Kraken My Heart

by K. L. Hiers

“Why would I want to do that?” Grell looked mortified. “That’s evidence for your trial tomorrow!”

  Ted groaned miserably and accepted his sticky fate.

  “By the gods, you’re so gullible.”

  “Huh?”

  “Let’s get you freshened up. I’m not that much of a bastard. Come along.”

  Ted took a step forward to follow Grell and everything suddenly flickered. It was like watching an old DVD skip scenes. In a second, they were no longer on the balcony and were now standing in front of a steaming hot pool. There were some sort of bioluminescent eels swimming in the water, giving it an eerie glow.

  “The fuck was that?” Ted demanded. “How did we….”

  “A portal,” Grell explained. “Mortals have this magic, yes?”

  “Uh, I mean, I’ve heard of it. But isn’t there supposed to be a big swirly hole or something?”

  “Mine are a bit more tidy than my son’s. So good you’ve experienced both so you can really compare.”

  “Son?” Ted stared. “The cat, that skinny brat? He’s your son?”

  “My one and only,” Grell said in a mockingly sweet tone. His clothes were slowly disappearing as he headed to the edge of the pool.

  Ted was frozen, unsure whether he was supposed to be following. He couldn’t take his eyes off the king, gulping as he stared at his broad shoulders and the dark hair dusting his powerful chest, his thick stomach, and—

  Oh shit.

  Ted jerked his eyes away, and he was certain his face was about to catch on fire.

  “See something you like?” Grell teased, slipping down into the water with a smirk.

  Ted’s face continued to toast, and he refused to acknowledge the question. He eyed the eels. “Those things dangerous?”

  “No more than me.” Grell winked as he sipped at his drink.

  Ted grimaced.

  He didn’t want to strip in front of a total stranger, opting to keep his sweats on as he timidly stepped into the water. Once the warm water hit his toes, he groaned and plopped right in.

  It was fantastic.

  Ted found a ledge he could sit on, able to sink down and stay submerged up to his neck. He set his drink on the edge and leaned his head back on the lip of the pool. The eels swimming around paid him no mind, and Ted could feel all the tension easing from his body.

  The blood was fading away without any scrubbing, and Ted had never felt so clean or refreshed. There was probably magic in this water, he realized, but it felt really good.

  “So,” Grell chirped, “Ted of Aeon. How does a mortal come to reek of so much death, hmm? Are you a serial killer? Perhaps a vengeful vigilante? I am so enjoying the vision of you in spandex.”

  “I work at a funeral home.”

  “Ah, so you’re an embalmer? You prepare the dead as the Eldress do?”

  “No, I’m a removal technician.” Ted had no idea what the hell an Eldress was. “I pick people up when they die. Hospitals, nursing homes, maybe their house. I help dress ’em and casket ’em if they need it, but that’s it.”

  “Ah… not an embalmer, then.”

  “No,” Ted griped. “Look, I tried going to school for it. I was gonna be a director and all that shit, but I couldn’t handle the classes and still fuckin’ work full-time. Happy?”

  “Excessively so,” Grell said smugly.

  “Right.” Ted scoffed. “Of course you are. You’re king of your own little magical world, got a real asshole son who pushes people into fucking portals. Bet your queen is just a fuckin’ hoot.”

  Grell’s merry expression vanished.

  “What?” Ted had definitely just stepped in something.

  “How about we focus on your murder trial, hmm?” Grell refilled his glass, only to empty it in one swift chug. “You’re allowed to work on your defense for one full lunar cycle. That’s one day here—”

  “I have one day to prove I’m innocent, even though he was already very obviously dead when I got here?” Ted made a face.

  “Rules are rules,” Grell said with a shrug. “You’ll then present your case to the court, and then they’ll decide whether you’re innocent or not.”

  “What the fuck happens if the court finds me guilty?”

  “Death.”

  “What?” Ted suddenly forgot how to breathe, overcome with panic.

  Grell started laughing. “Oh, you should see the look on your face! Ha!” He clutched his chest. “You really believed me! Whew! Humans are so barbaric. We wouldn’t actually kill you.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ted hissed. He was equally relieved and furious that Grell was screwing with him.

  “A lot.”

  “So what would really happen, huh?”

  “Oh, pfft, eternity in the dungeon.”

  “That’s so much better,” Ted growled. “For fuck’s sake…. Fine. Since I have less than a fuckin’ day to figure this out, tell me who that guy was. Like, did he have any beef with anybody? Any enemies who woulda wanted to see him dead?”

  “His name was Sergan Mire,” Grell replied. “He was my first cousin, and he was a complete twat. You’ll find he had many enemies.”

  “And he’s… he was an Asra?”

  “Yes.”

  Ted thought back to the feline monster’s corpse, asking carefully, “So, that’s what you look like underneath that human suit?”

  “Sexy, innit?” Grell chuckled. “We Asra can change our shapes as we please, but creatures that favor our true form are much easier.”

  “Like cats?”

  “Ha! They say the first cats of Aeon were actually Asra who’d gone mad from shrinking themselves and forgot how to change back.”

  “Maybe that’s why they’re all such little assholes and see shit that isn’t there,” Ted mused. “They all used to be portal hopping jerkoffs like you, huh?”

  Grell laughed and raised his glass in a salute. “Guilty.”

  “Hey. Speaking of fuzzy jerks, why is your son hanging out and pretending to be my roommate’s cat?” Ted demanded, more than a bit worried about his friend. “Is he gonna try and shove him off here too?”

  “No,” Grell assured him. “My son is there to protect him.”

  “Protect him from what?” Ted sat up. “If something is going on with Jay—”

  “You are not equipped to deal with it,” Grell cut in smoothly. “Trust that my son, despite his obvious personality defects, will do everything in his power to protect your friend.”

  “That really doesn’t make me feel any better.”

  “You have a trial to worry about,” Grell reminded him.

  “So that’s it, then? I’m trapped here until I can prove I’m not a murderer?”

  “Look at that,” Grell gasped. “Such quick and sound deduction! You might just get out of this after all!”

  “You’re a fuckin’ dick,” Ted growled.

  Grell laughed. “Ah, but I’m the fuckin’ dick who’s going to help you.”

  “Yeah, you’ve been real great so far.”

  “What?” Grell blinked. “I’ve provided you with sustenance and counsel. What more do you want?”

  “Answers!”

  “To what?”

  “Fuck, you’re so annoying.” Ted swept his fingers through his hair.

  “You always talk like that to kings?”

  “You’re my first.” Ted reached back to retrieve his drink. “Okay, this Mire guy. He’s a kitty-cat monster like you, you say he’s got a lot of enemies—”

  “Are you mated, Ted of Aeon?”

  “Huh?” Ted didn’t think he’d heard him correctly.

  “Do you have a mate? A companion?”

  “No, not for a while.” Ted cleared his throat. “I’m trying to be serious now. Who found the body?”

  “I did,” Grell answered. “So, single, eh?”

  “Yes, but that’s not really any of your damn business. Did you hate Mire like everybody else?”

  “Of course I did. He was a r
ighteous little bastard.” Grell tilted his head curiously at Ted. “Why do you remain unmated?”

  “You’re not going to drop this, are you?”

  “No.”

  “You always interrogate the prisoners you’re supposed to be helping, huh?”

  “Only if they’re big, beautiful, bulky hunks of flesh such as yourself,” Grell purred.

  Ted couldn’t help it. He laughed. He wasn’t used to anyone flirting with him so aggressively. He usually had to do all the chasing and courting.

  He was expected to do everything, as a matter of fact, from making the first move to the heavy lifting in the bedroom. Being a guy of his size set up some pretty unfair assumptions, and Grell’s advances were weirdly refreshing.

  “You trying to tell me I’m your type?” Ted challenged, deciding to turn the questions back on him. “Let me see. You’re a king, right? You must get tired of ruling all the time. I bet you like a big, strong man to take care of you, let you be a lil’ pillow princess, and rock your little world?”

  Grell cackled, something wicked in his smile now as he crooned, “Oh, you precious little human. I rule in every aspect of my life, and if you were ever lucky enough to end up in my bed? It’s your precious world that would be rocked.” He winked. “Thoroughly and at least three times.”

  Ted’s cock flexed in his sweats.

  “Don’t you humans have a cute little saying about assuming?” Grell taunted. “I think you’re the one who wants to be a princess. You want someone to take charge and worship you, to chase all those pesky fears away.

  “You’re absolutely aching to love someone and have them love you just as you are, without compromise. Being alone… mmm, that’s your greatest fear, isn’t it? Even more terrifying than what might happen to you here, you fear that you’ll be alone forever.”

  “Maybe,” Ted grumbled, refusing to acknowledge Grell’s pinpoint accuracy.

  Grell smirked.

  Ted took another swig of his never-ending drink, saying briskly, “Look, it’s been a long night. I just got off work, and being accused of murder isn’t sittin’ real well with me. Can I just go to my cell or whatever?”

  “As you wish. Get some rest, and we’ll start fresh when you wake up. We’ll have some time yet to work on your defense. The trial won’t begin until the Faedra are shedding their wings and the moon flowers are blooming.”

  “Huh?”

  “Eh, like ten o’clock.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Grell grinned slyly. “Mm, do you need me to come tuck you in?”

  “I’m good,” Ted replied, mentally commanding his cock to stand down. This was not the time or the place to catch wood, especially not over some crazy cat king.

  “Your loss.” Grell pouted and snapped his fingers.

  The world moved, and Ted was suddenly sitting on a plush bed. He was completely dry, and his drink was still in his hand with not a drop spilled. He stood up quickly to survey his new surroundings.

  It was a simple bedroom with a bed, a nightstand, and one door. Ted opened it to find a small bathroom. He walked all around the glowing walls and realized there was no exit.

  Trapped.

  “Fucking great,” he muttered, leaving his drink on the nightstand and flopping into bed. The light around him dimmed on its own, as if sensing how tired he was. All he wanted to do was go to sleep, wake up, and find that this had all been a crazy dream.

  He was worried about Jay, what was going to happen when everyone realized he was missing, and if he would even survive this ridiculous trial….

  And maybe he was still thinking of bright golden eyes and a wicked smile that made his heart beat a little faster.

  He brought the budding fantasy to an immediate halt, and he scrubbed his face with his hands.

  This was definitely not how he’d expected his day off to go.

  Chapter 3.

  WHEN TED woke up, the glowing room remained dim. He was grateful for the darkness, finding that his head was pounding. He hadn’t slept well, although that was nothing new. He wasn’t wearing his sweats anymore, groggily aware that they’d been replaced by a set of silk pajamas. He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, not particularly thrilled to find himself still stuck here.

  So much for it all being a bad dream.

  There was a tug on his foot, and he jerked, half expecting to see Grell standing there with a smug grin.

  Nothing.

  There was no one there.

  As he sat up and looked around, the glow brightened, and he could see clearly. His new pajamas were bright pink with little hearts all over them, and he was definitely alone. There wasn’t really anywhere in here for someone to hide.

  Unless….

  Ted wiggled to the edge of the bed, reaching his hand down to feel below. “Little buddy?”

  Small fingers wrapped around his and tugged.

  “Hey!” Ted couldn’t believe it, and he gave the boy’s hand a gentle squeeze. “What the heck are you doing here? You follow me here, little dude?”

  The boy didn’t say anything, but he pulled Ted’s hand urgently.

  “I’m gonna try to get us both home soon, I promise,” Ted assured him. “Kinda got myself into a really weird mess, but I’m gonna get it figured out. We’ll be back driving down the crazy road in no time, okay?”

  The boy let go of him, and then there was movement by one of the walls. The boy’s arm was sticking right out from the stones and beckoning him over.

  “What are you doing?” Ted swung his legs over and got out of bed with a yawn. He rubbed the crust from his eyes. “Little buddy, I’m not a ghost. I can’t walk through a wall.”

  The boy poked his head through, just for a moment, insistently pointing at the floor.

  “What is it?” Ted frowned as he came closer. “What are you trying to show me?”

  The boy reached out and grabbed Ted’s hand, pulling him forward.

  Ted grunted, expecting to smack into a solid wall, but he was able to step right through and found himself standing in a long hallway.

  He turned around and touched the wall he’d just come through, dragging his hand down the shimmering stone. It looked and felt solid until his fingers disappeared. There was an opening, hidden right in plain sight.

  “Trippy.”

  Ted turned his head when he saw the boy running down the hall, hissing frantically, “Hey! Where are you going?”

  The boy peered around a corner, waved, and disappeared.

  Grumbling to himself, Ted chased after the boy. He had no idea how the boy had followed him here, and he was even more clueless as to what he was trying to do.

  As he turned the corner, he found himself in another long hallway. He didn’t see any doors, and he suspected that any openings were probably hidden like the one for the room he’d slept in.

  He saw a little hand waving at him through a wall a few yards away. When Ted touched the wall there, his fingers went right through as before. He took a deep breath and walked forward.

  Ted was now in a library, a vast space crammed with hundreds of tall shelves that were positively overflowing with scrolls and books. Every inch was packed to bursting, and Ted breathed in the soothing scent of old paper.

  There were two giant overstuffed chairs positioned in the center of the room. Behind them, there was one bit of wall that wasn’t occupied by books, and a portrait hung there instead.

  Ted recognized the creature in the painting as an Asra, and it had a large crown on its head. It had long beaded earrings and gold caps on its most prominent canines. The frame looked newer than the worn chairs and old shelves, and Ted could only assume it was a recent addition to the room.

  He looked around for the boy, wondering why he’d led him here.

  Before he could do any real exploring, he heard Grell’s amused voice from behind him, teasing, “My, my, aren’t you just full of surprises?”

  Ted shuffled around to face him, grinning wide as he said, “You’ve go
t no fuckin’ idea.”

  His smile vanished when he realized Grell was naked.

  “What the hell?”

  “What?”

  The king’s thick chest and stomach were covered in dark hair, all the way down to his—oh fuck, not again. Ted forced himself to look away, finding the ceiling particularly fascinating as his face heated up. “You’re, uh, not wearing anything.”

  “Oh, right. Silly me.” Grell snapped his fingers, dressing himself in another gaudy suit. It was red and black, and he had foregone a traditional jacket in favor of a knee-length crimson fur coat. “There, that’s better.”

  Ted tugged at the silken collar of his festive pajama top. “I’m guessing these are from you?”

  “Do you like them?” Grell preened. “The magenta really brings out the green in your eyes.”

  “What happened to my sweatpants?”

  “They’ve been incinerated.”

  “Hey!” Ted protested. “What the fuck, man? I liked those pants!”

  “It was a mercy killing, really. They were a cotton abomination. Now tell me.” Grell’s bright golden eyes narrowed as he looked Ted over. “How did you get out of your room?”

  “We gonna actually work on my case?” Ted countered, trying not to stare too obviously at Grell’s sharp teeth or just how well that red waistcoat fit his broad chest. “Or you just gonna harass me and flirt some more?”

  “I don’t see why we can’t do all three,” Grell replied smugly.

  “How about I ask a question and you give me a straight answer? And then you can ask me somethin’? One for one,” Ted offered. “Starting with, what the hell is for breakfast around here?”

  A snap of Grell’s fingers created a tray of food floating in the air between them. It was full of fluffy scrambled eggs, colorful sausages, and thick strips of what might have been some kind of bacon.

  It smelled delicious.

  “Thank you,” Ted said, gratefully picking up the fork and digging right into the food as the tray remained magically floating in front of him.

  “My turn,” Grell declared. “Tell me, how the hell did you get out of your room?”

  “Found the hole and walked through.”

  “And then you just walked in here?”

  “Ah-ah!” Ted warned, holding up his finger while he finished chewing. “That’s more than one question.”