If You Only Knew

by Dixie Lee Brown

The man behind the wheel was a big guy, six-five at least. His shoulders and biceps bulged through his T-shirt. His light blue eyes, barely discernible beneath the brim of his A’s baseball cap, held more than a tinge of excitement, as though he lived for this sort of thing. That he did, Ty knew only too well.

  “Nate? What the hell’s going on?”

  “Hang on a minute, buddy. Let me lose these goons first.” Nate jerked the wheel and sent the car sideways out of the alley and onto the street. He straightened it out expertly and jammed his foot on the gas. The car shot forward. At the end of the block, he executed another skid and made the corner just as Boris’s car came into view in the side mirror.

  “Ha! Amateurs!” Nate slapped the steering wheel.

  Rayna jumped, and Ty held her tighter in his arms. Her heart pounded a wild rhythm against his chest, and her face had turned an ashen gray.

  Nate floored the gas pedal, and when the car stopped fishtailing, it accelerated down the street. Four blocks later, he made a sharp right turn into oncoming one-way traffic. Rayna gasped and hid her face in Ty’s neck as Nate used the brakes and gas to thread his way through the cars that honked and swerved in front of them. Two more left turns put them on a quiet residential street. Nate pulled over, left the car running, and watched in the mirror. A few minutes later, apparently satisfied they’d lost their tail, he killed the engine.

  Ty opened the door and tried to deposit Rayna on the seat as he scooted out from under her, but she scrambled out right behind him.

  “Please . . . don’t leave me.” She stood, unsteadily.

  He put his arms around her and let her lean back against him. “I’m not going anywhere.” He watched as Nate climbed out the other side. “Nate, what the hell are you doing in LA?” Ty already had an idea what brought his ex-partner here, and it made him boiling mad.

  “The least I could do was come lend my old partner a hand.” Nate closed the driver’s door and rested his forearms on the roof of the car.

  “Cut the crap. You knew exactly where to find me and who the bad guys were. What’s up?”

  Nate exhaled slowly as he resettled his baseball cap. “Friend of yours called. Joe Reynolds. Said you were going up against that Russian SOB . . . and why.” His gaze shifted to Rayna before he turned to look down the street. “I got the first plane out of Portland, arrived about an hour before you did, and followed you.”

  Ty had suspected as much. Joe talked a good game, but the bottom line was, he didn’t trust Ty—at least not with Rayna’s life. He couldn’t decide if he should be pissed or grateful. Behind his back, Joe called in the cavalry—Ty’s ex-partner, no less—someone he’d purposely left out of this whole mess.

  He gritted his teeth, biting back his snarky reply. Nate was just the messenger. Taking it out on him wouldn’t be fair. The guy had dropped everything, gotten on a plane, even though he hated to fly, and come to help an old friend. It was highly likely, if Nate hadn’t shown up when he did, there would have been bloodshed in that alley.

  Ty didn’t intend to think that one through. He was grateful for Nate, but it still ate at him that Joe had gone behind his back. Apparently, his leaving was long overdue. Just one more thing to finish—deliver Rayna safely home before he moved on. His arm tightened around her waist protectively.

  Rayna looked at him, concern drawing her brows together. “Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

  Ty cleared his throat. “Sorry. Rayna, this is Nate Sanders. We were partners a few years ago when we both worked for the Portland Police Bureau.”

  She blinked and stared at Ty. “You were a cop?”

  “And a damn good one too.” Nate stepped around the front of the car and extended his hand.

  “I’m pleased to meet you, Nate. Thanks for your help, and I’m sure, when Ty remembers his manners, he’ll thank you too.” She elbowed him none-too-gently in the ribs.

  Nate snorted. “Don’t worry about it. Ty always was kind of a loner. Apparently, he hasn’t changed all that much since he wouldn’t accept help from his friends back in Montana. That left me the only one available to come bail his ass out.”

  The truth grated on him, but Ty forced himself to smile. “Would you two like me to walk down the street so you can talk about me behind my back?”

  Rayna grinned at Nate, leaning back against Ty again. “Of course not. We have no problem talking right in front of you.”

  Nate chortled and some of Ty’s annoyance faded away. “You know what they say about payback.”

  “That’ll have to wait, buddy. We need to get out of town.” Nate walked around the car, swung the door open, and slid behind the wheel.

  Ty slipped his arms around Rayna’s waist and kept her from moving away. “How do you feel? We should hit the ER before we leave town.” Something was going on with her. Not knowing what drug Andre used on her, he couldn’t be sure. She might just be in shock, but some outside influence was responsible for her on-again off-again moods. Not that he minded when she wanted to be close to him, but the other side of that was going to be a bitch.

  “I’m still woozy, but I’m a lot better. You know how I feel about hospitals, Ty. I think I just need some sleep.” Her smile was a little lopsided.

  He frowned, even as the sadness in her eyes tore at his heart. “Okay, but if you’re not a hundred percent tomorrow, I’m finding you a doctor.” Maybe it was crazy to wait, but he knew what hospitals did to her, and it wasn’t pretty. She’d told him the story one night as they’d walked around the lake trail.

  Ten years ago, her parents were run off the road by a drunk driver. On life support in critical care, there was nothing she could do for them. When the doctors said her parents were brain-dead and would never wake up, she couldn’t even make the decision to let them go. She was only thirteen. They’d have to wait until her older brother, Charlie, could get home from Afghanistan. They were the only family her parents had left.

  The military machine grinds slowly sometimes. Four days and nights she stayed with them, unable to leave them alone. It became a place of nightmares and death to her. Ty wouldn’t make her go to a hospital now unless it was absolutely necessary. Walker was a trained medic. He could take care of her when they got to where they were going.

  She turned her head to look at him. “Thanks for coming for me. I wasn’t sure you would.”

  Ty snagged her hand and squeezed while he held her gaze. “You cut me loose—not the other way around.” He pushed her toward the car before he could say something he’d regret, opened the back door, and silently appreciated her long, tanned legs as she glided onto the seat. Then he climbed into the front.

  About the time Nate turned north on I-5, Rayna lay down on the backseat and was soon sound asleep. Ty studied her every few minutes, making sure she was still breathing normally. The enormity of the danger she’d been in, and knowing it was his fault, turned his stomach sour. He didn’t like not knowing what Andre had shot her up with. Despite her combat training and the fact she could hold her own in most situations, he couldn’t rid himself of the need to take care of her. Let it go, man. She doesn’t want you.

  The problem was, now that he’d held her in his arms again, his heart was in serious denial.

  “She means a lot to you.” Nate checked the rearview mirror again.

  Ty tore his gaze from Rayna and focused on the man he still thought of as his partner. “I’m sorry you got dragged into this, Nate.”

  “Nobody dragged me. I came of my own free will.” He glanced sideways at Ty. “Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same for me.”

  Ty ran a hand across the nape of his neck. “Okay. Enough said.”

  “Why’d you quit, Ty? I should kick your ass for leaving me hanging like that. I bet it had something to do with that FBI agent, and I know you thought you were protecting me by not letting me in on it, but damn it, we were partners, and you had no right.”

  “The less you know, the better.” Ty shifted his gaze to the backse
at again.

  Nate chuckled and shook his head. He pulled his hat off for a second, then replaced it. “I’m going to find out, buddy. You know that, right?”

  Ty raised an eyebrow. “Sure. You’ve already learned so much, and it’s only been six years.”

  “Hey. Bite me, asshole.” Nate’s grin took the sting from his words.

  “It’s good to see you too. Thanks for your help today.”

  Nate’s grin widened. “Aw, now, you waited until the little lady went to sleep so she wouldn’t know she was right about you remembering your manners.”

  Ty hid his grin. It wouldn’t do to encourage the guy. “Where are we headed, anyway?”

  “Portland, of course. Uncle Leo’s house. Joe will pick you up there day after tomorrow.”

  Ty pursed his lips. They’d taken Bree and the baby to Nate’s uncle’s house to hide them from the Russian Mob. The joke had been on Ty, though. Hiding hadn’t been part of Bree’s plan.

  Nate scrutinized him until Ty turned away. “Think I’ll get some z’s. Wake me when you want to switch.” He leaned his seat back, careful not to crowd Rayna, and crossed his arms over his abdomen.

  The way his insides were churning, Ty wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon, but Nate was just a little too curious, and Ty was way too tired to keep his emotions from being displayed on his face. He trusted his partner with his life, but he wasn’t giving him information that could destroy him the way it had Ty. He wouldn’t do it.

  As soon as he got Rayna to Portland and Joe picked her up, Ty was done. She wanted him out of her life, and he’d oblige her. Maybe he’d go back East . . . or overseas. A person could lose themselves in Bangkok or Hong Kong. He’d always wanted to go to Australia. The possibilities were endless.

  Surely, somewhere along the way, he’d be able to forget her.

  Chapter Five

  * * *

  RAYNA WOKE DRENCHED in sweat. The stale, musty smell of that basement room still filled her nostrils. It took lifting her head to remember where she was—sprawled on the backseat of a car. The subtle motion nauseated her. Trying to remember where she was, and why, actually made her head pound, and when she finally put everything in its proper place, she wasn’t convinced remembering the last several hours was the best plan.

  Up front, the man Ty had introduced as his ex-partner, Nate, leaned back against the passenger seat, and soft snoring whistled from his open mouth. Ty drove, alert, watchful, one hand on the wheel the way he’d driven with her a thousand times. Dusk filtered through the windows and hid his profile in shadows until a passing car’s headlights illuminated the serious set of his jaw. His reddish-blond hair, longer than it used to be, fell across his forehead and made him look younger than twenty-nine.

  Her stomach did that little butterfly thing she thought she’d outgrown. He was so darn good-looking and so comfortably familiar. God, she’d missed him. What insidious wave of insanity had convinced her rejecting him was the smart thing to do? He’d always been so patient, especially in light of his frustration over their lack of intimacy.

  Another one of her stupid ideas. She’d punished them both because she couldn’t bear to be happy after Charlie suffered so agonizingly. The dull ache in her chest that always accompanied those memories made it difficult to breathe. Would Ty forgive her? Her plan had been to face him at the end of fall term and try to repair the damage she’d done to their relationship. Life could change quickly. The last few hours were proof of that.

  She hated the tension she’d sensed between them in the basement. Perhaps there was no time like the present to make things right with him. Would he receive her apology and give her another chance?

  He glanced back, and a smile dawned when he met her gaze, then quickly disappeared as he faced the front again. “You’re awake. You were out a long time. How do you feel?” Worry permeated his voice.

  Rayna pushed herself up and swung her bare feet to the floor. “Except for this monster headache and feeling like I could sleep forever, I’m fine.”

  Ty slipped a pill bottle from his shirt pocket and passed it over the seat, followed by a bottle of water. “Maybe this will help the headache.”

  She swallowed two tablets and drank half the water. Funny how they fell right back into their roles with Ty taking care of her . . . and her resenting it. She’d lost track of the number of times he’d told her taking his hand wouldn’t make her weak. Why was that so hard for her to believe?

  She grimaced and looked at her lap. “I feel stupid for letting those goons catch me off guard like that. I caused everyone so much trouble. Especially you.”

  “None of this is your fault.” Blond hair with a hint of red just scraped his collar as he shook his head slowly. “Andre wanted me, and you had the misfortune of getting in his way. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else. It was just a matter of time.”

  “I’m trying to say thank you, you big jerk.” She leaned back against the seat. Of course he didn’t come because it was her who needed rescuing. Whatever history Andre and Ty shared somehow made him responsible, and he would have come no matter who the hostage was. He had probably hoped never to see her again—not after she told him he wasn’t the man she needed in her life. One look at him standing on that basement floor, as solid and strong as she remembered, with concern for her wrinkling his forehead, confirmed what she’d known all along. She’d lied to him back then, and she’d do anything now to set things straight.

  Rayna cleared her throat. “So . . . where are we and how long before I can go back to school?” The decision had come fully formed. She was leaving UCLA as soon as she could pack up her small apartment and drop off the keys. The sooner, the better.

  His incredulous glance settled on her through the rearview mirror. “Holy shit, Rayna! You can’t be serious. You’re not going back while that psychopath is running around loose.”

  She started to explain, but she could just make out the glint of his angry gaze in the mirror, and she looked away, concentrating on the semidarkness outside her window.

  “We’re a few miles out of Redding. I thought we’d get a motel there. We can all stand a good night’s sleep, and we’ll start fresh in the morning.” All signs of his previous disdain had disappeared as though never having existed.

  “Start fresh for where?” Rayna recognized his change of subject for what it was. He didn’t want to talk about her future plans. She could save herself the trouble of explaining.

  “Nate said he’d put us up at his uncle’s place near Portland. Joe will pick you up the day after tomorrow and take you back to Montana until Andre is no longer a threat.”

  “Pick me up? What about you?”

  “I’m the threat remover on this one.”

  Fear squeezed her chest, and she drew a ragged breath. “What does he want from you? You can’t go after him alone. It’s too dangerous, Ty. At least go back to Montana with Joe and get the team to help.”

  “I won’t be going to Montana.” The finality in his words pulled her eyes to the mirror.

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t live there anymore.”

  “What?” His words left a chill in their wake. She didn’t have to ask him what he meant. He’d done the unthinkable. Left his home . . . his sanctuary. Was it her fault? He loved it there—loved his job. How many times had he told her? The only thing that had changed was her leaving. Guilt shamed her, and loneliness sucked at her breath as she tried to imagine Joe’s compound—the home she’d grown to love—without Ty.

  She dropped her gaze. “Take me with you then. Just give me a couple of days to get back on my feet.”

  “You’re not going anywhere near Andre Komarov again—and don’t argue.”

  He’d obviously made his decision, and experience told her it would do no good to disagree, but that didn’t stop her. She searched the mirror just as a car’s headlights lit up the front seat for a few seconds to reveal his furrowed brow. “You can’t go alone, Ty.”


  Nate stirred and sat up, running a hand through his disheveled, dark brown hair. “What am I? Chopped liver?”

  Ty gave a short laugh. “You’re not going, either, Nate. The last thing I need is a cop tagging along for this one.”

  Rayna couldn’t see all of Nate’s face, but she saw enough to know his expression was laced with suspicion as he studied Ty.

  “What exactly do you have in mind, buddy?”

  Ty shrugged. “First, I’ll find what Andre said he lost.”

  Nate nodded his head. “That FBI agent?”

  Ty turned to glance at Nate. “When I find Bree, I’ll do what I should have done six years ago. Help her.”

  Nate blew his breath out slowly. “You really think that’s smart? I don’t know what went down in that warehouse that day, but I suspect the official report you filed wasn’t even close. What pisses me off the most is, you cut me out . . . sent me off on a wild goose chase while you and Bree went after Andre. She’s bad news, man. She’s responsible for you leaving the department, whether you’ll admit it or not, and that’s all the reason I need not to trust her.”

  Ty’s silence conveyed his anger. Unease coiled around Rayna’s stomach as the tension in the car mounted. Something unspoken passed between the two men before they both faced the front again.

  Rayna leaned forward and placed her hand on Ty’s shoulder, unable to stay detached in the face of his torment. He flinched, then evidently caught himself and reached with his left hand to cover hers. The simple action warmed her heart and gave her courage.

  “What happened six years ago, Ty?”

  His grip on her hand tightened at the question. He was silent for so long, she thought he’d ignore her. Her gaze remained on the rearview mirror, where light from the oncoming traffic was enough to make out his face. When his eyes finally sought hers, a trace of a smile appeared and disappeared in the same breath. He patted her fingers and transferred his hand back to the steering wheel.

  HELL, WHAT DID it matter if he told them? Rayna already thought he was a loser, not relationship material. Thanks to Andre, she was involved in this mess now, and her treatment at that madman’s hands had earned her the right to know.