Just Between Us: A Friend's to Lover's Romance

by Bri Stone

  “I…already know it’s good.” She murmured. I raised my hand and sighed.

  “Alright.” Though I didn’t believe her.

  I didn’t see much of Lori until the day I had class. She was immersed in her first few days at work. I insisted on celebrating over the weekend. But first I had to tackle Friday classes. She wasn’t home when I got back, it was only two in the afternoon. She pretty much worked a nine to five. I ate a quick lunch and then I couldn’t help it. I had to see why she didn’t want me to read the last few blogs.

  I hoped she wouldn’t take it badly, I figured she wouldn’t even know. I sat on the couch, pulled out my laptop and went to her site. I started with the first blog. The title completely threw me off. My Virgin Manifesto-posted on Cheesecake Write’s blog.

  This may be a shock to you all, and this is very hard to even type but at my glorious age, I am still a virgin. You may be wondering how that’s possible, if you read the short stories I post then you know it may be hard to believe. But believe me, it is true. Yes, I am heterosexual. Since the beginning of time, maybe, a woman remaining a virgin meant she remained pure. People even profit off of a woman’s in-tact hymen. In Europe, the bride’s family put up a dowry for her wedding to a suitable man. In Japan, sex with a virgin is so highly valued that a wealthy man would sponsor a maiko and train her, in return he got her hand in marriage and right of mizuage—the ritual of privilege to take her virginity. Hell, sacrifices to the gods were made possible with virgins. When the Greeks needed wind to sail for Troy so they could wage war, but the goddess Artemis prevented it and asked for a virgin sacrifice.

  With everything said, the end goal, the prize in all of these was a woman’s virginity. In most all of these scenarios, the woman is getting little to no profit. So let’s come back to our time, can women—like me, still profit from our attached hymens? From our undeniable purity? Not legally. What we can do is control it, at least. We aren’t being married off, we aren’t being forced by money, and we lose it because we want to. Not because we have to, or are given no choice.

  I have a choice. I have chosen to believe that it is holding me back, making me feel like something is…wrong. Nothing is wrong. I know that, but I can’t stop myself from feeling that sinking pit whenever I’m with a guy, things are going well and our relationship comes to a stop because he doesn’t want to be the one to deflower me. I thought guys liked that…anyways, I have made a choice. Back to that. This little hymen of mine is going to get broken, I don’t know or care by who, as long as they don’t have diseases. I’ll start looking and get back to you. I’m losing it, guys.

  This is Cheesecake, signing out.

  Holy. Fucking. Shit. No fucking wonder she didn’t want me to read it. This is…wait, she’s going to what? Lose it to some rando? Fuck no…but could I stop her? Fuck no. I don’t have the right to control her hymen, she has made it clear that no one does. But I couldn’t let her do that. I know how she is. I may know her better than she knows herself and if she did that, it would kill her. She wouldn’t make it…I know that for sure.

  I read the next two. They were considerably brighter. About the new year and then her internship. Good. I couldn’t read the comments on her manifesto, too many creeps offering to…it made my blood boil. I shut my laptop down and went for a run to lose this frustration. I didn’t expect her to be back when I got there.

  “Oh, you’re here early.” It was only four.

  “Yeah, the editor let me go early. She also wants my review on this manuscript.” She beamed.

  I took in her happiness all at once. First of all, she looked amazing in her black slacks that fit all her curves, and her pink button-down shirt that strained against her breasts. Her hair was pinned back, exposing her neck. I was already straining against my sweats.

  “That’s amazing.” I smiled brightly.

  Shake it off, be cool. I wasn’t cool at all. I was hot and it wasn’t from my run. I downed some water, it didn’t help. She moved around me and made herself a smoothie. I sat on the counter and watched her sip at it.

  “What?” She gave me a look.

  I took a second. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing; she was obviously pretty bothered by this.

  “I…first of all, I’m really sorry but I read your last three blogs.” I blurted.

  “The last three? So.” She laughed, sipped her smoothie and then almost did a spit take.

  “Oh…you read…”

  “Your virgin manifesto…yeah.” My lips tugged a smile, but I wanted to be serious.

  She flushed immediately and set down her cup.

  “Did you really mean you were…looking for someone to—to just take it?” I asked, my voice quiet. Her eyes bugged as she stared back at me.

  “Yeah. I meant it. I think it will be good for me.”

  “I don’t.” I blurted before thinking. She jutted back.

  “You don’t get to make that decision.”

  “I know. You made it very clear that you make your own choices, and I respect that. I worship your clear mind, even when you’re just unbearably stubborn but Lorraine, I am telling you, you’ll regret it if you do it this way.” I pleaded. She shook her head.

  “I won’t. Can’t you just…be supportive?” I groaned.

  I sat back, running my hands through my hair in frustration. She shook her head and walked off.

  “Wait,” she turned to face me. I stood up, feeling the sweat trickle down my back from my run. “I support all your choices. I’ve spoken my mind about it, so I will shut up. And I’ll always be here for you if it goes…badly.” She smiled softly.

  “Thanks.” Then she disappeared inside her room.

  I opted for a warm shower. But I kept thinking of Lori and sex and those two in the same sentence didn’t work for me. It’s bad to come in the shower, that shit clogs the drains. I turned the water cold and got out when I calmed down.

  To take my mind off of things, I started early on some assignments. In four hours I managed to write my essay for English, complete the first online assignment for my homicide course and then some crap for my visual arts elective. Hungry, I heated up a frozen dinner. When I was finished I chugged a beer and then thought for a second…a long, confusing second but then it came to me.

  I knocked on Lori’s door, my heart racing. What if she leaves or something? I was thinking the worst.

  “Come in.”

  She was sprawled on her bed, reading a loose manuscript with her thick black glasses on. God, this was going to be really hard. As I was.

  “Hey.” I sat on her bed gingerly.

  She curled up her book and then sat up, curling her legs under her. Her t-shirt covered her up but I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra, the swells of her breasts were visible.

  “Hey. Are you still mad?” She bit her lip softly.

  “No,” I furrowed my brow, “I can’t be mad at you for making a choice.”

  “Thanks.” I nodded. Wait.

  “I uh, thought I could make it easier for you.”

  “How?”

  “First, how is your um…search going?” She shrugged and blushed a little bit.

  “Well I was going to go out tomorrow and just…kind of like what I tried with that guy. When you were there. This time I won’t back out though.” Her eyes met mine.

  “Why does it have to be a stranger?” I thought if I understood I could talk myself out of the proposition I was about to give her.

  “So that there are no expectations. Those guys I’ve been with, they get weird when they find out I’m a virgin. I don’t want to deal with that. When I find the right guy, I don’t want my virginity stopping me again.” It sort of made sense. But I guess I wanted this too bad to even try and understand properly.

  “Okay. The thing is…I’m just putting this out there, and you can say no. You can say hell no and I will understand that completely. So I should just tell you, I guess.” I was flustered. I never get nervous for anything but this was tearing
me up.

  “What is it, Dillon?” She giggled a bit.

  I met her eyes, big, blue and innocent as she stared at me. I felt my heart in my ears, my stomach in my ass. I didn’t think this through, but I couldn’t back down without a fight. It wouldn’t be a good idea; I mean I’m in love with the girl for crying out loud. It would kill me, but…taking Lori as mine is something I’ve dreamt of since I was fifteen. Fifteen. I took a deep breath, a steadying breath and then let it out.

  “What about me? I’ll take your virginity.”

  Fifteen:

  She stared.

  God, she just stared at me. Her jaw dropped, it dropped and then closed again. And dropped. She started saying something, a lot of things but never finished the first syllable. It went on like that. She stared, I stared back. I didn’t know what the hell else to say after that.

  I understand. I, her best friend, just offered to have sex with her. To put my cock inside her, the girl I grew up with, the only girl who has seen me cry, my person…I just offered. It could mess us up, if we went through with it. But I feel like we’re stronger than that, maybe we’d need time apart—to forget. I don’t know. I was thinking ahead; she still hasn’t said anything.

  “Lori?” I practically whispered.

  She shook her head. Still in shock, maybe. I hoped she wasn’t thinking like I was—or thinking I had feelings for her, even though I did. It could be what was scaring her. She turned her head to the side and swallowed audibly. I had only seen her like this once before, speechless. When her father got in an accident. I gave the girl an anxiety attack. I’m an asshole. I should have eased into it; I should have…

  “Do you mean that?” I exhaled a sigh of relief when she finally answered me.

  “Yeah. Yeah I do.”

  She looked at me like she thought I was crazy.

  “I mean; you can’t really be surprised. You know what you do to me, felt what you do…it would be just sex, like you want. Then we can go back to awkward conversations and our usual selves.” I tried my best not to sound like I was begging.

  Please let me be inside you. Please let me taste you. Please let me rock your world. Please love me back. Something like that.

  “You really think so?”

  “I think we’ve been friends long enough that we will. Look,” I shifted so I wasn’t facing her anymore. Her breasts were distracting, “I care about you too much to let you do this with a stranger, I know you, it would do you more harm than good. I’m your best friend, I’m happy when you’re happy, and you would be safe. I want the best for you, and if you really want to lose your virginity so bad that you told your fifty thousand subscribers about it, then I want to make it easier for you.”

  “You like to pretend you aren’t a good guy but you are.” She whispered. I think she was still processing. I shrugged a bit.

  “Yeah, well. Plus I’ve had sex with a virgin before, and I’m glad I knew before I did. She didn’t even get clingy or anything, but it was important for her to feel safe. It’s more important than you think. And…I can do that for you. If you want.” She exhaled quickly.

  “I…” I turned to her, catching her eyes again.

  “I don’t want you to answer me now. I want you to think about it. Let me know when you’re ready. Okay?” She nodded slowly. I smiled softly and kissed her forehead, for the first time since I’ve known her, she flinched. It stabbed me right in the heart. Only then did I wonder what I had done.

  “Goodnight.”

  I shut her door and left her alone.

  Tomorrow came and I hadn’t even seen Lori. It had only been a week, so I didn’t know her morning routine. Her bedroom door was left open and she wasn’t there, so I thought she was avoiding me. I was up before eleven and went straight to the coffee maker. I poured a cup, doused it with cream and leaned against the counter. When I looked out onto my balcony I almost did a spit take.

  There she was, bent over like that day in our room. I watched her for a few seconds as she went from leg to leg, but instead of standing up, she went further down until she was in a split, bent over her leg. She used to dance back in high school but I didn’t think she was that flexible. She moved and stretched out to the front, her ass came off the floor just a bit. I stood there, mouth open in shock, coffee in my hand, cock growing harder and harder by the second. Except it was worse this time, after my proposition last night it was all I could think about. I wanted her to say yes, of course I did. Not just because I wanted her as more than a friend but because I wanted her to do this safely. She seemed to have made up her mind completely, and I didn’t want her giving it up to some stranger who wouldn’t treat her right. She deserves to feel good. I can make her feel good.

  I had to stop watching her or I would explode; I turned around to finish my coffee and didn't look over there again until I heard the door slide open.

  “Morning.” I said to her casually. She smiled her usual bright smile.

  “Morning…are you cooking?” She gestured to the bowls I brought out.

  “Yeah. Eggs, bacon, and pancakes.” I noticed she was avoiding my eyes, other than that our conversation seemed completely normal. I decided I wouldn’t ask her about last night, not until she brought it up. If I could control myself.

  “Ooo, that sounds good.” She dropped her rolled up mat on the stool and entered the kitchen.

  My back was to her as I whisked up the eggs. I thought I should put a shirt on, but that would be me acting different than normal and I didn’t want to do that. I baked the bacon first and then started on the pancake mix. I always make it from scratch, mom’s recipe.

  “Were you doing yoga?” I asked her casually.

  “Yeah. I thought I would try and fit it in.” She sat on the stool facing me. She wore the same kind of tight leggings as before and only a sports bra, I guess she wasn’t acting different either.

  “So, you’re trying to be a yogi?” I joked. She shook her head with a laugh.

  “I am a yogi already.” She joked with a serious face. I laughed and went back to cooking.

  I finished up breakfast and we sat to eat together. It was silent most of the time.

  “We should celebrate your first successful week at work.” I suggested.

  “It’s no big deal.” She shrugged and popped a strawberry in her mouth.

  “Come on, it is. It’s a new big step in your life.” She met my gaze for the first time that morning. It seemed like, all at once, everything from last night hit us. Her eyes softened and her cheeks flushed a little more; she was already pretty flushed from her workout.

  “If you insist.” I smiled.

  “Cool. There’s a great club around here. We can go tonight.” She nodded.

  “Okay. I uh, wanted to find the library here.” I stared at her. She gave me a funny look.

  “Oh. I have no idea where it is. We can google it.” She nodded.

  “Okay. Finished?” She took my plate. I watched her as she washed the dishes, her back was to me.

  My eyes dragged up her body, from her small calves, wide hips, thin waist and taught back. Her curves were sinuous, begging you to follow the lines all the way up and down until you were dizzy. I wanted her to say yes, I wanted her to trust me with that sacred part of her for the same reason she put in her blog. I didn’t want to cash in on it though, and I didn’t see it as some big prize…but I did want her. I mean, I’m in love with her. If I knew how to date her I would, but the only way I know how to show her how much she means to me is by taking her as mine, in every way I know how.

  “Did you search it up?”

  “What?” I pulled out of my thoughts. “Oh, no.” I searched it up quickly.

  “It’s like five miles from here. But you should really just use the university library.” She dried some stuff out and then looked back at me.

  “I can?” I nodded.

  “Just use my ID if you want to check something out, but they don’t stop you from going in or anything. Plus, it’s
better than the city library.” She shrugged.

  “Okay. Sure. I have to shower.” I nodded. She walked off, hips swaying and leaving me in a trance.

  I waited for her to shower, and heard her door shut before I showered. I put on some jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. I was about to meet her in the living room before my mom rang me.

  “Hey ma, what’s up?”

  “I just wanted to see how you were.” I heard the smile in her voice.

  “I’m alright ma, what about you?” I smiled. Sometimes, when I’m not acting tough, I miss my mom. I miss her hugs.

  “I’m fine. Work is good, but your dad is away on business.”

  “Oh, that’s why you called?” I joked with her. She laughed slightly.

  “Hush, boy. How is Lori? You haven’t run her out of the apartment, have you?” She scolded.

  “No ma, I haven’t.” I thought of last night again and my neck tensed.

  “Okay, sure. Is something wrong?”

  “No.” I lied. She didn’t buy it.

  “Well, you sound stressed out. Classes just started and you’re smart, I know it isn’t that.” I sighed heavily.

  “I uh, it was just something with Lori. It’s nothing big.” She gasped.

  “You told her!” I groaned.

  “No, I didn’t I,” I was pretty open with my mom so I wasn’t all too hesitant to tell her, “I sort of offered to have sex with her.” I could see her gaping expression in my head.

  “Uh, how does that work?” I chuckled nervously.

  “Um. I don’t know. She just has been really worked up about…you know,” my mom knew, she was pretty much like her second mom, “she even blogged about it. I’m sure you’ve heard of a virgin’s manifesto.” She hummed.

  “Oh yeah, when they decide to give it up or something. I’ve heard of it from some of my younger employees. Did she do that?”

  “Yeah. She blogged about it, and kept it from me. I usually read all her blogs you know, but I found it and asked her about it. She was going to pick some random guy she wouldn’t have to see again, that’s why I offered. I don’t think she should do that, it wouldn’t be good for her.” I explained.