to Vincent at the opposing end of the aisle near the back. Vincent looked shell-shocked. His head moved back and forth on his broad shoulders in a slow motion. Gustav’s gaze slipped from the empty doorway to meet hers for only a quick moment; a sad, heartsick expression on his handsome face.

  Before she could approach Gustav—or even move—he and Vincent hustled out the door, following Niko.

  Her heart broke in that moment; for Nikolai, for herself, and for pushing things too far. Things would have been so very different is she’d have just been brave enough to tell him how much she loved him.