With or Without You (The Dom's of The Cage Book 4)

by P Nelson

  His speech brought tears to her eyes. If women appreciated what an amazing man Dillon was underneath his porn star, I’ll fuck anything exterior, he’d have a line of women wanting to make a permanent contract with him. Fuck. Who was she kidding? There was already a line a mile long just to share a scene with him.

  “I’m not ready.” She sounded defeated. “And I’m not going to be ready with my mom and dad sitting out in that waiting room giving me speeches about my alternative lifestyle.” Thea found refuge in anger. She could focus her feelings of helplessness on them. “I know VPD isn’t going to take me back. They’ll put me on administrative leave and plant me behind a desk for the rest of my career.” Her head hurt just thinking about it.

  “We only need to deal with one thing at a time.” Dillon’s assertion was brusque. She should feel irritated he’d included himself in her life, but she was comforted. He stood up again and fluffed the pillows behind her. She hated feeling tired, but already this morning’s outburst had cost her a lot of energy. Dillon picked up the discarded paper doughnut bag and handed her the forgotten maple cream and pulled out the last one for himself.

  “Your mom is amazing when she wants to be,” Dillon spoke around a mouthful of donut to pre-empt Thea’s assertion. “But you’re right. You can’t heal with them hovering over you all day.” Dillon swallowed and spoke quickly as he examined the custard filling of his donut. “You need space, but you need to stay safe. There’s no question about going to your old flat. Even if Esposito didn’t know where you live, he sure as fuck does now.”

  “What about your loft?” No disguising the hope in her voice.

  “Out of the question.” Dillon sounded as if he was disappointed by his assessment. “My place has just as many people watching it as yours, and if we’re right, and Esposito sent those pictures to me. To taunt me.” Dillon lifted his face to ceiling and squeezed his eyes shut. She understood he was blaming himself for what happened, but no matter how many times she had absolved him, Dillon was intent on placing the blame on his shoulders. He shook his head and stared back at her. “I do have another option.”

  “Living on a remote island off the coast of Haida Gwaii?” Thea licked her fingers after finishing her donut. “No coffee and no pastry. No way.” She leaned back on the pillows Dillon had thoughtfully fluffed for her. It was tricky to avoid all her injuries, but at least she was alive. The image of Bondie’s broken body, neck slit wide open popped into her brain, and she shoved it aside. Not going to deal with any of that shit right now.

  “Not a remote island, but I have heard Flynn owns one of those, too.” Dillon’s expression made it appear as if he was contemplating his next words carefully. “Flynn had me staying in an apartment. More like a penthouse that isn’t the penthouse in one of his buildings while we waited for word about you.” He abruptly cut off and swallowed hard. She could only imagine the terror and worry he had felt. What she glimpsed through one blurry, partially opened eye made her wonder if he had gotten into another fight.

  “You think he’d let me stay there?” She wanted to go home and be amongst her familiar belongings. But at this point, she’d be happy to go anywhere that meant she could escape this hospital bed.

  “No, but he’ll allow us to stay there. You know Flynn thinks Esposito is after him. He blames himself for all of those subs’ deaths and your kidnapping.” Dillon paused for a second. “Aside from all of that, he’s a loyal friend. Flynn will do anything to see you recovered.”

  “An endeavour we all share.” Thea’s gaze whipped around to the open door where Dr Selkirk stood. Aside from approving his public scenes at the club, Thea had never had much contact with the sadist of The Cage. Not only was he dominant, but his tastes ran to the extreme side of pain and pleasure. The subs he took adored him, and he cossetted them until their contract finished. He always played with experienced subs, and he never let up on his strict rules for any sub. He was twenty-four/seven, and if a sub couldn’t handle his constant presence in her life, the contract ended immediately.

  “Dr Selkirk,” Dillon addressed the other Dom. Thea always found the interactions between Doms fascinating, especially naturally dominant men like Selkirk and Dillon. They always looked as if they were circling one another, ready to bite if necessary to protect their territory.

  “Mr Ross,” Dr Selkirk responded in a low tone.

  “Why don’t the two of you just get a measuring tape out?” Thea rolled her eyes from the bed. Dillon glanced over his shoulder at her and frowned.

  “A sense of humour is a good indication of recovery.” Dr Selkirk stepped aside, and a young nurse entered the room. She pushed a tray of new bandages in front of her. Thea couldn’t hide a shudder at the instruments laid out on the table. It wasn’t that it was necessarily painful for her to have the bandages changed. She just hated it when she caught a glimpse of her skin in a mirror or window.

  “Great. I want to discharge her,” Dillon announced as Thea shuffled over to the side of the bed doing her best not to wince. Dr Selkirk closed the door to ensure Thea’s privacy as the nurse helped her out of the hospital gown.

  “I want to discharge myself,” Thea piped up and raised her gaze to the ceiling avoiding the metal grates around the lights. She was naked to the waist as the nurse efficiently started to pull the loose bandages from her back.

  “You can be released into the care of a responsible adult,” Dr Selkirk’s statement came from directly behind Thea, and she jumped, startled he had moved so closely without her hearing.

  “Perfect. Where do I sign?” The matter resolved in Dillon’s mind.

  “A responsible adult,” Dr Selkirk repeated. “Thea, I’m going to place my hands on your skin.”

  “Yes. Fine. Do it.” Thea couldn’t help her body’s reaction. All her muscles tensed, and she flinched as Dr Selkirk’s firm competent fingers probed around her wounds.

  “You can’t think her family is a better choice than me,” Dillon felt offended. “I can help her heal and deal with her needs.” He put extra emphasis on the last word.

  “Thea.” Dr Selkirk came around to face her. Forcing her stare from the ceiling, she did her best not to let panic rise inside of her. Before her kidnapping, Thea had thought nothing of being naked in front of an audience. It was, after all, part of the lifestyle to be comfortable with your own body. Walking around dungeons and fucking in front of strangers was all a part of the kink world if you were into voyeurism. It wasn’t her body that she had a problem with now; it was the ugly pink healing lacerations made by the whip and the crop that had torn and ripped her flesh open. “Physically, you’re healing well, but I cannot sign off on an early discharge if you won’t speak with a therapist.” Wincing at both his words and the pinching the nurse couldn’t help doing as she replaced the tape meant to minimise her scars, Thea bit back a squeak.

  “I don’t have anything to say,” she managed to get out between gritted teeth. As the nurse inspected each injury, the strain of pretending she was fine, that she could handle the building pain became harder to bear. One or two injuries might have been OK to deal with, but there were so many.

  “Oddly enough, I find it hard to believe.” Dr Selkirk’s challenging stare bored into Thea. He was stripping her bare. Panic and resentment built inside of her until she released a long breath.

  “Enough. I can’t take it anymore. Please, I need a rest,” she cried out. The nurse stepped back immediately.

  “Can you handle this?” Dr Selkirk had turned to Dillon whose concern-filled expression focused on Thea. If her cheeks could blush under all the bruising they would be flaming right row. She had lost control of her temper. Ashamed, she turned to the nurse to apologise.

  “I’m sorry, please continue your work.” Taking time to moderate her tone. She rebuilt some of her lost dignity.

  “No problem, Detective Demopoulos.” The nurse politely replied but didn’t move to continue her task. She turned her attention to Dr Selkirk and waited patiently.
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  “Give us a moment.” Dr Selkirk addressed the nurse, and she nodded. She removed her rubber gloves with a snap and walked out the door. It closed on the silence.

  “I said I was sorry.” Thea took a deep breath. “I can continue.” Dr Selkirk ignored her and continued to scrutinise Dillon whose attention had shifted back to the doctor.

  “Can you handle this?” he asked again. “Because if she doesn’t get the emotional support she clearly needs to help her through this trauma, this is going to be her daily experience.” Dr Selkirk’s face twisted, and Thea was astonished to see real emotion from him for the first time in all the years she had seen him in various dungeons.

  “Hey.” Thea managed to get out before Dr Selkirk’s penetrating gaze forced her into silence.

  “You don’t know what you need. By the reactions of your family sitting outside, you have repressed a fundamental part of your psyche for so long you don’t know what’s real or what’s only a manifestation of what you want to be.” Selkirk turned back to Dillon. “I’ll release her into your care on the condition she sees Dr Jones at least three times a week.”

  “Three times a week? Who has the time?” she asked pulling the gown back into place.

  “You have the time,” Dr Selkirk pressed.

  “Yes. You do have the time,” Dillon said. It was a relief even though Thea realised he wouldn’t be coming to her rescue. Hadn’t he mentioned her seeing the hospital psychologist already today?

  “I know you. I know what you’re thinking.” Dillon’s stance widened, and his shoulders straightened. Thea’s eyes narrowed on him. “You want me to take over your care, because you think I’ll let you do whatever you want.” His chin lifted. “I lost you once. I made promises, now you make some of your own.” The demand chafed. Thea slumped back and closed her eyes. The scenes inside of her head were not ones she wanted to face, but she needed to be brave.

  In the basement, there had come a time when she believed there would be no salvation for her. He had used Thea’s body as an instrument against her, and all that was left of her hid inside a corner of her mind wanting the whole unpleasant business of her slow death to be over. There was regret. Thea opened her eyes.

  “I’ll sign a thirty-day contract with you.” Thea would have laughed at Dillon’s comical expression if the situation hadn’t been so serious. “Not for scenes, but as a gesture of goodwill between us. I’ll promise to be as good a patient as I can. As long as you promise to give me some space.”

  “How much space?” Dillon prompted. They were both well versed in the intricacies of establishing a contract all parties would find beneficial. Now she watched as he calculated what he needed in regard to what he perceived as her needs.

  “Afternoons to myself.” Thea prompted knowing he would never agree. Dillon moved closer as Dr Selkirk stepped out of the way. Neither Dillon nor Thea paid much attention as the doctor checked on a couple of readouts from the machines on her bed, wrote on the chart hanging off the end and quietly left the room.

  The two of them continued their negotiations for at least an hour. Dillon tapped out both of their stipulations on his cell phone. He would draw up the contract to sign. It was normally the responsibility of the dominant partner to write the contract, and Dillon was making a statement by typing out theirs.

  “I’m only doing this because I have access to a laptop and a printer.” Dillon told her as he packed his cell phone away in an inner pocket.

  “Sure,” Thea replied as a knock sounded on the door.

  The nurse from before poked her head inside and smiled. “If you’re ready, we can continue with changing the dressings.”

  “Yes, thank you.” Thea nodded and wished Dillon was staying.

  “I’ll get the contract and everything sorted. Be ready to leave this afternoon.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. Thea tried to let her body enjoy the brief contact before he was out the door. Despite Dillon’s optimism, Thea wasn’t expecting any good news. Gritting her teeth, she nodded at the nurse to continue her work. It was going to be a long few days.

  &

  “You’re being sprung.” Thea jerked over to stare at the door. Bill stood framed by the entrance, the florescent lights giving him a sickly glow.

  “Yup.” Thea had spoken to her partner once since Linkin rescued her. The interview had started off unpleasantly as she tried to recall everything leading up to the point where she woke up in Esposito’s basement. The exchange had turned explosive when she refused to give him or anyone else information on her rescue. No cajoling from him or even a personal visit from the chief had made her budge. Linkin and his men were fucking heroes as far as Thea was concerned, and no one was going to hassle them under her watch.

  “Not going to speak to me?” he asked stepping inside her room. Dillon took the last box of flowers, cards, and other presents down to a car Flynn had sent around to pick her up.

  “Depends on what you want to ask,” Thea responded. Bill strolled hesitantly further into the room but avoided getting too near the bed. She thought he might be trying to make sure she was comfortable, not wanting to scare her as if she were a rabbit, and he was a predator. Oddly enough, Thea had been the same way with victims of violence, but she didn’t find Bill threatening. He was an asshole, but he certainly didn’t scare her at all.

  “I know you’re not going to reveal who the hell broke into that basement and freed you.” Bill twisted around and stared at her, his back to the windows and the grey, rainy Vancouver afternoon. “But I just wanted to say...” he stopped and ran a hand through his thinning hair. An expression of concentration on his face Thea would have found comical if they hadn’t argued days before. “Fuck. I’m just glad that asshole didn’t fucking kill you.” Thea stared at Bill. The torrent of words and emotion came as a surprise to them both.

  “Me, too.” Thea swallowed hard before she spoke.

  “No, you don’t know.” Bill let out a long breath. “I’m an asshole. Frankly, no one, least of all me, knows why the hell you’ve put up with me all these months. I never believed your Supplicants of the Lord angle. Not fucking once.”

  “Maybe I couldn’t find another partner,” Thea supplied, ignoring his confession on Esposito and the Supplicants of the Lord angle.

  “Right.” Bill shook his head. “We both know your lying.” He stopped again. His next words were hesitant but sincere. “I wish you’d told me about the whole dominatrix thing. Really, I do. What you get up to in your own time, despite what I said before about those girls. You’re a good person. A conscientious human being. If you’re into all that dungeon and leather stuff, there must be more to it than I thought.”

  Thea was stunned. The hard-assed detective whom she had worked alongside all these months was offering her a mea culpa. Most of the time, she wanted to strangle him, and all the time she disagreed with him, even when she comprehended he was probably right. That was why they made a great team. They challenged one another. Never, in all the time they spent together, however, would she have believed that he would accept her kink side.

  “Thank you.” The words were quiet. Thea had to swallow a few times and look away from Bill’s intense stare.

  “I’m such a huge asshole you can’t believe I’d accept you.” Bill’s mouth transformed into a lopsided grin. Thea grabbed onto her raging emotions and wrested them into submission before she dared to glance back at Bill.

  “No. I’m having a hard time keeping my shit together is all.” Thea tried to make a joke. By the set of Bill’s features, it had fallen flat.

  “Just because you didn’t die doesn’t mean you didn’t take one hell of a beating.” Bill’s hand lifted for a moment before lowering again. “You looked like shit the other day. Fact is you still look like shit. Do you think you’re ready to be released? Might scare away all the kids on your block.” Thea tried to laugh. The stitches pulled, and her face burned.

  “There’s the asshole I knew was hiding somewhere inside of you,”
she chuckled, but it sounded a lot more like wheezing.

  “A lot more where that came from.” Bill sobered. “You have to watch out for yourself, Thea. Esposito has never lost a victim. We both know he’s going to be gunning for you.”

  “That’s what I’m counting on.” Thea listened to the calm statement reverberate in her head. She had read both the department’s profile and Calla’s psych report on the Reverend. There wasn’t much difference between the two, except Calla could go into detail about the aspects of the lifestyle Esposito was exploiting because of the police department’s profiler’s inability to understand the BDSM lifestyle.

  “Don’t go on some vigilante crusade, Demopoulos.” Bill’s tone hardened. “I get you’ve have some nasty motherfuckers behind you. By the looks of the raids your friends carried out on the three properties connected with Esposito, it’s not hard to believe they’re all ex-military. I’m respecting your silence on them, but I will fucking press into an investigation if they get in my way.” Bill became louder. “That fucker took from me, and I want my revenge.”

  Thea stared at Bill and blinked a few times before she realised he was speaking about her.

  “He’s taken from a lot of people, Bill. We’re all going to get our revenge.” The words locked like a vice between them. She was going to kill Esposito. Not because he had beaten her, but because he had killed all those subs. Those beautiful girls needed to be avenged.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Three months later…

  The bell on the elevator announced Dillon’s arrival in the apartment he had been sharing with Thea for the past three months. He would never become accustomed to the view of False Creek and English Bay. The sun was setting over Vancouver, the pink and orange rays lighting up the whole apartment. He missed his loft, but this wasn’t a bad place to spend time. With a sigh, he left the elevator and headed to the kitchen, he could hear the steady tapping of a keyboard in the other room.