Fighting Lust: A Deadly Sins Novel

by Jennifer Miller

  Pulling out, she disappears into a stall quickly before rejoining me. As soon as she does, I kiss her. “That was amazing,” I tell her not caring if the words are cliché, they’re the truth. “But I’ve got to ask…”

  “What’s that?”

  “What is it with you and bathrooms?”

  We laugh together and I watch with rapt attention as she gets dressed into clothes she pulls out from a bag she brought. “I’m going to go out to my seat. I locked the door, so no doubt Cole or Jax have tried to get in already.”

  “Screw them. They can wait.”

  She smiles and kisses me once more, “I’ve got my suitcases all loaded up in the car ready to go. I can’t wait.”

  “Me either,” I tell her. “I’ll see you out there soon.”

  “Okay,” she tells me and kisses me once more before she disappears. Tonight after the fight, we are catching a plane and heading to Florida. It’s a red eye and we’ll be there in the morning. I want to introduce her to my mom but more than that, I want to see her on the beach wearing a bikini. I can’t fucking wait. Her to myself, twenty-four seven for a whole week. We have a whole list of things we want to do. She’s never been to Florida before. I will do anything she wants but personally, I can’t wait to feel the sand between my toes, and hopefully a few other places if I get to roll around in it with her.

  Pulling my shorts out of my bag, I smile. Slipping them on quickly, I unlock the door and walk out into the attached room to see the smiles on Jax and Cole’s faces. “What?” I ask them.

  “Nothing,” Cole says.

  “You are ridiculous,” Jax says with a shake of his head.

  “Shut up.” I tell them and put my robe on. Holding out my hands I wait for Cole to tape them up. “Jax, don’t even begin to go there. We all know you’d do the same shit for Rowan.” Jax smiles a little and shrugs – his only response. Turning to Cole, I shake my head, “Don’t even go there. It’s only a matter of time for you, and I really don’t think you want to give me the chance to say I told you so at some point.”

  Cole shakes his head and continues his task of taping my hands. It isn’t long before we’re told it’s time and once again I’m making my way to the octagon. The crowd goes crazy but there’s only one person in the whole place who’s opinion I really give a fuck about.

  It’s funny. The same women that used to get my attention and could easily distract me, don’t even get noticed now. I appreciate their support, and am glad that they come and see me fight, but that’s it. My interest ends there.

  When I make it to the seat where my girl is sitting, I smile widely, give her a kiss and wink before stepping into the octagon.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s heavyweight card. Fighting in the blue corner tonight, weighing in at one hundred and eighty-two pounds is Tommy ‘The Tank” Wilson.” The crowd cheers for him and he jumps around and shadowboxes. He points at me and screams, “You’re going down!”

  Giving him the finger, I turn away and purposefully face Tessa as my name and stats get announced. “And tonight in the red corner, weighing in at one hundred and eighty-five pounds, we have Ryder ‘Tessa’s Playboy’ King.” With this, I see Tessa’s mouth fall open and I take that cue to unfasten my robe and drop it to the ground. The crowd begins to laugh and Tessa’s eyes become huge as she takes in my bright pink fighting shorts that have a blinged out waist band. Holding her eyes with my own, I slowly turn around, continuing to watch her over my shoulder, as she sees “Tessa’s Playboy” emblazoned on my ass.

  She begins laughing, as do all the guys. Levi’s bent over at the waist, Cole’s clapping, Tyson’s shaking his head, and the other guys are all hooting and hollering. Tessa, rises from her seat and runs up to the octagon. With the whole crowd watching, I let her inside and pull her into my arms. “You are so crazy,” she says to me.

  “Hey, you gave me your a-ha moment, it was only fair. Plus I totally rock the color pink.”

  She laughs, “I love them.”

  “Good, because they’re my new fighting shorts. I’m wearing them for every fight.”

  She laughs, “I love you, Ryder ‘Tessa’s Playboy’ King.”

  She leans in and kisses me hard, right there in front of everyone while grabbing my ass at the same time. I return it whole-heartedly and then she breaks away. With a smile, she smacks me hard on the butt, “Kick some ass!” she yells and everyone that saw her action starts laughing.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I reply as I watch her head back to her seat.

  Turning back to my opponent, I shake out my shoulders and bob my head back and forth loosening up. As much as I love fighting, love the rush, love the competition and of course the money doesn’t hurt when I win, I realize that for the first time, it doesn’t matter to me as much anymore. Fighting used to be such a large focus of my life because in a lot of ways, other than my friends, it was all I had.

  Not anymore. Looking toward Tessa one more time I realize, that I’ve already won, regardless of the outcome of this fight tonight. I was lost before, living a life with no real substance. Avoiding attachment to anyone like the plague was easier – safer. I’m not interested in ever going back to that place.

  Who would have thought that a firecracker living a life much like my own was going to turn my world upside down? Certainly not me. Even if I had tried, I wouldn’t have been able to anticipate her. But what I’ve learned, what Tessa has taught me through her own trials, as well as enduring my own, is that sometimes, the very things in life that we fear, are exactly what we need to be set free.

  THE END

  Coming this Summer - HONEYMOONED - a stand alone romantic comedy

  Coming this Fall - FIGHTING PRIDE - Cole's story

  Thank you for picking up Fighting Lust and giving it a chance. I hope you all enjoyed Ryder and Tessa’s story. I appreciate all of my readers more than you know. Thank you for your constant support.

  Robin Harper, thank you for my gorgeous cover. Elaine York, you are the bomb – thank you for always making the inside of my novels look so pretty.

  Angela Corbett, Jennifer Domenico, and Mayra Statham thank you for your constant unwavering support and your willingness to brainstorm with me.

  Georgia Cranston – you are the best writing and coffee partner a girl could have. I would be lost without you.

  Mom, thank you for always editing my books, but more than that, you always remind me I can do this when I doubt myself. I love taking this journey with you – thank you for always believing in me.

  To my agent, Sarah Hershman, thank you for all your hard work on my behalf, and for your support.

  To Christine Stanley with Hype PR, for all the amazing promo work, I hope this is the beginning of a long collaboration and friendship.

  To all the bloggers who have messaged me, shared my cover and posts and have offered to help in any way you can, thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate it so very much.

  Last but certainly not least, thank you to my husband and children. Making you proud is the highlight of my life – I love you.

  Author Jennifer Miller was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois but now calls Arizona home. Her love of reading began when she was a small child, and only continued to grow as she entered adulthood. Ever since winning a writing contest at the young age of nine, when she wrote a book about a girl with a pet unicorn, she’s dreamed of writing a book of her own. The important lesson she learned about dreams is that they don’t just fall into your lap – you have to chase them yourself. Most importantly, she is a wife and mother, and is very lucky to have a family that loves and supports her in all things. She also has an unhealthy addiction to handbags and chocolate covered strawberries, neither of which she cares to work on. For more information about Jennifer Miller, please visit www.jennifermillerwrites.com

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  Other books by Jennifer Miller

  Pretty Little Lies

  Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes

  Pretty Little Dreams

  Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes

  Pretty Little Vows - A Novella

  Amazon

  Perfect Little Plan

  Amazon | Barnes & Noble

  Whispering Wishes

  Amazon | Barnes & Noble

  Fighting Envy

  Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes |Audible

  Fighting Wrath

  Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Audible

  “You’ll never be anything special do you hear me, Rowan? No one will ever love you. No man will ever stay. You’re not worthy.”

  Words I’ve heard over and over again so many times, I’ve lost count. It’s so stupid that I actually thought that today would be any different. It may be my sixteenth birthday, but the shameful truth is, my mother doesn’t care. It’s not special, not to her at least.

  When I arrive home from school she’s actually sober for once and I’m momentarily excited and relieved thinking it will be a good night. The fact that she actually remembers that today is my birthday is a good sign. When she suggests that we go ahead and leave for dinner even though my twin brother Tyson isn’t home yet, I quickly agree. I’ll agree to anything if it means she will keep her good mood. I’ve learned any hesitance, disagreement or question can make her mood change in the blink of an eye, and I really, really don’t want that to happen today of all days.

  Feeling excited that she lets me pick my favorite diner, Al’s, to go to for dinner, I’m positive we are off to a great start. Maybe this birthday will be different. Maybe she’ll even take Tyson and I to get our drivers licenses this weekend so we don’t have to take the bus. I momentarily feel bad again that Tyson isn’t here because it’s his birthday too, but I just go with the flow and do what she wants me to do.

  Ordering my favorite BLT sandwich with fries, I begin happily digging into my food when it arrives making small talk about my day. “I saw Tyson at lunch and he seemed like he was having a good day too. His friends even sang happy birthday to him even when he started punching a couple of them,” I laugh.”

  My first warning came when she orders a beer immediately when we sit down. When she drinks it quickly and promptly orders another, the little hairs on the back of my neck rise in trepidation. Forcing myself to ignore the feeling and her drinking, I keep talking.

  “Then Mia, you remember her, right? She gave me a gift and it was wrapped in really pretty blue paper that said happy birthday all over it. I tried to open it slowly because I didn’t want to rip it, but she laughed and told me to go faster. It was a book I’ve really been wanting to read. It’s the one about the girl that likes a boy only she finds out that his family isn’t what they appear; they are all vampires. Mia told me that he even sparkles in the sun, mom. Isn’t that cool? Remember, how I told you about that book?”

  I’m babbling trying desperately to hold her interest. She looks at me a couple times and nods absently, but I lose her completely when a family sitting in the booth across from us distracts her. Out of the corner of my eye I see a mother, father and two children enjoying a meal together. Upon closer inspection it appears that the boy at the table is about my age, and he has a younger sister. He parents are sitting on one side of the table, the children on the other. My mom is facing the parents and I can tell she’s taking in the couple, the envy mixed with curiosity, want, and anger clear on her face.

  “My gift from Erica was this bracelet,” I hold up my wrist and watch how the thin silver bracelet with the small half heart sparkles even in the poor lighting of the diner. “Isn’t it pretty? She has one that attaches to the heart; see how it’s only half? She laughed that it may be kind of immature for our age, but I don’t think so. I really love it.”

  She doesn’t answer. She’s too busy flagging down the waitress to order another beer. I have a bad feeling churning in my stomach, my heart starts to beat faster, and I can feel tears press against the back of my eyes.

  She hasn’t looked away from the family so I turn to look at them as well, too curious what she’s finding so interesting. I stare openly, even though it’s rude, desperate to understand what it is that’s holding her attention. The man is sitting close to his wife, her hand in his on top of the table. They are listening to something their son is saying and when they laugh, they look at each other clearly passing a look sharing their amusement. I’m embarrassed, feeling my cheeks flush, when the man catches me staring, and gives me a soft smile. I start to return it but quickly look away when my mom hisses my name, “Rowan!”

  Turning to her wide eyed and embarrassed at being caught, my stomach drops because I know the tone of her voice very well. Her mood has officially turned and the night will be far from pleasant. She’s clearly feeling the buzz of the alcohol she’s consumed so far, and I know she’s far from finished. Ripping money out of her wallet, she throws it on the table, not caring that I haven’t finished my food, or that we haven’t received a bill. “Let’s go. Right now.”

  Knowing better than to argue, I slip out of my side of the booth and wordlessly make my way out the door with my mom. I can’t help but spare one last look at the family over my shoulder, longing filling my heart and soul.

  Gripping my arm tight enough to bruise, she drags me to the car. Knowing better than to cry out at the pain she’s causing, I bite my lip and walk as fast as I can. When I trip, her nails slice my arm, drawing blood. “Dammit, Rowan. You’re such a fucking klutz. Move it.”

  Finally getting to the car, the minute our doors slam, she starts in. “Did you get a good look at that family? The family that you wish you had instead of the one God gave you?”

  “Mom, I was just-“

  “Shut up, stupid girl. I saw the way you were looking at them. Do you think I’m stupid? You were looking at them wishing you could be with them instead of me. Don’t you dare judge me you stupid bitch! It’s not my fault your father left us. He didn’t want you two brats. It’s the family curse. I knew it would happen, I knew it. But I hoped… I hoped, but I was wrong. My mom warned me, but I didn’t listen.”

  I remain silent. I’ve heard this so many times I’ve lost count. I find myself once again wishing for Tyson. For some reason she isn’t as harsh to me when he’s around. Not that he hasn’t heard the same thing I have over, and over, but he always does his best to protect me and be a buffer when it comes to our mother.

  “She told me that just like her, and her mother before her, that men always leave. We aren’t worthy of love. We aren’t worthy of commitment. Our family is cursed. Men come and go, but never stay. Believe me, I’ve tried. I stupidly thought your father was the one. And he would have been but then I fucked up and got pregnant. As soon as he found out he was gone. I should have gotten rid of you but I didn’t have the chance. He was gone the same day I told him and what the hell did it even matter at that point? At least I would have two children that have to love me. That have to stay.”

  The only time I learn tidbits about my father is during her painful rants. She reveals a little bit more each time. I don’t even know his name. I know that they went to high school together, that he played basketball, and that she says he was very smart. My mom got pregnant with us right out of high school, and while he went on to college, she did not. We lived with my grandmother for a while and then jumped from house to house. Usually we’d move in with whatever man she was dating at the time – until they’d leave or she would leave because of “the curse” and then we would go off somewhere else. Always staying at my grandmother’s in between men. When my grandmother died from lung cancer, my
mom moved into her house permanently. Now, even though men still come and go, at least we don’t have to go from place to place any longer.

  “Did you see the way that man looked at you? He may have been with his family and looking like he cares about them, but he looked at you with lust in his eyes. I can tell you right now if his family wasn’t with him, he would have tried to have his way with you.” Her words disgust me and I know they aren’t true, but once again I know better than to argue with her. My thoughts on the subject aren’t relevant to her. “Just remember that, Rowan. Men are assholes and aren’t worthy of your love and attention, because they won’t stick around long anyway. You’re a Martin. You aren’t worthy of love any more than the Martin women before you.”

  We pull into a gas station and I wait in the car as she gets out, knowing she’s going to stock up on beer. Hopefully it’s only alcohol and not drugs this time, but really, I should know better than to hope. She’s worse when she mixes the drugs and alcohol. With alcohol she remains somewhat coherent, but with the drugs, her words are harsher and eventually she’s not even aware of anything going on around her. She’ll have men over and not even care if they do inappropriate things right in front of me. One time a man tried to leave her and hurt me. He had me pinned against the wall when suddenly Tyson was there with a knife in hand. The man laughed but backed off and Tyson and I left the house for several hours until they passed out.

  Both of us spend a lot of time behind locked and closed doors when we are home. A lot of times when Tyson and I leave the house we go to the library. It’s my favorite thing to do. I love to lose myself in someone else’s world. Sometimes, I dream that I’m one of the characters that I’m reading about and that I’m far away from here.