Going Nowhere

by K. M. Galvin

  “You gotta let go, babe.” I tried to joke, but it fell short.

  I withdrew my hand when his grip lessened and got out of the car, popping the trunk so he could grab his bags and guitar case. After he was done, I wrapped my arm around his waist and we made our way to the departure area. I waited while he checked in and with every passing second I felt my throat was getting tighter and tighter, choked by the effort of holding back my tears. Finally he was done and it was time to say goodbye.

  Oh, fuck.

  Setting down his stuff and pulled me to him, arms closing around me like steel bands. My grip was just as hard, my head resting right over his heart so I could hear how fast his heart was pumping. I inhaled deep, drawing his scent into my lungs, hoping to keep it there.

  He kept pressing kisses to my hair; I pulled back so he could press a kiss to my mouth. I was expecting one of our hot kisses, the usual melt my bones with the intensity kisses, but instead I got one so slow and sweet that tears immediately sprang up no matter how hard I tamped them down earlier. It was like he was showing me how much he cherished me through this kiss. One hand was cradling the back of my head while the other cupped my cheek. I whimpered and pulled back, letting our heads rest against each other.

  “Marisol.” He whispered brokenly, putting so much emotion into my name.

  I could tell he was having a hard time so I sucked it up, slapped a smile on my face and pulled back. Pretending my heart wasn’t breaking, I put my hands on either side of his face. The look in his eyes was devastating me. I could see how scared he was to leave and I had to be brave.

  “Buck up, Bartender! It’s only a few weeks right? It’s not like you’re leaving forever!” My smile and words sounded brittle and I could tell he knew what I was doing. Giving me a soft smile, he decided to play along.

  “I’ll call you when I get in, Crazy. Don’t go burning down the town while I’m gone.”

  “I’ll try not to.” I drawled, rolling my eyes.

  “Take care of Emily and Mikey for me, ok?” He said, his eyes pleading.

  “You got it.” We hugged one more time and then I had to put some space between us before I refused to let him go. He opened his mouth to say something and then stopped, giving his head a slight shake.

  “I’ll see you soon.” He said before walking away.

  “See you soon.” I whispered, watching him walk away, taking a part of me with him. I didn’t wait to see if he would turn around, I couldn’t.

  Hurrying to my car, I drove all the way to Emily’s with no music playing. I couldn’t listen to any, it reminded me of Jason. Pulling into her driveway I could feel myself breathing hard, on the verge of hyperventilating. This is ridiculous. I could do this. We would survive this. Of course, the minute I walked inside and saw Emily I lost it. Taking me into her arms, we sat down and both cried, trying to take comfort in from each other.

  “This is so stupid!” I cried. “He’ll only be gone for a little while! But it feels like he’s not coming back.”

  “It doesn’t matter how long he’s gone. We’ll miss him and it hurts.” She sighed into my hair.

  “I hate how this is hitting so hard. I was starting to find myself with him and now that he’s gone, I’m lost again, Emily.” She leaned back and looked me in the eye.

  “You know who you are, Marisol Claire. Don’t let other people define you. Jase is with you because he sees your strength, show him he’s not wrong. Be strong for him.” She said fiercely.

  “You’re right.” I nodded and stood up, lending a hand to pull her up as well. “You’re right.” I said again, my voice getting firmer.

  Drying my face with my sleeve I looked over at her. Emily appeared to be taking this just as hard. I realized that I didn’t need to be strong for Jason only; I had to be strong for Em too. I felt calmer as resolve settled over me.

  “I have an idea.” She said excitedly, clapping her hands and bouncing on her toes.

  “Tell me.”

  “You totally have to surprise him with a visit!” She practically squealed. For the first time in twelve hours I felt a genuine smile take over my face.

  “That’s a great idea!” Smiling huge now. I could totally plan it with Declan and show up at one of the shows. I was getting excited just imagining his reaction.

  “Come on let’s go check the tour schedule and my schedule so we can work it out.”

  “Thanks, Em.” I said, grateful for the distraction.

  “No prob, Bob. Come on, let’s go.” Looping her arm through mine, she led me to the kitchen.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  The next couple weeks sucked. Not going to lie, if it weren’t for Em and Mikey I think I would have crawled right back into my yoga pants and hid from the world again. Thankfully I was a busy, busy girl. Between taking care of Little Man, hanging out with Em, and helping Kayla with the wedding I had little time to dwell on Jase.

  We texted continuously throughout the day, but every time we tried a Skype date something came up for one of us. I missed his face something fierce, but on the upside I confirmed my plans with Declan and was now only a week away from meeting them in Rhode Island for the Newport Folk Festival.

  I was still amazed at how they were playing at such established festivals with some huge bands. I was excited for all of them. It was Friday night and I was waiting for Emily to come home from the office. I set up a sleepover for Mikey with one of his friends he made with a little boy we met at the beach one day. He was so excited.

  Tonight was going to be girl’s night for us. I had no idea what she had planned, but I was looking forward to anything that would prevent me from moping. Which was what I was doing now.

  Major mope fest.

  I hadn’t heard from Jason all day and as much as I stared at my phone willing it to ring, it never did. Sighing I just turned it off. Everyone knew where I was and they had Emily’s number. I was going off the grid tonight.

  Flinging it into my overnight bag I slid down farther on the couch until I was flat on my back and turned on the Real Housewives of whatever city the marathon was running today. It was just after six when I began to doze off. As soon as I started to drift deeper into sleep Emily came barging in, slamming the door hard enough to shake the house.

  “Get your party panties on, hooker! We are celebrating tonight!” She yelled, whooping and tackling me on the couch.

  “Ouch, Emily, what the hell?” I grouched, pushing her off me and onto the floor.

  “I got a raise!” She screamed.

  “Shut up! You did?” I asked excitedly. “That’s awesome!” I rolled over until I fell on top of her, giving her a tight hug.

  “I know so that’s why we are going to go out, get super drunk and dance with random guys.” She said this like it was a natural order of events after getting a raise. I rolled off her and sat back on the couch.

  “I don’t know, Emily.” I hedged. It’s not that I didn’t want to have fun; I just didn’t really have the energy. Besides, what if Jase called? Except I already turned my phone off. What could it hurt to have one night of fun? He probably was out with the guys constantly.

  “No, no way, nope. You’re not doing this. You’ve been ghost-Mari long enough. We are going out. You are going to go in my closet right now. Dress up all sexy-like and we are going out. I’m not taking no for an answer.” She pulled me up and shoved me towards her room.

  “God, you are a pain in the ass. How can someone so short be so damn pushy?” I grumbled walking down the hall.

  “Ok, first of all, you are barely an inch taller than me.” She huffed.

  “Totally counts.” I smirked.

  “Whatever. Here wear this.” She threw something black at me. I held it up and saw that it was something that resembled a dress. It was so short it could have been a shirt.

  “Uh, Em? This is way too short.” I said, eyeing it.

  “Shut up and put it on.” She mom voiced me and before I knew it I had it on.

 
Damn, that was some super power. I looked in the mirror and saw it was super short, hitting me mid thigh, but was also really cute. It had a sweetheart neckline and draped in a flattering way. “Here wear these.” I turned and saw she was dressed in a similar dress, but in aqua. She held out some bright yellow pumps.

  “Are they going to fit? What size shoe are you?” I asked, already amazed that her dress fit me so well.

  “Seven and a half.” She shook the shoes at me. I took them from her and slipped them on. Sure enough they fit pretty well, a little small, but after a few drinks I wouldn’t feel it. God, I sounded like I was back in college.

  “That’s pretty handy. My closet just doubled.” I grinned at her.

  “Uh, no, nice try. I’m only doing this because I feel bad for your pathetic ass. Now let’s go. I already called a cab on my way home. We’re going to a nice dinner and then hitting some clubs on the beach. “

  I rolled my eyes at the pathetic comment, but didn’t bother correcting her. Why bother? She was right. “Date night?” I asked.

  “Date night. Now let’s go, I want to show off my hot date!” She wiggled her butt at me and then took off down the hallway. I threw my hair into a high ponytail and swiped on some red lipstick. I thought about turning on my phone to send Jase a quick text letting him know my plans, but he was obviously busy today. My bitchy side was coming out, but Jesus, he didn’t have a second to send a quick “I’m alive!” text? Whatever. Grabbing my credit card and I.D., I shoved it into my bra and followed my date out the door.

  Let’s do this.

  “Oh my God, that guy is checking you out! Aren’t you glad we came out?” Em screamed in my ear.

  Quick fact: Emily gets drunk fast and louder with every sip. Currently she was shitfaced and deafening. I was feeling pretty good, but considering how far gone she was I decided to at least try and keep my head on straight. I turned to look where she was pointing, feeling the Tequila swim around in my head; I blinked several times until the guy came into focus. So maybe my head wasn’t as straight as it should’ve been.

  I smiled at him a little. He kinda looked like Jason. Well, they both had dark hair and light eyes, that’s about it. I guess my smile meant I was interested, or at least he took it that way because he started making his way over to us.

  “Oh, Mari, he’s coming over here. Get him to buy us drinks.”

  “I think you’ve had enough, honey.” I said, taking my eyes off the guy to look at her and winced; she had full on drunk face. Mascara was raccooned around her eyes, lipstick slightly smeared, and a dopey smile taking residence on her face. Yeah, I was thinking it might be time to call it a night. “What time is it?”

  “I don’t know! Let me look at my phone!” She almost fell off her stool while searching for her phone. “Uh oh!” She said when she grabbed it.

  “What?” I asked distracted, I was signaling the bartender for some water for both of us.

  “I have four missed calls from Jason and two from Declan, that jack hole.” She grouched.

  “What?” I turned to her completely. “Jason called?”

  “Yeah, oh well, they’ll call back.” She said dropping her phone back into her purse.

  “Wait. What time is it?” I asked, getting frustrated.

  “Like two. Night’s still young!” She squealed. I turned around and thanked the bartender for the water, handing one to Em and making sure she drank down the whole thing. “That wasn’t Vodka.” She frowned at the glass.

  “God, I hope not, you just chugged the shit out of it. I’m cutting you off.”

  “No! One more dance!”

  “Em, come on-“ I pleaded. Jason 2.0 was getting closer to us.

  “No! One. More. Dance.” She whined. She was two seconds away from stomping her foot and yelling that she hated me.

  Before I could say another word, she grabbed my hand and yanked me out onto the dance floor. Realizing she wasn’t going to give in, I began dancing with her. I felt hands grab my waste and I turned to see that it was Jason 2.0. He smiled at me and mouthed “Hi,” or at least I think he did. It was so loud so he could have actually said it. I smiled back, but put a little more distance between us. When I turned back around towards Emily I saw that she was on the phone. And by the looks of it, she was pissed. I smiled apologetically to Jason 2.0 and moved closer to Emily.

  “You ok? Who’s on the phone?” I yelled in her ear.

  “No, Declan! We are out celebrating! You just interrupted Mari from dancing with this hot guy! Are you happy now, ass wipe?!” She yelled furiously. Hearing this, I grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the club. She was still screaming at Declan about ruining our night. Once we were outside I grabbed the phone out of her hand.

  “Hello? Declan?” I closed my eyes, praying that he was still there.

  “Hey.” He said softly, but I could hear how pissed he was.

  “I’m so sorry about her. She’s wasted. Is everything ok?” I gripped the phone tight.

  “You need to call Jase when you get home.”

  “Is he ok? God, did something happen to him?”

  “He’s fine, but he was freaking out. Now he’s just pissed. He happened to hear the part about you dancing with some guy. What the hell are you doing, Marisol?” He was beyond pissed now.

  “It was some guy who came up behind me when I was dancing with Emily. It literally lasted maybe a millisecond. Why was he freaking out?”

  “Maybe because he has tried to call you both numerous times and no one answered and it brought back some feelings involving his parents.” Declan spat. I closed my eyes.

  “Shit.” I whispered, rubbing my finger across my forehead in agitation.

  “Yeah.” He exhaled.

  “Ok, let him know we are on our way back to Emily’s and I’ll call him within thirty minutes.”

  “Ok.”

  “Thanks, Dec. Sorry about everything.” I felt horrible putting him in the middle of this.

  “Its fine, kiddo. Just make sure you get Tara Reid home and sobered up. She shouldn’t be out like that, she’s a mother.” He sounded pissed again. My eyebrows shot up at that.

  “Yeah, she’s mother, not dead. She can do whatever she wants. Mikey is taken care of tonight and we wanted to blow off some steam.” I defended.

  “Whatever.” He practically snarled. I figured this had to do with something else so I let it go. I had Jason to worry about.

  “I’ll call you in a couple days with all my info about the trip, ok?”

  “Fine. Goodnight.” He hung up before I could say goodnight. Whoever said women were the pissy ones were off their rocker. Men are gigantic babies half the time. Turning towards Emily, who was practically asleep on her feet, I headed towards the line of cabs waiting outside the club.

  “Let’s go, you lush. Time for bed and damage control.”

  “Declan is such a butt hole.” She murmured, leaning her full body weight on me.

  “Mmm hmm.” I murmured, giving the cabbie the address and settling her into the seat. I cracked the window on her side to let some air get in.

  When we got home I dumped her in her bed and took off her shoes. Throwing her comforter over her prone body, I set a water bottle by her hand and made my way to the guest room.

  Kicking off my shoes, I stripped down to my underwear, washed my face and got under the covers. I switched on my phone and winced at all the pinging sounds it made alerting me to the missed calls and texts. I scrolled through a few of the texts, cringing at how worried and then angry they were. Accepting my fate, I dialed Jason’s number. He picked up on the first ring. Yikes.

  “Where the hell have you been?” He snarled.

  “Hi.” I said meekly.

  “I’m not fucking joking here, Marisol. Why was your phone turned off?”

  “I got pissed, ok? No one called or texted, so I got aggravated and turned it off. I figured whoever was trying to get in touch with me could get in touch with Emily!” I defended.

&n
bsp; “And by no one, you mean me right?” He said sarcastically.

  “Look, whatever, you’re busy. I get it.” Yes, I was this mature.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t text you today, ok? I really was busy.” His words were apologetic, but the tone was decidedly not.

  “I know. I get it.” I said through clench teeth.

  “Fine, you get it. So goddamn understanding. Why don’t I explain what I don’t get, hmm? I don’t get why my girlfriend, who knows about my past, would turn her phone off and then my sister doesn’t answer her phone, leaving me to panic that something had happen to them.” He seethed.

  “I think you’re being a little ridiculous. We don’t need to be on call for you at all times.” I retorted.

  “Oh! But when I’m not for you, I’m the dick who has to feel guilty because you’re so goddamned understanding?”

  “Fuck you, Jason. If you’re going to be like this, I’ll just hang up and talk to you tomorrow when you’ve had a chance to calm down.”

  We were both quiet for a minute, listening to each other breathe. I closed my eyes and brought my fist to my forehead, beyond annoyed. This is the first time I’ve heard from him all day, first time in a long time I’ve actually heard his voice and we were fighting. My breath hitched as I fought getting really upset.

  “Mari?” He said quietly into the phone.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m sorry I panicked. It’s unreasonable for me to expect you to answer every time, let alone for you to answer when I call my sister’s phone. I know I need to get over my fears, I don’t want to stifle you with them.”

  “I’m sorry I caused you to panic and yelled at you. I’m sorry I danced with that rando-guy for less than a minute.”

  “Yeah, about that.” Uh oh, his voice sounded hard again.

  “It didn’t mean anything, it was like for a second. I was dancing with Emily and he just came up behind me.” I said quickly silently berating myself for even bringing it up. Genius move, Marisol, for God’s sake.