by M. Brennan
"Cliff notes version: forgot some files for work, headed back to get them and found one of my friends fucking my boyfriend. I think he may have planned it but to top it all off, he didn't have the job I thought he did. His wages were my credit cards and savings account." He tenses beside me.
"How the hell did he get your account details?" he says angrily as if he can talk. I lean up to look at him and raise an eyebrow.
"That's different, I didn't take anything," he says as if it makes perfect sense.
"No you didn't but that's not the point," I tell him sternly and continue, "I was in a relationship with him and thought I was in love. When we moved in together I would sometimes give him my cards to get stuff or to pay bills. I didn't even know that my cards could reach what he took." He is shaking his head when I'm finish.
"You shouldn't trust so easily," he says but there's a hidden meaning in the way he said it.
"Should I trust you?"
He thinks for a second. "I won't do anything to hurt you Nessa but that doesn't mean it can't happen." Eh cryptic much? What does that mean? But before I can dwell further the buzzer to the door goes off. We eat and chat—he's actually really funny and relaxed not the Taylor I'm used to, it's strange but in a good way.
Once we're done eating we watch a movie and chill on the sofa. I really like cuddly Taylor. He just holds me and every once in a while will drop a kiss on my head. Once the film is over we head to bed and true to his word I don't get touched. I also don't get much sleep as I'm spooning a sex God. Seriously I'm so frecking horny and now is when he decides to be a gentleman.
I finally drifted off but wake up to something hard pressed between my butt cheeks. It has the heat yet again rising between my legs. I decide I'm not gonna let him say no, so I slowly turn around and move the sheet down then I move down the bed. Just as I'm about to release him from his boxer he moves and I freeze.
Shit, but he doesn't wake so I continue and take him in my hand. I move my hand up and down his shaft slowly. I can tell he needs a release too because the veins are bulging along his thick length. I take him deep in my mouth and he grunts then moans. When he says my name I know he's waking. About freaking time.
"Nessa what are you do- Ahh don't stop. Shit that's good."
With that I take him deep again and he grabs the sides of my face carefully then starts thrusting himself in and out of my mouth. I move my hand down and massage his balls. Soon everything starts to tighten up, he's not far away now.
"Nessa you need to stop if you don't want me to come in your mouth," he says breathlessly. I don't stop and he groans, "Oh fuck!" And with that he comes down the back of my throat all the while shuddering his release.
Ha take that! This bitch is just that good. I lie back on the pillow next to him smiling to myself. I feel Taylor move and when I open my eyes he's above me.
"Think your pretty great don't you?"
Eh yeah I do, because I am that great but I don't tell him that. "I don't know what you mean. I just wanted to surprise you." I say sweetly.
"Yeah surprise me. I told you we need to wait till you're better but you just had to go and prove how fine you are."
Oops he's on to me. "No. Yes. Maybe."
He doesn't say anything about my answer but instead moves between my legs. When his erect cock lands directly at my pussy with only a pair of lace panties between us I feel jolts of pleasure. Thank God for his rapid recovery time, the man is a machine. He stays there unmoving till I can't take it any longer.
"Please Taylor, touch me. Do something." He doesn't answer but starts to move his hand up and down my side. This man is killing me. "Taylor," I plead and he moves to the side and puts a condom on then he's back between my legs. "Taylor," I beg impatiently.
"Shh, patience baby." I'm about to explode and he hasn't even properly touched me yet. I just need a little contact so I wiggle underneath him before he pins me to the bed.
"Ugh. Taylor, please!" He smiles at my pleas. I'm about to bitch slap him—as soon as I get a hand free. He moves one hand down and rips my panties right off. Oh fuck yes! "Hey I might have like those."
"I'll buy you more," he laughs. I don't actually care and it was hot but I won't say no to new panties.
I feel him move down the bed then spread my legs wide open. "I love how you get so wet for me." With that he dives in and when his tongue hits my clit I jump and moan out his name.
He's licking and sucking my clit when his finger enters me. I'm so close. "Taylor, I'm going to come… Yes! Keep doing that… Oh God!" Just when I'm at the edge, he removes his finger. In one swift move he enters me.
"Oh God move. Please move!"
He finally complies with my sex fuelled demands and begins to move. When he does it feels so good. It feels so right. He speeds up his thrusts moving in and out faster yet never taking his eyes off me. His kisses are gentle and sweet. I want to scream for him to go harder or faster but in that moment we're not having sex—we're making love. When we come it's so intense, like nothing I have felt before. We both lie on the bed just trying to catch our breath.
Taylor leans over me with an intense look in his eye. "I've never felt that before while having sex," he says and I know what he means. It was intense.
"That's because we made love," I say carefully and look at him closely to catch his reaction. I know he's never had sex with feelings before. Did he know we were making love? Does he have feeling for me or am I just hoping? Could I ever be enough for him?
His face doesn't change he just stares at me. "I suppose we did," he says quietly, a little too quietly for my liking. I'm definitely not going to be enough for him but how do I let him go? I'm feeling the panic starting to awaken in my chest again, I need some space.
"I'm going to have a shower and get ready to meet my friends for lunch," I say getting up and before I know it I'm pinned beneath him again.
"What's wrong?" he asks. Shit.
"Nothing, I just have to start getting ready," I say pushing myself up and this time he doesn't stop me.
"Nessa, you went into your head and got that look that tells me you're going to run." I have a look? I'll need to watch that in the future.
"Yeah, running to the shower," I say as if he's mad but in truth he's right and I do really want to run away from him to think—something I can't do with him around.
I finish in the shower and step out to an angry Taylor. Uh oh.
"So do you want to tell me what that was all about?" He doesn't miss a beat
"What was what all about?" I ask innocently as if I have no clue what he's talking about.
"Don't play dumb Nessa, it doesn't suit you." He is not going to let this drop.
"It wasn't about anything. I just needed space we had amazing sex and it was just intense. I just need a few minutes to understand it." It's the truth, sort of. I just hope he takes my answer and leaves it alone.
"I don't believe you but I'll leave it for now. You're going to tell me what goes on in that head of yours and I can wait till you're ready. But till then don't lie to me and don't fucking run." With that he storms out. Great. I've pissed him off.
I get dress and go look for Taylor. I find him in the living room staring out the window.
"I'm sorry." When I say that he turns to face me but he doesn't say anything, just nods. Ugh he's not going to make this easy. "Taylor please don't be annoyed at me. I've been doing things a certain way all my life just like you have. It's hard for me to change my habits but I'll try, ok. I ran because I'm not sure how I feel about you or how you feel about me and it scares me." He still doesn't say anything just keeps looking at me. I have been honest, it's what he wanted.
I'm about to walk away when he speaks, “It scares me too Nessa. You're the first woman I have ever made love to. I normally just fuck and go but with you everything is intense, amazing. I'm afraid I might lose that one day and I don't want to. I care about you a lot and want to see where this can go with us." I never really thought about hi
m feeling this way before. He sounds as vulnerable as I feel.
"I'm sorry. I really am. I won't run anymore. I'll try to enjoy what we have without getting lost in my fucked up head."
"Good you can start by calling your friends because I have you here for a week and I plan on christening every room and surface in this place. Which means you don't have time for lunch but don't worry I'll feed you in between rounds," he says with a wink before stalking towards me. I instinctively start moving backward.
"I won't be gone too long. I'm sure you can survive that long without me".
He laughs. "Nope. You're not leaving, not now and not for the next week. You're all mine."
I'm stopped by the wall. When he catches up with me he pins me there. I laugh. "Fine take me, have your wicked way with me." I try to joke but it comes out in a pant. He has me pinned and I can feel his erection against my stomach.
"Oh baby, I plan doing just that," he says as his lips capture mine.
True to Taylor's word we spend everyday held up in the apartment. I'm going home tomorrow and I want to go out into the real world.
I find Taylor in the kitchen having a coffee. "Hey can we go out today? I feel like I'm going stir crazy stuck here," I plead with him. He puts his coffee down and comes over to me.
"Babe this is our last night together, I just want to enjoy you. I think we should stay in. I'll even cook."
I cross my arms over my chest. "No, I want to go out." I know I'm whining but seriously I need some fresh air.
"Babe we're not going out, let's not fight over it. Not on our last night." I don't understand why won't he bring me out. My insecurities have me wondering if he is afraid to be seen with me. I mean, I'm nothing like the normal models he has on his arms.
"Do you not want to be seen with me, is that it?" I whisper. He moves straight over to me and grabs me by the shoulders.
"Don't you dare do that. I would love nothing better than to shout out to the world that you're my woman but it's not that easy. I don't want you splashed all over some trashy magazine. I want to enjoy you and take my time. They will call you one of my women, and you're not—you are so much more. Just let me enjoy you and me before we go through all that."
I feel a little bad but I also feel that something isn't right. Do people really follow him everywhere? I wasn't asking to go somewhere fancy. A walk in the park would have been great but I need to learn to trust so I hug him and tell him fine.
We have dinner and an early night. Taylor wanted to spend the night giving me reasons not to go home. He did just that. I don't want to leave but I think space will do us both some good.
EIGHT
I'm heading home today because I go back to work tomorrow. It makes me feel sad to leave Taylor but I need some space to figure out what's going on between us. We haven't mentioned making love since that morning and I'm trying to tone down my inner voice that keeps telling me I'm not enough for him. I think I'm falling in love with him and that scares the crap out of me because that's when they leave me and I don't want him to leave.
I pour a coffee and look out the window when Taylor comes up behind me.
"I don't want you to go."
I don't want to go either but if I give him this space maybe he'll miss me and if he doesn't I have the space I need to deal with it.
"You'll be grand. I'm only down the road," I say as if it's not killing me to leave.
"I know," he says sadly so I turn and kiss him.
"Hey put on your big boy pants and let's get going. I have a dinner date with the girls since someone made me miss my last one." That gets him laughing.
"You loved it." He kisses me on the head and grabs my bag.
"Yes I did."
When we get to my apartment door I don't feel so afraid but I still get a weird feeling about the whole thing. Like how did they get in? Nothing was broken and nothing was taken, for a so called robbery. I mean they knocked me clean out. They could have taken what they wanted. I'm just trying to just forget about it and move on.
When we go in I feel a pang of sadness. I am really going to miss him.
"Why the long face?" Taylor asks taking my hand.
"I'm just realised I don't hate you so much anymore," I say jokingly and he laughs.
"I don't hate you so much either."
Taylor has to run and I have to go meet the girls at Fitzsimons. When he's gone I get my bag and head out.
Once I'm there I spot the girls and Ray at our usual table.
"What's up bitches?"
They all smile. "Well hello there slut. How was your week with the sex God?" Stacey says wiggling her eyebrows.
It was the best week of my life. I didn't want to leave. I'm afraid I love him. I could say all that but I settle for, "It was fine."
"Bullshit!" This comes from Sam at the same time Ray spits out, "Ha please! Don't play all innocent with me baby girl. You totally humped the sex God." Such a way with words he has.
"Ok fine it was great, amazing, and hot." I wink.
"Knew it, she just spent the week in bed," Sam says laughing.
"I'm sure she was just trying to get to know him Sam not everyone uses sex. Ever heard of having a conversation?" We all laugh. Awe poor Jess, she's so innocent and the only one of us who's still a virgin.
"Eh no, she totally had hot sex with the billionaire playboy," Stacey tells her but when she sees the look on my face when she used the word playboy she knew she said the wrong thing. My stomach feels too sick for lunch now. What if he's with someone else right now?
"Get that look of your face Nessa. I was kidding. I'm sorry I used that word, I didn't mean it. He's mad about you anyone can see that," Stacey says pulling me from my thoughts.
"Yeah I know. I'm fine, course he is." I say using my fake bravado and they all laugh.
While we're enjoying our food I notice Ray giving Sam the evil eye.
"What up with you two?" I ask them.
"Where do I start," Ray says rolling his eyes. Oh this is going to be good.
"From the beginning," I say holding my laugh in.
"He's such a drama queen, I swear. Don't you say a word," she threatens.
"Yeah like that's going to happen. You ruined mine and Boo's relationship. I can't even sleep with him anymore," Ray huffs. Boo is Ray's teddy bear that he's had for years. He can't sleep without it. What the hell did she do?
"Ok calm down you two and tell us what happened."
"Well Sam called me saying she needed a friend so I asked her to come over," Ray says but Sam jumps straight in.
"If you're going to tell it then say it right. You were crying like a baby because Nessa was in hospital and everyone else was busy so Stacey asked me to go calm him down," Sam says growling at Ray.
"Whatever. So she comes over a we have a few drinks and Miss Tight and Serious here starts to loosen up. She questions me about being gay. Like hello, it's so simple. Just like her I love the dick. But she wouldn't drop it. She kept asking how do I know and then she does the unthinkable and starts stripping till she's bum freaking naked! I nearly died and I most definitely puked a little. I told her to put it away but she was all for coming on to me. When I told her it was never going to happen she jumped on me, boobs flapping everywhere! It was horrible. I told her to get her saggy tits off me and that's when she took Boo and rubbed him all over her bits. It was so awful. I have washed Boo three times but I still can't seem to let him stay with me."
He's so dramatic I swear. Jess, Stacey, and I all burst out laughing, we can't seem to stop. There are tears rolling down my face and my sides hurt.
"I did not hit on you. I was drunk and messing around with you. You shouldn't have called my boobs saggy," Sam snaps at him.
"Whatever. Me and Boo are so traumatized we might need counselling," Ray snaps back.
"It's a fucking teddy, stop been a little baby and get the hell over it all ready!" Sam growls. I manage to stop laughing to tell them to chill. This is so funny, poor Boo.
/> We manage to enjoy the rest of our day with a just a few evil eyes from Sam to Ray. They're too funny. They really love each other though.
When I first met Ray at work he was hyper and I remember he always smelled amazing. We clicked straight away and became best friends. My girls also took to him well, which was great.
It's getting late so Stacey and I decide to head home. When I look at my phone I see a message from Taylor.
Hope you're having a good day with your friends. Miss you loads beautiful.
Wow he's too sweet. I miss him too. I send a quick message telling him that and we head out.
Once we get home I shower and head out for some food. I'm so hungry. I think I have an eating problem, I'm always hungry. Stacey's in the kitchen making a sandwich. I'm totally normal because she is hungry too.
"Hey do you want a sandwich?" Is the sky blue?
"Yes please," I say a little to eagerly and she laughs. "I'm just so hungry these last few days. I can't seem to fill myself. I'll need to diet at this stage." She laughs again.
"Oh you will be fine not a pick on you. Aunt flow is probably on her way." Yeah she could be right. When am I due for a visit? It actually feels like for ever since I had one. I'll have to check that out but they're always so irregular. I know I can't be pregnant, they did a test when I was admitted in hospital. I guess I'll just have to wait for flow to come around.
Taylor wants me to go on the pill, so when I get my monthly I'll have to make an appointment for the doctor. I was on the pill when I was with Brandon but we still always used protection. When I found him and Lucy together my head was fucked up and I forgot to take them for a few days. I wasn't having sex so I didn't really care but now I need to go back on it.
It's not that I don't want kids, I do. I just want them later in life. I don't want my child feeling the rejection I felt growing up so I wouldn't have a kid unless I was one hundred and ten percent sure I was in a forever relationship. Which might never happen but I'm ok with that, I'm getting used to the whole no one sticking around. No matter what happens I need to learn to be strong. I don't want the easy way out like my mother took, I will fight.
