First Instinct

by Suzie O'Connell

  “It has nothing to do with whether or not I can rely on you. I’ve been relying on you too much for too long, and because of that, you’ve suffered.” She lowered her gaze. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to do this sooner.”

  He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her off the fence to crush her to him. Relief, gratitude, love, and a whirlpool of other emotions drowned him, and for several minutes, all he could do was hold her. Finally, he said, “Beth, you are the strongest person I know.”

  With her body pressed closely to his, he took her face in his hands and kissed her long and hard. When she tipped her head back to gaze up at him with the most incredible adoration in her eyes, he knew without a doubt that he was looking at his future. It might be too soon to admit it, but he cherished it, and vowed not to rush it and to savor every second.

  “I didn’t say it before because I didn’t deserve it,” Beth said softly, “but I love you, Nick. And I will be thankful for everything you’ve done for me for the rest of my life, no matter what happens between us.”

  “We’ve been friends all our lives, and we’ve been through so much together—a lot of things that might have torn us apart but only brought us closer,” Nick remarked. “Do you really think that will change?”

  “I sincerely hope not.”

  He touched his forehead to hers. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

  The sound of someone clearing his throat jerked Nick’s attention away from Beth, and he realized they had an audience—their parents and her grandparents, none of whom had been told about their relationship.

  “When did this happen?” John Hammond asked gesturing between them.

  “Um, about two weeks ago,” Beth replied. “But it started a long time ago.”

  “And you’re sure this is a good idea?” Old Matt asked gruffly.

  His wife elbowed him. “Cut it out, Matthew. You’ve been hoping they’d get together for years.”

  Old Matt grunted. “They could have told us.”

  “Considering the accusations Trey made about why he and Nick fought…” John remarked, “I understand why they didn’t.”

  “Why don’t we all come back inside and talk where Natalie, Livia, and I can get dinner started?” Tracie announced.

  Nick and Beth followed the others inside and promptly curled up on the couch together. It was yet another relief that they no longer had to hide their relationship from their families, who appeared to be both unsurprised and happy about it. For the most part, they sat quietly and listened as John, Matt, and Old Matt discussed the rape and Nick’s arrest and what would happen next, and though the memories their animated and occasionally heated conversation evoked made him uncomfortable, Nick was glad that Beth would now have the support of her family to help her through the trials to come.

  Nearly two hours later, just as Tracie was setting the table for dinner, Nick’s brothers showed up with Hal McInerny in tow.

  “Why aren’t you two at football practice?” John asked. “Hal, I suppose you’ve heard.”

  “Yes, I have,” Hal replied. “And I’m here for the same reason they’re home early.”

  “Trey’s been arrested,” Aaron blurted. “Dean Harris marched right out onto the football field in the middle of practice with that asshole Officer Rogers—who might have gone up a couple pegs in my book—and in front of the whole damned team, Rogers arrested Trey on rape charges.”

  “What the hell happened that night?” Henry asked Beth and his brother.

  “You’re smart,” Beth replied. “So I’m sure you’ve already figured it out.”

  “We should’ve beat the crap out of him the day you were arrested, Nick,” Aaron said. “Or let you kick the crap out of him the day he and his buddies picked a fight with you.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t,” Nick replied.

  “I wish you could have been there to see the look on his face when ol’ Rogers slapped the cuffs on him,” Henry remarked with a grin. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so shocked… or so quiet. I kinda wish he’d’ve thrown a temper tantrum, but I think he was too surprised and embarrassed.”

  Nick turned to Hal. “What happens now?”

  “My job becomes much easier and much more enjoyable,” Hal replied. “I’m going to have a grand time making Trey regret everything he’s done. Old Lawrence Holt can try whatever he thinks will get his son off, but it won’t work. Thanks to your quick thinking Nick, taking Beth to the hospital, there’s too much evidence against Trey.”

  “So… what exactly is going to happen?”

  “Well, as I told you earlier, your trial has been postponed until after Trey’s trial—we’ll know Monday when that will happen. His arraignment is scheduled for ten in the morning on Monday.”

  “I know his parents won’t let him sit in jail over the weekend.”

  “No, they wouldn’t, but they don’t have a choice. He’s been remanded without bail.”

  “Why?” Nick asked, shocked.

  “The prize for that goes to Beth and Dean Harris for documenting Trey’s harassment. Seems the county attorney didn’t think those pranks were nearly as funny as Trey thought they were.”

  “All right, everyone,” Tracie interrupted. “Dinner’s ready, so get your backsides to the table or go hungry.”

  The others stood and headed into the dining room, but Nick and Beth hung back on the couch for a few minutes longer. Nick couldn’t fully comprehend everything that had happened today and couldn’t yet begin to analyze what it all meant. All he knew was that he owed Hal and Beth and Dean Harris more than he could ever repay. He also recognized that out of all the turmoil and pain had come something beautiful and worth everything he and Beth had so far faced—Beth was right where she belonged… in his arms and in his heart.

  “Everything is beginning to be set right again,” she remarked.

  “Except that the worst is yet to come.”

  She shook her head. “No. The worst already happened. Trey raped me, Nick, and he’s done everything he can to break you. What can he possibly do that will hurt me more than that? Besides, we’re finally together like we should be, and that is something to celebrate, isn’t it?”

  Nick lowered his head to kiss her. “Good point. Let’s go eat.”

  Sixteen

  Beth glanced over the contents in their shopping cart—Scotch tape, large black garbage bags, boxes of Rice Krispies cereal, bags of marshmallows, butter, pushpins, black and orange crepe streamers, balloons, and strings of Halloween mini-lights. Nick, to her surprise, was actually looking forward to the annual Halloween hall decorating contest. With his trial postponed and the rape no longer a secret, she knew he was under a lot less pressure, and he had been more like his old self, but just this morning, he’d admitted to feeling guilty for it because the reaction to Trey’s arrest and suspension from both school and the football team had been decidedly in Trey’s favor—from disbelief that he was capable of such an act to accusations that Beth was making it up.

  So far, she was holding up well against it, but it had only been a week and a half, and there were still just over three weeks until Trey’s trial. She had no doubts that the Holts would find ever more creative and unsettling ways to try to disprove her claim, and she dreaded to find out just how far they would go as Trey’s trial date neared and desperation escalated. She glanced at Nick. The return of his hope and the confidence she had gained were well worth pitting herself against the Holts.

  “Did we get everything on our list?” Nick asked.

  “Looks like it,” Beth replied, grateful for the interruption.

  “Thanks for helping me with this… especially because it could be considered betraying your floor mates.”

  “Helping you make rice crispy treats for your floor mates to enjoy while they decorate your hall is not betrayal. Now, if I were to help you decorate your hall… that would definitely be siding with the enemy. Besides, we’re still going
to kick your butts.”

  “Most likely so,” Nick replied with a chuckle as he pushed their cart toward the checkout stands. “Oh, hey. I forgot to grab a newspaper. I want to see what old Tom Rehder had to say about Saturday’s game, since he was so vocal about Henry being only half the player Trey is. Would you mind grabbing one?”

  Beth laughed. “Sure. I want to see it, too. He sure did backpedal on the radio during the game, didn’t he, when Sean Jensen made that comment about Henry being half of Trey all right—half the ego.”

  “Yeah, twice the talent with half the ego. Dad loved it. Henry shrugged it off, which just proves Sean right.”

  Beth nodded and trotted out to the store’s arctic entry to grab a copy of the Devyn Tribune. She froze when she glanced at it. Splashed across the front page was a picture of Trey grinning in his Bulldog football uniform with a headline that read, Bulldogs’ Star Player Falsely Accused?

  She quickly skimmed the article—written by the paper’s owner, the very same Tom Rehder who had written the crappy article about Henry taking over Trey’s position and whom Beth knew to be a good friend of Lawrence Holt’s—and was disgusted. The article detailed what Darryl had told Trey, citing an unnamed “source.” Darryl was referred to only as one of her supposed ex-lovers, and Tom claimed he had come forward in the aid of his friend, whom he allegedly couldn’t stand to see falsely accused. Not once was Darryl actually quoted, however.

  Beth almost put the paper down. She didn’t want to read the article in its entirety, and she didn’t want Nick to, either, but she brought it back to the checkout stand where he was unloading their cart.

  Quietly, she remarked to him, “This is quite the coincidence considering that Hal’s supposed to be meeting with Trey’s lawyer and the county attorney this afternoon.”

  Nick’s brows dipped briefly in confusion, so she handed him the paper. His eyes darted from side to side as he scanned the article, then he tossed the newspaper on top of their goodies. Almost nonchalantly, he finished unloading the cart, then said in a low voice, “I don’t think it’s a coincidence at all. They’re trying to intimidate you, probably hoping you’ll back down because they know the only way the charges will be dismissed is to convince the jury that it was consensual. They have to discredit the evidence against Trey, and the rape exam was pretty conclusive.” He offered her a sympathetic smile and brushed his thumb over her cheek. “We knew this was going to happen.”

  She liked that he’d said we; it reminded her that she didn’t have to face this alone. “It still hurts, though.”

  “Of course it does. That’s the point.”

  Nick paid for their purchases, and as they started to walk away, the older woman standing behind them in line humpfed, and Beth turned to look at her, frowning at the sneer on the woman’s otherwise pleasant face.

  “Harlot,” the woman muttered. “Shameless hussy.”

  Beth jerked back, shocked. She would expect such a comment from Trey’s friends, but not from a woman she didn’t know and who didn’t know her.

  “Excuse me?” Nick retorted, whirling around to face the woman.

  “That girl should be ashamed of herself for making such egregious accusations,” the woman chided. “Trey Holt is a sweet boy; I’ve known him all his life and known his parents a lot longer. He’d never hurt anyone.”

  “Then you obviously don’t know Trey Holt,” Nick snapped. “Pardon me for saying it, ma’am, but you speak of something you know nothing about.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  “I’m sure you do, but that ‘sweet boy’ you knew grew up into a lying, self-serving bastard who doesn’t care who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants. I’ve seen it time and again as his teammate and, once upon a time, as his friend. He puts himself before his team, puts his wants before anyone else’s needs, and thinks only of himself, and it’s a pity that you’re helping him further hurt someone he’s already hurt far too thoroughly. Good day, ma’am.”

  Nick draped his arm around Beth’s shoulders, turned her toward the door, and walked out without looking back. Beth glanced briefly at the woman, who stared after them with her mouth open and her eyes wide, but then she was gone from sight as the automatic doors with their obscuring posters and ads whooshed closed. Nick didn’t stop until they reached his truck, then he hugged her close. He didn’t say anything to comfort her or chase away the sting of the woman’s insult, but he didn’t need to. She knew he loved her and supported her, and that soothed her more than any words could.

  They quickly loaded the bags into the back of his truck and scurried into the cab to escape the biting wind. He’d left the engine running while they were in the store, so blissful heat greeted them as soon as they closed the doors.

  Beth tipped her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. “As if being raped wasn’t bad enough….” She turned and smiled at Nick. “I’m glad I still have you to defend me even after everything I’ve put you through.”

  He leaned across the seat and kissed her cheek. “You haven’t put me through anything, my love. I wish there was no need to defend you, but since there is, I’m glad to do it.”

  “My love. I like that.” She stared out the windshield and sighed. “I knew I’d have to face this kind of thing, but… I guess I didn’t expect it to come from a kind old lady.”

  “Not that it’s any consolation, but I didn’t, either.”

  While Nick drove back to campus, Beth pondered the ideas she and her floor mates had come up with for their hall’s Halloween decorations. Nick’s idea of a giant bat cave for his floor—which the other residents of his hall had readily agreed to—was far more creative than anything Beth’s fellow basement dwellers had come up with. She and the girls were going to have to think a lot harder on it, although it felt a bit like cheating because she wasn’t supposed to know what other floors had planned. Besides, her hall had won the annual contest the last two years in a row, and with everything else going on in her life, she wasn’t sure she had the energy left to devote to over-the-top decorating. She still hadn’t finished her own room, and she’d be lucky if she could pull together a costume in time.

  “Didn’t Dean Harris say he still needed a couple more students to lead trick-or-treaters around campus?” Beth asked.

  “I believe so. Why?”

  “Would you be interested? I’m not sure I feel like sitting in my dorm room handing out candy this year, but I don’t want to do it unless you want to do it with me.”

  “I guess I could do that. I don’t have a costume yet, though.”

  “Neither do I, but we can remedy that. So… when we get all this stuff unloaded, can we go talk to Rob?”

  “Sure.”

  It took them three trips to unload everything they’d bought even loading themselves down as heavily as they could, and Beth idly wondered why they needed so much stuff. As soon as the thought entered her mind, she sighed. She really wasn’t in the holiday spirit this year, and that was a pity because, despite everything that was going on, this year felt special, like it had the potential to be her best Halloween ever if she could just open herself up to the joy of it. The difference, she knew, was Nick. She no longer doubted that what she felt for him was genuine and knew that it wouldn’t end, no matter what happened between them. He could break her heart—though instinctively she knew he never would—and she’d still love him, just like she always had even if she hadn’t been aware of it.

  Suddenly, leading a bunch of kids around campus for trick-or-treating sounded like a blast, and she was anxious to go ask Dean Harris if he still needed volunteers. Giddy, she grabbed Nick’s hands and pulled him toward his door. “Come on. Let’s go talk to Rob.”

  He regarded her with his brows knitted together and a bemused smile on his lips. “What’s gotten into you? Not that I’m complaining, mind you.”

  “A spark of excitement,” Beth replied. “Real excitement. Because of you.”

  “While I’m happy for you, I’m
not sure how I figure into it.”

  “For a while in there, what Trey did took the fun out of life for me… but it’s coming back now because you make me want to do things with you… like fishing and trail riding and making rice crispy treats and taking a bunch of kids trick-or-treating and going dancing and so much more.”

  Nick let go of one hand and twirled her around, beaming. “In that case, let’s go talk to Rob. We’ll make the rice crispy treats later and talk about going dancing again while we’re at it.”

  Beth leaned into him, delighted when he dipped his head to kiss her lightly, and sighed, wishing they could do more than kiss. The urge to explore the lines of his body was quickly becoming insatiable now that the boundaries of their relationship had shifted comfortably into romantic regions, but she was still shy enough and old habits still had a strong enough hold on her that she had yet done very little to push the boundaries further.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  She slid a hand up his chest, avoiding his gaze for a moment until she slipped her fingers around his neck, brushing his jaw as she did so. The haze of desire widening his blue eyes was intoxicating. “That I’m too shy to attempt most of the things I want to do with you.”

  Understanding exactly what she meant without needing to ask for clarification, he leaned down to first kiss then nuzzle her neck. His breath was warm against her skin, and she shivered when he whispered, “That will come back in time, too, Beth. Don’t try to push yourself into doing anything you’re not comfortable with.”

  Oh, I imagine I’d be plenty comfortable with what I want to do. Most of it, anyhow, she thought. “Well, let’s go if we’re going to.”

  With hands locked together against the brisk late-morning air, they headed outside and across campus to the JDC complex. Beth marveled at how much more relaxing it was to stroll into JDC knowing Trey, at least, wouldn’t be lurking somewhere waiting for her. Rich and Eric had been given a reprieve on the condition that they leave both Nick and Beth entirely alone. Mercifully, they were taking that chance serious, as the consequence for breaking Dean Harris’s edict was suspension for the rest of the semester.