by K. T. Castle
“And I’m really sorry for ruining your rehearsal party.”
“Are you kidding?” she asked. “It’ll be the most commented-on wedding rehearsal in history.” She always saw a way to shine under a thunderstorm.
I still regretted the spectacle I’d made of myself, but I know she’d been just as genuine.
“Don’t worry, Kassie. It was mainly just us. All the other guests were back in their rooms or otherwise occupied. And I’m sorry, too. I was a bitch.”
I hadn’t expected that, either. “I deserved it,” I said with all the truthfulness I could muster.
“I’m sorry I told you about…about what we did with Josh.” She worried her hands as she said this.
“I’m sorry, too, though I guess I needed to know at some point.”
Laura held my hand as we sat together on the couch. “Yeah, you did.”
I could have heard it from someone else and not from her. I would have preferred for Josh to tell me about it and not my best friend. Laura seemed to have tired of my seriousness and musing, because she chose that moment for some comic relief. “You’re invited next time. We can all swing.”
Again we laughed.
“I just want you to know that ever since Josh hooked up with you, he refused to have anything to do with Eddie and me.” She got closer to me on the couch. “After my bachelorette party, I was trashed and horny, Josh was there, and yeah, I did offer. But he refused. He made it really clear that he was interested in you and you alone, and he wasn’t up to messing around with us anymore.” When she finished, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I hope you guys had a chance to talk about it last night,” Laura added.
I shook my head. “No, we kinda broke up instead,” I informed her.
She immediately made a comforting noise and cradled me in her arms. “Oh, Kassie. I’m so sorry.”
“Again, I deserve it.” I exhaled as I let the bride-to-be soothe me. “Besides me judging him, he told me he was tired of chasing after me.”
Chasing after me. I regretted that he felt he had to do that instead of being with me. As if I was some sort of unattainable prize. I was so far away from being a prize.
“So, yeah…” I continued. “Josh left, and I haven’t seen him again. I’ve been looking for him unsuccessfully all over the hotel.”
“I guess it’s your turn to chase him, now.”
As if on cue, I received a text that answered half my prayers:
Edward: Josh w/me. Completely shitfaced. No condition 2 talk. I’ll sober him up.
“You might be right,” I told her.
“I sure am.” Laura smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek. Then someone knocked on the door. “But first things first,” the bride finally said. “We need to doll up.”
“Sure.”
At that moment all the pieces of the puzzle seemed to be fitting together.
Me: Thnx. I’ll c u both @ wedding.
Chapter 20
It was probably from the relief I felt after apologizing to all of my friends, but I really enjoyed our wedding glam session. I talked to every single one of my friends. Apparently, only the girls, their husbands, two more of Laura’s closest friends, and the hotel staff had witnessed our heated conversation. No more than twenty people. So, yeah, around ten percent of the wedding attendees. Not that bad, when I thought about it. So the rest of the guests were probably discussing our argument and qualifying it as a drunken amenity. Hopefully.
Regardless, I gave apologies to all my friends and asked them to share it with their husbands. They all seemed relieved that Laura and I had managed to reconcile, although they worried about my relationship with Josh. Natalie, of course, was sure that I’d talk to him and fix everything—as usual, the endless romantic. Marisol didn’t comment much; she had a goofy look on her face and I was pretty sure it meant she was taking a lot of advantage of her one-on-one time with her husband. She simply said that if it was meant to be (and that she saw the spark in us, whatever that meant) it would happen.
Denise was the one who remained quiet throughout it all. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t accept or refuse my apologies—she simply stood and looked at me. Maybe she was mad at me about interfering in her debut as a wedding planner, or that she found out how we all talked about her husband behind her back. I’d apologized for that, too.
When we had just about finished our beauty session, she approached me, gave me a big hug, and simply said, “Thanks.”
I honestly didn’t know where it came from so I only said, “Thank you.” I’d have to talk to her later to find out what that was all about.
There were no words to describe Laura. I had to admit that out of all of us, she was the most beautiful bride. Her hair, makeup, and dress were perfect. She looked like a model—a bride straight out of a movie. It made us all shed a tear or two when they gave her the natural flower bouquet as the final touch on her attire.
“Oh my God, Laura. You look so beautiful!” Natalie said.
“Wait!” Marisol screamed and got all of our attention. “It’s the perfect time to give her her gift.”
“What are you girls talking about?” Laura asked in confusion.
“I didn’t know it was finished on time,” Denise commented.
“Of course Maria Fernanda finished them on time,” Marisol added. “Besides, we can’t let Laura walk down the aisle like that.” She grabbed everything out of her vanity bag. I went along and helped her find a burgundy fabric bag at the very bottom of her large purse. “Found it!” Marisol victoriously said. “Here, Laura, this is a gift from all of us.”
Laura took the present and pulled the white strings that closed it. With a silly face, she poked her hand around in the back until she revealed its contents. “Wow, you guys!”
It had been hard, but we managed to convince Laura to go barefoot to her own wedding. Mainly, we’d told her that any kind of shoes were going to sink in the sand or get ruined and that going shoeless was a very romantic gesture. I really don’t know how we pulled it off, but we did. And now our gift was more than perfect. It was necessary.
“When we went to Maria Fernanda’s shop to have our bridesmaid dresses made. Kassie noticed that she had some jewelry,” Marisol explained.
“Yeah, I did,” I continued. “When I asked about it, turns out Maria Fernanda costume-made the necklaces and earrings to match whatever dress her customers bought from her or brought in to match.”
“We knew we couldn’t match any kind of jewelry you decided to wear on your wedding,” Natalie pitched in. “We were pretty sure you would have chosen real diamonds.”
We were completely right. The earing studs and simple choker Laura wore on her wedding day were both filled with white diamonds and pearls.
“But we formulated a plan. To give you something that would complement your wedding gown, dress your feet, and enhance your pedicure,” Denise finished for us.
“And they’re perfect!” Laura said as she pulled all of us in a group hug.
Since we hadn’t found her the perfect pair of shoes, we’d all decided that our gift to her would be a beautiful pair of Swarovski beach sandals. They were really more of a jewelry accessory than shoes. The intricate, elegant design went around Laura’s ankle and from there to her second toe. They looked so lovely on her feet and really showed off her classy French pedicure.
“I love them!” Laura said as she looked at her reflection in the mirror.
“In that case, I hope you don’t mind that I ordered some for all of us,” I said as I pulled out of my own duffel bag the sandals I’d had made for the rest of us. “Ours are far simpler than yours, but they match your style.”
Laura was so tempted to cry that it made us all worry about her makeup. After a minute of breathing in and relaxing, she said, “This is the most perfect moment to finish my life as a single woman. I love you guys!”
“Good!” I said. “Now let’s go get you married to the man of your kinks.”
/> We all laughed at my attempt at comic relief, although on the inside, I was nervous about the conversation I needed to have with Josh.
~*~
The wedding was otherworldly. Everything was elegant and perfect and beachy. So was Laura. The hotel had an altar-like structure facing the sea, adorned with lacy fabric, starfish shells, and giant pearls. It looked amazing—the perfect scenery for my best friend’s wedding.
The ceremony itself was beautiful, too. The priest was candid and funny. Edward and Laura’s vows to each other came from the heart. And at the end, everyone present rejoiced in their love for each other.
I was really happy for my friends. For the first time throughout this whole ordeal, I was sincerely delighted about their relationship. It might have been because I finally had gotten some closure with Edward, or even because of my really honest conversation with Laura. Mostly, I think it was because I finally had a goal in my mind—to get Josh back. But from his behavior during the wedding, it wasn’t going to be easy.
As Josh and I walked down the aisle together to join Edward and the priest, Josh never even looked at me. During the wedding ceremony, I shyly looked at him every now and then, especially when the priest mentioned words related to love. Not once did he look my way. I assumed that, while we signed the certificate as Laura and Edward’s witnesses, my luck might change, but it didn’t. Not even as we stood next to each other, as our hands touched, as I handed him the pen.
I couldn’t breathe anymore.
Thankfully, it was time for us to move to the next scenery of the night, and champagne was handed to us in celebration. I gulped down my glass and breathed as best I could.
Natalie and Andrik got close to me, and Andrik said, “Don’t worry. He’ll come around.”
The photographer gathered us for some pictures. The bride and groom; the bride, the groom, and their families; the married couple with their friends; the married couple and anyone else…. Eventually, Edward mentioned that he wanted a picture with the maid of honor and his best man.
“I’d rather not,” Josh replied as my heart broke into a million pieces.
But Laura always got what Laura wanted, and the picture happened. It didn’t make me feel any better, but I guess the memory was going to be there.
The party eventually moved to the hotel’s main terrace, where white tables with beautiful flower-and-crystal centerpieces waited for us. Most people were already seated and having a drink. Only the wedding party and close friends had been held back for pictures. After our photo session, I walked to the terrace, where there were only four seats left, and I definitely wasn’t about to sit at the married couple’s table. I knew the seating chart showed Josh and I were to sit next to each other, but it didn’t happen.
Josh was a few steps behind me. When he realized we were bound to sit next to each other, he turned around and went to the bar. Avoiding me at all costs.
I reached our table and took a seat, holding the little piece of paper displaying Josh’s first and last name.
“I’m sorry,” Denise said.
“Let me go talk to him,” Anrik offered.
“Don’t worry. It’s okay,” I said to no one in particular and all of them at the same time. I could feel their attention on me, feeling pity; I wasn’t about to give up.
Clay suddenly stood up and said to his wife, “Baby, if it’s all right with you, do you mind if I go join Josh at the bar? Make sure he holds his drinks? I don’t want him to go MIA like last night.”
“Sure.” Denise seemed not to understand where her husband was coming from, but she agreed anyway.
I looked at Clay before he left and said, “Thanks.” It’ll give me some time to figure what to do next.
Toasts came once more. I was learning to dread toasts. For once, they weren’t as awful, or maybe I was perceiving them differently. Their parents said loving words and gave them their blessings. The best man had his chance, too, although this time, his speech was monotone and generic. I could feel very clearly how he didn’t make an effort because he was in pain, but he didn’t want to let his best friend down. I could completely understand, and unfortunately it was my turn to take the microphone now.
“Good evening, everyone. I hope you are all enjoying this wonderful night, celebrating my best friend’s wedding,” I said with a shy smile as I held onto the microphone for dear life. “It’s a difficult night for me personally, for many different reasons. First, because Laura getting married means that I’m the only one of my friends left single.” More than a few people chuckled. “Second, because Edward has proven he isn’t the jerk I imagined him to be and that he’s worth all Laura’s love.” Edward’s guests found my comment particularly funny. “Also because it’s bittersweet to celebrate my friends’ love when my own heart is waiting to find forgiveness from the person who matters the most to me—the man I love.” Yeah, the mood of my speech went from lighthearted and comical to seriously introspective. It wasn’t my intention to make such a declaration, but there were things I needed to say, and maybe the right people were listening.
“For such a long time, I felt inadequate and protected myself from the idea of love. I became judgmental of myself and the people around me. But now that I stand in front of Laura and Edward on their wedding day, I can’t believe I’m refusing myself the opportunity to love and be loved in return. Now I understand that, even though we’re all different and we have varied tastes and kinks,” I said as I turned to Laura and winked at her, “we can find the person who makes us whole. Now that I see my best friend and her husband in a different light, I recognize their love, their commitment, and how perfect they are for each other.
“There’s much more I would like to say, but I know we must continue with the celebration.” I raised my glass and finished my monologue. “So, I just wanted to thank them for being part of my life, to thank them for everything they taught me about love’s many shades and colors, and to tell them how so very happy I am that they found each other. Cheers.”
As I finished my speech, I went to Laura and Edward and gave them both a hug. I hardly paid any attention to the applauses and glee I received after my toast.
“That speech was epic, Kassie,” Laura said to me.
“And honest,” Ed commented.
“Thanks,” I told them both. “Maybe one day you’ll get to return the favor if I ever get married.”
“Oh, Kassie, you will,” Laura said as she tried to soothe me.
Servers provided the wedding guests with their French cuisine as I talked to Laura and Edward. I should’ve gone back to my table to have a seat, but food didn’t appeal to me at all.
“I hope so.”
“Yes, you will,” Edward assured me. “You should’ve seen Josh’s face when you mentioned your heart was in his hands.”
“She didn’t say that,” Laura gave him a small slap on the chest.
“It was implied, honey,” the groom clarified. “And I’m sure he understood.”
“Are you sure?” I asked him.
“Go look for him. He’s ready to listen to you,” Ed said with appropriate seriousness as he held my hand and gave me a small peck on the cheek.
I gave him my most sincere smile, kissed Laura quickly, and walked towards the man I loved.
~*~
I lost track of him, but with a little help from Clay, I was able to locate Josh. He sat drinking a beer at an empty table in a secluded area of the hotel. As I approached him, I said a little prayer so my words might tell him exactly what I intended. I was really nervous.
“Hey,” I said, but he didn’t reply. I needed to break his defenses. “May I have a seat?” Once more, I got no answer from him, but he did look at me before he went back to his drink. “Then I guess I’ll say it standing up.” I needed to seize the day. “I’m sorry.”
I felt the need to continue since I’m sorry didn’t seem to cover it. “I’m sorry for judging you, because you didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry for not being complete
ly in our relationship, for having my armor up, for having my fight or flight defense mechanism on at all times. And I’m sorry for not telling you how much I love you, too.” I had to take another deep breath before continuing.
“I know it’s stupid, but half the time, I feel so inadequate for you. Like I’m not enough. And it seems so easy, now that I think about it, to simply ask you for the things you want and expect from me, and I feel so stupid. I didn’t want our relationship to end. Life is painful and seems pointless without you, but I didn’t know how to keep you by my side.
“I heard you when you said you’re tired of chasing after me and I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” He still didn’t look at me. Not the response I’d been hoping for at all, but I couldn’t give up. Not until I’d gotten all my thoughts out. “If you’re tired of chasing after me now, it only means I’ll have to chase after you. I can’t let you go. You have my heart with you and I can’t live without you both.”
I didn’t know what else to say to get a reaction from him. Any reaction would be good, really, not this cold disinterest. The heavy silence between us was about to make me explode, so I gave a small and sad little laugh. “I guess I’ll go back and leave you alone for now. I ran out of things to say.”
As I turned around to leave, I felt his hand reach for mine, stopping me from stepping away. “I thought you said you were going to chase after me.” He was finally speaking to me and I couldn’t help the tears running down my face. I still had nothing to say, so I nodded. “Then I don’t understand,” he added. “Why you would go away if I’m still here?”
“You’re still here?” I asked him. “For me?”
“I don’t see anyone else here but you.”
I smiled. My chest felt suddenly warm after his words, and I could breathe again.
Josh pulled my hand, made me trip on my own feet, and I landed on top of him. “It’ll be fun watching you chase after me.”
“It will,” I said after his surprise comeback. “I will.”
