A Surrendered Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  “I am concerned about all three of the girls. Sophie and Paul appear to be having a disagreement, Amanda has been despondent since her return from Rochester, and Fanny has avoided the entire family since you and Paul arrived.”

  “First of all, they are not girls, Victoria. All three of them are young women, and you should cease your ongoing attempts to coddle them.”

  “Coddle them? I’m doing no such thing. I’m simply attempting to find out what is causing all the discord among the family of late.”

  “Of late? When has there been anything but dissension in this family?” Jonas glanced about the room. With a grunt he sat down on the divan. “Why isn’t there one comfortable chair in this parlor?” He felt like an oversized bird perched on a fragile branch.

  “I’m especially concerned about Amanda. Something happened with Dr. Carstead while she was in Rochester, but that’s as much as I’ve been able to learn from her. When I’ve pressed her for more information, she refuses to confide in me.”

  While his entire financial world was tumbling down around his ears and his contractual obligations to Ellert Jackson were resulting in disaster, Victoria was worried about nothing more important than Amanda’s preoccupied state of mind. What would Victoria do if she were faced with a genuine problem? He felt the perspiration bead along his forehead. No doubt he would soon discover the answer to that question.

  “Did you hear me, Jonas? I believe she’s in love with him, and they had a spat while she was in Rochester. Did you notice anything while she was at home?”

  Jonas pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his forehead. “No, Victoria. I had concerns of greater import that required my attention.”

  “I’m sure it was something that had to do with business—that seems to be the only thing of importance to you anymore. I want you to speak with Dr. Carstead and see if—”

  “Whether or not she’s had an argument with Dr. Carstead does not matter. Amanda has no future with him.”

  “Please, Jonas. Don’t bring up the topic of an arranged marriage again. You know that I truly do not approve. Dr. Carstead is a fine man, and even though he isn’t wealthy, he is well educated and is esteemed in the community. I believe he would make a fine husband for Amanda.”

  Jonas pushed himself up from his uncomfortable perch and began pacing the carpet. “Another man has requested Amanda’s hand in marriage.”

  For a moment Jonas thought his wife had been struck dumb. But then she jumped up, grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, and shouted, “Whaaat? That’s impossible. Amanda hasn’t had a gentleman caller of any sort. Who could be asking for her hand?”

  Jonas led her to the divan. “Do sit down. You look as though you may faint.”

  She permitted him to assist her to the couch, but she pulled on his sleeve until he sat down beside her. “Tell me this is your attempt at humor, Jonas.”

  “I’m afraid not, my dear. The truth is, Ellert Jackson has professed his love for Amanda and has requested permission to marry her.”

  The color returned to Victoria’s cheeks. “Amanda doesn’t even know him. It’s inconceivable that you would mention his name as a possible suitor for our daughter. Even if Amanda loved him, I would expect you to refuse his offer of marriage. And the fact that you would force her to consider such a marriage is beyond my belief. Why, they would have little in common.”

  “He’s a successful businessman who respects Amanda’s interests in medicine. He would be a good match.”

  “A good match? She doesn’t know him. That fact aside, he’s nearly your age, Jonas. He’s far too old for Amanda. She’s young and vibrant and deserves a husband her own age. Amanda doesn’t want to marry someone who reminds her of her father.”

  “Nonsense. Ellert’s hair has turned prematurely white. He is only forty-five, which is an acceptable age for Amanda.”

  “No! I will not allow it. If you attempt to proceed with this ridiculous match, I’ll do everything in my power to stop you, Jonas. I want our daughter to marry for love, and I am certain she loves Dr. Carstead.”

  Pain shot up the tendons at the base of his skull, and Jonas massaged his neck. He had foolishly hoped that Victoria would easily acquiesce to this arrangement and he wouldn’t be forced to lay out the brutal facts of their finances. He’d known that he’d be required to admit the truth to Victoria eventually, for there was no doubt Ellert would be quick to tell Amanda that she had been given in marriage as payment of her father’s debt. The words sounded harsh, but Jonas salved his conscience with the fact that such marriage arrangements had been an accepted practice for many years. Amanda would be happy once she reconciled herself to the idea.

  Victoria rose to her feet and folded her arms across her waist. “I mean what I say, Jonas. I will not agree.”

  “Sit down, Victoria.” She had left him no choice: He must tell her. “I want you to listen to me carefully. This is not a decision I have made lightly. However, it is a decision that must be followed. We are in dire financial straits. I don’t mean that we are suffering a slight problem, Victoria. I owe Ellert Jackson a great deal of money. If Amanda does not marry him, everything we own will be at risk. Everything! Do I make myself clear?”

  14

  Saturday, July 1, 1899

  Amanda picked her way along the path following Fanny’s footsteps. The sunshine filtered through the trees, creating a splotchy patchwork along the trail. The day was beautiful, but she couldn’t put aside thoughts of what her father had done to Fanny—to all of them. How could he be so deceiving?

  “This shortcut will take us directly to the kitchen,” Fanny called over her shoulder. They’d been finishing their picnic lunch when Fanny announced that she needed to return to talk with Mrs. Atwell.

  “I do wish you would have told me you’d made plans for this afternoon before we arranged for our picnic. I had hoped to spend the entire afternoon away from the house. I told Mother we wouldn’t return until supper.”

  “I’m sorry, but you’re welcome to join me. I promised to discuss some of the wedding plans with Michael’s mother. I don’t want her to feel excluded. She’s insisting on preparing much of the food, and she’s going to bake our wedding cake.” Fanny’s eyes sparkled with excitement.

  “I don’t know how you can just go on as if nothing has happened. Fanny, I can’t even begin to understand what my father has done.”

  Fanny stopped and took hold of Amanda’s hands. “It cuts me deeply to know the pain I’ve caused you in revealing the truth. I should never have said anything.”

  “No. You were right to tell me everything. I can’t help but wonder how many other lies have been told.”

  Fanny frowned and looked away. “I’ve been praying about such things. I know that nothing can be gained by dwelling on the bad. We must think of the good.” She smiled. “That’s why I choose to think of Michael and how much I love him. When I think of him and that we’ll be married very shortly, nothing else seems as important.”

  The feelings of envy that filled Amanda’s heart surprised her. She loved Fanny and wanted Michael to return and marry her cousin. There was nothing she desired any more than to see Fanny and Michael happily wed—or was there? The sudden stab of jealousy stopped her in her tracks. She forced herself to trudge onward. She didn’t want Fanny to question her. Not now. Not when she couldn’t understand these strange, unwelcome feelings.

  Amanda spotted Mrs. Atwell’s skirt and shoes below the line of damp clothes hanging on the line. As they drew closer, the older woman leaned down, lifted a towel from the basket, and flipped it in the air with a loud snap. A bright smile creased her face the moment she spotted them. “Just in time for tea,” she called.

  “Don’t tell her we’ve just finished our picnic,” Fanny whispered.

  “I’m not a dolt. I wouldn’t refuse her hospitality.” There was a sharpness to her words that she hadn’t intended.

  Fanny spun around. “I’ve hurt your feelings. I’m so sorry. That w
asn’t my intent.”

  A rush of guilt washed over Amanda. “No need to apologize. I’m the one who was short with you. Forgive me. I want to choose better things to dwell on, but my father’s actions have grieved me in a way I cannot explain. He has wronged you, Fanny. I would rather he had wronged me a hundred times than to have hurt you.”

  “Don’t say such things,” Fanny said, shaking her head. “There is pain enough to go around.”

  “But I needn’t add to it. I’m sorry.”

  Fanny smiled and grasped Amanda’s hand. “Then all is well. I’m so thankful to have you. Life wouldn’t be the same without you and Sophie.”

  Mrs. Atwell gathered up the empty clothes basket and joined them. “Come along, you two. I have the tea brewing, and I’ve made some special tea cakes.” Her gaze settled on the picnic basket dangling from Amanda’s arm. “You’re probably not hungry right now, but if you come down later, I’ll be sure and save some for you.”

  While Fanny followed the older woman inside, Amanda set the picnic basket beside the back door and then joined them. Mrs. Atwell scooted close to Fanny with a list of items she’d already prepared for Fanny’s review.

  “I believe the wedding cake should be the bride’s choice, so you tell me what you have in mind.”

  “Both Michael and I have a special fondness for your lemon pound cake. Do you think that would be appropriate?”

  Mrs. Atwell beamed. “I don’t know. You two know far more about fancy weddings than I do. What do you think, Amanda?”

  “I’m not certain—”

  Before she could complete her reply, Fanny jabbed her elbow into Amanda’s side. “But that’s exactly why we’re having the wedding here at Broadmoor Island. We don’t want to conform to what everyone else does. We want a wedding that is special and meaningful to both of us. And I think a lemon pound cake will be perfect.” Fanny patted the older woman’s work-worn hand. “If it will make you feel better, we’ll ask Michael. He should be home any day now.”

  “That’s fine by me,” the older woman said. “We’ll have time to decide once he’s home.”

  “What if he doesn’t come home?” The words had slipped from Amanda’s thoughts to her lips, and now it was too late to take them back. Both Fanny and Mrs. Atwell stared at her, gape-mouthed. You would have thought she’d uttered a sacrilege. “That is a possibility, isn’t it? After all, he didn’t come home last year when he was expected. And now it’s July and he said he’d be home in June. . . . He could be delayed again.”

  “I have faith he’ll be home,” Mrs. Atwood replied. “Mr. Atwood, Fanny, and I have been fervently praying that nothing will stand in the way of his expected return. We’re trusting God will bring Michael home to us.”

  Amanda didn’t argue. Perhaps God would answer their prayers. Yet she remembered Fanny’s praying for that same thing last year, and God hadn’t seen fit to send Michael back to her then. “I believe I’ll go and see if there are any plans being made for this evening.”

  She thought Fanny would protest her departure, but when she didn’t, Amanda slipped out of the room unnoticed. All this talk of weddings served as an ongoing reminder of Blake and Julia. Had the woman remained in Rochester and managed to convince Blake that she would be the perfect wife for him? Since she’d heard nothing from him, Amanda could only assume they had resumed their relationship. A woman wouldn’t come all the way from California and then give up easily. Especially not a woman as forward as Julia. Why, she was probably planning their wedding this very minute.

  “There you are!” Her father’s voice boomed from the lower porch. Startled, Amanda looked up to see him waving her forward. “Come into the house. I need to talk with you.”

  She couldn’t imagine why her father would want to talk to her. He seldom said more than a few words in passing, and now knowing what he had done to Fanny, she really didn’t want to speak to him at all. “Is something wrong? Mother hasn’t taken ill, has she?”

  He shook his head. “Your mother is fine. She’s waiting for us in the library.”

  What possible reason could her parents have to join together and speak to her? Her heart skipped a beat. Had her mother managed to convince her father to use his influence so that she could be enrolled in medical school during the next year? Surely not. He’d been adamant that he’d never agree. What then? Had Blake spoken to her father and asked permission to court her? The very thought caused her mouth to go dry. That must be it! Why else would they want to speak with her?

  Hurrying her step, she followed behind her father like a small child expecting a treat. She stopped short at the sight of her mother. From her mother’s appearance, this would not be a pleasant conversation. Her complexion was pale, and her red puffy eyes were evidence she’d been crying.

  Amanda rushed over to her mother’s side. “What’s happened?”

  The question was enough to release a floodgate of tears. They spilled down her mother’s cheeks unchecked. She pointed to Amanda’s father. “Y-y-your f-father will t-t-tell you. I ca-ca-can’t.” Her mother dabbed her eyes and then pinned Amanda’s father with any icy stare.

  “All these tears are frightening me. Exactly what is this about?” In spite of the warmness of the room, Amanda’s hands were now trembling. A part of her was afraid to hear, while another part of her felt an urgent need to know exactly what had caused her mother’s tears.

  “Sit down, Amanda.” Her father closed the library door. He waited until she had taken a seat beside her mother. “Our family has a critical problem, and you are the only one who can resolve it for us.”

  She thought of the things Fanny had told her. Was there something more to this than her cousin had confessed? “I can hardly believe there is anything I can do or say to help in matters so desperate that my mother is left in tears.”

  “Just hear me out,” her father replied. “You’ll understand soon enough.”

  Amanda sat in stunned silence while her father told her of the plan that would save the entire family from financial ruin. When he finished, he stared at her with an intensity that made her look away.

  “Well? Will you do it? Will you marry Ellert Jackson?”

  “Surely you don’t expect an answer this very minute, Father. You’ve only just told me of a plan—your plan—that will completely alter my life, and you want me to give it no thought?”

  His eyes burned her like hot coals. “You realize I could have agreed to the arrangement without speaking to you. However, I wanted you to understand the seriousness of our financial situation.”

  “I do understand, but that doesn’t change the fact that I need time to make my decision. I don’t even know Mr. Jackson, and he’s old enough to be my father. He’s not a man I would choose to marry under normal circumstances, so please permit me time to weigh a decision that will affect the remainder of my life.”

  “She’s right, Jonas. Go along upstairs, Amanda. I’ll be up shortly, and we’ll talk.”

  She bolted from her chair and hurried out of the room without giving her father the opportunity to object. Once inside the sanctuary of her room, she threw herself across the bed and considered what her father had done in light of what Fanny had already told her. There had been a brief moment when she’d considered confronting her father, but what purpose would it serve? Her mother was already devastated beyond belief. No need to create further havoc.

  Her thoughts raced back to the supper shared with Ellert Jackson at her home. Had the idea of marriage been discussed in her father’s library that evening in Rochester? She forced herself to recall every detail of that meeting. Mr. Jackson had done his best to draw her into conversation during supper, but she’d been preoccupied with thoughts of Blake and Julia. She hadn’t given the man any indication that she held any interest in him. Instead, she’d been rather rude. In retrospect, she recalled his lingering gaze when she had entered the library to bid her father good-night. He seemed pleasant enough, but the idea of courtship had never even been di
scussed. How could she possibly consider marriage to the man? Did Ellert Jackson truly hold regard for her after one simple meeting?

  “People often marry without being in love,” her father had told her at one point in their conversation that evening.

  Amanda thought of Blake and the pain she felt in misunderstanding his feelings for her. Maybe emotional love was not at all what she had believed it to be. Perhaps her father’s idea of an arranged marriage truly merited consideration. After all, letting her heart choose for her had done Amanda little good.

  July 4, 1899

  Amanda descended the staircase carrying three thin ribbons between her fingers. She was determined to put aside her sorrow and concerns and enjoy the Independence Day celebration. Spotting Fanny and Sophie on the front porch, she walked outside and waved the red, white, and blue strands overhead. “Look what I’ve found. Now Elizabeth can join our Fourth of July tradition and wear ribbons that match ours.”

  Sophie ran her fingers through the baby’s thin fluff of hair and giggled. “I don’t believe she has enough hair to keep the ribbons in place.”

  Undeterred, Amanda twisted the ribbons together and tied them around Elizabeth’s waist. “There! That will do. Everyone will know she’s one of us.” She stood back and gave an approving nod.

  Fanny waved toward the dock. “There’s Mr. Atwell. Come on, Sophie.”

  “Where are you two going?”

  “Your mother volunteered Sophie and me to greet guests as they arrive at Round Island for the celebration. We’re supposed to be there early to receive our instructions,” Fanny said. “Mrs. Oosterman’s orders.”

  There would be no Fourth of July celebration on Broadmoor Island this year. The family would attend the huge gala being hosted by the Oostermans on Round Island. Amanda’s father had announced it would be a nice change for the family, but Amanda wondered if it was his way of avoiding the expense of their usual festivities.