A Most Excellent Midlife Crisis: Good To The Last Death Book Three

by Peterman , Robyn

  “Not really,” I said, shaking my head. “But you’ll want to know her story at some point.”

  “Why?” Missy asked.

  “Getting there,” I promised, feeling on edge and unsure if I was ready for what was about to go down. “Birdie knew your great-granny and what she was. She went to her with my mother’s soul. Your great-granny told Birdie that you were the strongest Soul Keeper alive—full of love and magic. Both my mother and Birdie hitched a ride in you for many years.”

  “But you said Birdie was a ghost,” Missy pointed out.

  “I did,” I agreed, marveling at how well Missy was following. “She left you recently and came to me.”

  “And?” Missy pressed, growing antsy and excited.

  “And before she went into the light, she told me my mother’s soul was still inside you.”

  Missy took another long swallow and handed the bottle to Heather. Taking a deep breath, she walked to the middle of the room and slapped her hands onto her hips.

  “Fine. How do we get her out?”

  Everyone was speechless—even me.

  “Isn’t that why you’re here?” Missy demanded. “I sure as hell don’t want Clarissa showing up and trying to rip your mother’s soul out of me. So, I’d appreciate a little cooperation. You people feel me?”

  “Umm… yes, I ahh,” I stuttered, standing up and feeling way over my head.

  “How do we do it?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “I have no idea, dude.”

  Both of us looked around at the group of people who’d lived thousands of years longer than we had. They seemed more confused than we did.

  Crap.

  “We’ll wing it,” Missy said.

  “Is that smart?” Tim asked.

  Missy rolled her eyes. “You have a better idea, Tim?”

  “Umm… no, I don’t. Winging it sounds like a good plan,” he said.

  “You ready?” I asked my best friend.

  Taking my hands in hers, she took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Missy’s hands were warm in mine. She smiled at me, and I smiled back.

  “We’ve always been connected,” she said.

  “Always,” I agreed.

  “And we always will be,” she said, closing her eyes. “Just call to her, Daisy. She’ll come.”

  A lightly jasmine-scented breeze blew through the room and an ethereal lavender glow surrounded Missy. Breathing in the scent, I closed my eyes and connected with Missy in a way I never had before.

  “Alana,” I called out tentatively. “Come to me. It’s safe now.”

  I waited.

  Nothing happened.

  Missy squeezed my hands. “Don’t be scared. Did you call her Alana when you were a child?”

  “No,” I said with a little laugh, my eyes still closed.

  “Call her what she will recognize,” she suggested.

  “You think that will work?” I asked.

  “I know it will,” Missy replied. “I can feel it.”

  I’d always known Missy was special. It wasn’t until this moment I understood the meaning of the word.

  “Mom? Mama?” I tried again. “It’s me, Daisy—your daughter. I’m here to lead you into the light. You’ll be safe with me. I love you so very much and… I want to save you like you saved me. Please come to me.”

  The wind picked up and my eyes shot open. Missy’s eyes rolled back in her head and a beautiful golden soul orb appeared on her shoulder. I quickly wrapped my arms around Missy so she wouldn’t fall to the floor then I gently kissed the soul on her shoulder.

  It wiggled and glowed. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

  “Did we do it?” Missy asked, holding on to me for balance as she came back from wherever she’d just gone.”

  “We did it,” I said softly, carefully taking my mother’s soul into my hands and leading Missy to the couch.

  “Will she stay in that form?” Missy asked, marveling at the orb.

  “No,” my father said, approaching me with tears streaming down his handsome face. “Alana, take another form. Come and say hello to your family.”

  The Archangel waved his hand and the room filled with an enchantment so strong, I found it difficult to breathe. Shimmering gold flecks rained down from above, creating a sparkling backdrop to the magic that was happening before my eyes.

  My father put his arm around me, and we watched in awe as the golden orb morphed into the woman I’d been missing my whole life. Her smile undid me, and my father continued to cry.

  “I am so sorry, Alana,” he whispered hoarsely. “So sorry.”

  She floated over and circled us a few times. I worried she didn’t recognize me. I’d been five when she’d died, and now I was forty.

  “I’m Daisy,” I told her as she hovered in front of me and studied my face.

  “I know,” she replied. “I’m your mother.”

  I giggled. “I know.”

  “You’re stunning,” she whispered.

  “So are you,” I said.

  She tilted her head to the side and laughed. The sound hit me in the gut and went straight to my heart.

  “Silly girl,” she said, touching my nose then looking at the man she’d loved more than any other. “Michael.”

  “Alana,” he replied.

  My mother’s attention was now completely focused on him. The love between them was undeniable. I was heartbroken that he wouldn’t be able to feel her touch like I could. Only a Death Counselor could experience the touch of a ghost.

  “I’m sorry, Michael,” she said. “I did what I had to do.”

  He nodded and reached for her. His hand went through her, but he kept it extended. “I would have done the same in a heartbeat.”

  She smiled. “I know.”

  “Mom,” I said, hating to interrupt them, but worried that Clarissa might show up unexpectedly. I was desperate to spend time with her and get to know her, but risking her afterlife for my needs was not going to happen. “Are you ready to go into the light?”

  “No, Daisy. I’m not,” she said.

  Her answer terrified me and made me want to sob with joy.

  “Alana,” Michael said, clearly as torn as I was. “It’s not safe for you here.”

  Again, she tilted her head and smiled. “It’s never been safe,” she replied. “And that has never frightened me. What frightens me is that Daisy isn’t safe. Until the time she can live without looking over her shoulder like we always had to do, my place is with my family. Period.”

  I grinned. My mom had lady balls—like me and like Gram.

  And that’s when my happy story went horribly wrong.

  “There you are, Daisy girl,” Gram shouted with glee as she flew through the wall of Missy’s house with Steve in tow. “I’ve been lookin’ all over tarnation for you people. Got worried when I went downstairs and no one was home.”

  I glanced over at Steve in alarm. He shrugged helplessly. “She wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I came along for the ride to make sure she could find her way back home.”

  I nodded in the direction of my mother. Steve’s ghostly eyes went huge. He got the picture, and he got it fast.

  “Gram,” I said quickly. My world was about to spin off its axis. I had no clue what Gram seeing my mother would do to her, but I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be good. “I need you to go home.”

  “Oh my God,” Missy said in shock. “I can see Gram and Steve.”

  “You can?” Gram squealed with delight. “That’s just fandamntastic, Missy! Daisy, I’m pretty dang sure we had an earthquake or some prehistoric moles out in the yard. We got holes you could drop swimmin’ pools in, and I know them dogs couldn’t have dug ’em.”

  “Yep,” I said, moving to stand in front of my mother. “Saw that. Maybe we should put in a pool.”

  “Gram,” Steve said, trying to run interference. “I’m pretty sure The Price is Right is having a marathon this
evening. We should get back home. Don’t want to miss the Big Showcase.”

  “I think you’re right,” she told Steve, scratching her head. “But Missy here has a TV. Don’t you, darlin’?”

  I shook my head at Missy. She read me correctly even though she had no idea what I was doing.

  “Oh, Gram, my cable is out,” she lied. “I have a repair person coming tomorrow.”

  “Bummer,” Gram said—right before she froze.

  “Mama?” Alana said, floating out from behind me with a timid smile on her lips.

  Gram gasped with delight and began to shake. “Alana baby?” she choked out.

  “It’s me, Mama,” Alana said. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  Gram’s smile turned into a pained grimace and her body began to brutally convulse. She became more transparent, and ghastly keening noises came out of her mouth from low in her throat.

  “No!” I shouted as I pulled Gram from the air and held her tightly in my arms. “It’s okay, Gram. You’re fine. You were dreaming. You’re fine.”

  “Your mama killed herself to follow her lover into the darkness. Suicide. Guaranteed ticket to Hell,” Gram said in a monotone as her thin body continued to jerk and contort in my embrace.

  “What’s happening?” Charlie demanded. His eyes had turned silver and he became the badass Enforcer I’d witnessed several times.

  “Mom,” my mother said weakly. My father quickly motioned for my mother to hide herself behind him. She followed the directive immediately.

  “Your mama killed herself to follow her lover into the darkness. Suicide. Guaranteed ticket to Hell,” Gram repeated like a broken record.

  “Yes, she did,” I told Gram, rocking her like a child in my arms. “That’s right.”

  “Your mama killed herself to follow her lover into the darkness. Suicide. Guaranteed ticket to Hell.” Her voice was robotic and dead-sounding.

  “What is happening?” Charlie repeated, alarmed.

  “As we established, Clarissa planted the false narrative years ago. This is what happens when someone who has believed a vicious lie for decades is confronted with the truth,” Heather said.

  “Can it be reversed?” I heard my mother whisper.

  Gram heard her, too, and began having seizures in my arms until she literally passed out. What had been one of the best moments of my life was turning into the worst.

  “It can only be reversed by the person who planted it,” Heather replied.

  “Incorrect,” Michael said, looking down at the unconscious ghost of Gram in my arms. “Planted thoughts done in malice can’t be reversed. Unless…”

  “Unless what?” I demanded, staring at the woman who’d given up her life to raise me. The woman who’d loved me unconditionally. Steve floated over and quietly sat beside me. His steady presence calmed me.

  “Unless the one who planted it is destroyed,” Michael finished.

  Clarissa was Immortal. Was that even possible? Was Gram going to be a freaking zombie now all the time? Could I even send her into the light if she never came back to me?

  “Define destroyed,” my mother said, looking down at her own mother with utter devastation written all over her ghostly face.

  “Completely turned to ash,” Gideon said, putting his hand on my shoulder for comfort. I reached back and placed my hand over his. “It’s not possible.”

  “Nope, not buying it,” I said, letting go of Gideon and gently pushing Gram’s hair off her face and tucking it behind her ears the way she liked it. “You’re the one who keeps reminding me everything is possible if you believe.”

  My mother observed Gideon’s and my gesture of ownership with each other and gave us a small smile. “I’ve had a lot of time to think over the past thirty-five years. Clarissa has been on my mind quite a bit,” she said. “I think I know how it can be done.”

  Charlie shook his head. “The destruction of an Angel—true destruction—has dire consequences for the destroyer.”

  “I concur,” Tim said. “It’s a death wish.”

  “I’ll do it,” I said. “I don’t care what the price is.”

  “Absolutely not,” Gideon said firmly. “I have the best chance of surviving. I will annihilate her.”

  “Let’s not forget how much Karma enjoys assassination,” Tim pointed out.

  Heather eyed Tim with annoyance. “Tim, volunteering Candy Vargo for a death mission is a shitty thing to do.”

  Tim shrugged. “Trust me, Candy will be very put out if she’s not included in something that includes extermination.”

  “Be that as it may,” Michael said. “I’m the reason we’re in this mess. The only one paying the price of ending the Angel of Mercy is me.”

  “Well,” Missy said, glancing around. “There are certainly a lot of volunteers.”

  “Clarissa is not a very well-liked individual,” my mother said dryly as she leaned in and kissed my cheek. She then touched Gram with reverence and adoration. “I’m so sorry, Mama,” she whispered to Gram. “I will make this right for you because I love you, and because you loved my baby and raised her when I couldn’t.”

  “Will it work?” I asked. “Can we truly destroy her?”

  My mother paused and glanced over at my father. Their eyes locked and they shared a secret exchange.

  “That remains to be seen, Daisy,” she said. “And indeed, we shall see.”

  ## The End… for now ##

  More In The Good To The Last Death Series

  ORDER BOOK FOUR NOW!

  My midlife crisis. My rules. And if it doesn’t put me six feet under, I plan to live it up in style—possibly for the rest of eternity…

  After a Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader moment, I discovered I do indeed have a father. He comes with a hell of a lot of baggage, but I’ve decided to keep him. Not only do I have a father, I have a kickass new sister, a ghostly family, and super powers to boot. If you add to the mix that I’m dating the Grim Reaper, it’s a freakin’ party.

  The only thing standing in the way of my happiness is the Angel of Mercy, though Angel of Misery is more appropriate. She’s responsible for almost everyone I have loved, and who has loved me being taken away. With the help of family and friends, I will track her down and show her exactly what a perimenopausal hot flash looks like in action.

  Job — Death Counselor — Supergluing ghosts back together and solving their issues is rewarding. For real.

  Mission — Bring the seriously evil Angel of Mercy to justice without dying or getting anyone else killed in the process.

  Team — A bunch of certifiable Immortals, including one who re-homes vibrators. Yes, you read that correctly.

  How to do this? — Wing it. Wine, my Demon boyfriend, a houseful of deceased squatters, and good friends by my side will help.

  Midlife’s a journey. I will enjoy the ride. The crisis is happening whether I’m ready or not.

  Robyn’s Book List

  (in correct reading order)

  HOT DAMNED SERIES

  Fashionably Dead

  Fashionably Dead Down Under

  Hell on Heels

  Fashionably Dead in Diapers

  A Fashionably Dead Christmas

  Fashionably Hotter Than Hell

  Fashionably Dead and Wed

  Fashionably Fanged

  Fashionably Flawed

  A Fashionably Dead Diary

  Fashionably Forever After

  Fashionably Fabulous

  A Fashionable Fiasco

  Fashionably Fooled

  More coming soon…

  SEA SHENANIGANS SERIES

  Tallulah’s Temptation

  Ariel’s Antics

  Misty’s Mayhem

  Madison’s Mess

  Petunia’s Pandemonium

  Jingle Me Balls

  SHIFT HAPPENS SERIES

  Ready to Were

  Some Were in Time

  No Were To Run

  Were Me Out

  Where We Belong

/>   MAGIC AND MAYHEM SERIES

  Switching Hour

  Witch Glitch

  A Witch in Time

  Magically Delicious

  A Tale of Two Witches

  Three’s A Charm

  Switching Witches

  Your Broom or Mine

  The Bad Boys of A$$jacket

  HANDCUFFS AND HAPPILY EVER AFTERS SERIES

  How Hard Can it Be?

  Size Matters

  Cop a Feel

  If after reading all the above you are still wanting more adventure and zany fun, read Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures, the romance novel budding novelist Rena was helping wicked Evangeline write in How Hard Can It Be?

  Warning: Pirate Dave Contains Romance Satire, Spoofing, and Pirates with Two Pork Swords.

  Note From The Author

  If you enjoyed reading A Most Excellent Midlife Crisis, please consider leaving a positive review or rating on the site where you purchased it. Reader reviews help my books continue to be valued by resellers and help new readers make decisions about reading them.

  You are the reason I write these stories and I sincerely appreciate each of you!

  Many thanks for your support,

  ~ Robyn Peterman

  Want to hear about my new releases?

  Visit robynpeterman.com and join my mailing list!

  About Robyn Peterman

  Robyn Peterman writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. Her addictions include laughing really hard with friends, shoes (the expensive kind), Target, Coke (the drink not the drug LOL) with extra ice in a Yeti cup, bejeweled reading glasses, her kids, her super-hot hubby and collecting stray animals.