Kraken My Heart

by K. L. Hiers

  It was slimy and slick, as if all of its skin had fallen off, and its mane was a staggered row of sharp horns. The longest one jutted right out of its forehead, and its twisted jaws were full of teeth like needles.

  “What the fuck is that?” Ted hissed disgustedly. “A fuckin’ zombie unicorn?”

  “It’s fine, he’s an Eldress,” Grell griped, shooing Ted away. “Wait for me downstairs.”

  “Huh? Wait for you where?”

  Ted groaned as the world moved again, now standing at a massive gate. Behind him was the castle, and through the gate he could see the forest made out of lightning trees. He was totally alone.

  “Great.” Ted crossed his arms. “Well, I guess this is an improvement. Not by much, but I’ll fuckin’ take it.”

  “Right, like you have it so bad,” an annoyed voice complained.

  “Huh?” Ted looked all around, but he didn’t see anyone there. That wasn’t so unusual. He had encountered ghosts who couldn’t take on a physical form before. “Hello?”

  “Can you….” The voice grew louder, asking excitedly, “Can you really hear me?”

  “Yeah,” Ted replied. “Hi, name’s Ted. I talk to dead people. I’m a little busy at the moment—”

  “You’re that mortal who came from Aeon!” the voice exclaimed. “The one they’re trying to pin that murder on!”

  “How the hell do you know about that?” Ted demanded.

  “I escaped from the bridge! I’ve been wandering around this castle for months, and I listen—”

  “Who are you?”

  “My name is Professor Emil Kunst,” the voice said. “You’ve got to listen to me. You cannot trust the king.”

  “And I should trust you?”

  “You’re caught up in something you can’t possibly begin to understand!” Kunst warned. “The Silenced souls! They’re all gone! They’ve all been missing for weeks, and the king sent his son off to find out why!”

  “Whoa!” Ted exclaimed. “He said he sent his son to protect my friend! My roommate!”

  “Is your roommate Silenced?”

  “Well, yeah.” Ted hesitated. “What does that—”

  “You idiot!” Kunst seethed. “Slaves! They take the Silenced souls as slaves! He’s not protecting him! He’s probably getting ready to—”

  “Wait, wait, can you back up for a fuckin’ second?” Ted snapped. “You need to slow down!” He groaned loudly, certain he was about to have a terrible headache. “For fuck’s sake. I can’t get one damn minute of peace.”

  “Is there a problem?” Grell’s smooth voice purred as he appeared right beside Ted with a sly grin.

  “Uh….” Ted gulped.

  “Why, my dear Theodore,” he purred, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Chapter 4.

  “DON’T SAY anything!” Kunst warned. “Not yet!”

  “What’s the matter?” Grell huffed, oblivious to Kunst’s presence. He peered up at Ted, and his piercing eyes were stabbing right through him. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

  “There’s… there’s a lot of ghosts running around this place,” Ted replied nervously.

  “Don’t suppose any of them would happen to be Mire?” Grell said wistfully. “And he can just tell us who murdered him?”

  “No.” Ted’s smile was strained. “Not him.”

  “I’ll come for you later,” Kunst hissed, whispering as if he was afraid Grell could hear him. “We’ll talk when we’re alone. Don’t forget! You are not safe with him.”

  That was reassuring.

  Grell watched Ted for a moment, and there was something suspicious in the scrunch of his face. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. Just a little shook up. You know, buncha angry monsters. Scary stuff.”

  “Right.” Grell didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t say anything else. He snapped his fingers and summoned the zombie unicorn before them. “Are we ready?”

  “Of course, Your Highness,” Ghulk said, trotting to the gate and pushing it open with his snout. “We should get going right away. Time is not the friend of justice.”

  “We have to walk there?” Ted scoffed. “Why can’t we just do your magical portal thingie through the forest?”

  “Aw, come now, Theodore!” Grell laughed. “Certainly a big, bulging specimen of manhood like you isn’t afraid of a little bit of exercise?”

  “No, I just don’t understand why we can’t poof through the damn freaky little woods!”

  “Because the freaky little woods disrupt portal energy,” Grell replied dryly. “If we try to poof through, as you so eloquently put it, half of you might end up back at the castle, and the other half might land up on the bridge.”

  “Ow.”

  “Precisely.”

  “We should be most cautious,” Ghulk cautioned. “Silas doesn’t like visitors as it is, but she especially detests those who call on her so early.”

  Glancing up to the night sky, Ted wondered how they kept time here. It seemed to always be dark, and he hesitantly fell into step beside Grell as they entered the forest.

  He didn’t hear Kunst again, and he assumed he was still lurking behind him at the castle. He wished he’d paid more attention to Sagittarian lore now. He knew there was something different about how Silenced souls crossed the bridge into that Zebulon place, but he couldn’t remember.

  As they walked deeper into the forest, Ted was mesmerized by the alien beauty. The trees flickered if they happened to brush by them, and the luminous forest floor darkened wherever their feet landed. It left a trail of black footprints in their wake, but each depression slowly lit back up until it was impossible to tell which way they had come from.

  It was easy enough to navigate, though. All Ted had to do was look up and he could see the massive castle towering into the sky behind them.

  “Did your new ghost friend say anything interesting?” Grell asked casually, his eyes brighter in the shimmering glow of the trees.

  “Just somethin’ about getting off the bridge,” Ted replied. “It’s always weird when I meet ghosts who actually know they’re dead.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah,” Ted said, ducking to avoid a low branch. “There’s so many of them that just don’t get it. They think it’s a joke or some kinda trick. I used to try and help them, but it never ended real well.”

  “Trust me.” Grell smirked. “They all figure it out eventually.”

  “You some kinda soul expert?”

  “Something like that. You see, Xenon calls to them and pulls them all here. A pesky few resist, stick around to haunt the living and what have you, and there are some rare bastards that make it here and then escape the bridge.

  “Little pricks run around the damn castle making a stink until they finally get with the program and poof off. Screaming, moaning, knocking things over, rearranging cupboards, the full poltergeist wheelhouse. There was one stubborn ass who wouldn’t stop singing this stupid song about some bastard and his wives. We can’t have a chat with our little ghostie friends like you can, so we had to exorcise his ass to get him back on course.”

  “So,” Ted began, trying to frame his question carefully, “is it possible for souls to leave Xenon?”

  “Oh no. Once they’re here, they’re stuck here.” Grell laughed to himself. “There’s no way they can ever leave this plane unless it’s on that big ol’ bridge taking their merry dead asses off to Zebulon.”

  “Even if someone took them?”

  “What a curious question.” Grell paused to eye Ted again with a scowl. “Something specific on your mind, Ted of Aeon?”

  “My friend,” Ted replied immediately. “There’s a ghost, a little boy, who followed me here. I wanna make sure he leaves with me when I go.”

  “Oh, he’ll be fine.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I told you. I know souls. That soul is bound to you.”

  “Bound to me?” Ted frowne
d. “What do you mean?”

  “The same way that souls can be bound to objects like ghouls, your ghost boy was bound to you,” Grell explained. “Usually, a soul can’t be attached to a living person. Any traumatic accidents or daring heroics that you can recall partaking in recently?”

  “No.” Ted didn’t understand what Grell was trying to imply. “I have no idea who that kid is. He just showed up one day.”

  “You really believe that, don’t you?” Grell looked intrigued.

  “Of course! It’s the fuckin’ truth!” Ted barked, his temper starting to boil. He was so far out of his element, and he hated feeling this frustrated. “If you know something, Mr. Soul Expert, why don’t you tell me?”

  “I can’t tell you what you don’t remember,” Grell countered.

  “You little fuckin’ prick!” Ted growled. “Look, that ghost at the castle? You really wanna know what he said? He told me not to fuckin’ trust you!”

  “Oh?” Grell’s eyes narrowed. “What else did he say, hmm?”

  “He also said I should tell you to suck my fuckin’ dick, you fuckin’ douche!”

  “Well, while I highly doubt that, I suppose I could be persuaded—”

  “Hey! I want some straight fucking answers.” Ted stepped forward and got right in the king’s face. “Right now!”

  “Mmm,” Grell hummed, not budging and smiling coyly up at Ted. “The way you’re comin’ along doesn’t feel like you want anything straight from me.”

  “Oh, don’t you get that shit going again!”

  “What shit?” Grell asked innocently.

  Ghulk glanced back over his shoulder, sighed deeply as if suffering greatly, and kept walking on without them.

  “You know what shit!” Ted towered over Grell. “That flirting bullshit! I’m trying to work on a fuckin’ murder case that I’m mixed up in because of your stupid laws, we’re running out of fuckin’ time, and you’re fucking with me!”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “For just five fucking seconds,” Ted groaned, “can you please just—”

  “Here,” Ghulk hissed, nodding his great head at a large hole in the forest floor. “Silas’s lair is here.”

  “To be continued,” Grell purred, tapping Ted’s chin with a wink.

  Ted watched Grell strut by him to join Ghulk, and he was so angry he couldn’t even speak. He straightened himself out, took a deep breath, and grumbled a long string of curse words.

  “Come along, Theodore,” Grell called back. “You wanted to work on your case, didn’t you?”

  “I’m fuckin’ coming,” Ted grunted, joining them at the edge of the hole.

  Looking down, he could see a steep path leading deep beneath the ground and a low light flickering from below. His foot moved a little too close to the edge and knocked some of the glowing soil loose.

  It crumbled down into the hole, and an inhuman scream roared up from the tunnel. It shook the ground under their feet, and the glow of the surrounding trees dimmed briefly.

  “The fuck is that?” Ted hissed, hating how quickly he jumped back to Grell’s side.

  Grell reached out to take Ted’s arm. “It’s all right. You’re safe.”

  Ted wanted to believe him and allowed himself to be pulled in a little closer.

  “Hello!” Ghulk called down. “Silas? It’s me, Vizier Ghulk!”

  The roar that replied made Ted’s teeth chatter.

  “Silas!” Ghulk implored. “Please! It’s Ghulk! I’m your friend! Can we please talk?”

  The ground trembled again from another low roar, but a snarling voice then shouted, “Enter!”

  “Quickly now,” Ghulk said, ducking down into the hole and vanishing out of sight.

  “Yup,” Ted said with a click of his tongue. “This is my life now. Following a zombie unicorn down a fuckin’ scary hole to go talk to some other weird monster. Great. This is just swell.”

  “At least it’s not raining,” Grell said cheerfully, giving Ted’s arm a friendly squeeze before sliding gracefully down behind Ghulk.

  “At least it’s not raining,” Ted mimicked loudly, gritting his teeth together and trying to lower himself into the hole. It was hard to move with such tight pants on, and he lost his footing. He fell face first, stumbled miserably down to the bottom, and tried to get to his feet.

  Grell’s strong hands grabbed him and helped him stand. “Are you all right?”

  “Fuckin’ peachy.”

  The hole was actually a small tunnel that led into a large cave. The light from the glowing soil above them cast pale shadows all over the walls. There was only a single candle flickering, and Ted had to squint to see anything.

  “You brought some foolish human here?” Silas snarled in disgust. “And the king?”

  “Silas, please,” Ghulk was begging. “They need to speak with you!”

  Silas reared back, and Ted recognized her as an Asra. Her fur was streaked with matted gray stripes, and the tentacles hanging around her ears were full of colorful beads.

  Even in the low light, Ted could see that the top bead on Silas’ left ear was a brilliant and luminous purple. It reminded him of mother of pearl, but it had its own light, shining in the darkness. It was beautiful and familiar, but Ted couldn’t immediately place where he had seen it before.

  “No!” Silas barked, her twisted spine arching up. “I have nothing to say to them! You tricked me, you—”

  “Please,” Ted shouted. “I need your help!”

  Silas hissed, her long tentacled tail flailing like a whip. The sides of the cave shook violently, sending dust down on their heads.

  Ted pushed his way in front of Grell and Ghulk, gritting his teeth as he begged, “Hey! Listen to me, please! Yes, I’m some dumb human, but I’m currently facing fuckin’ charges over this Mire guy!”

  “You didn’t kill Mire,” Silas spat. “I would have smelled your wretched filth on him. You’re innocent.”

  “Thanks for that,” Ted said with a nervous smile. “I, uh, I’m really desperate for some help, okay? Pretty please?”

  Silas sat down on her hind legs, regarding Ted with a toothy scowl. “What do you want, human?”

  “Why did Mire want to see the king?”

  “A very urgent matter.”

  “And exactly what would that matter be?”

  “An urgent one.”

  “Okay, not so helpful.” Ted rubbed his forehead.

  “It’s why he sent me to the king. There was no one else Mire could trust.”

  “So, Mire was killed so he wouldn’t tell the king about the very urgent thing?” Ted tried.

  “Yes!” Silas looked pleased.

  “Why couldn’t he just go to the king himself?”

  “Too many eyes,” Silas said with a snap of her teeth. “Too many watching.”

  “Do you know who killed Mire?” Ted demanded, hoping a direct question would yield better results.

  “I know it wasn’t you,” Silas replied, “but soon it won’t matter.”

  “Oh?”

  “Can’t have a murder trial without a corpse,” Silas purred mysteriously.

  “The hell are you on about?” Grell growled. “Eh? You gonna try to give some necromancy a go?”

  “I won’t need to,” Silas declared. “Someone is going to help me. They’re going to get what I need, and then none of this will matter.”

  “Get what for you?” Ted urged.

  “The item I need.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Ted groaned. He turned to Grell and grumbled sourly, “Look, this is a giant waste of fucking time. We should bounce.”

  “Maybe you’re just really terrible at interrogation,” Grell suggested.

  “You think you can do better?” Ted waved Grell on. “Be my guest!”

  “Silas,” Grell said, stepping forward to glare up at the giant beast. “This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with those little rumors about the Kindress, eh?”

 
; Silas bared her teeth and roared, “Get out! I am done talking! It will be mine, all mine, and Mire shall return! They all will!”

  Ghulk cowered against the wall of the cave, saying quickly, “Apologies, Silas! Please! We’ll take our leave now!”

  Grell didn’t look impressed by the outburst, but rolled his eyes as he conceded, “Fine. We’ll go.” He wagged a stern finger at her. “If I find out you’ve been keeping secrets about the Kindress, I promise that even the greatest magic won’t be enough to bring you back from where I send you.”

  Silas growled low, backing away farther into the cave. “I have nothing else to say to you!”

  “Fine.” Grell turned on his heel to climb back up the tunnel with Ted scooting right behind him. He offered his hand down to Ted once he’d made it out and effortlessly pulled him up beside him.

  There was a lingering moment when their eyes met, and Ted swore that Grell held on to his hand a bit longer than necessary. It was over all too quickly, and Ted bashfully cleared his throat.

  Ghulk bounded out from the hole like a startled gazelle, bowing his head low. “I’m sorry she wasn’t more cooperative, Your Highness. I suppose it could have gone worse.”

  “Could have been a hell of a lot better,” Ted griped. “I’m even more fucking confused now. Was she serious about messing around with necromancy?”

  “The art of true necromancy has been lost for ages.” Ghulk began to trot back toward the castle, his milky eyes scanning over Ted with a snort. “Silas has clearly gone mad. There is no way to raise the dead once their soul has passed on.”

  “Cool, cool, uh, yeah, so….” Ted followed after Ghulk as Grell fell into step beside him. “What the fuck is a Kindress? Mind explaining that bit?”

  “The Kindress is the true firstborn of Great Azaethoth.”

  “And that’s, like, the big god in charge?”

  “Great Azaethoth has always been, always was, and will always be,” Grell recited. “The Kindress was his first child, a being of pure starlight that died in his arms—”

  There was a loud crack in the trees a few yards away. The glowing branches grew dark, and a low snarling came from that direction.

  All the hairs on the back of Ted’s neck stood up. “The fuck?”